Forums > Introductions > "Finding Me Finding You"

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
Tough love for my amazing friend PK coming....

Buddy, I can say this from experience. If you're in love with someone you haven't met, or spent time with, or spoken to, most of the love you are feeling is the love that is coming from YOURSELF. Don't confuse that with the love that is or isn't coming from them.

It seems that all systems are go, so definitely pursue it. But be cautious my friend.

She sounds great, and I'm sure she is, but there's more to love than sounding great. Where's my quote that had become my mantra?

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

Right now it seems like you're gazing, which is fun and exciting... but one needs time to really see if one is looking outward in the same direction.

Only time will tell. Only experience will bring about clarity.

Love you buddy...

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 8th Dec 2004
I agree with what NYC says lol, plus you know i want you to be safe as we've discussed.
Im really happy for you mate, and seeing you yesterday was wonderful.
Talking on the net every day is one thing, but its great to talk in person.
I hope you have a wonderful time with sere, she sounds great and you sound a lot happier, which is really good. Just be careful, i want you coming back in one piece
Loadsa luv bro

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

Posted: 8th Dec 2004
Hiya pk, thanks for the vid and making me realise how much I don't like being videod!

26 days left eh, good luck with the first meeting

Let's relight this forum

Posted: 8th Dec 2004
WoW since you sent me the link the other day i finally finished reading it maybe i just read slow lol but i really enjoyed learning more about you ....man thats some story .. now i guess we know the same amount about each other well we wont get into my story anyhow Luv to ya always
Charlott

Posted: 8th Dec 2004
Glad you read it, well yeah not much we dont know about each other now i suppose just wish one day, i'll get to give you a hug in person.

Ali i got to hug you yesterday and i felt wonderful! thanks.


now im home and its poo!

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
ciao

1.34am. |24 days to go| Music : Dj Kicks |

Long days... work dragged today, had a busy evening with christmas dinner parties pre booking, so ended up having a more chilled time at work in the kitchen with karl, normally would be either one of us in there on our own but with it being busy we had each others company.

Well i just got off the phone from Graham, grqaham is the guy that Nat moved in with when i left her in Matlock, i havn't spoken to him for a while now, he was best friends with Nat at the time so i didn't want to disrupt that situation.
Before i left matlock and before i left Nat, i sat for many nights talking to him, even crying my eyes out to him about the situation with Nat, but tonight my eyes opened and i saw the truth and heard it from him too.
Well i mentioned that Nat had quit her job at the pub where we all used to work, well i got to hear the full story tonight from Graham. The slob that she is did [censored] all at the flat, she spent all of his money that he used to give her for shopping and bills and left him with nothing, the flat was allways a mess and Grahams girlfriend Amy who is a single parent used to come over with her daughter and find Nat there with Jack battered on weed and that wasn't the best kind of environment for a small child to enter, she used to do it when we looked after Matt all the time and i never used to agree with it then, but what can you do.
Graham decided that because the other flat above the pub had become vacant he asked if he could move in there and live on his own. Nat went ballistic at Graham even though he always thought that she was only going to be there for 2 weeks until she decided to move here to newark! am i glad that never happened now!. He then decides to tell me that she has a temper!, i told him that before i moved, she went to punch him just the same as she used to with me so he moved out that following day and she quit her job that day too.
So it turns out that she was seeing Jack behind my back and i wasnt just paranoid, i had just cause in every thing i said but she insisted on her mind games and played it out with me and my emotions, well all of her belongings are up in the flat above the pub, and she is shacked up at jacks who is still only 16 years old and lives with his mom! how pathetic is that, shes told Graham that on saturday that he had better stear clear of Karl as cath and karl are going over there to help her move her things back to derby... this i know is just another bullshit lie, i live with them both! karl will be at the football and cath is in derby doing some christmas shopping with her friend that she hardly ever gets to see any more, never a mention of going to help her and cath is only in derby really to look after her grandma while her parents are out for the night as grandma lives with them she needs some one to look after her and doesnt like being on her own due to her age. So that is whats happening.. from the horses mouth! and just more lies from nat.
I was also told that all the friends i did have; that drank in the pub, and i would spend time chatting to on a personal level have all been told yet more bullshit about me since i left, some hurtfull things so that maybe one day if i had have gone back to visit them they wouldnt have welcomed me because they had been forcefed lies from her and things i have apparently supposed to have done and said to her. Now Graham too knows them all personally and he has sat and spoke to them about what she has done to him and they have all turned around and said well all those things that she said about PK we dont believe, he is too wonderful a person to have done such things and we have all seen from our own eyes what she is like, and one of them even turned around to her and asked her out right if it was all bullshit about what she said about me and never responded.
Maybe this is the reason why she said that she wasnt going to come here for christmas, cos she knows i will have found out the truth, shes clever more than she makes out most of the time and i am glad that the people around her have now found out and Graham now appologised to me and realised that all those tears that he saw from my eyes and all the things that i told him in confidence were all true and that makes me happy because now that shows me that he is a true friend and i will allways appreachiate that.
I gave him one of my most sentimental statues when i left as a gift from me to him for being such a good friend and i hope every time he looks at that he will remember the good times and the sad times that we shared in each others company, i miss him and i miss working with him and i think maybe i am one of the few people that will have ever understood him.
Im glad she went to punch him, it is a huge weight lifted from my mind and built a bridge again over our friendship.
Im certainly not bitter in any way about her seeing jack behind my back, why should that matter after all the other things that i read on my computer over time.. makes no difference now and im not going to loose any sleep about it, sure im writing about it just now but then if i dont write then i will think... thinking is so bad for me and all i have had is nice thoughts and how much i want to be with Serena right now in Italy.
You certainly have to live on from what ever experiences you have in life and make the most out of what is there in that moment. I would never hurt a loved one, and i would never intentionally punch a loved one like she has gone around telling my friends in Matlock. I dont wish to ever go back there, there is nothing for me but bad memories and bad times, i look forward to the future, Nat i most certainly going to be out of that soon enough.

I've spent time this week talking to my mom quite a lot, talking about how she felt if i moved away and went to live abroard or went off traveling and she told me that she will always love me, stand by me, miss me and i have to do what i feel is the right thing.
So im not entirely happy here, my meeting feel through last week, i dont want to be bumming around letting oportunities pass by while i have every oportunity to fullfill my dreams and get out of England.
If i can blag it here for another two months rent free trying to rebuild the cash i had just blown with out realising then i will have money to head off with, im also going to look at borrowing some money maybe £5000 ontop of the money i already owe, Cath is trying to get a loan to pay me back in full so that will give me nearly £1350 back in one lump sum which will be sufficient for me to start traveling with, im cautious with money and i would survive quite some time on that. So if in total i can get together £6000+ then im on my way out of this country for good and as far away from all this [censored] that is still being dragged on after 3 months of leaving it behind me.
I can kiss the money from Nat goodbye but to be honest... im past caring about it, i know im never going to get it back.

All i wish for right now is to get some money and head off to Italy to be with the one girl i care about right now, the girl that occupies so many of my thoughts all those miles away that i have never met in person.

Why does life have to be complicated when really when you think about things it isnt like that at all.

Today im more happy than ever, knowing that i have gained a good friend back in my life, learnt the real truth from my past and cleared subconcious thoughts in the back of my head. I talked my beautiful princess in Italy this evening and i have done nothing else with my time, i sit and i miss sere and just want to be there, to hold her, kiss her, hold her hand, be proud to have her by my side.

So im also trying to learn to write italian.... my god this is a task!, im getting there but i think i need help! hehe. It is so hard to get your words out in italian.... why do they change the whole concept of language!... english is far more a "good language". I love her just the same and one day i look forward to having a conversation with miss sere in italian, but for now i will have to suffer and continue trying to figure it all out.

erm was lovely to get away this week, i just hopped on a train on tuesday afternoon and headed over to sheffield, got to sit and chill out at the old coffee rev in town with my lil sis astrofaerie for a few hours then got to spend time with leigh and katy for the night and did mens things like talk and build 64bit windows systems in the attic lounge. Walk the huskies at 1am in the cold then sleep like normal people, i miss some of the things i used to do with him on a regular basis. I then rose the next morning to make katy coffee and head off to solace's and sit on his couch with tea and supprise him cos he didnt even know i had been let into his house! hehe, got to see miss lolli too and have a cuddle. Much needed space and time with good friends around me.
Had a ride on my uni at the skatepark with out making a fool of myself... decided that im not taking it to italy next month!... just other toys to play with.

well i feel 100% happy in my self and a 100% sad cos im not with Sere just now.

Im in love again, and it feels so nice.

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
[Is this one of those things where you're just writing to write and not really for others to respond? Cuz I keep sayin' stuff and gettin no response. Which is fine. Now I'm feeling self consious about posting in the first place. I didn't mean to confuse your journal.]

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
i just havnt responded yet mate. still love ya!

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
Oh no... this wasn't a guilt trip to respond. I was just feeling awkward for posting such small responses to such huge journal entries.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
why feeling awkward? i wouldnt, at least you responded and it meant some thing to me!....... its not just for reading!
im drunk right now so probably shouldnt type any more! i blame amanda... its her fault she bought the beer!.
Im ready for bed!// night all!

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
Night

Meh

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
Shouldn't you been asleep too C@ntus?

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

Posted: 10th Dec 2004
actually im stil awake! lol oh well//
sweat dreams mate.

Posted: 11th Dec 2004
Well I ended staying up til after 5am playing Age of Empires 2. Which i found lurking on my pc and was going to uninstall. Just thought i'd have one last game of it first though....

it wasn't helped by the fact that I remembered that if you type "how do you turn this on" then you get a sports car with machine guns (which is very handy against 14th century french knights)

Meh

Posted: 11th Dec 2004
yet another late night done a 16 hour shift today all ready.... now decide to help people with webdesign problems...... when will i stop working?....

Posted: 11th Dec 2004
When you get to Italy

Meh

Posted: 11th Dec 2004
true!.

Posted: 11th Dec 2004

//XOOPS DATABASE SETTINGS

$dbServer='localhost';
$dbUser='YOUR_DBUSERNAME';
$dbPass='YOURDBPASSWORD';

//YOUR 2ND XOOPS DATABASE SETTINGS

$fromDB="2ND_XOOPSDBNAME"; //
$fromPrefix="2ND_XOOPSTABLEPREFIX"; //

//YOUR XOOPS DATABASE SETTINGS

$toDB="YOUR_XOOPSDBNAME"; // XOOPS DATABASE NAME
$toPrefix="YOUR_XOOPSTDBTABLEPREFIX"; // XOOPS PREFIX

//* FUNCTIONS TO CONVERT DATABASE TABLES */

BuildUserTable();


echo "


";

echo " ** Converting Database **
";

$link = mysql_connect($dbServer, $dbUser, $dbPass) or die("Could not connect, check your DB settings");
echo "** Connected successfully **

";


//Function to delete records from the DB
function DeleteRecords($tbname) {
$sql = "DELETE FROM ".$tbname;
$result = mysql_query($sql);
if (!$result) echo(" - delete from $tbname didn't work
- Broken SQL = $sql
");
}


//Perform table actions
function DoTable($delete, $sql, $tbname) {
echo "Moving ".$tbname." table
";
if ($delete) DeleteRecords($tbname);
$result1 = mysql_query($sql);
if (!$result1)
echo(" - $tbname incomplete
- Broken SQL = $sql
");
}


// Do the users table - exclude any user that would overwrite XOOPS admin's
function BuildUserTable() {
global $toPrefix, $fromPrefix, $fromDB, $toDB;
$dsql = "DELETE FROM ".$toDB.".".$toPrefix."_users WHERE uid>1";
$sql = "INSERT INTO ".$toDB.".".$toPrefix."_users (SELECT name, uname, email, url, user_avatar, user_regdate, user_icq, user_from, user_sig, user_viewemail, actkey, user_aim, user_yim, user_msnm, pass, posts, attachsig, rank, level, theme, timezone_offset, last_login, umode, uorder, notify_method, notify_mode, user_occ, bio, user_intrest, user_mailok FROM 2ND_XOOPSDBTABLE_USERS)
(SELECT name, uname, email, url, user_avatar, user_regdate, user_icq, user_from, user_sig, user_viewemail, actkey, user_aim, user_yim, user_msnm, pass, posts, attachsig, rank, level, theme, timezone_offset, last_login, umode, uorder, notify_method, notify_mode, user_occ, bio, user_intrest, user_mailok FROM YOUR_XOOPSDBTABLE_USERS)
FROM ".$fromDB.".".$fromPrefix."_users WHERE ".$fromDB.".".$fromPrefix."_users.user_id > '1'";
$delete=False;
$tbname=$toDB.".".$toPrefix."_users";
DoTable($delete, $dsql, $tbname);
DoTable($delete, $sql, $tbname);
$date_array = array('Jan' => '01',
'Feb' => '02',
'Mar' => '03',
'Apr' => '04',
'May' => '05',
'Jun' => '06',
'Jul' => '07',
'Aug' => '08',
'Sep' => '09',
'Oct' => '10',
'Nov' => '11',
'Dec' => '12');
$msql = "SELECT user_id,user_regdate FROM ".$fromDB.".".$fromPrefix."_users WHERE user_id>1";
$result = mysql_query($msql);
if(!$result)
echo(" - Update Regdate failed! ");
while(list($uid,$regdate)=mysql_fetch_row($result)){
$regdate = str_replace(',','',$regdate);
$var = explode(' ',$regdate);
$newdate = mktime(0,0,0,$date_array[$var[0]],$var[1],$var[2]);
$rsql = "UPDATE ".$toDB.".".$toPrefix."_users SET user_regdate='$newdate' WHERE uid='$uid'";
$result1 = mysql_query($rsql);
if(!$result1)
echo(" - Update Regdate failed! ");
}

//=========================================

echo "

** Disconnected **
";
echo "

If you see any errors on this page, I recommend that you
adjust whatever is causing the errors and rerun this script. One thing that you REALLY need to think
about is setting the \"buildusertable\" to \"0\" so that you won't over write the XOOPS admin stuff. Use
the table conversion at your own risk!!!";

mysql_close($link);
?>

I sat and wrote that for some one tonight... see im a nice guy really.