Forums > Social Chat > Why no one should belive rumors
Login/Join to ParticipateDreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
I have a rather sad and depressing tale to account. This could also be a "why no one should drink heavily" thread, but anyhow....
So last night i got somewhat intoxicated, but i still remembered everything. I was with a lot of people the whole time. I was being flirty, as is my nature, adn prolly somewhat drunkenly annoying. However, a friend of my bf's decided to tell him that i had kissed the perso upon whos lap i had been sitting for awhile. After more than 12 hours i finally figured out what happened in the sense of why he was mad. I thought he never would have accused me of cheating on him based on rumors- and with the number of people around, it seemed unlikley that just one person had been in the room with us. It was after all purported to happen on the couch. A friend of mine was crazy skeptical, but i just...thought there was evidence. As time went on, and i traced rumors to there sources and talked to people, it became apparent that there was none. I had always thought i had remembered everything- it looks like i was right.
But my bf is hurting horribly, because he belives this. And unfortunetly, i can't talk to him too much right now.
I'm fairly certain the rumor starting was malicious in intent in this case, but people, please. check your evidence before jumping to conclusions.
a very disspirited kyribug...
I have a rather sad and depressing tale to account. This could also be a "why no one should drink heavily" thread, but anyhow....
So last night i got somewhat intoxicated, but i still remembered everything. I was with a lot of people the whole time. I was being flirty, as is my nature, adn prolly somewhat drunkenly annoying. However, a friend of my bf's decided to tell him that i had kissed the perso upon whos lap i had been sitting for awhile. After more than 12 hours i finally figured out what happened in the sense of why he was mad. I thought he never would have accused me of cheating on him based on rumors- and with the number of people around, it seemed unlikley that just one person had been in the room with us. It was after all purported to happen on the couch. A friend of mine was crazy skeptical, but i just...thought there was evidence. As time went on, and i traced rumors to there sources and talked to people, it became apparent that there was none. I had always thought i had remembered everything- it looks like i was right.
But my bf is hurting horribly, because he belives this. And unfortunetly, i can't talk to him too much right now.
I'm fairly certain the rumor starting was malicious in intent in this case, but people, please. check your evidence before jumping to conclusions.
a very disspirited kyribug...
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
SILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
sweetest Kyri..
Its sad to say that you seem to have a pretender in your midst..
Somebody who will smile and nod when your around and then cut you down at the first opportunity that they get.... thats harsh...
When I have had these kind of people in my life I have done a stocktake...This is basically retreating and assessing the friendships and loyalitys in my life.. (i recently had to do this and cut off a girl who saw the need to use and abuse myself and my family)
But this situation is different for you as this is your boyfriends friend and that makes it tough... prehaps he has feelings for you that he knows that nothing could ever come from and is intentionally hurting you?
After a few mediatations on the subject you will know what to do...
as for your boyfriend allow him to cool off, then sit him down and pour your heart out..
Tell him that none of this happened, and ask him why he choose to believe this... Remember its natural for him to believe it, as human beings quiet often focus on the negitive side of situations... then reassure him with the depth of your feelings..
Good luck sweetheart
sweetest Kyri..
Its sad to say that you seem to have a pretender in your midst..
Somebody who will smile and nod when your around and then cut you down at the first opportunity that they get.... thats harsh...
When I have had these kind of people in my life I have done a stocktake...This is basically retreating and assessing the friendships and loyalitys in my life.. (i recently had to do this and cut off a girl who saw the need to use and abuse myself and my family)
But this situation is different for you as this is your boyfriends friend and that makes it tough... prehaps he has feelings for you that he knows that nothing could ever come from and is intentionally hurting you?
After a few mediatations on the subject you will know what to do...
as for your boyfriend allow him to cool off, then sit him down and pour your heart out..
Tell him that none of this happened, and ask him why he choose to believe this... Remember its natural for him to believe it, as human beings quiet often focus on the negitive side of situations... then reassure him with the depth of your feelings..
Good luck sweetheart
TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Oh no, Kyri...
Oh no, Kyri...
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
Thats sad and hurting stuff Kyrian
Thats sad and hurting stuff Kyrian
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
I second what Valura said, but also want to add that trust is a very important in a relationship. Without hard proof or at least a first hand account from someone who's word he also trusts, he should accept your word. I would say at least half the problem is your boyfriend's in this case and you have my full sympathy...
...unless you have given previous cause to not trust you, in which case you've got a hard uphill road to travel and all I can say is goodluck.
But I'll give you the benifit of the doubt since you've never done anything to make me doubt you. I feel that poeple in relationships should be allowed to flirt without fear of retibution - I even think it has lots of advantages for a relationship in the long run. Anything more than that is of course subject to the rules of the particular relationship.
But I'm getting away from my point, which is that I wonder why you aren't at least a little offended by his not accepting your word. In as far as what you did, I don't think you need to defend yourself so vehemtly from the accusations. Doing so could even make him suspect that you are in fact guilty of what you are accused of. Instead, I think you should expect a higher regard for your word from your boyfriend. you should be able to look him in the eye, tell him no such thing happened, and expect him to believe you once his feelings have calmed down (as Valura aluded to, emotional response is unavoidable, so we must allow it some time too cool off).
If you have always been honest with him, then I say you tell him that he should either believe you now or tell you why he doesn't trust you. I know it is confrontational and you probably don't want to take that approach right now, but if you really feel you have done nothing wrong, and if he has no reason to doubt your word, then I think you have a right to stand up for yourself.
And last, but not least, the disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein are strictly my own and may not apply to your life or style of living. I'm not so much trying to tell you what to do as get you to see that there is another way to look at it. The last thing I want is for you to start a fight with your boyfriend because of what I have just said. I'm merely saying I think the important dynamic here is the interaction between you and your boyfriend, and not what sorts of things the rumor mill dredges up. The latter will always be a problem in anyone's life if they are social at all. your only real defense from it is a strong bond of trust in your relationship. you shouldn't have to live in fear everytime the rumor mill spits out a new stream of nonsense.
I second what Valura said, but also want to add that trust is a very important in a relationship. Without hard proof or at least a first hand account from someone who's word he also trusts, he should accept your word. I would say at least half the problem is your boyfriend's in this case and you have my full sympathy...
...unless you have given previous cause to not trust you, in which case you've got a hard uphill road to travel and all I can say is goodluck.
But I'll give you the benifit of the doubt since you've never done anything to make me doubt you. I feel that poeple in relationships should be allowed to flirt without fear of retibution - I even think it has lots of advantages for a relationship in the long run. Anything more than that is of course subject to the rules of the particular relationship.
But I'm getting away from my point, which is that I wonder why you aren't at least a little offended by his not accepting your word. In as far as what you did, I don't think you need to defend yourself so vehemtly from the accusations. Doing so could even make him suspect that you are in fact guilty of what you are accused of. Instead, I think you should expect a higher regard for your word from your boyfriend. you should be able to look him in the eye, tell him no such thing happened, and expect him to believe you once his feelings have calmed down (as Valura aluded to, emotional response is unavoidable, so we must allow it some time too cool off).
If you have always been honest with him, then I say you tell him that he should either believe you now or tell you why he doesn't trust you. I know it is confrontational and you probably don't want to take that approach right now, but if you really feel you have done nothing wrong, and if he has no reason to doubt your word, then I think you have a right to stand up for yourself.
And last, but not least, the disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein are strictly my own and may not apply to your life or style of living. I'm not so much trying to tell you what to do as get you to see that there is another way to look at it. The last thing I want is for you to start a fight with your boyfriend because of what I have just said. I'm merely saying I think the important dynamic here is the interaction between you and your boyfriend, and not what sorts of things the rumor mill dredges up. The latter will always be a problem in anyone's life if they are social at all. your only real defense from it is a strong bond of trust in your relationship. you shouldn't have to live in fear everytime the rumor mill spits out a new stream of nonsense.
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
Hey, thanks guys. He has finally double checked his stories and realized that the only eyewitnesses may not be the most credible of people in this case (esp since he threw out both my testimony and the testimony of the guy i allegedly made out with on the basis of us having had drinks). So he's moved away from that, but he is still largely upset. I'm being compared, apparently, to an emotional nutcase girl who tends to cheat on her bfs a lot do to be overly physical i'm feeling more relaxed. At best, its harsh. "emotionally nucase girl (eng)"'s friends think the comparison is quite untrue, and tell me that i should really not let it slide. eng's more distant aquantince's are the ones proposing it. he still seems very upset, and i'm trying to trace down the causes. I also don't think flirting should be an issue, or sitting on peoples laps, or holding their hands. The last two are comfort factors for me. I havn't done anything which i think would be a cause for mistrust. I was compltly faithful in my last relationship of 9mos despite issues. (this was too a distant friend of my current boy). I think, he being as inexpierienced as he is, hes unsure of whats going on, and worried about me really wanting to be with him. I also think he is still running on emotional high right now, and he still also feels all of the pain from the original evidence, even though it is gone. Were in a two week cool down time imposed by him at the moment - i guess my worry is that at the end of two weeks he'll be too influenced by the friend who started all this, and not want to continue. The friend who started this getting off scott free, too, at least for the forseeable future.
Ungh.
Really don't know what to do at this point..... thanks for so far support guys!
Hey, thanks guys. He has finally double checked his stories and realized that the only eyewitnesses may not be the most credible of people in this case (esp since he threw out both my testimony and the testimony of the guy i allegedly made out with on the basis of us having had drinks). So he's moved away from that, but he is still largely upset. I'm being compared, apparently, to an emotional nutcase girl who tends to cheat on her bfs a lot do to be overly physical i'm feeling more relaxed. At best, its harsh. "emotionally nucase girl (eng)"'s friends think the comparison is quite untrue, and tell me that i should really not let it slide. eng's more distant aquantince's are the ones proposing it. he still seems very upset, and i'm trying to trace down the causes. I also don't think flirting should be an issue, or sitting on peoples laps, or holding their hands. The last two are comfort factors for me. I havn't done anything which i think would be a cause for mistrust. I was compltly faithful in my last relationship of 9mos despite issues. (this was too a distant friend of my current boy). I think, he being as inexpierienced as he is, hes unsure of whats going on, and worried about me really wanting to be with him. I also think he is still running on emotional high right now, and he still also feels all of the pain from the original evidence, even though it is gone. Were in a two week cool down time imposed by him at the moment - i guess my worry is that at the end of two weeks he'll be too influenced by the friend who started all this, and not want to continue. The friend who started this getting off scott free, too, at least for the forseeable future.
Ungh.
Really don't know what to do at this point..... thanks for so far support guys!
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Yo, Kyrian... you left your toothbrush at my house, you want me to mail that to you or what?
KIDDING! Joking! Hee hee! Love you, but not in that kind of way. Sorry... bad NYC.
Rumors can be horrible, trust me... I'm a high school teacher. Rumors are more often than not more important and damaging than facts. I know from the false rumors that I've heard about MYSELF that I'd never believe a rumor about someone else.
Yo, Kyrian... you left your toothbrush at my house, you want me to mail that to you or what?
KIDDING! Joking! Hee hee! Love you, but not in that kind of way. Sorry... bad NYC.
Rumors can be horrible, trust me... I'm a high school teacher. Rumors are more often than not more important and damaging than facts. I know from the false rumors that I've heard about MYSELF that I'd never believe a rumor about someone else.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
The post is even more amusing in light of my mention in glass's thread taht i still have to meet you. But yeah, things are calming down a little, and apologies all around. Of course, this begs the question, how do you make stuff like this not continuously happen? Because nothing is worth this kind of stress.
thoughts?
K.
The post is even more amusing in light of my mention in glass's thread taht i still have to meet you. But yeah, things are calming down a little, and apologies all around. Of course, this begs the question, how do you make stuff like this not continuously happen? Because nothing is worth this kind of stress.
thoughts?
K.
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
SILVER Member
old hand
899 posts
Location: New York City, USA
old hand
899 posts
Location: New York City, USA
Posted:
Whenever you get 3 or more people interacting you'll have rumours.
Don't worry about them too much.
Go pat a cat, you'll feel better
Raph
Whenever you get 3 or more people interacting you'll have rumours.
Don't worry about them too much.
Go pat a cat, you'll feel better
Raph
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
OK... I just spent the last 15 minutes trying to figure out what thread you were talking about. I'm still clueless.
As for how to prevent this in the future? Honesty and trust. That's numbers 1 and 2 in things I look for in a partner.
And as for meeting you, I'm not going back to California. You can't make me. It took me 12 years to get out and I ain't going back.
Though you're welcome on my couch any time. Many a weary firespinner has folded out my couch.
Quote:
The post is even more amusing in light of my mention in glass's thread taht i still have to meet you.
OK... I just spent the last 15 minutes trying to figure out what thread you were talking about. I'm still clueless.
As for how to prevent this in the future? Honesty and trust. That's numbers 1 and 2 in things I look for in a partner.
And as for meeting you, I'm not going back to California. You can't make me. It took me 12 years to get out and I ain't going back.
Though you're welcome on my couch any time. Many a weary firespinner has folded out my couch. Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
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