Reconstructive surgery

Well today after months of consideration i have made an appointment with my doctor for wednesday afternoon.

For several months now i have been contemplating reconstructive surgery on my ears, for those people that know me, met me or seen photos, will know i have 44mm flesh tunnels in my ears.
I have spent some time today researching into methods of surgery, and i actually found that i am not alone in the world, i found some one else in the UK still awaiting an appointment with a surgeon and some one in Florida who has just had surgery and both these people have large guage tunnels like myself.

Well i am exremly nervous about what i will look like after surgery and i am hoping that it's not going to take long to get it done with the trusty NHS, or if i should go private, but not having a job right now that isn;t really a possiblitity.

well tommorrow i have another interview for a job, tempory until christmas, so i hope i get it so that i have some money for the time being, i have just been turned down for an other job because of my ears and have been faced with many knockbacks and people that do not take me seriously for who i am and not what i look like. Though the last interview went really well, i am still disheartened as to not accepeted for the job on the basis that i have my ears they way they are.

Over the 7/8 years i have had my ears modded the way they are, and all of the questioning and abusive comments made at me for my choice of doing what i wanted to do to my own body, i am saddened as to have to be in this situation.

It worries me that, now that i have made the first steps which is my own choice and no pressure from any one, how long its going to take, i need a job now, i can no longer support myself the way i have been and i desperatly do not want to have to be on the Dole / job seekers, but i am having no choice but to do so, i have found that since starting my spiritual journey into body modification how society has changed so much as i have grown older and wiser. I have thought many a time on why should i change who i am now, but things come and go, over the past few years i have removed piercings here and there, done this and that, but there comes a point where things have to change, i want to work, i dont want to be claiming benefits, i enjoy working too much, but i also want to be taken seriously and not have to suffer from abuse, people cant be honest thats their problem, which is why i respect the friends that i have and the support they give me on a personal level.
Many people are going to ask me why i did it, but they asked me that before anyway, thats life, its a learning curve, things seem good at the time and were faced with arrogance towards our selves and do not want to conform and do not feel that we have to. But in my eyes society is right in many ways, i have spent many years looking at it from all angles, and i am truly thankful that the firends i have in this world can take me for who i am and what i do and my goals in life.

I am felling very secluded right now, and have many personal issues which i am dealing with, but the sense of what is to come in the future is a step in the right direction for me, not to conform to society just because i cant get a job, but to conform because i can and IT being my decission alone.

well i am going to keep documents on my journey to normalism, but with reliefe that i am not alone in this world, there are others out there that have been faced with the same dilema's society has thrown at them, and the choice personally about what changes can be made to make things better.

I dont think i am truly sad about making this decission, i will probably miss having my tunnels, but at the end of the day, knowing what i know now over these years i wish time could be turned back and i wouldnt have made some of my chocies that i did make.

Thinks i am looking forward too: Eating in a restraunt with out people pointing and looking disgusted as i walk in. Walking down the street in any town or city with out people asking questions all of the time. People taking me serious because i do not stand out in the crowds. I could go on forever, but personally conforming to suit my self and not others is a big step to take.

Well i am looking forward to my appointment on wednesday, but i wish it was this afternoon instead.

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