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Forums > Social Chat > Pulling in the office... need a clever but subtle strategy

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I must say the "related topics" the search engine came up with for this were really funny!

Now... here's the real rub. I'm a gel... and she's a gel. And its a (medical) office. So it needs to be obvious enough to her what I'm thinking and subtle enough for everyone else not to catch on. (This is by no means impossible as we frequently talk out of the hearing of other people. Just, needs to be kept in mind.)

This past week shes taken to calling me ma'am, yum.

But I just feel so lost. Guys are so much... simpler... like even its simpler to give guys compliments.

confused & ubblove


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:not much i can really say kyri other than t offer you loads of hugs and hope things work out hugx loads

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Hey there, Im going for a drink afterwards I was wondering if you'd wanna come along? Might be able to make a night out of it what do you say *best flirty smile you can muster*

Thank you, ide love too

*drink drink, shag shag, smoke smoke, snore snore, fart*


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:eek joe.................................are you coming on to meubblol

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:rolleyes @ Joe tongue

Kyri... heh. How many fit medical personnel are there??? I've never been a girl coming onto a girl, but I've been a guy coming onto a girl... anyone know if the same things work? E.g. Lots of smiling, eye contact, hugs, touching, nice conversation, flirty jokes etc etc. Generally seems to work...

You go girl!! hug biggrin


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Pink...?
BRONZE Member since Apr 2002

Pink...?

Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
Location: Over There

Total posts: 6140
Posted:I would just suggest doing what you would expect someone to do to you in this situation?

For instance, if you think someone asking you out for a drink would be a "hint" then do it?


Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:We never leave at the same time, alas, so many of the things that might typhically be done are out... indeed, my working five evenings a week makes any getting together at night type things tricky as i'm sure my friends would tell you.

But I'm afraid asking her out for a drink is too strong. Rejection is one thing- c'est la vie. But I'm worried about random homophobia. She doesn't seem the type- and obviously it would kind of break the feelings- but its nonetheless a valid worry and I don't want to wind up in a situation like that...

And the problem with open flirting is that other people, the gossips they are, will notice. I think if the situations were reversed I would want the other person just to say something privately, and know that they wouldn't because they were in a sticky situation because of the same-gender issue. I havn't gotten much beyond that point, Its clear the first move or two has to come from my court, I'm just not sure what they should be beyond a few well deserved compliments.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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skwair
BRONZE Member since Sep 2005

skwair

Member
Location: swampea

Total posts: 44
Posted:lesbianism = awesomeness.


sorry to be so shallow. but its true.


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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:Kyrian, you've not made it clear whether or not she's gay or if the know's you're gay...

Leave small gifts anonymously, and then make sly sublte allusions to them...


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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Beth


Beth

Miss Whippy
Location: Cornwall & Oxford

Total posts: 1262
Posted:I second what Neon said, do you know if shes gay or bi?

Find that out, ask about past relationships then ask her out, be yourself, thats all you need.


Aim high and you'll know your limits, aim low and you'll never know how high you could have climbed.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I don't know if she's inclined to girls. I do know that even if she isn't it isn't 100% I'd have no chance. I'm not actually even gay myself... I identify as straight although you have no cause to belive me here (Dr Lightning may stop by and stick up for me or not, we shall see tongue). Its just this random thing.

I do know that she's single, but have not been able to figure out how to even get her opinion on girls + girls. (Even that would prolly set my mind at rest. But how does one fish that information out? I imagine my style of suddenly saying "so, what do you think of girls as lovers" probably isn't the best... especially in a work setting).


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:Be really obvious and unsubtle and ask her if she likes KD Lang or Melissa Etheridge...



In my experience the best thing to do is to refer to yourself as girl-friendly. I don't mean say 'I'm gay' or 'I like girls'. Just make references to a past same-sex partner in a way that feels natural and unforced. You say you identify yourself as straight, so talk about them like you would casually drop in anecdotes about ex boyfriends. (don't go overboard otherwise she'll think that's all you talk about)



That's probably the safest way of fishing (no pun) for sexuality info. At the very least, if she's 100% straight but stays your friend at least you know that she'll just be a friend who feels comfortable with you. If she reacts badly then is that someone you want to have for a friend?


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:How did I KNOW this topic was going to be started by Kyrian.

ubblol


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:You could say something real subtle, like:

"Do you think girls kiss better than men?"

or:

"You ever fancied one of your friends? Like, girlfriends?"

Or you could go the un-subtle route and ask for her help in an abandoned room, then grab her...

Well, it's worked for me wink biggrin ubbangel


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted: Written by: NYC


How did I KNOW this topic was going to be started by Kyrian.

ubblol



Because you're actually the 'other woman' in disguise?


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:
Why not get to know her as a person, without expectations of anything more, and then when you know her better, all that good stuff about what and who she likes shall be clear, and you'll actually have something to work with when you do make your move? Getting to know someone as a friend is not all that hard, or gossiped about or frowned upon, even in medical offices...

If it is just sex for a fling, then the ofice is probably not the place to pull from anyways, awkwardness will often ensue after, regardless of gender orientation issues!
Have fun whatever you do!
smiles
A


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:I didnt wanna say anything before, but im surprised no one else has said anything. Isnt it a bad idea to get into raltionships with anyone in the office, thats what everyone says isnt it? what if it goes wrong for whatever reaon itle couse alot of tension and could lead to one of you not being able to do your jobs.

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth

Total posts: 5814
Posted: Written by:

If it is just sex for a fling, then the ofice is probably not the place to pull from anyways, awkwardness will often ensue after, regardless of gender orientation issues



Have to agree here.....

If she isnt interested in girls subtlety wont work at all.

She must be pretty specail. ubblove


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:You could go for the news-route and mention same-sex marriage or something like that, and at least if she's homophobic she'll probably tell you when you mention the topic... or at least roll her eyes or something.

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:Got to agree that office relationships get messy!!

Also have to agree that you should find out subtely if she is into girls or what she thinks of homosexuality (the bringing up a same sex marriage you read about and finding out if she is open minded is a good one!)


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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Or just come into the office and talk about hoe you need a good rogering, and sex talk might soon become the topic. Your girls right, girls are supposed to talk about that sort of thing, and rampent rabbits and ex'es with funny shaped willys. It should be an easy topic to bring up

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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Adya Miriyana
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 6554
Posted:ubblol joe....

how's things happening kyri?

hug hope all works out well


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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Hahaha. The definition of subtle has taken some mangling here I see! Altho good for a laugh. Nyc, what would I be if not predictable? She is indeed a sweetheart... I honestly can't see her fussing about it even if it bothers her because she's not like that, but you know i'd much rather know if it would bother her of course!

I had utterly forgotten that melissa ethridge is associated with being lesbian. This is what I get from being raised by a bunch of gays and lesbians. No sense of culture tongue I wonder what bizarre signals i've been giving people over the years... (I also listen to loads of lesbian comedians). ubblol

Anyway, the gay marriage thing (or anything else newsworthy at the time) is a splendid idea. Its true that the office does wander into random sex stuff at times (and there were bantered jokes that involved a girl saying i was married to her... altho the true story of the joke gets very long and complicated as it involves things like us both being dead.) Nonetheless I think i'll make the move on the politics front.

I wouldn't bother with a girl for a sex-fling, its simply not interesting enough for me. She's just cool, and so I have my silly crush.... *sighs* but she's so awesome...

La la la I'm being silly arn't I? Anyway I shall see her today, most likely, so maybe I'll know something then :P smile


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Update~ Conversations today prompted some new strategies in the general compliment world, and a different coworker converasation gave me another way to get a reaction if I can't bring politics into play.

If anyone has any further suggestions to that end tho, do let me know. I know those of you who know me will be floored that I can't make a sharp conversational change sound natural but it all changes when you're nervous!

tongue


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by: Kyribug

I know those of you who know me will be floored that I can't make a sharp conversational change sound natural



ubblol


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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clarence_quack
SILVER Member since Feb 2005

clarence_quack

QuackerJack
Location: over your left shoulder

Total posts: 1927
Posted:Am I the only one that took the title of this thread the wrong way? To me, "pulling in the office" sounds like a guy *erm* adjusting himself in the office...


Good luck on the picking up front though smile


Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:Hey Clarence

What you described has two benefits.

- Wakes you up if you work REALLY early

- Allows you to walk around the office without awkwardness due to the time of day...


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Maybe I don't want her to eat lampshades!

There has been more progress of sorts, but I'm afraid I won't have a real update for awhile for one reason and another.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Office intelligence (a lesbian friend who's worked there for awhile) reports thats she is "very straight."
Nonetheless she's absolutely a doll to compliment, and lots of fun, so at least I get something out of it!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Delete


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