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Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Just recently, a month ago to be exact, i love the love of my life, he told me he didnt love me anymore. I love this person, i would die for him. And now hes gone. A few days after he broke up with me, i found out he had cheated on me, in the snow with a fmaily friend the weekend before we broke up. I went back to him and told him i love him still and i forgave him for cheating on me and i asked him to come back to me. He didnt. A while later i tried slitting my wrists, it didnt work, and this was befor ei found out he had started dating this girl he had cheated on me with.
I saw her for the first time the toher day and i swear to god she is one of the prettiest girls i ahve ever seen in my life - she has long brown hair, perfect figure, weighs about 3 kilos lol. She older than him to, she turns 18 the day befor i turn 16 and he just turned 16 in June. In a way i hope she hurts him and he realises what hes done. But i just want him to be happy, but i want him back so badly.
Hes in new Zealand now so i cant talk to him. Myf riends are bailing out on me and someone told me the only reason the group was being nice to me was because i was going out with Dean (the love of my life) and now they dont have to because weve broken up. Ive lost 15 kilos snce we broke up and ive developed Bulimia, my martial arts which i love and adore had diminished, i'm too weak to do it now and even my poi have turned against me (they almost broke my nose)

I'm not doing this for attention, my friends think i am, but really i just need to know tif someone else has gone through the same thing as me, so if you have anything nasty to say, please keep it to yourself because i dont need it right now. So if you have been through something similar please reply and tell me, its good to know i'm not alone.
Luv Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



babajagaBRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany


Posted:
The two hemispheres of the brain are more related in women rational and emotional experiences are more twisted.
Also some men being left are hardly able to have a rational distanced view on bitter experience but for women it is hardly possible.
In that moment the body chemicals react with all stress symtoms which are possible as if your life is attacked your whole system is aware for defending.
This program was necessary for surviving but now you see it only as thinking too much, being not able to relax, being awake and nervous, not being hungry, you are scared and it hurts all made for defending your life.
But your body will notice that there comes no other attack and will start to decrease that process that the moment you will feel better. hug hug hug hug

What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.


andythepoiaddict
508 posts
Location: manchester, uk


Posted:
sakura honey thats so bloody awful. i almost cried reading what has happened and how deep you are hurting. I've had my heart ripped to shreds a few times too. When i was 16 i fell madly in love with a gal a few years older than me and loved her from a distance for 4 years till i finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. she said yes and for a short while it was perfect. then she realised how much i kinda worshiped rather than loved her. i had put her on a pedestal and in my eyes she could do no wrong. we were together for 4 years and in that whole time i dont think there were three consecutive months she was faithful to me! in the end i left her because she got less and less discreet and it was becoming REALLY destructive for me. i felt like my whole reason for being alive had gone and was suicidal for about a year. it took a long time for me to recover. its so awful when bad [censored] happens to good people but hang in there gal. i remember in the height of my depression sitting on a bench in the middle of my home town crying buckets and not caring who saw me. this old chap sat next to me and after about an hour asked me what was wrong...i told him all the sordid details and that i wanted to die. i am convinced that what he said saved my life! he told me he had been a fireman for 40 years before retiring, and if he got called out to a fire at my house, he would have without a moments hesitation risked his life to save mine. so if a total stranger thought my life was worth living....then i should too. EVERY time i got so low i thought about killing myself after that i simply couldnt get his words out my head!

now years and years later i'm SO SO SO SO wonderfully happy and cherish every minute i'm alive on this planet and still think about that old gits words!

i hope you find SOMETHING to cling on to that helps you thru this bad [censored] hon....you ARE worth it!


x

It's smashing to be back x


babajagaBRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany


Posted:
I know so well how it feels just wanted to give some clues how the body is cheating the mind

hugs for all who need some
grouphug

What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Thankyou so much, what you've said actually makes a difference. Ive heard so much bad stuff from my friends about how i should just get over it like it was nothing - because he did and he has his new girlfriend to prove it. He and i were in love and he truly loved me, then one day it just ended he said he had felt that way for a round three weeks but had never told me. If only he had i could have fixed it. Thankyou for what you've said to me, you're right about the stranger thing.
Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



babajagaBRONZE Member
old hand
863 posts
Location: Berlin, Germany


Posted:
just do what you feel like if you want to be alone be alone if you want to be amongst people be it cry if you want to cry the near future you will have one day the feeling hey life is beautyful but next day all is sh!t it will problaby change all the time just live day for day build every day new there is a point of time it is all good but it needs time
care for yourself

What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.


Psycho_lemmingSILVER Member
Running hippy spinning lemming
15 posts
Location: Scotland


Posted:
I just sent you a pm....

hug hug hug hug hug

Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering...


MatchInnuendo Officer Extraordinaire
105 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland


Posted:
Ouch - this stuff always really hurts. I've just gone through a similar thing a couple of months ago - a long term relationship (nearly 4 years) which started to go downhill some time before it actually ended (something which we both kinda realised). However, it ended in a similar way to yours - just got told that it should end and that was that, found out that there was someone else involved afterwards, and then had the fun of moving out of shared home, straight away, and a lot of awkwardness whenever I had to go back to what was at the timee somewhere I was still paying rent on, and find them both there eek angry confused frown....

However, what I can say is that time does indeed heal all wounds - I'm not saying its all fine and happy now, and I still think about how thigns ended, and what I could or should have done differently - if it would have made any difference or not. It took me a long while to realise that in the end it wasn't the person I was missing, so much as the life that I had with that person - and as soon as I realised that, I also realised that it would be possible to find someone else who I could share my life with, and have just as much fun as I did before. It was this point that I realised everything was gonna be fine! ubbrollsmile

The other thing I learnt from all of this is that its a good way of finding out who your friends really are - a lot of people have been really close, kind and helpful (hugs to the Edinburgh HOP gang!), while others have been quite distant and unhelpful. However, in both cases, I realised that it was just their way of dealing with the breakup of two of their close friends, and in the end, I think a lot of my friendships have been strengthened by this whole experience (oh, and mcp still needs an award for being incredibly supportive and insensitive at the same time! ubblol)

right, enough of my wafflings - lots of hugs are what is needed now, and lots of chocolate too! Keep busy, force yourself to go out and have fun, even if you feel rubbish, and keep in touch with your true friends - you'll know who they are, and they'll come and find you.

Good luck! hug hug

YARR! Thats replaced the whale in my nightmares!


PyroWillGOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: Sakura_moon


so if you have anything nasty to say, please keep it to yourself because i dont need it right now.
Luv Liv




hey hun,
i dont have much time so just quickly saying a few words, firstly what ya said up there i can guarantee that NO ONE on here would have something nasty to say i promise, we'll all be as supportive as we can, and why would we or anyone say anything nasty to you anyway, u have done nothing wrong, hes the cheater! i have been through the exact same thing and it is as they say....love hurts, its terrible so why do we do it?? cos sometimes i think the good is worth the bad, but when ur feeling what u r feeling then at times like that i know its not, all i can say is time heals all wounds, yeh there is always a scar left, but its the scars that remind us of mistakes we have made, or just memories which should teach us to b vigiilant in future choices,
give it time hun, i think everyone will have been in your place at least once, so some of us and more to come will alway be supportive, take care, and you shouldnt slash your wrists over a guy, we arent worth it smile

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


Mags The JediGOLD Member
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK


Posted:
I empathise. See [Old link] for details.

devil

"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."

Bill Hicks, February 1988


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Thankyou all, so much, youve all been really nice, honestly i didnt expect people to listen but not one of you has a bad thing to say, i read what you guys have posted and it made me smile (something rare nowadays) because even though none of you know me, you're all willing to help me out.
Thanks again
Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



PyroWillGOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom


Posted:
we're all friends here smile

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
I was reading what i said in my first post and i realised i had left alot out. So i'll tell you these details now, without being too graphic. We work together and the day before we had bene broekn up a week he and i were talking on one of our shifts. He told me he still found me physically attractive. Being the stupid person that i am i took hold of this thought aand cherished it. The next day he left my house for his work and i was happy (despite the fact he had hurt me both physically and emotinally now) because there was still a part of us left. That saturday his "friend" as he calls her (the one he cheated on me with) rang up and they went and saw a movie, he kicked me and his friends out of his house so he could go and see this terrible person. I cried and cried and cried. A while after that he told me he didnt want what we were doing anymore, but he failed to mention HE WAS GOING OUT WITH HER!!! when ia asked why he hadnt told me he replied with "i forgot" he cant honestly like her as much as he liekd me if he forgot he was going out with her. Anyway shes much too old for him, shes an adult now and she going to go out clubbing and to bars and stuff and hes going to be left behind. Or maybe they'll get along great becuase now she can buy him alcohol and cigarettes.And marijuana, when we were going out he did it and it upset me, he said he wouldnt do it again, but he did, behind my back and we almost broke up. But i didnt because i realised i loved him too much to break up with him over something so stupid as that. Now when my so called friends laugh and joke about me like i'm nothing, he tells them to shut up but he laughs occasionally with them. Well, not laugh but smirks.
He can be so cruel, he used to be such a wonderful person, when we first staed going out things were peaachy and we were so happy, he was really innocent and gentle and he gave up smoking just because he wanted me to be happy (even though i didnt really mind) but as the months went on and he started smoking more and doing weed. I tried to change him and in the end he said i was smothering him and all that so - i guess in a way the reason why he broke up with me is entirely my fault...
thnaks for listening
Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
And another thing. Whehn i first came to my school at cheltenham (i had to move from my old one because the bullying waas so bad) Dean started liking me then but i was going out with someone already. But after a while i began to like him too and when i told my boyfriend i didnt want to be with him anymore because he was treating me badly, he threatened to kill himself, and when i found out he hadnt he told me he would come and kill Dean! I went and had a restraining order put out against this guy for Dean, so he would be safe. A few months ago Dean told me i had been through alot in my life and to be honest i have, but now he puts me through this? He tries to stick up for me when people put me down but really, i wonder if he does care about me anymore??? Thats a little story of me and him ad how we got together, he broke up with me the very same day i had been at that school for a year, he had started liking me from the day i first came to cheltenham, and he stopped loving me exactly one year later. He told me he would love me forever and ever and i have a letter from him that proves just how much he did, if any of you want to know what it says, pm me.
Love Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
I nearly cried reading what you have to say. It is quite close to what I went through around this time last year. I'll send you a PM, but I will give you some advice here as well;

take as long as you bloody well want/need to get over him. If it takes a month, it takes a month. If it takes a year, it takes a year. Don't, and I repeat, don't listen to anyone who tells you that you should be over him. There will people plenty of people who tell you cruel and mean things about what you should and shouldn't be doing. And I know it hurts but they aren't your real friends.

Just do whatever it takes and hang in there!
hug

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


brodiemanold hand
1,024 posts
Location: london


Posted:
sent you a pm
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug just a few of those for now

GottaLoveItSponge
883 posts
Location: Stevenage


Posted:
I honestly can say I don't know how you feel, I feel like I'm missing out on something because I don't know what that kind of love feels like, and you being so young I think you're lucky to feel that way at least at some point in your life!
I'm hoping my time will come and yours will come again too

Take advice but only you will know what's right for you and when so take care of yourself

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Monkeys monkeys and bananas


roarfireSILVER Member
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia


Posted:
Oh! I know exactly how you feel babe....I know it hurts, it hurts like a thousand knives digging into your heart but I promise you, I promise that you will get over this, and you will overcome.

You never forget your first love, it sucks sometimes because he's always there in the back of your mind....but you must learn to focus on the good times you two had. You don't deserve to be treated that way, no one does.... but unfortunately, there are horrible people out there....

I really hope to see you at my party next weekend so I can give you a big hug! Hopefully your parents will let you.

- Steph

.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.


PukSILVER Member
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia


Posted:
Sounds like he didn't love you so move on .
(i know it sounds hard)
But think about it what do you deserve ?

Dropbears

that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk


ado-pGOLD Member
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland


Posted:
Hi Sakura

Rouge is right, it IS going to be ok and you take as long as you need. Its so hard to lose someone you love. It teaches you though so dont ever regret having loved him.

You sound like a lovely caring and honest person. When you find someone that deserves your love again, he will be a lucky guy.

Dont be afraid, let it hurt for a while, think about what it means to you but dont forget about the world. You have place here with the rest us and there will always be someone willing to give you a hug and remind you of that.

hug

Take care

a

Love is the law.


margitaSILVER Member
.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
3,777 posts
Location: brizvegas, Australia


Posted:
hug

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!



if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!



smile! :grin: it confuses people!


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Puk,
He did love me, but he doesnt know, please dont just tell me to "move on" and you're right it is hard, so if anyone else has a comment like that, please leave it to yourself. Please. Ive just found out that my grandfather is in hospital and he isnt going to make it. Things are a little hard for me right now.
Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Sorry i meant to say in the above "He did love me but he doesnt ***NOW"

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



AnonymousPLATINUM Member


Posted:
Once upon a time, i was dumped by a guy because i wouldnt shag him. I wanted too, but his wee wee was too small and i knew i could do better. I thought he was the love of my life. But why would the love of my life dump me. Anyway ended up with some dude named Will three months later... been together for nearly a year- his wee wee is quite large but who cares and im kinda happy with him. This is strange u understand cos i HATE men. My advice is get to a point where you no longer care about men and ull alays find someone. I get loads of offers these days and im taken so i cant but before hand- nothing. Barren as the desert- its called sods law

NateBRONZE Member
Groovy ga watashi no namae desu!
1,530 posts
Location: Oxford, Oxfordshire, England


Posted:
i have been through the same sort of thing at the same sort of age but i dont think my "case" was as serious as yours.....all i can really say is take all the advice you can get from all these lovely ppl on hop,from friends and family, and take all the love and hugs you can get till you get to the brink of exploding!!!!!



very harsh that someone from your famiy is terminally ill aswell, i was pretty close to my grandparents when they passed away, which is a very hard thing to deal with. but seriously do the things you love and try and get away from it all

if its possible get in as much poi as as you can wink hug

I like Languages.

Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />


AnonymousPLATINUM Member


Posted:
The thing is no one is around forever. Its a sad horrid turth about life but u were born alone and you will die alone. In a way maybe we should learn how to live life alone. Ive always been alone... nobodys ever 'found' me. Its not a bad life. At least you stay true to you and dont lie to yourself and try and fit into other people regimes. I mean why change yourself top suit 'normality'? Its all a con. Everyone is as lonely as the next person- just that some people are better at lying about it then others.

I really really hope youre ok though. I have this strange thing about making sure everyone is ok, even strangers. It will be alright you know. It may hurt like f**k but itll be ok. Its about the balance of life. Bad things happen to teach us + help us grow. Good things happen to teach us + help us grow. Empathy is the greatest human process. FIND IT IN US + THOSE AROUND YOU- YOU'LL SEE THAT YOU ARE *NOT* ALONE xxx

PukSILVER Member
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia


Posted:
I think you need a dropbear hug.

that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
A dropbear hug?? *hides beneath the covers* like those dropbears from the tomorrow series?

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Today has bene especially hard for me. Today was the day that dean and i kissed exactly one year ago and on sunday, it would have bene our one year. I spoke to him and asked him if he was sad about it and he said he wasnt as much as he used to be. Its wierd, i can cry but i fele so hopeless, my parents are getting a dovorce now too, the other night my father abused me and my sister and mum couldnt deal with it so now they're getitng divorced, i still love Dean and i keep seeing him with his new girlfriend and this completely sucks....

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



MatchInnuendo Officer Extraordinaire
105 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland


Posted:
hug hug hug

I can't imagine what you're going through right now - just remember that there are always people here you can talk to, and that, yes, life does get better (and you've got a lot of life ahead of you - full of all sorts of unimaginable wonderfulness!) Just hang in there, and no matter how bad it seems now, it will get better!

grouphug

YARR! Thats replaced the whale in my nightmares!


Mistress_MaledictiHeaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over
192 posts
Location: Wolverhampton


Posted:
Here's a few more *big hugs* for you - people on here are right, things might look pretty bleak right now but you're young and you have a whole fascinatingly fabulous future to look forward to.

It might seem to you that your life is falling apart but there are people around who will support you and help you get through it. All of those 'first anniversary' things are tough but you'll survive them and once you've dealt with those, it will get much easier. I'm sure most, if not all, of the folks on here have been right where you are and we know you can make it through.

sin

"Abashed, the Devil stood and saw how awful Goodness is"


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