Forums > Introductions > My Diary. (Feel free to comment)
Login/Join to ParticipateFool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Hey, I'm Mags, I live in Cornwall and Fire is my favourite element.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
1,079 posts
Location: Canterbury, UK
hehehe, bird's funny, hiya bird
D.B.
X x X x X
Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!
Master of the Free Hug Program
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
Hiya DB looking forward to seeing you in Falmouth again!
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,276 posts
Location: Oxfordshire/Wiltshire, United Kingdom
Im really concerned about these strange calls you've been getting, are you ok from them, were they playing badminton? x
tHeReS gOoD aNd EvIl iN EaCh InDiViDuAl fIrE, iDeNtIfIeS nEeDs AnD fEeDs OuR dEsIrEs.
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Saturday 31st July 10.58am
You know, strange thing, they were playing badminton. Which is a really daft way to spend an evening when you could be making Fire Badminton!
Just string yer racquet with kevlar string, make the shuttlecock out of wick and play with it on fire. Much more fun.
I went and passed out in bed about 9ish. I got a phone call after that, but only saw the missed call this morning.
Had a conversation with Mojo on msn last night. I once again humiliated myself by pleading with her to give us another chance. She said no. Then went out to a gig with my friend Jim. Paranoia is rife this morning.
I think the hardest part of all this is learning how to be on my own. I'm not very good at it. I like being around people. And recently there have been several days where i haven't really spoken to anyone. It's a strange feeling.
Ah well.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Saturday 31st July 5.30pm
So, i've been on here all day, trying hard not to think about Mojo. It's really really difficult. And what's worse, i'm running out of words to describe the way i feel. It's like i'm running flat out into a brick wall, and i keep dusting myself off and doing it again.
I feel really hollow.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
Written by: Mags The Jedi
It's really really difficult. And what's worse, i'm running out of words to describe the way i feel. It's like i'm running flat out into a brick wall, and i keep dusting myself off and doing it again.
I know how that one feels.
Some
s from a stranger if you take. If not.. 
instead perhaps 
Lynne
"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
I take hugs whereever i can get em. And drinks too.
Thanks.Are you coming to Falmouth meepette?
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
*pouts* i wish i could, but my sister has taken that weekend off work to come visit and i don't think she'd appreciate me abdicating
"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Bring her with you!
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
Heh. She's spending £50 on a train ticket to get here already! No go...
But there has to be something else soonish
"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Falmouth III most likely. I should estimate that it won't be long.
Whenever mech gets back from Oz probably.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
1,079 posts
Location: Canterbury, UK
a large hug to you mon amis
2 epiphany boys in the same boat eh?
nuts
D.B.
X x X x X
Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!
Master of the Free Hug Program
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Maybe we should run away and join a monastery?
Sunday 1st August 12.35pm
Ok. So. About 9ish last night my friends Jim, Thom and Ben turned up. Haven't seen Thom for ages cos he's been in Cheltenham doing a film degree. We smoked and played PS2 til about 4am then they left. Jim apparently spent the day on the beach yesterday with Mojo and her family. It feels like he's taken my place, even tho they both say nothing's going on. Maybe i am just paranoid. Woke up about 11.30am this morning to a house covered in chocolate corn flakes. Grumbled at the kids for a bit, then chatted to my mum (who lives in Melbourne) for about half an hour. Bless her. She's cool my mum, but she always slips into "Lecture Mode".
That's what mum's are for i guess. "I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
Mags, it better be some time after getting back from aus, cos I'm going when he gets back
Mums are so much better when they don't live round the corner anymore
"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Sunday 1st August 6.35pm
Tried to get hold of Jim. His phone is broken, and it seems like the only surefire way of getting hold of him is to ring Mojo. They're always together. Obviously i spoke to her first. Our conversations always go exactly the same way. I hear her voice and get butterflies. She talks to me as if nothing's changed, as if any minute she'll come around and jump into my arms. I try and talk her round and she says no. After all we went through, she loves me as a friend, the way she loves all her friends. But it's not enough. She misses talking to me, hanging around with me, she misses all the physical side of our relationship. I tried yet again to point out that that's a perfectly good basis for having another crack at being together, but she won't have any of it.
I miss her so much i can understand how people can despair at their loss and take their own lives. It seems like such a simple solution. No more pain, no more crying at stupid times.
And yes, i am fully aware of the situation as per fish and the sea, as i am also aware that time will heal. Allegedly. But the point is that i really genuinely don't want to get over her, and part of me is actively trying not to. I dream of getting her back. Awake and asleep.
Only one person stops me thinking about it. And she's uncontactable today for some reason.
That's it. I've run out of words.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
By the way Mags, I hope you're taking a notebook to Maenporth next weekend - it'll be tough to remember what went on for your diary else!
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
I certainly shall. What kind of journalist (in-training) would i be if i didn't.
On a slightly lighter note, Isabelle (aged 5) is outside the window butterflying behind her back. Which i have trouble doing. Who knows, maybe i'll bring her along to Falmouth 3.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
kids; they make you sick
"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
She's working on the 3 beat now. No chance. She might have it nailed by the time she's 6.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
*waits for Mags to get reeeeeeally annoyed when she nails it in a few minutes*
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
Nah mate, i'd be delighted. But she's abandoned it in favour of a packet of crisps for now, so you'll be waiting a little longer.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
*sits down to wait*
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
She's at it again now, but working on butterflies. Wow. I'm impressed, and she's my kid!
Incidentally. 500 posts to me. I really should get out more.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Hey Mags,
With regards the fish thing (as I'm sure someone's said already), that's all well and good, but you don't want to go out with a fish, eh?
And with the suicidal tendancy, I know where you're coming from... but keep on finding distractions with the kids, HoP and your new friend - after a year or so it won't hurt so much.
Apparently, everything happens for a reason... you just don't know what that reason is yet.
And, if you can (and while I realise it's none of my business), maybe try not to contact your ex for a few days, as it only seems to make you unhappy. It's kindof like an addiction, but try to wean yourself off the calls and texts, until you feel ready to deal with it again.
All the best and many hugs
Clare x
Getting to the other side 
Fool
2,020 posts
Location: Cornwall, UK
You're absolutely right, it is a bit like an addiction. But that knowledge is constantly fighting with my reality circuits which can't comprehend that it's completely over, no going back.
Well, i'm heading back to Foulmouth tomorrow, and i'll have lots of fun things to distract myself with. I've told Mojo i'll ring her in a month, when i'm back here next. See how things are then. Not that anything will have changed as far as her feelings are concerned. But she'll probably be shagging some total fuckwit. Such is life.
Hope you've all had groovy weekends.
"I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift. We paid the cover charge of life, we were born."
Bill Hicks, February 1988
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
Mags..
I heard a comment in a comedy routing recently that hit a little close to home..
[paraphrase]
"'there's plenty more fish in the sea'. Somehow, they never say this when the person you love dies 'there are plenty more fish inthe sea, who just happen to have that minor advantage of actually being alive' do they?!?"
And it's true; this hurts as much as them dying i think, if not more, because atm, w eknow they're alive, they're there, there just not *here*.
On my round this morning (postwoman), my mp3 player insisted on keep playing this.
Damned depressing song (which is why i haven't posted the lyrics here
) "But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Hey darlin,
There'll probably be lots of times to come when the fact that you are not going out with her anymore will come as a shock to the system. But eventually you will remember the fact without it being a shock, and (as happened to me) on that day you'll feel a bit groggy and defeated, and you'll cry some more, and then realise that it's time to move on.
It's just not that time yet.
I hope you have a really great time whereever you're going today, but when it gets quiet and you're by yourself don't be tempted to text her, even if it's only to say hello
If you have the determination to leave it for a month that'd be great - in a months time you will have the strength to call her again and deal with whatever she says... it'll still hurt, but not so much.
And really try not to think about who she is with... though I have absolutely no advice on how to avoid thinking about it
That whole ex-jealousy thing has always, and will always, tear me apart. I hate thinking about the woman my ex is with, I know its not healthy and it makes me feel sh*t, but I can't help it... so I try to put the whole unpleasant picture out of my head. That seems to work for a while
Best of luck, take care and try to do things that will make you happy
Love Clare xo
PS: it may be just my shitty computer, but this thread seems to be loading really slowly
Getting to the other side
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom
Written by: Firepoise
PS: it may be just my shitty computer, but this thread seems to be loading really slowly
HoP has been slow for me this afternoon..
Lynne
"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"
Dorothy Gale
1,079 posts
Location: Canterbury, UK
i dunno what to say any more brother, ive said all i can, that or someone else has said it.
all you need to remember now is two things,
1) wake up everyday and sing "always look on the brght side of life", LOUD N PROUD, silly but it works
2)WE all loves ya, so its all good enit!
D.B.
X x X x X
Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!
Master of the Free Hug Program
playing the days away
7,263 posts
Location: The Middle lands, United Kingdom
Yo Mags, how goes it? have you got the vegetables in for the luvuly curry you'l be cooking tomorrow night? In about 55 hours I'll probably be sitting in your living room skinning up
Let's relight this forum 
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