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clarence_quackSILVER Member
QuackerJack
1,927 posts
Location: over your left shoulder, Australia


Posted:
What to do when you are dead...



A Comprehensive Guide To Your Afterlife.







Light and How it Affects You



-Avoid direct sunlight. You will disappear and not be able to move.



-Do not stay in dark places for more than a few hours.



-Avoid bright lights (they might change you).







Your Surroundings



-Stay aware of your surroundings at all times...you will not feel the urge to sleep and you will never dream.



-Float from place to place by focusing on your destination while looking at it.







Recognising Your Past



-Do not revel in regret.



-Attempt to find your place of residence.







Communication in the Afterlife



-If detected by small children or animals, tell them you do not exist.



-Do not talk to other ghosts. They will harm you.



-Do not talk to the living. They will ignore you.







Your Wellbeing



-Do not attempt to stand upright until you are positive that you are dead (try passing your hand through your face to determine if you are).



-If you become tired of being a ghost, find a beach and float towards the horizon.



-Do not wish to be anything else.







Your Identity



-Do not hold onto memories of life. They will be distorted and innaccurate.



-Do not try to put yourself back into your dead body or any other living ones, you will be frightened.

EDITED_BY: clarence_quack (1121834795)

Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:

uuuhhh-huh...

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Raromember
97 posts
Location: Tas, Aus


Posted:
are we supposed to remember this when we snuff it?

The Salmon moose!


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:

hey that's a good question... cuz it says "Do not hold onto memories of life. They will be distorted and innaccurate."

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


clarence_quackSILVER Member
QuackerJack
1,927 posts
Location: over your left shoulder, Australia


Posted:
hey, im merely passing on what may be valuable information... i got it in a cd. that should say it all.

Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:

*Pats* it's ok we're not critising you, we're critising the person that wrote it.

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


CharlesBRONZE Member
Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
3,989 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand


Posted:
Were they alive when they wrote it?

HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?


Groovy_DreamSILVER Member
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
It's all true. Last time i was dead i made the mistake of revelling in regret, and then i lost an eye. Serves me right.

Melemelmember
114 posts
Location: South-west,UK


Posted:
ubblol ubblol ubblol

Tomorrows World isnt on anymore...Does that mean its tomorrow now?


blu_valleySILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom


Posted:
*tries to pass hand through face*

*ends up slapping herself through the face*

*looks around and giggles*


*tries again*

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer


NoddyToe Poking Bad Boy
2,865 posts
Location: Lake District UK


Posted:
ubblol

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!


TinklePantsGOLD Member
Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
4,219 posts
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, United Kingdom


Posted:
How about going to Denver?
Apparently There are Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead...


(Ace film)

biggrin

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


Sir Nuggit....is a liability
899 posts
Location: playing with traffic


Posted:
ubblol @ Tinklepants

Hmm, the big snooze.

Pull my pin out, roll me in to a room and see what happens ubbloco


TinklePantsGOLD Member
Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
4,219 posts
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, United Kingdom


Posted:
Or we can go to Devon. Or is that Heaven? I can't remember....

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


Sir Nuggit....is a liability
899 posts
Location: playing with traffic


Posted:
Not sure it'd be the same as Denver hon, although the surf would be better.

Heaven? I here they're quite picky at who they let in, I might skip the whole 'explaining to David why I was such a mess up through life' thing and go straight to the down escilator.

I'm sure the reception would be a lot warmer down there anyway biggrin

Pull my pin out, roll me in to a room and see what happens ubbloco


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:

yeah... more fire for spinning....

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


TinklePantsGOLD Member
Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
4,219 posts
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, United Kingdom


Posted:
Nuggit you're the only other person I know who says Hon not Hun! My Geordie mate in Truro Is the only other person I know who says it!

Talking about death and the afterlife, I bought Constantine on dvd yesterday. Really enjoyed it, like.

Nothing like a religious battle between good and evil to gimme the willies! eek

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


Sir Nuggit....is a liability
899 posts
Location: playing with traffic


Posted:
Hon, hun, tomayto, tomarto ubblol

I dunno why good just doesn't leave evil well alone to be honest! I mean, we need both for there to be either (without evil, good would nothing and without good, we'd be living under President Bush's reign ubblol

Pull my pin out, roll me in to a room and see what happens ubbloco


TinklePantsGOLD Member
Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
4,219 posts
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, United Kingdom


Posted:
Call your dog bad and your cat good.

"c'mere Bad, good dog"
"you're a bad cat, Good"

blah blah..

If all dogs go to heaven,
are all the cats in hell?

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


MynciBRONZE Member
Macaque of all trades
8,738 posts
Location: wombling free..., United Kingdom


Posted:
I'm cool, I have already the possession of many souls (freely given in exchange for services) so I'm gonna wander the afterlife with slaves and company. I don't wanna go to heaven
(bet you can't smoke there) and at least you can
"f*ckin' hell" (well I hope so as everyone keeps saying it)

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.


TinklePantsGOLD Member
Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
4,219 posts
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, United Kingdom


Posted:
you can "flip" in hell too.
good news for naughty gymnasts then....

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


NoddyToe Poking Bad Boy
2,865 posts
Location: Lake District UK


Posted:
yay!

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!


Hardynewbie
13 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia


Posted:
What about somersaults? its all i can do *sob*

Even my multiple personalities hate me!
BLEEEAAAGGHHH!


NoddyToe Poking Bad Boy
2,865 posts
Location: Lake District UK


Posted:
can i bring my stilts?

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!


JauntyJamesSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,533 posts
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA


Posted:
No stilts are allowed in the afterlife, you're not allowed to be taller than deities

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
The other thing is "Don't move; it scares the piss out of the coroner."

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:

too true.

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Raromember
97 posts
Location: Tas, Aus


Posted:
oh well you gotta get ya laughs some how

The Salmon moose!


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:

also true.

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Groovy_DreamSILVER Member
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
Would people be offended if i made swear words appear in Oujie boards?

TinklePantsGOLD Member
Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
4,219 posts
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: JP Sir Noddy


can i bring my stilts?




Well if they're wood they'll burn. D'oh! ubbrollsmile

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible


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