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Posted: Well i think its about time i introduce the real me, as i get to know many of you well i feel its about time to reveal a bit of me, you see i find it hard to do so, even to people i love and people i really care about. Well im 23 my name is mike, but although im socally outgoing and appear confident im really not, i have got very low self esteem in the way i look and who i am.
I have been struggling with depression for the last 6 months about various past things that im not ready to divluge in the open yet. I started to feel lothargic about my uni work, even though as many of you know i am really passionate about it.
I have spent alot of time in recient trying to figure out who i really am, am the person that i present when im with others, does that person who i pretend to be exist when people are not there?
I find my self flerting basically to gain some sort of self gratification, which is wrong, coz when on the rare ocation the person flerts back i run away. i realise this is is miniulapitive and i dont respect it. I gain a sense of gratification from helping people i guess the reason why i chose nursing, in a attempt to help others, does that make it selfish,
I am in a wonderus relationship with a truley fantastic person who although is completly diffrent to me is always there, but i find my self not wanting to burden her with emotional weights, i find it difficult to comprehend the consept of anything like marrage to even talk about it even though we have been in a relationship for 4 years. I know i feel that she is too good for me, i cant truley understand why she choose me, she is verry atractive super inteligent caring, i know it hurts her that i think this way but i find i cant alter that in anyway not through lack of trying.
This is the really me no really soo kinky and bouncy eh?? :(
spritieSILVER Member Pooh-Bah 2,014 posts Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted: hang in there. You are a wonderous person, and you can be the person you "play" to those you don't know well. Maybe that's just the real you trying to poke his cute head out and test the waters?
As for your girlfriend, it sounds like she does love and support you. She wouldn't stick around for 4 years if that wasn't the case. What are you afraid of by being open and honest with her? Don't worry about marriage. If that's the right decision for you, you will know it. Just enjoy the special moments between the two of you.
Oh, and you are very capable of putting a smile on others faces, so I say get used to it, and learn to smile back. You'll be amazed and how much just that one small act can improve your day and mood.
vanizeSILVER Member Carpal \'Tunnel 3,899 posts Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted: well said spritie!
and welcome to the club brodieman! you aren't alone in feeling like that.
vanizeSILVER Member Carpal \'Tunnel 3,899 posts Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted: oh oh... changing avatars is a sure sign of depression!
bring out the dancing girls - this one is in serious need of distraction!!!
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
spritieSILVER Member Pooh-Bah 2,014 posts Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted: changing avatars?
I guess I never paid attention to Brodie's most recent one then. His current one is the one I remember most.
Dancing girls, well I think I can oblige...
sprite does some form of a high kick in hopes that she doesn't fall on her ass
vanizeSILVER Member Carpal \'Tunnel 3,899 posts Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted: there was the south park one a minute ago, and now this...er, not sure what it is really...
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
spritieSILVER Member Pooh-Bah 2,014 posts Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted: the south park one is the one I was referring to...never seen the one there now.
vanizeSILVER Member Carpal \'Tunnel 3,899 posts Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted: now you are confusing me!
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
spritieSILVER Member Pooh-Bah 2,014 posts Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted: maybe my HOP screen hadn't refreshed yet when I read your post. I looked up, saw the south park one, thought maybe he had changed it to something else for a while, and then opted to go back to south park because that's what I remembered. I didn't see the other one until you posted again.
I haven't fallen on my ass yet, so more high kicking it is
vanizeSILVER Member Carpal \'Tunnel 3,899 posts Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted: featuring spritie on the end no less! (i think - hard to tell, but I don't know who else it would be)
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
spritieSILVER Member Pooh-Bah 2,014 posts Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted: Yup, there's proof I can do it. And that was less than a year ago, so...I have a bunch of other pics of the whole troupe of us, but this was the only one that we actually our legs in the air for. Go figure.
babajagaBRONZE Member old hand 863 posts Location: Berlin, Germany
Posted: *sneaks in and leaves some *
What is psychology?- Looking for a black cat in a dark room. What is psychoanalysis? Psychoanalysis is looking for a black cat in a dark room -- in which there is no cat -- but finding one anyway.
SkulduggeryGOLD Member Pirate Pixie Crew Captain 8,428 posts Location: Wales
Posted: I don't care if you're not kinky, bouncy, confident or a stud muffin (personally I have to say I think you have THE most beautiful smile I've seen in a very long time)! You still seem to me to be someone I'm glad I've met! As for the gratification you get from helping people..... well why the hell shouldn't you feel good for making a difference to other peoples lives. Who said helping others had to be hard work or painful? Its a shame more people can't see how much helping others can make you feel fantastic!
Mike I for one am glad you come on HoP because otherwise I would never have bumped into you!
Posted: and and another thing that mad me feel a little bad was a hoper told another hoper to watch out for me, do i have a bad reputation?? i really hope not
CantusSILVER Member Tantamount to fatuity 15,967 posts Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Posted: can i pick on your spelling or would that be bad?