Forums > Social Chat > Worst day imaginable
Login/Join to ParticipateHOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Well, the Boards went OK, I think.
So after Boards I went to the hospital to visit my father, who has been in, but who I was unable to visit because of my studies. When I got there, I examined him. I opened his eyes to look for anything. His pupils were constricted and he wasn't looking anywhere. He was essentially in a coma with the respirator in his mouth.
His pneumonia wasn't improving, his mental status was...well, he was unconscious and even as they decreased the sedatives, he didn't seem to be improving.
So my mother and sister approached me and asked me to consent to following his Living Will, which was to stop support if he became vegetative like that. I agreed that it was time to pull the plug.
I held his hand as they removed the ventilator. Other than a little cough (which they told me was a reflex), he didn't respond, but I sobbed and I never cry. The doctor didn't know what to say. It's the hardest thing I have ever done or ever hope to do. I can't even describe the desperate horror that I felt while they were extubating him. I felt like I was killing him, my own father! But I grew up a lot in those few moments.
That feeling has passed once I saw him later that evening, all meds removed but a morphine drip, and breathing quietly (not even snoring).
He died the next morning with all of us by his side at 9:09 AM. He was 81.
Hell of a way to finish Boards, huh?
I'm doing well today. The family is on edge and there have been some snaps, but all in all, I have had a wonderful day.
I think I caught my father's spirit yesterday afternoon after he died. I saw him walk into my room, aged about 25, dressed in his Navy uniform, and grinning at me. I've been grinning ever since, even when I cry.
Love you all,
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
oh mike,
I don't know what to say...
I really feel for you man.
**Hugs**
Take care of yourself, family and friends.
Love and hugs
Drew
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
My deepest respects Mike, it can't have been easy to follow his wishes when you knew he was not going to wake up - Your Dad will be with you always now, in peace.
I will be thinking of you and your family when I sleep.
I honour you as an aspect of myself..
You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Big up yourself mate...
it takes a hell of a lot of courage to you what you have done..I have lost both grandmas in a year..both of whom i was very very close to...
with the first it was much harder....she had been ill for over a year before she left. WIth my other was much more of a shock...she had been ill...but not "im going to die" ill...the she suffered a respiratory failure the day my sister had stayed over...
1,032 posts
Location: Stillwater,OK/Wichita Falls,TX
I am so sorry to hear of your loss.I couldn't imagine having to go through what you and your family went through.
Here's a big for you.
RISK: Do not follow the common path; Go where there is no path and leave a trail.
84 posts
Location: Nottingham, England, UK
Wow, man.
You're braver than I could ever be.
xXx
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Meet me in outer space... I will hold you close if you're afraid of heights...xXxXx
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Mike,
It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.
What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Much thanks to all of you for your kind words of support.
Hugs,
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
215 posts
Location: Madrid, Spain
i'm so sorry to hear that, mike
it's nice though that you saw that he was happy while going away... i guess that's the way he'll be now
anyway, here are some , they always come in handy
Don't you destroy your enemy by making him your friend?? - Rev Bem (Magog), Andromeda
150 posts
Location: Sydney Australia
biggest hugs ever
People take different roads seeking fulfillment & happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.-H. Jackson Browne
remember
433 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia, Earth, Milky Way, Universe
Mike, - wow, i don't even know what to say.. have been sitting here for 5 minutes and still can't quite capture what it is i want to tell you.
I hope you're doing ok mate, and that you can let yourself be happy in the knowledge that you will one day see him again.
-As angels debate chance and fate-
i was riding through melbourne on a midget giraffe, things were peachy.
veteran
1,495 posts
Location: Stillwater, Ok. USA
you did the right thing Mike. It take a lot of courage. I wouldn't want to be kept alive as a vegetable either, and you were strong enough to follow his wishes. I only hope my family would be able to do the same for me. He is in a much better place now. much love...
we eat and we drink and we smoke and we try!
1,591 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.
I don't know what I can say that's not cliche and that you haven't already heard but you did the right thing, even though it was a very hard thing to do. I am sure your father is increadibly proud to know how far you have come in your studies. I think he would be proud of the strength you have dealing with his death. Maybe hs spirit grinning at you was a proud grin that only fathers can produce when their sons overcome great challenges, like rideing a bike or graduating from highschool or writeing their medical exams.
"Don't worry be happy"-bob marley
809 posts
Location: Next to my badger
I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it – As you like it
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia
264 posts
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Hey Mike...
Well, I've been watching and reading all sortsa stuff on this board for almost 18 months now and I have always been pretty impressed by lots of the great advice and comments you offer to threads when people need someone there for them, or just a friendly word of encouragement.
However this, your most recent post, has stunned me - you have such amazing heart and compassion and I am so in awe of the way you handled such a personal, difficult situation.
Your family must love you SO much and be so unbelievably proud of you - I know that all of us here at HOP think the world of you too.
My best friend used to always say 'thanks for being you' to everyone who made an impact on his life - he passed away two years ago and since then I have always tried to pass on that phrase cause it helped me through a few tought times.
So, today I leave it with you - cause you have most certainly been worthy of it...
"Thanks for being You"
Hang in there - you're pretty amazing! Cheers to your Dad too - Dad's are invaluable people and it really sounds like yours had a fantastic life.
Love Rach
We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Mike - I feel for you.... the warmth and the pain.
Please don't make me emotional when I'm at work It makes it awkward!
Love and light to you, my long time fire buddy.
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884 posts
Location: 43°41'N 79°38'W
Mike, a million hugs to you. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and I wish there was something I could do to make your pain less. Given your story I know you will be strong enough to see the best in the worst of situations, so take comfort in that.
Every one here loves you as well, remember that my friend.
Intrepid Penguin
5,635 posts
Location: Australia
Mike, i'm so sorry.
I'm sending you lots of love and hugz my friend.
xoxoxoxoxxo
Currently on the right side up of the world.
lovin' it...
2,444 posts
Location: Bristol!, United Kingdom
Mike, babes. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I can't find the right words for what I want to say. So I'm just going to give you a few of these
Take care of yourself, and your Mum and family.
I'm thinking of you.
Love Hels
xXx
Live well, love much, laugh often...
Official O.B.E.S.E. cheerleader
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Mike, thoughts and best wishes with you. With love and respect, Kat
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.
- W B Yeats
old hand
1,032 posts
Location: Madrid, United Kingdom
Lots of love and respect to you, darling. Here's a quote that might make some sense.
"How do we know that to cling to life is not an error? Perhaps our fear of its end approaching is like forgetting our way and not knowing how to return home.
Li Chi was a daughter of the border
chieftain Ai Feng. When Duke Hsien claimed her as his wife, she cried until her sleeves were soaked with tears. But after she had come to know the duke and had shared his palace, she laughed at her former fears and sadness. How do we know that the spirits of the dead do not
do the same?
Those who dream of feasting may awaken to hunger and sorrow. Those who dream of hunger may, when they awaken, rise and join a hunting party. While they were asleep, they did not realize that they were dreaming . . . But when they awoke, they knew. Someday will come a great awakening, when we will know this life was like a dream . . ."
Chuang-tse (early Taoist Philosopher/Writer)
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[ 20. June 2003, 22:09: Message edited by: sunbeam ]
"I don't take drugs. I am drugs" - Salvador Dali 
1,810 posts
Location: London
Thinking of you darling
All my love
Lisa
A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.
I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
typed this 20 times already and none of it manages to express what i want to say.
you just remember that face grinning back at you man.
all my love to you and your family. x
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
299 posts
hugs
love
you're brave
Why?
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
loads of pink
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
187 posts
Location: Oceanside, CA USA
my deepest thoughts and prayers go out to you mike
keep your head up!
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Its not easy being green....
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
You all ROCK! Can I just say that?
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
729 posts
Location: OK, USA
What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.
1,079 posts
Location: Canterbury, UK
im so happy for you that you've taken this so well!
chek ur PM
D.B.
X x X x X
Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!
Master of the Free Hug Program
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
oh my gosh mike im so sorry, i dont even know you but thats one of the saddst things ive heard, you were very brave following your dads wishes
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
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