Forums > Social Discussion > Learning to love yourself
Login/Join to ParticipateSILVER Member
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia
Posted:
Hello beautiful hoppers
I'm reaching out to you guys because I'm a little stuck, and I have nowhere else to go. Please, bear with me.
People have always said:
You must learn to love yourself before you can love someone else
Well, in my case. It isn't about loving someone else, because I'm too busy stuck on the 'loving myself' part
How is it possible? How do you learn to love yourself?
I'm guessing it starts with self acceptance? Accepting yourself what you've done, the good and the bad, then accepting for who you are - from every curve to every strand of hair.
Which brings up a another issue of mine - who am I?.
They say 'be yourself', but I don't know who 'myself' is.
So I guess that's two things I need to work out:
First, discovering who I am, then
accepting it.
But how?
I know I'm only young (18) Can I hope that it will all magically fall into place in a few years time? Or will I have to keep searching for answers? Because frankly, I'm sick of searching.
I just want to be content with myself, inside and out. I want to be happy with who I am. I don't want to be stuck like this any longer. I'm not good at self talk, I've tried. I can't do self reassurance or convince myself things either
I want to love myself
but I don't know where to start...
Hello beautiful hoppers
I'm reaching out to you guys because I'm a little stuck, and I have nowhere else to go. Please, bear with me.
People have always said:
You must learn to love yourself before you can love someone else
Well, in my case. It isn't about loving someone else, because I'm too busy stuck on the 'loving myself' part
How is it possible? How do you learn to love yourself?
I'm guessing it starts with self acceptance? Accepting yourself what you've done, the good and the bad, then accepting for who you are - from every curve to every strand of hair.
Which brings up a another issue of mine - who am I?.
They say 'be yourself', but I don't know who 'myself' is.
So I guess that's two things I need to work out:
First, discovering who I am, then
accepting it.
But how?
I know I'm only young (18) Can I hope that it will all magically fall into place in a few years time? Or will I have to keep searching for answers? Because frankly, I'm sick of searching.
I just want to be content with myself, inside and out. I want to be happy with who I am. I don't want to be stuck like this any longer. I'm not good at self talk, I've tried. I can't do self reassurance or convince myself things either
I want to love myself
but I don't know where to start...
.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
Maybe this one helps, it's about how to be a bit happier with who you are and what you've achieved
I found it when I was a bit down and actually only looking at it quickly made me feel a bit better... Translated from German so I hope it all makes sense!
Give this a bit of your time and think about which positive things make your life richer:
1. Which successes have you had in the past? What have you achieved? Which obstacles have you left behind? How did you get where you are now, and to a point from which you can move on in your life and accomplish your next goals?
(that one's probably the most difficult one if you're not 45 and a manager-type, it gets easier now)
2. Which positive things have developed in the last 2 years? On which areas did you move on and improve? Which goals, or intermediate stops to a goal, have you achieved? Which problems have you been able to solve?
There's so much coming in here, from poi to helping friends to even learning stuff at school or uni
3. What are your talents and strong points that you can build upon? Which special knowledge and abilities to you have? What are you really good at, or better than many others? Which are the things you know you'll always get done without any problems?
4. Who are the people closest to you? Who's giving your life sense and stability? Who are you really happy about just because they exist? And who would you never want to miss?
5. Which chances and opportunities are there for you right now? Which of your aims can you get closer to? What ways do you have to influence things? Who could support you?
(And now my favourite, cause you never really think about things this way! Or at least I don't!)
6. What are the things that you should nake you happy because they DIDN'T happen? Which worries have you had that turned out to be unnecessary? Which setbacks could you avoid because of something you did? What could've gone far worse than it did?
Hope that doesn't all sound like a load of bullsh!t to you Roar When I thought about it there were so many small things coming up in my mind that together it just made me think, WOW! Go me! And the best thing is, this isn't trying to convince yourself with "but you're SUCH a nice person!" (which I'm sure you are, but it just doesn't do the trick to hear that when you're on a low, does it!), it's actually looking at what's there, what you've done, what you can do if you put yourself to it. Makes you see why other people respect you and why you should be proud of yourself, too
Maybe this one helps, it's about how to be a bit happier with who you are and what you've achieved
I found it when I was a bit down and actually only looking at it quickly made me feel a bit better... Translated from German so I hope it all makes sense!Give this a bit of your time and think about which positive things make your life richer:
1. Which successes have you had in the past? What have you achieved? Which obstacles have you left behind? How did you get where you are now, and to a point from which you can move on in your life and accomplish your next goals?
(that one's probably the most difficult one if you're not 45 and a manager-type, it gets easier now)
2. Which positive things have developed in the last 2 years? On which areas did you move on and improve? Which goals, or intermediate stops to a goal, have you achieved? Which problems have you been able to solve?
There's so much coming in here, from poi to helping friends to even learning stuff at school or uni
3. What are your talents and strong points that you can build upon? Which special knowledge and abilities to you have? What are you really good at, or better than many others? Which are the things you know you'll always get done without any problems?
4. Who are the people closest to you? Who's giving your life sense and stability? Who are you really happy about just because they exist? And who would you never want to miss?
5. Which chances and opportunities are there for you right now? Which of your aims can you get closer to? What ways do you have to influence things? Who could support you?
(And now my favourite, cause you never really think about things this way! Or at least I don't!)
6. What are the things that you should nake you happy because they DIDN'T happen? Which worries have you had that turned out to be unnecessary? Which setbacks could you avoid because of something you did? What could've gone far worse than it did?
Hope that doesn't all sound like a load of bullsh!t to you Roar
When I thought about it there were so many small things coming up in my mind that together it just made me think, WOW! Go me! And the best thing is, this isn't trying to convince yourself with "but you're SUCH a nice person!" (which I'm sure you are, but it just doesn't do the trick to hear that when you're on a low, does it!), it's actually looking at what's there, what you've done, what you can do if you put yourself to it. Makes you see why other people respect you and why you should be proud of yourself, too "vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
SILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
oh sweetie... a major part of learning to love yourself is starting with the self talk.
Thats in my honest opinion.
It takes so long to learn it and become proficient at it, but it is something that you must keep at all the time for it to be effective...
When your inner critic jumps up and down and tells you awful things you must recognise it for what it is and replace the negitive things it may say with positive things... after a while you will notice the bad stuff isnt as pevalant as it used to be.
When you say 'cant' your subconcious is actually quietly replacing that cant word with the word wont, so when you say "I cant do self talk"...your really softly saying to yourself "I wont do self talk."
Demanding self acceptance of yourself is like shaving your head and wanting a full head of hair the next day. It just doesnt happen that fast unfortunatly. Be gentle to yourself and know that you are learning about yourself every day with all the new things that happen.
Nobodys perfect, and there are things about ourselves that we may not love so much... but when we tell our concious all the positive things about ourselves, instead of reinforcing the negitive things with "stinking thinking" we can start to accept ourselves for who we are and how we react...flaws and all.
You WILL come to a place where you feel comfertable with who you are, it may just take a little time.
The first thing that I did to start to love myself was to acknowledge that I am not perfect. I will screw up and that is all part of learning about my life and how I react to things.
I am so far from loving myself, I dont come anywhere near it, I am too learning all about these things. I think I might be for the rest of my life.
Perhaps we could do it together?
I find a good way to love myself is to do loving things for other people. I know that sounds strange, but I feel wonderful when I love. I feel forfilled when I give to others and I am in a much better head space to be kind to myself when I feel positive by sharing energy.... thats how I do it anyway, and there are so many reasons behind that...one being the Im not worthy issue...(im not worthy to be kind to myuself unless I have been kind to another) but I recognise that and am doing a self development course on that at the moment.
The only way that I know how to learn about myself is through life experiences.
Some experiences may suck, yet we will learn something from everything that happens to us.
The only real thing I know, that is close to my heart when it comes to this type of thing is to tread gently, read all you can to alert yourself to new and different ways of thinking, and the most important is to be KIND to yourself...you will start to notice how much happier you feel within 28 days.
love you.
oh sweetie... a major part of learning to love yourself is starting with the self talk.
Thats in my honest opinion.
It takes so long to learn it and become proficient at it, but it is something that you must keep at all the time for it to be effective...
When your inner critic jumps up and down and tells you awful things you must recognise it for what it is and replace the negitive things it may say with positive things... after a while you will notice the bad stuff isnt as pevalant as it used to be.
When you say 'cant' your subconcious is actually quietly replacing that cant word with the word wont, so when you say "I cant do self talk"...your really softly saying to yourself "I wont do self talk."
Demanding self acceptance of yourself is like shaving your head and wanting a full head of hair the next day. It just doesnt happen that fast unfortunatly. Be gentle to yourself and know that you are learning about yourself every day with all the new things that happen.
Nobodys perfect, and there are things about ourselves that we may not love so much... but when we tell our concious all the positive things about ourselves, instead of reinforcing the negitive things with "stinking thinking" we can start to accept ourselves for who we are and how we react...flaws and all.
You WILL come to a place where you feel comfertable with who you are, it may just take a little time.
The first thing that I did to start to love myself was to acknowledge that I am not perfect. I will screw up and that is all part of learning about my life and how I react to things.
I am so far from loving myself, I dont come anywhere near it, I am too learning all about these things. I think I might be for the rest of my life.
Perhaps we could do it together?
I find a good way to love myself is to do loving things for other people. I know that sounds strange, but I feel wonderful when I love. I feel forfilled when I give to others and I am in a much better head space to be kind to myself when I feel positive by sharing energy.... thats how I do it anyway, and there are so many reasons behind that...one being the Im not worthy issue...(im not worthy to be kind to myuself unless I have been kind to another) but I recognise that and am doing a self development course on that at the moment.
The only way that I know how to learn about myself is through life experiences.
Some experiences may suck, yet we will learn something from everything that happens to us.
The only real thing I know, that is close to my heart when it comes to this type of thing is to tread gently, read all you can to alert yourself to new and different ways of thinking, and the most important is to be KIND to yourself...you will start to notice how much happier you feel within 28 days.
love you. TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
Lovely topic Steph.
*huggles*
Lovely topic Steph.
*huggles*
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Posted:
The following is just opinion, but I have found that by large this way of thinking has totally transformed my relationships with people and that I am a much happier and more convicted person because of it.
I think by large I am comfortable with myself, and in the knowledge that I don’t fully know who I am. I accept that I am no better or no worse than anybody else; I accept that I have achievements and that I have made mistakes. That I ill achieve more and that I will be wrong again. I accept that I love and want to be loved, and I accept that worrying about what the answers are too much may blur the purpose of the question in the first place. Some of the most beautiful people I know, are in their 40's and still don’t know who they are, or even where they are going, but they are comfortable in that knowledge, and without actively seeking it, they may not find their answers, but they are answered in unlikely ways. In reality I think there are very few people who really truly know themselves.
Jump in at the deep end. There isn’t a science to love. Accept that you have much to learn, accept that you will make mistakes and accept that situations may change; open yourself fully and love with all that you can, in the way that you are capable right now. Accept that a barrier that may arise tomorrow may be broken down with knowledge you have yet to learn and the time of your lesson is not your concern.
Appreciate yourself:
*Look at the people you surround yourself with. How do you feel about them? Know that they feel the same about you and have chosen to spend time with you. Take a moment to see yourself through their eyes.
*Take a picture of yourself everyday. Don’t be afraid to pose. Take multiple pictures and keep only the ones you like the most. No one else ever needs to see them, but sometimes in moments of doubt, you may need a good reminder of how great you actually look and how your inner beauty really does shine through.
*Be honest with yourself and others. Especially in new situations, if you are uncomfortable or angry about something, say so. Be willing to listen how other people feel about the same things. Accept their feelings, even if they do not share yours. Others will appreciate it and trust you and you in turn will appreciate and trust yourself.
I hope this helps you as it did me.
X
The following is just opinion, but I have found that by large this way of thinking has totally transformed my relationships with people and that I am a much happier and more convicted person because of it.
I think by large I am comfortable with myself, and in the knowledge that I don’t fully know who I am. I accept that I am no better or no worse than anybody else; I accept that I have achievements and that I have made mistakes. That I ill achieve more and that I will be wrong again. I accept that I love and want to be loved, and I accept that worrying about what the answers are too much may blur the purpose of the question in the first place. Some of the most beautiful people I know, are in their 40's and still don’t know who they are, or even where they are going, but they are comfortable in that knowledge, and without actively seeking it, they may not find their answers, but they are answered in unlikely ways. In reality I think there are very few people who really truly know themselves.
Jump in at the deep end. There isn’t a science to love. Accept that you have much to learn, accept that you will make mistakes and accept that situations may change; open yourself fully and love with all that you can, in the way that you are capable right now. Accept that a barrier that may arise tomorrow may be broken down with knowledge you have yet to learn and the time of your lesson is not your concern.
Appreciate yourself:
*Look at the people you surround yourself with. How do you feel about them? Know that they feel the same about you and have chosen to spend time with you. Take a moment to see yourself through their eyes.
*Take a picture of yourself everyday. Don’t be afraid to pose. Take multiple pictures and keep only the ones you like the most. No one else ever needs to see them, but sometimes in moments of doubt, you may need a good reminder of how great you actually look and how your inner beauty really does shine through.
*Be honest with yourself and others. Especially in new situations, if you are uncomfortable or angry about something, say so. Be willing to listen how other people feel about the same things. Accept their feelings, even if they do not share yours. Others will appreciate it and trust you and you in turn will appreciate and trust yourself.
I hope this helps you as it did me.
X
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
member
116 posts
Location: manchester, uk
116 posts
Location: manchester, uk
Posted:
/i like Blu's advice
its not about focusing on your mistakes but accpeting they make you you, as does your past.
finding yourself isn't about having a set identity, i.e 'I am a tough female who likes cheese and breakcore', its about accpeting that yourself can vary and allowing that. Yes i am a tough female who likes breakcore, but I'm also warm hearted and cry and sad films and listen to folk , and if I find some other things i like they will be part of me too.(shoddy examples but there you go)
wjhat I'm saying is you don't have to 'find' an identity-you already have one, made up of all the things you love at the moment, all your beliefs...and they might change and grow, you might learn to love new things, but an ever evolving identity is a good thing.
speak your mind, only associate with people you actually like and converse with rather than the people you think you 'should' hang out with, and don't be afraid of telling it as it is.
oh, and try everything at least once, get out and do all you can,see all you can and soon you'll understand yourself more.
thats my motto.
/i like Blu's advice
its not about focusing on your mistakes but accpeting they make you you, as does your past.
finding yourself isn't about having a set identity, i.e 'I am a tough female who likes cheese and breakcore', its about accpeting that yourself can vary and allowing that. Yes i am a tough female who likes breakcore, but I'm also warm hearted and cry and sad films and listen to folk , and if I find some other things i like they will be part of me too.(shoddy examples but there you go)
wjhat I'm saying is you don't have to 'find' an identity-you already have one, made up of all the things you love at the moment, all your beliefs...and they might change and grow, you might learn to love new things, but an ever evolving identity is a good thing.
speak your mind, only associate with people you actually like and converse with rather than the people you think you 'should' hang out with, and don't be afraid of telling it as it is.
oh, and try everything at least once, get out and do all you can,see all you can and soon you'll understand yourself more.
thats my motto.
-spinnin' to the rhythm of the new world order-
member
116 posts
Location: manchester, uk
116 posts
Location: manchester, uk
Posted:
sorry about the awful typing there by the way!!
sorry about the awful typing there by the way!!
-spinnin' to the rhythm of the new world order-
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
Such a tricky thing to do and I wish their was a parenting course to teach me how to give my kids self love.
One of my personal obstacles to self love is my critism of others. I keep it in my head so not everyone gets to know how I feel but it makes me feel bad about myself
This lady the other day had a lack band (rackytag
) on her wrist that she would ping when she had a thought she didnt like. A self reminder of a goal.
I think you can love without self love. It makes it harder on your loved one though.
Since I have taken up spinning my self love has grown. Being with many lovely people who can share thier lovely feelings (prime example above --Valura ) help me realise my own.
Having a skill in spinning makes me feel good and gives me something to share.
There are courses out there in NLP (Neural (?sp) Linguistic Progamming) that have helped a dear friend of mine to see herself like we see her. Maybe that could help you.
nlp
I am not sure accepting yourself fully and being content is a common human trait. You scatch the surface of many people who we see as happy well adjusted types and underneath is a seething pit of human angst, they just repress it better.
Many people out of high school/uni work and then travel This gives you a goal to save your money and the chance to meet other people and cultures. Perhaps this will let you see places and sights and have insights into what makes you work. I think it has helped Rouge develop into the lush young woman that she is now. My impressions anyways from postings.
Stopping with Hoppers as you go allows safety while getting out there.
Such a tricky thing to do and I wish their was a parenting course to teach me how to give my kids self love.
One of my personal obstacles to self love is my critism of others. I keep it in my head so not everyone gets to know how I feel but it makes me feel bad about myself
This lady the other day had a lack band (rackytag
) on her wrist that she would ping when she had a thought she didnt like. A self reminder of a goal. I think you can love without self love. It makes it harder on your loved one though.
Since I have taken up spinning my self love has grown. Being with many lovely people who can share thier lovely feelings (prime example above --Valura
) help me realise my own.Having a skill in spinning makes me feel good and gives me something to share.
There are courses out there in NLP (Neural (?sp) Linguistic Progamming) that have helped a dear friend of mine to see herself like we see her. Maybe that could help you.
nlp
Written by:
Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a behavioral technology, which simply means that it is a set of guiding principles, attitudes, and techniques about real-life behavior, and not a removed, scientific theorem.
It allows you to change, adopt or eliminate behaviors, as you desire, and gives you the ability to choose your mental, emotional, and physical states of well-being.
With NLP, you learn how to grow from every single life experience, thus increasing your ability to create a better quality of life.
NLP is a very pragmatic technology based on an ability to produce your desired results, thus allowing you to become proficient at creating your future!
I am not sure accepting yourself fully and being content is a common human trait. You scatch the surface of many people who we see as happy well adjusted types and underneath is a seething pit of human angst, they just repress it better.
Many people out of high school/uni work and then travel This gives you a goal to save your money and the chance to meet other people and cultures. Perhaps this will let you see places and sights and have insights into what makes you work. I think it has helped Rouge develop into the lush young woman that she is now. My impressions anyways from postings.
Stopping with Hoppers as you go allows safety while getting out there.
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
BRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
Posted:
I have the same problem as many, not knowing yourself etc.
my main problem is i need to try and get into the mind set that i am worth trying to like myself.
We do alot of 'boosting' things to 'help' in the DBT i have to go through to try and help with the BPD... the theory is fantastic unfortuently theory doesn't help change the mind set
to all
I have the same problem as many, not knowing yourself etc.
my main problem is i need to try and get into the mind set that i am worth trying to like myself.
We do alot of 'boosting' things to 'help' in the DBT i have to go through to try and help with the BPD... the theory is fantastic unfortuently theory doesn't help change the mind set
to all Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows
BRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Posted:
damn, you guys are smart.
What I would add, or maybe just phrase differently, in regards to knowing yourself-- is to be paying attention. Staying aware, not tuning out yourself or the world. Refuse conditionning. Be flexible, not rigid. Flow. Ask questions.Enjoy what you discover. Play. meditate- as a means of discovering how your mind works, how thoughts arise, and what they do when they arise, and how that makes you feel or act. Insight development.
Self love came through integrity for me. Behaving wholistically, connecting all the different aspects of my being, and then recognizing the connectiveness to the world, --letting the love flow through that. I am not the center of anything, nor the repository for anything, just a wee part of everything, and love flows through us all like water. Somehow, seeing my smallness- and yet integralness- in relationship to the world, allowed me to cultivate humility and compassion. Then love just kind of bounded up me like an enthusiastic puppy and made itself at home!
I am soo impressed that you are considering this subject at your age, and could ask the questions you have so articulately, and so honestly. I have ever confidence you are well on your path! Enjoy!
xoxoxo
a
damn, you guys are smart.
What I would add, or maybe just phrase differently, in regards to knowing yourself-- is to be paying attention. Staying aware, not tuning out yourself or the world. Refuse conditionning. Be flexible, not rigid. Flow. Ask questions.Enjoy what you discover. Play. meditate- as a means of discovering how your mind works, how thoughts arise, and what they do when they arise, and how that makes you feel or act. Insight development.
Self love came through integrity for me. Behaving wholistically, connecting all the different aspects of my being, and then recognizing the connectiveness to the world, --letting the love flow through that. I am not the center of anything, nor the repository for anything, just a wee part of everything, and love flows through us all like water. Somehow, seeing my smallness- and yet integralness- in relationship to the world, allowed me to cultivate humility and compassion. Then love just kind of bounded up me like an enthusiastic puppy and made itself at home!
I am soo impressed that you are considering this subject at your age, and could ask the questions you have so articulately, and so honestly. I have ever confidence you are well on your path! Enjoy!
xoxoxo
a
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
SILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
gorgeousness andrealea! thats so beautiful and so so true.I also do many of the things that you describe and I couldnt have put it better...
As my soul sister gnor wrote, a type of new thinking is a great way to help yourself feel more positive...
I have been using Cognitive Behavour Therapy and that has been helping me through my Post Natal Depression. I have learnt about the ways I think and how to change them to feel better about my self and the way I percieve everyday things.
Maybe this may help you? Dunno really but it may do...
CBT
EDIT~ another link I found...it seems to focus directly on depression, but its not just used for that....
wikipedia
EDITED_BY: Valura (1153953043)
gorgeousness andrealea! thats so beautiful and so so true.I also do many of the things that you describe and I couldnt have put it better...
As my soul sister gnor wrote, a type of new thinking is a great way to help yourself feel more positive...
I have been using Cognitive Behavour Therapy and that has been helping me through my Post Natal Depression. I have learnt about the ways I think and how to change them to feel better about my self and the way I percieve everyday things.
Maybe this may help you? Dunno really but it may do...
CBT
EDIT~ another link I found...it seems to focus directly on depression, but its not just used for that....
wikipedia
EDITED_BY: Valura (1153953043)
TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"
enthusiast
255 posts
Location: Melbourne - home of pirates
255 posts
Location: Melbourne - home of pirates
Posted:
Interesting thread.. I love it...
My journey has been less about psychology and more about spirituality. For a very long time I unconsciously pushed away opportunities for relationships. As a teenager and in my early twenties, I had no friends I could connect with, due to some of my raw personality traits. I felt I wasn't good enought, thin enough, deserving enough, caring enough.
During this time in the darkness, I threw the same amount of affection that I would into a relationship into my friends. I put out love and nurturing, as I longed to be love and nurtured. I learned to be forgiving of others and see that mistakes are just steps on a journey. Once I had given others permission to make mistakes, I began to hate myself less when I made them. I let go of regrets that were making me stagnate. My friends, who had brought such solace to me, surrounded me with love. I found safety and confidence in them.
I went out dancing - a lot. I enjoyed the movement and feeling comfortable in my own body. I read a lot about Buddhist beliefs, practices and philosophy. One thing I really gained from this was gaining a sense of perspective as well as a sense of connection to the world and people around me. I continued to develop a heart of compassion.
By ploughing the love I had to give into others, somehow it came back to me. I no longer feel worthless and helpless.
Interesting thread.. I love it...
My journey has been less about psychology and more about spirituality. For a very long time I unconsciously pushed away opportunities for relationships. As a teenager and in my early twenties, I had no friends I could connect with, due to some of my raw personality traits. I felt I wasn't good enought, thin enough, deserving enough, caring enough.
During this time in the darkness, I threw the same amount of affection that I would into a relationship into my friends. I put out love and nurturing, as I longed to be love and nurtured. I learned to be forgiving of others and see that mistakes are just steps on a journey. Once I had given others permission to make mistakes, I began to hate myself less when I made them. I let go of regrets that were making me stagnate. My friends, who had brought such solace to me, surrounded me with love. I found safety and confidence in them.
I went out dancing - a lot. I enjoyed the movement and feeling comfortable in my own body. I read a lot about Buddhist beliefs, practices and philosophy. One thing I really gained from this was gaining a sense of perspective as well as a sense of connection to the world and people around me. I continued to develop a heart of compassion.
By ploughing the love I had to give into others, somehow it came back to me. I no longer feel worthless and helpless.
"You've gone from Loey the Wonder Lesbian to everyone wondering if you are a lesbian." - Shadowman
Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.
BRONZE Member
old hand
1,107 posts
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Australia
old hand
1,107 posts
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Australia
Posted:
With me it came with age.
As I got older I realised all that stuff that used to bug me doesn't matter. I'm never going to be on the front cover of Vogue and I really couldn't care less any more, see, all those girls who used to take the mick out of my gap teeth and birthmark never got on it either.
You get a sense of perspective and get comfortable in your own skin.
With me it came with age.
As I got older I realised all that stuff that used to bug me doesn't matter. I'm never going to be on the front cover of Vogue and I really couldn't care less any more, see, all those girls who used to take the mick out of my gap teeth and birthmark never got on it either.
You get a sense of perspective and get comfortable in your own skin.
There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.
SILVER Member
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia
Posted:
Post deleted by roarfire
Post deleted by roarfire
.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
I wholeheartedly agree with Valura.
Steph I've been working on loving myself and working out who i am for the past 6 years!
One thing that's helped is realising that i am no better or no worse than anyone else. Just because I can't do really good poi moves or wiggle sexily when i hoop doesnt mean i am rubbish! We're all just the same, made from the same stuff
Also do try and challenge bad thoughts. Are they true? Are you fortune telling with negative thoughts?
Just be honest with how you feel, then you'll find yourself.
I wholeheartedly agree with Valura.
Steph I've been working on loving myself and working out who i am for the past 6 years!
One thing that's helped is realising that i am no better or no worse than anyone else. Just because I can't do really good poi moves or wiggle sexily when i hoop doesnt mean i am rubbish! We're all just the same, made from the same stuff
Also do try and challenge bad thoughts. Are they true? Are you fortune telling with negative thoughts?
Just be honest with how you feel, then you'll find yourself.
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
SILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
I really admire and respect you Jo. You make me smile warm fuzzys
I really admire and respect you Jo. You make me smile warm fuzzys
TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Posted:
I'd be inclined to disagree....you DO wiggle sexily when you hoop, and you look gorgeous when you dance aswell. Why? because you have a smile on your face!
Theres nothing sexier/ more beautiful than seeing someone forget about there surroundings, not caring what other people think,and just let go.
You're beautiful! And even on the days when you don't love yourself quite as much....theres always lots of people here to do it for you, and I'll be pushing to the front of the queue!
Written by: jo_rhymes
Just because I can't do really good poi moves or wiggle sexily when i hoop doesnt mean i am rubbish!
I'd be inclined to disagree....you DO wiggle sexily when you hoop, and you look gorgeous when you dance aswell. Why? because you have a smile on your face!
Theres nothing sexier/ more beautiful than seeing someone forget about there surroundings, not caring what other people think,and just let go.
You're beautiful! And even on the days when you don't love yourself quite as much....theres always lots of people here to do it for you, and I'll be pushing to the front of the queue!
BRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Agrees totaly with maus
Agrees totaly with maus
Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
schtop schtop! this is about me, momma bear! :P (but thank you anyway)
Steph, big up yo'self.. Reeeeeespekt!
schtop schtop! this is about me, momma bear! :P (but thank you anyway)
Steph, big up yo'self.. Reeeeeespekt!
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Posted:
And the same goes to you Steph...never met you but you is a hottie!
And the same goes to you Steph...never met you but you is a hottie!
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
this story makes me all fuzzy inside it is a bit Christian, but it's a nice message so bear with it
this story makes me all fuzzy inside
it is a bit Christian, but it's a nice message so bear with it Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
Despite having many things I should feel good about myself for I still after all these years have difficult being able to love myself. I still have a multitude of neurosises and insecurities about myself. If I do start to feel good about myself another part of me that is terrified that I will become arrogant with it starts to kick in and effectively puts me down.
Despite being talkative and friendly on here I STILL find it hard to mix well with others in person...To the extent I feel rather reclusive and look rather moody. With the lovely people I know here and others I do make the effort sometimes and whenever I do it's always worth it. Doesn't make it any less difficult. When my fear of people kicks in I always kick myself that I don't make more of an effort and the whole cycle starts again...
Despite having many things I should feel good about myself for I still after all these years have difficult being able to love myself. I still have a multitude of neurosises and insecurities about myself. If I do start to feel good about myself another part of me that is terrified that I will become arrogant with it starts to kick in and effectively puts me down.
Despite being talkative and friendly on here I STILL find it hard to mix well with others in person...To the extent I feel rather reclusive and look rather moody. With the lovely people I know here and others I do make the effort sometimes and whenever I do it's always worth it. Doesn't make it any less difficult. When my fear of people kicks in I always kick myself that I don't make more of an effort and the whole cycle starts again...
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
It amazes me how many gorgeous, wonderful people have insecurities. Dave, you are brilliant. But as you know, it doesnt matter me saying it, your brain has to KNOW it. Bloody brains! They're so annoying!
It amazes me how many gorgeous, wonderful people have insecurities. Dave, you are brilliant. But as you know, it doesnt matter me saying it, your brain has to KNOW it. Bloody brains! They're so annoying!
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
Thanks Jo I'm currently looking for the warranty on my fragile little psyche. Probably need to take it back to Argos...
It's just the act of balancing self-belief and keeping down to earth I have trouble with. In my experience though I've found that a TINY bit of arrogance doesn't really hurt as long as you treat people as well as you like to be treated...
Many people have in their minds the certain level of skill they'd like to achieve and the type of person they'd like to be and if they get compliments despite not reaching that level, the compliments will pass over their heads.
Thanks Jo
I'm currently looking for the warranty on my fragile little psyche. Probably need to take it back to Argos...It's just the act of balancing self-belief and keeping down to earth I have trouble with. In my experience though I've found that a TINY bit of arrogance doesn't really hurt as long as you treat people as well as you like to be treated...
Many people have in their minds the certain level of skill they'd like to achieve and the type of person they'd like to be and if they get compliments despite not reaching that level, the compliments will pass over their heads.
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
GOLD Member
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posted:
I think everyone has insecurities and worries, the difference is in how people deal with them.
I know I have problems with being around lots of people who I don't know, I get really shy and self conscious.
Over the last few years I've realised that I can interract with people, and to a certain extent, I force myself into situations where I have to face my fears. Its done me the world of good!
I think, before you can start to love yourself, you need to be able to accept that your insecurities are part of you, whether you want them to be or not.
Everything has a part to play in shaping you as a person, no matter if its a positive or a negative trait.
If you can realise that probably 90% of the people around you have the same thoughts going through their heads, to one extent or another, then it'll help you to not worry about what's going on in your head as much.
In my own situation, I had to really force myself to interract, otherwise I would have ended up a hermit, never speaking to anyone, and, I can honestly say, I'm much happier for it. Its allowed me to do things I'd never have dreamt of before!
If you'd seen me the night before I flew over to Oz, you'd know what I mean, I was half prepared to cancel the flights and stay at home for a month, because, frankly, I was terrified! But, I knew that if I didn't I never would.
Knowing you, there is a beautiful person, who everyone else sees, but you seem to be blind to her, try to let yourself see her once in a while.
On a lighter (ish) note:
When someone gives you a compliment, generally, they mean it, don't argue with them!
I think everyone has insecurities and worries, the difference is in how people deal with them.
I know I have problems with being around lots of people who I don't know, I get really shy and self conscious.
Over the last few years I've realised that I can interract with people, and to a certain extent, I force myself into situations where I have to face my fears. Its done me the world of good!
I think, before you can start to love yourself, you need to be able to accept that your insecurities are part of you, whether you want them to be or not.
Everything has a part to play in shaping you as a person, no matter if its a positive or a negative trait.
If you can realise that probably 90% of the people around you have the same thoughts going through their heads, to one extent or another, then it'll help you to not worry about what's going on in your head as much.
In my own situation, I had to really force myself to interract, otherwise I would have ended up a hermit, never speaking to anyone, and, I can honestly say, I'm much happier for it. Its allowed me to do things I'd never have dreamt of before!
If you'd seen me the night before I flew over to Oz, you'd know what I mean, I was half prepared to cancel the flights and stay at home for a month, because, frankly, I was terrified! But, I knew that if I didn't I never would.
Knowing you, there is a beautiful person, who everyone else sees, but you seem to be blind to her, try to let yourself see her once in a while.
On a lighter (ish) note:
When someone gives you a compliment, generally, they mean it, don't argue with them!
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
BRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
Posted:
if someone pays me a compliment i try and say thank you and not argue. notice i said try.
although you guys help more than anything. i was a recluse till i came on HOP and going to the different meets gave me more confidence going places meeting people etc. The fact that HOPpers rock also helps a great deal
if someone pays me a compliment i try and say thank you and not argue. notice i said try.
although you guys help more than anything. i was a recluse till i came on HOP and going to the different meets gave me more confidence going places meeting people etc. The fact that HOPpers rock also helps a great deal
Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows
GOLD Member
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posted:
*fondly remembers bullying you to come to a Falmouth*
*fondly remembers bullying you to come to a Falmouth*
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am! 
That's what I generally do now although afterwards I still tend to either downplay whatever they're complimenting on or go all shy again... Ironic faux arrogance ( "Damn Right!" then *giggle* ) tends to work as well but try not to do that too often...
Written by: GothFrogette
if someone pays me a compliment i try and say thank you and not argue. notice i said try.
Written by: Bird
When someone gives you a compliment, generally, they mean it, don't argue with them!
Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am! That's what I generally do now although afterwards I still tend to either downplay whatever they're complimenting on or go all shy again... Ironic faux arrogance ( "Damn Right!" then *giggle* ) tends to work as well but try not to do that too often...
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
When someone pays you a compliment and you dont accept it or you say "no i'm not," or "you dont really think that", it's like they've given you a present and you've handed it straight back without opening it.
I love giving compliments to people and i get quite upset when people dont believe me!
When someone pays you a compliment and you dont accept it or you say "no i'm not," or "you dont really think that", it's like they've given you a present and you've handed it straight back without opening it.
I love giving compliments to people and i get quite upset when people dont believe me!
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
Yeah Jo, hat is an angle I have used in my head to make it easier and it works. Just need to make myself believe it.
How much do they charge for EST these days?
Yeah Jo, hat is an angle I have used in my head to make it easier and it works. Just need to make myself believe it.
How much do they charge for EST these days?
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
BRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom
Posted:
yeah nothing like going into a filed of 100+ people you have never met to help you get over the fear of meeting people. And even though i was having pannic attacks for a few good hours and hiding onthe bar if it wasn't for you Skully,Clare and Will i would never of made it out of there and learned to enjoy myself.
*fondly remembers her first falmouth and not realising till 3 days after i got back that i had actually been speaking to you*
Written by: Bird
*fondly remembers bullying you to come to a Falmouth*
yeah nothing like going into a filed of 100+ people you have never met to help you get over the fear of meeting people. And even though i was having pannic attacks for a few good hours and hiding onthe bar if it wasn't for you Skully,Clare and Will i would never of made it out of there and learned to enjoy myself.
*fondly remembers her first falmouth and not realising till 3 days after i got back that i had actually been speaking to you*
Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows
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