Forums > Social Discussion > last wishes
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Posted:
Wondering if when someone dies, and they have expressed a last wish( clearly, like in a letter) , if it should always be respected- and thus acted on.
What, for example, if their last wish was something not good? Maybe even mean, ignorant, hurtful-- or even just inconsiderate. Should you still be obliged to follow it? What if, while they were alive, they made made decisions that were Not something you could respect... why then, would you suddenly feel obilgated to respect their wish after they die?
Just wanting some perspective.
Does one have to respect anothers last wishes?Is it horrible to consider taking action counter to someones last wish, but in line with your own beleifs? Is there a right choice here? What do you think?
Wondering if when someone dies, and they have expressed a last wish( clearly, like in a letter) , if it should always be respected- and thus acted on.
What, for example, if their last wish was something not good? Maybe even mean, ignorant, hurtful-- or even just inconsiderate. Should you still be obliged to follow it? What if, while they were alive, they made made decisions that were Not something you could respect... why then, would you suddenly feel obilgated to respect their wish after they die?
Just wanting some perspective.
Does one have to respect anothers last wishes?Is it horrible to consider taking action counter to someones last wish, but in line with your own beleifs? Is there a right choice here? What do you think?
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
GOLD Member
Gromit's Humble Squire
4,496 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gromit's Humble Squire
4,496 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
If you had mentioned that earlier.. I might not have bothered with my earlier post.. Antique car indeed.
Written by: andrealee
NYC- part of me agrees with you, if I could totally see things as his property. But when he owes my mom so much, is it really his? It was bought with money that should
( legally and morally) have gone to her, to support us... he bought a antique car for show and play while we were hungry.She cashed her pensions to pay our rent. He did not. The issue gets tangled for me at that point.
If you had mentioned that earlier.. I might not have bothered with my earlier post.. Antique car indeed.
BRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Posted:
I make him sound like an ogre--that is not my intent! He was, for a while, while alcoholic. It was hellish. But we had many years after that while he was sober,as adults, in that he was a wonderful, fascinating man. He made some significant effort to make amends for his behaviour with us children- with varying degrees of success. Some of it was hard to forgive, and trust is slow to rebuild.Though he had the opportunity, he never did pay back what he owed, and used lawyers and various shenanigans to avoid that. But overall, we moved to a much better happier place in our interactions.
The bad stuff was a long long time ago, and I thought that we were through most of it. Even a brother that had not spoken to him for over a decade was, in the end, reconciled. But deaths seem to bring up a lot of past stuff, even stuff you think is resolved. His choices with the letter and leaving us out of his estate just surprised me. But , thinking it through, I doubt he meant anything much by it. My step mom is a good person, and maybe he thought she would just take care of us appropriately.? Whatever. I will simply use the legal opportunity to rebalance some of the past injustices if I can.
Thanks again for all your various perspectives! It helped...
I make him sound like an ogre--that is not my intent! He was, for a while, while alcoholic. It was hellish. But we had many years after that while he was sober,as adults, in that he was a wonderful, fascinating man. He made some significant effort to make amends for his behaviour with us children- with varying degrees of success. Some of it was hard to forgive, and trust is slow to rebuild.Though he had the opportunity, he never did pay back what he owed, and used lawyers and various shenanigans to avoid that. But overall, we moved to a much better happier place in our interactions.
The bad stuff was a long long time ago, and I thought that we were through most of it. Even a brother that had not spoken to him for over a decade was, in the end, reconciled. But deaths seem to bring up a lot of past stuff, even stuff you think is resolved. His choices with the letter and leaving us out of his estate just surprised me. But , thinking it through, I doubt he meant anything much by it. My step mom is a good person, and maybe he thought she would just take care of us appropriately.? Whatever. I will simply use the legal opportunity to rebalance some of the past injustices if I can.
Thanks again for all your various perspectives! It helped...
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
SILVER Member
Has sharp edges
1,266 posts
Location: Stuck in the mire, USA
Has sharp edges
1,266 posts
Location: Stuck in the mire, USA
Posted:
Thats what we're here for 
Best wishes and good luck with it all
Thats what we're here for Best wishes and good luck with it all
My ADD makes it so that.....Ooooo SHINY.....wanna go ride bikes....wait....where am I.....
BRONZE Member
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Posted:
wow, talk about freaking hard conversations/situations.
What I have learned:
There is no way to correct the past. None, whatsoever. Cant be done. In fact, in my family, one might be best to never even speak of it. Money will not help.
It went as well as possible, but I am shaking like a leaf. The process is difficult. I am thankful that my step mother is a kind and reasonable person, so though emotional, things were just sad between us, not angry.
As far as last wishes go, apparently, with his letter he was just trying to protect her, and offer her some security, since he felt that us kids would have a longer time and more energy to create a secure future for ourselves, and she is older with less options. So not so hurtful when seen that way.
We are going to work somehing out without the legal system involved. She is now considering the needs of my mom,and the debt owing to her-- but it was a shock to her, not something she was aware of or had considered, so who knows what if anything will come from that. But at least it has been acknowledged.
Oh well, thats the update.
I wish it were summer, and I could dive in the lake and swim away...
wow, talk about freaking hard conversations/situations.
What I have learned:
There is no way to correct the past. None, whatsoever. Cant be done. In fact, in my family, one might be best to never even speak of it. Money will not help.
It went as well as possible, but I am shaking like a leaf. The process is difficult. I am thankful that my step mother is a kind and reasonable person, so though emotional, things were just sad between us, not angry.
As far as last wishes go, apparently, with his letter he was just trying to protect her, and offer her some security, since he felt that us kids would have a longer time and more energy to create a secure future for ourselves, and she is older with less options. So not so hurtful when seen that way.
We are going to work somehing out without the legal system involved. She is now considering the needs of my mom,and the debt owing to her-- but it was a shock to her, not something she was aware of or had considered, so who knows what if anything will come from that. But at least it has been acknowledged.
Oh well, thats the update.
I wish it were summer, and I could dive in the lake and swim away...
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
It must have been tough, but it's great that communication and bravery seems to have resolved this as best it can...
Well done lady...
It must have been tough, but it's great that communication and bravery seems to have resolved this as best it can...
Well done lady...
Getting to the other side 
SILVER Member
Has sharp edges
1,266 posts
Location: Stuck in the mire, USA
Has sharp edges
1,266 posts
Location: Stuck in the mire, USA
Posted:
I am so very sorry for your and your familys loss. Its good to hear that things are being talked about and reasoned out between you all. 
I applaud you and your family. Its nice to see that you all love and respect eachother enough to think about these things. You are very fortunate because its hardly ever like that in these situations. Some familys that were getting along great completely fall apart and people never speak to eachother again when faced with similar circumstances
and for you personally andrealee your a very brave person stay strong and keep up the good work
I am so very sorry for your and your familys loss. Its good to hear that things are being talked about and reasoned out between you all. I applaud you and your family. Its nice to see that you all love and respect eachother enough to think about these things. You are very fortunate because its hardly ever like that in these situations. Some familys that were getting along great completely fall apart and people never speak to eachother again when faced with similar circumstances and for you personally andrealee
your a very brave person stay strong and keep up the good work My ADD makes it so that.....Ooooo SHINY.....wanna go ride bikes....wait....where am I.....
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