Forums > Social Chat > Anorexia Nervosa
Login/Join to ParticipateGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
So a dear friend of mine (we'll call her 'Cindy') is battling with anorexia nervosa. It got really bad last summer and by October, she had to be sent to an inpatient med/psych unit in Oklahoma where she was re-fed and put back together physically. But, when she came out, she felt fat and disgusting...and terrified because she knew that she had almost died. She was terrified of a relapse.
While in Oklahoma, she made really good friends (and I mean they became soul-mates, like sisters) with another inpatient. That patient, who was from Kansas, suffered a sudden cardiac death due to her eating disorder and died in a car accident three weeks ago. It has all but destroyed Cindy.
Cindy feels like she has no friends, she can't eat because she's terrified she'll purge (you need to understand that it's no longer a matter of choice for her...it's an addiction). The one support that she had is dead at age 20. And now, she feels like she's losing even more control (anorexia nervosa isn't about fatness or food, it's about control) because she's been losing so much weight that they want to send her to a day-hospitalization program in Toledo. And she doesn't want to go because to her, that signifies that she's lost control of her illness again.
So tonight, I made her dinner (of which she ate maybe 10 bites at my urging) and we talked. And she sobbed. I can't believe in a god at this point because if I did, my rage at that diety for having done this to Cindy would consume me.
It's hard for me because on the one hand, I have clinical knowledge and understanding of what's happening. I know what she needs and I know what must be done. On the other hand, I'm Cindy's friend, not her doctor. And it's so frustrating and difficult for me to separate the two roles. But I'm so sad for her. She's hurting so deeply and profoundly. Her mind is messed up, and that has messed up her body, and when I think about her future, the picture I get is so bleak that even I almost started crying. Great form, huh?
I don't know what to do anymore. The "doctor" in me wants to fix her. But she's being cared for by Dr. R. Dr. R. is one of the world's experts on eating disordes and he's one of my professors and he's an amazing man and an amazing teacher. I trust him to take good care of her. He knows she's my friend and he's doing an incredible job.
But if I forget my training, then I see Cindy as being devious and manipulative and stubborn, rather than ill. And as such, it's so easy for me to get frustrated with her. Argh! Damn it all! It sucks!
I'm sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest.
So a dear friend of mine (we'll call her 'Cindy') is battling with anorexia nervosa. It got really bad last summer and by October, she had to be sent to an inpatient med/psych unit in Oklahoma where she was re-fed and put back together physically. But, when she came out, she felt fat and disgusting...and terrified because she knew that she had almost died. She was terrified of a relapse.
While in Oklahoma, she made really good friends (and I mean they became soul-mates, like sisters) with another inpatient. That patient, who was from Kansas, suffered a sudden cardiac death due to her eating disorder and died in a car accident three weeks ago. It has all but destroyed Cindy.
Cindy feels like she has no friends, she can't eat because she's terrified she'll purge (you need to understand that it's no longer a matter of choice for her...it's an addiction). The one support that she had is dead at age 20. And now, she feels like she's losing even more control (anorexia nervosa isn't about fatness or food, it's about control) because she's been losing so much weight that they want to send her to a day-hospitalization program in Toledo. And she doesn't want to go because to her, that signifies that she's lost control of her illness again.
So tonight, I made her dinner (of which she ate maybe 10 bites at my urging) and we talked. And she sobbed. I can't believe in a god at this point because if I did, my rage at that diety for having done this to Cindy would consume me.
It's hard for me because on the one hand, I have clinical knowledge and understanding of what's happening. I know what she needs and I know what must be done. On the other hand, I'm Cindy's friend, not her doctor. And it's so frustrating and difficult for me to separate the two roles. But I'm so sad for her. She's hurting so deeply and profoundly. Her mind is messed up, and that has messed up her body, and when I think about her future, the picture I get is so bleak that even I almost started crying. Great form, huh?
I don't know what to do anymore. The "doctor" in me wants to fix her. But she's being cared for by Dr. R. Dr. R. is one of the world's experts on eating disordes and he's one of my professors and he's an amazing man and an amazing teacher. I trust him to take good care of her. He knows she's my friend and he's doing an incredible job.
But if I forget my training, then I see Cindy as being devious and manipulative and stubborn, rather than ill. And as such, it's so easy for me to get frustrated with her. Argh! Damn it all! It sucks!
I'm sorry. I just needed to get this off my chest.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
GOLD Member
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Posted:
Vent away, Lightning. It's hard to watch the ones you love go through difficult times.
Hang in there, and keep being the supportive friend you've been...she needs that.
Vent away, Lightning. It's hard to watch the ones you love go through difficult times.
Hang in there, and keep being the supportive friend you've been...she needs that.
Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
i understand how you feel. and it's an interesting place to be in, struggling between what you "know" from your training and what you experience as someone in their life. and i know how frustrating it can be to want to help them but not feeling able to. that's one of the reasons in my profession why we can't treat people we know.
if you ever need to vent or talk, you know i'm always here for ya
i understand how you feel. and it's an interesting place to be in, struggling between what you "know" from your training and what you experience as someone in their life. and i know how frustrating it can be to want to help them but not feeling able to. that's one of the reasons in my profession why we can't treat people we know.
if you ever need to vent or talk, you know i'm always here for ya
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
member
313 posts
Location: london,uk
313 posts
Location: london,uk
Posted:
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Posted:
This is what makes good doctors - people with emotions and contact with humanity. But, yep, there's always a line.
I hope Cindy recovers
Quote:
on the one hand, I have clinical knowledge and understanding of what's happening. I know what she needs and I know what must be done. On the other hand, I'm Cindy's friend, not her doctor.
This is what makes good doctors - people with emotions and contact with humanity. But, yep, there's always a line.
I hope Cindy recovers
member
340 posts
Location: Australia
340 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
It sounds like you are going through a very intense experience, as a fellow "mad doctor in training" you have my sympathy. It is very different when the one that is sick is someone you love. I've had anorexic girlfriends when I was a teenager and it is very painful to watch them destroy themselves. As a doctor you know how to keep their body alive but as you say it's her mind that needs the healing. This can be a very long process even under the most skilled and spiritual guidance. As her friend the best thing you can do is let your loving, healing, compassionate presence shine. Getting caught up in her pain cycle will only destablise your mind and thus contaminate your presence.
With light and love,
Byron
It sounds like you are going through a very intense experience, as a fellow "mad doctor in training" you have my sympathy. It is very different when the one that is sick is someone you love. I've had anorexic girlfriends when I was a teenager and it is very painful to watch them destroy themselves. As a doctor you know how to keep their body alive but as you say it's her mind that needs the healing. This can be a very long process even under the most skilled and spiritual guidance. As her friend the best thing you can do is let your loving, healing, compassionate presence shine. Getting caught up in her pain cycle will only destablise your mind and thus contaminate your presence.
With light and love,
Byron
HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.
BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Posted:
I hope Cindy will recover fully. Just hang in there and keep being a great friend to her as you have been doing
I hope Cindy will recover fully. Just hang in there and keep being a great friend to her as you have been doing
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I had a talk with our swim coach yesterday. Cindy is not supposed to be swimming, but still is. She's probably eating less than 200 calories a day, and she staggered out of practice yesterday.
Today, I sent an E-mail to Dr. R. saying "I am concerned that she might have a syncopal epidode while driving or suffer an esophageal rupture." In other words, I'm worried that she could pass out while driving or burst her esophagus. Both are quite lethal.
I also told him that she's profoundly depressed and that I am seriously worried she might commit suicide if he tells her she has to go back into inpatient therapy again.
Screw propriety. I'm saving her life. Dr. R is the greatest doctor in the world. He's sensitive, listens, and cares, but he has zero tolerance for bullstool. He will have taken action by Tuesday afternoon at the latest. I think he'll understand.
I had a talk with our swim coach yesterday. Cindy is not supposed to be swimming, but still is. She's probably eating less than 200 calories a day, and she staggered out of practice yesterday.
Today, I sent an E-mail to Dr. R. saying "I am concerned that she might have a syncopal epidode while driving or suffer an esophageal rupture." In other words, I'm worried that she could pass out while driving or burst her esophagus. Both are quite lethal.
I also told him that she's profoundly depressed and that I am seriously worried she might commit suicide if he tells her she has to go back into inpatient therapy again.
Screw propriety. I'm saving her life. Dr. R is the greatest doctor in the world. He's sensitive, listens, and cares, but he has zero tolerance for bullstool. He will have taken action by Tuesday afternoon at the latest. I think he'll understand.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
i'm really sorry. i dont know what to say, so please accept my hugs
i'm really sorry. i dont know what to say, so please accept my hugs
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
There are times as a friend where you have to speak out, and this is one of them. And it is very tough to do.
A real therapist and doctor doesn't just listen to the patient's ideas and observations, but uses all information available to them. They use their eyes and ears. Her doctor will be able to understand what you say with the knowledge of the context. He will form his own opinion, and own course of action, but it will be a better decision for having more information.
You are a caring friend.
Quote:
Screw propriety. I'm saving her life. Dr. R is the greatest doctor in the world. He's sensitive, listens, and cares, but he has zero tolerance for bullstool. He will have taken action by Tuesday afternoon at the latest. I think he'll understand.
There are times as a friend where you have to speak out, and this is one of them.
And it is very tough to do. A real therapist and doctor doesn't just listen to the patient's ideas and observations, but uses all information available to them. They use their eyes and ears. Her doctor will be able to understand what you say with the knowledge of the context. He will form his own opinion, and own course of action, but it will be a better decision for having more information.
You are a caring friend. It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.
What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...
Similar Topics
Using the keywords [anorexia nervosa] we found the following existing topics.
- Forums > Anorexia Nervosa [9 replies]
Show more..
© 1998 - 2025 Home of Poi
All prices converted to United States dollars using XE.com