"I'm not in love with you!" (A silly insignificant

I will be the first to admit that this is a silly little insignificant rant but it’s cracked me up so many times that I thought I’d throw it to the board.

{In fact, upon rereading this post I realize that it’s utterly inane. I know I try to usually post quality posts but this one is a bit weak frankly. If you’re really bored at work or stuck sick at home, read on… otherwise spend your time elsewhere. Hey, I’m being honest. }

This has happened many times and lately it seems to be becoming an epidemic. I’ll be sitting somewhere or in a group of friends (and this has actually happened in many different areas of my life) when some woman will walk up to me, pull me aside and give me the speech. Something like “I’m sorry but I’m really not interested” or “I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now” or “I just don’t think it would work out between us”…

But here’s the kicker: It’s always some girl I have ABSOLUTELY NO interest in. I mean if you picked the girl at the party who I’d be the LEAST interested in, she’s the one who’s going to pull me aside and give me the speech.

So then I’m left with a few choices:
1) Politely try to explain that I wasn’t interested in the first place. Strangely, this usually ends up in an argument with her trying to convince me that I actually WAS interested despite what I may or may not have thought. This is extra funny as the girl is both trying to convince me that I am completely in love with her while explaining that she isn’t interested.

I’ve tried this one so many times that I then started giving up and going with option 2.

2) Heck, what do I care. I say something like “oh darn” and move on. It’s a quicker exit and she feels like she got to break up with someone for free. It’s a lie, but it gets me out of the situation faster. I’ve gotten “You’re a really sweet guy and I’m sure you’ll meet someone wonderful who will love you back.” Ug…

But there’s got to be a better way.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I DO flirt. I have lots of close female friends. If one of THEM got mixed signals I’d certainly understand. I even spent lots of time playing with the lovely princesses throughout England and Scotland. If one of the lovelies that I had spent time, stayed with, even had tea with, got the wrong idea or rumors started I’d understand. But it’s always some RANDOMASS girl that I spoke to for like three minutes who I could NEVER be attracted to that’s decided that I’ve fallen helplessly in love with.

I guess in a way it offends me.

A) I’d like to think that I’m mature enough to express my feelings. If I like someone, I know that I’d be competent enough to make those feelings known and act on them. Does Randomass girl really think I’m so timid that I would only talk to her for 3 minutes if I really liked her? Wouldn’t I be trying to get phone numbers or arrange further contacts? Clearly she thinks I’m inept and is pitying me by letting me know of her lack of desire for her.

B) That’s SO egotistical! How full of yourself do you need to be to assume that I’m helplessly in love with you? Bah!

Like I said, it’s never the girls that I’m playfully flirting with. It’s never my friends whom I joke with. I’d UNDERSTAND that. That makes SENSE that they might get their signals crossed. But my high school best friends’ roommates’ ex-girlfriend whom I spoke to for like five minutes (actually true story of my most recent one)?! Gimme a break!

If I was interested in a girl, you’d know. Trust me.

See now I'll bet some of you are thinking "Gee, I'll bet this post is about me"... AHHHHH! The cycle never ends!!!! What was the Carly Simon song? "You're so vain... you probly think this post is about you."

So anyway, if there are any of you out there that I’ve never actually met but who are convinced that I’m madly in love with you... “I’m sorry, but you’re just my type of girl/guy.” And if you’re ever standing around somewhere and here the phrase “I think that guy from New York City has a crush on me”… feel free to giggle.

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