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ben-ja-menGOLD Member
just lost .... evil init
2,474 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia


Posted:
i thought that this was just totally ace and had to share it

1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are.
2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.
3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............
12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that matter.
15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.
20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.
24. PMS is not an excuse.
25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.
27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.
28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.
29. We always notice how funny it is after your rip out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to be friends.
30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?


ParafinfairySILVER Member
old hand
845 posts
Location: Adelaide, Australia


Posted:
Hmm - number 24. I think you'll find that it is!!

Slicing the Loaf as we speak.

I need it..... Trust me!


Pink...?BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom


Posted:
I agree.. number 24 is a very valid excuse. ubbangel

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...


mcpPLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom


Posted:
Yes but number 24 is a valid excuse for everything! (From telling a friend what you really think about their boyfriend to starting nuclear war with north korea, no 24 can be blamed for everything.)

"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.


teejay_bluemikes bitch
387 posts
Location: manchester/northampton/where the wind blows


Posted:
definately!!! although 22 is wrong they are now fake ... again...

cool post.

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Just a couple comments:



1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are.

NOT!!! - But you are more perverted than you think you are... wink



13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.

(even if you are eek )



22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.

Actually, they are, she just downsized the amount of silicon. But I still like yours better...



23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.

Are we talking about breasts or schlongs here??? confused



24. PMS is not an excuse.

But it is an acronym

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
if 24 is a valid excuse for everything, then it is also an excuse for not having women soldiers, judges, CEOs, presidents, etc.



which leads me to the conclusion that PMS is not an excuse, because it seems to me a woman (any woman) would make a better president than Georgie B.

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


NYCNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA


Posted:
I was gonna say that vanzie... but refrained.

wink

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


Konstilovable smart-ass
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria


Posted:
Written by: vanize


to me a woman (any woman) would make a better president than Georgie B.




what about barbara bush?

"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
*braces aginst wall*

*begings to bang head*

*feels pain*

*falls over*

Step (el-nombrie)


Konstilovable smart-ass
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria


Posted:
*puts mech back on his feet and gives him a hug*

"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
At least Barbara bush is way smarter than her son (and she is pro-choice!). I'm not saying any random woman would neccisarily make a good president, but they couldn't be worse than what we have now...

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
*bangs head against konsti*

*feels pain*

*falls over*

(knosti did you ever decide on the fire juggling balls, pm me...ok)

Step (el-nombrie)


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Ahhhh....

Problems I don't have to deal with! wink

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Konstilovable smart-ass
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria


Posted:
ha
but we have a bit of a larger range to choose from

"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer


garthySILVER Member
old hand
717 posts
Location: Bristol, England


Posted:
Can I add one?

When we order food (normally a desert) at a restaurant / Cafe / Bar and you say you don't want any it doesn't please us when you then tuck into ours and eat most of it.

"**grumble*spuriouswindmills*grumble**" - Coleman
"if poi was only for girls there wouldnt be many good poi spinners...." - Nx


VixenSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,276 posts
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
When we are sulking or in a bad mood.... if you ask us whats wrong and we say "nothing" the idea is you keep asking! xxx

tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.


spritieSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA


Posted:
biggrin too true, vixen. Although, I'm learning to just spit it out when someone asks. They ask because they want to know, so why bother making them drag it out?

Konstilovable smart-ass
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria


Posted:
i hate that one, why does it take the expertize of a cia interogator to find out "whats wrong?"???

"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer


vanizeSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA


Posted:
Written by: Vixen


When we are sulking or in a bad mood.... if you ask us whats wrong and we say "nothing" the idea is you keep asking! xxx




now what kind of sense does that make??? confused

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!


Narr(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
2,568 posts
Location: sitting on the step


Posted:
why do people always as 'what wrong' when you're in a perfectly good mood, and you reply 'nothing' ... then every other bugger on the planet to come alone and ask the same thing!??!



oh oho oh AND



people who pass you in the street and say ' cheer up it cant be that bad' ...excuse me do i know you? i am happy thank you im just waiting for the bloody bus, sorry for not having the cheesiest grin possible plastered across my face!!'



sorry bout the outburst, please excuse me i have PMT tongue

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*


nearly_all_goneSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: TeaBags


11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............





Not true. Eyeliner is nice and I like wearing it. And I have never worn it out and not been approached by beautiful women (and men). So tongue

Good post though!

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau


VixenSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,276 posts
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
When we ask you a question there will alwasy be a right answer... its your job to realise what that is and say it convincingly (whether you agree or not!) xxx

tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
Written by: Narr


people who pass you in the street and say ' cheer up it cant be that bad' ...excuse me do i know you? i am happy thank you im just waiting for the bloody bus, sorry for not having the cheesiest grin possible plastered across my face!!'

sorry bout the outburst, please excuse me i have PMT tongue




When someone says 'cheer up it can't be THAT bad' to me I tell them 'Oh so I'm not allowed to look sad when my (insert already dead relatives name) Has just died!'
That shuts them up! ubbrollsmile

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


Lillie Frognot a stranger
558 posts
Location: wales


Posted:
Oh Teabags, that's so sweet!
Blokes are people too, arn't they.

But I'm afraid you are wrong. Size does matter and PMS is an excuse.

Oh, and here's a bit of advice for all the men out there.

When you have done something to upset us, and we have reacted by being upset, do not ask us if our period is due.
That really makes us mad.

And Skully, that is wonderful, I must remember that one.
biggrin

Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road


Burning Braineye shifter
321 posts
Location: between my headphones


Posted:
oh ive got one...dont sit back and expect us to do all the fuckin work

If I could be granted one wish I would ask for all the questions of the universe.


meghannenthusiast
302 posts
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to be precise


Posted:
pms is an excuse!!

and when u said...'When we order food (normally a desert) at a restaurant / Cafe / Bar and you say you don't want any it doesn't please us when you then tuck into ours and eat most of it. ' when we say this we mean we would like some but we dont wish to seem greedy! another similar eg is wen u ask wot we want for a b day or crimbo and we reply 'u dont need to get me a present for my b day'... this means yea u can get 1 but im not gonna tell u wot to get... use your imagination.

'When we are sulking or in a bad mood.... if you ask us whats wrong and we say "nothing" the idea is you keep asking! xxx' its true but somtimes, honestly nothings rong, othertimes stuff is rong but we r not gonna say wot so go away. so with that 1 im afraid ya just stuck!!

'When you have done something to upset us, and we have reacted by being upset, do not ask us if our period is due.
That really makes us mad.' sssooo true!!

ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher


Mint SauceBRONZE Member
veteran
1,453 posts
Location: Lancs England


Posted:
this is not my list so dont shout at me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH !!
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay

before i met those lot i thought they'd be a bunch of dreadlocked hippies that smoked, set things on fire ,and drank a lot of tea but then when i met them....oh wait (PyroWill)


Burning Braineye shifter
321 posts
Location: between my headphones


Posted:
good one sauce but i think you got those first 3 of the men's wrong.

If I could be granted one wish I would ask for all the questions of the universe.


margitaSILVER Member
.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
3,777 posts
Location: brizvegas, Australia


Posted:
ubblol hehe...

i am also not a fan of the complete stranger telling you life can't be that bad!! *shakes head* if i'm tired/hungover/just can't be bothered to smile i kinda look like i'm frowning or sad or something! it's just my face without expression!! eek i used to get people telling me to cheer up all the time!!

ah well...at least they went away quickly after i said 'wha? oh sorry i was a million miles away'. biggrin

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!



if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!



smile! :grin: it confuses people!


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
I am going to join in the rest of the gals and say that PMS damn right is a bloody excuse! (And excuse that my ex-boyfriend accepted as well!...and no, PMS is ont the reason we broke up! ubblol)

And "nothing" of course means to keep asking! It means "something is very wrong, and I am very upset, but I don't want to burden you with my problems" *bat eyelids*

Oooh we are TERRIBLE, aren't we biggrin

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


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