Introducing Falmouth 4's naked hula hooper.

OK, someone asked me to do an intro, so now I can't put it off any longer, or I'd be disapointing someone.

There are plenty of things I'll do just for the asking, especially when it's a beautiful woman asking biggrin

(naked hoola hooping being just one of those things. I would like to point out that it was cold though wink

)

The rest of this may look like it's degenerating into me whining about how crap my life is, but it doesn't stand much chance of getting any better unless other people have a basic idea why I am the way I am.

Three years ago I diagnosed myself with Aspergers Syndrome, after being depressed since I was about 9, and not really realising it until I had a full on nervous breakdown at 23, and my brain tried to create a whole new reality to escape the hell I was in at the time (I can only say thank god for Monty Python. I am not the messiah!).

These days It'd be more accurate to say I've got an autistic spectrum disorder (ASD). Play pic'n'mix with autism, aspergers syndrome (AS), dyslexia, ADD, ADHD, OCD, bipolar disorder, dyspraxia, tourettes and a dozen other conditions, and you've got yourself an ASD, as no-one has just one of these. I'm mostly AS or high functioning autism, with a bit of OCD, ADD and dyspraxia thrown in.

I think the best description I've seen so far is 'social communication disorder', as that is where most of my problems are. Everyone else's understanding of body language, facial expression and a lot of the subtleties of spoken language comes instinctively, but for aspies it has to be learned, and quite often relearned for each new person you come across. It can take me several weeks to be able to talk freely with someone, and large groups just get confusing to the point at which my brain tries to shut down.

I find it a lot easier to talk one to one, if a third person joins the conversation then there is a whole load of body language going on that I can't understand, that lets people know whose turn it is to speak, and I end up butting in so often that I usually just shut up to avoid embarassment.

The same thing used to happen when talking one to one, and the other person got bored with what I had to say. I couldn't see the body language that would tell any other person what was going on, so I did't shut up. Now I just don't talk much at all.

While conversations and friendships are difficult, starting a relationship is next to impossible, as at the beginning there isn't much except body language that lets you know someone likes you. I can kind of get the impression when someone is flirting with me, but I have no way of responding, and can't be sure enough anyway. I don't have much body language, just random noise, which confuses people at a subconscious level, and can make them feel uneasy.

I've only had 2 relationships. The first time was with a French girl, and happened because we were both completely wasted a lot of the time, and hardly spoke a word of each other's language. It was about 3 months before my AS started to cause difficulties, and she had to go back to France. The second was with a Japanese girl, who probably had more in common with me than most, having ADD and schizophrenia (there is a lot of similarity between AS and schizophrenia, although it's a lot more severe). That ended because I couldn't stay in Japan for more than 6 months.

Having AS means you're already prone to anxiety and depression, without the problems caused by difficulty socialising. I should be on anti-depressants, but I react badly to them, so I'm just coping without.

I was on a major downer before I discovered HoP. Falmouth was just what I needed and I had a much better time than I could have imagined, so a huge thankyou hug to everyone who went
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Sorry for the hugeness of this post, but it's out of the way, and it'll save me going over it repeatedly smile

Hopefully I'll have more LED Poi goodness to share at Play biggrin

You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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