Page:
IgirisujinSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom


Posted:
My brother came back from the pub (drunk as a skunk) while I was outside having a practice with my fire poi unlit, im much better with them when there not on fire, for some reason as soon as there lit I forget nearly everything I can do with them I have to concentrate really hard to remember to do much.

Anyway I was having a practice one night just outside our house in the driveway, when he came by and stoped to look at my spinning, and he asked me if I was gay. So I said what makes you ask that? He told me he had looked through my phone and saw my messages to chris (who actually upset me abit, chris found a boyfriend 4 days after I had a little 'date' with him, 4 days and he calls this new lad a boyfriend?! What the hell was I chopped liver, why did you kiss me goodbye like that then you bugger? I never asked him though)

Anywhoo after chris' betrayal (ubblol lol I laugh about it now) we havnt talked much since then but I kept his text messages because I forgot too empty my inbox. I think roberts seen my phone more than he let on so' hes probably known for longer but that night he said something. Anyway I knew he knew that I knew that he knew, so I said I am yeah, I would have never have told him though if he hadnt asked, me and robert dont get along we'ere not so much brothers as housemates basicly ( well before he moved out), which is actually pretty much the same story with my parents.

Im abit annoyed at him because im sure I heard my brother through the walls of my room tell mum 'yeah your right he is gay I asked, but if you say anything I never told you'. Ide told my brother not to tell mum and dad that night when he asked because I dont want someone else outing me.

Guess I have to wait and see, I'll know when mum says something. If I find out she did ask robert to ask im gonna be really pissed off.

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?


L0s3r_r@v3rSILVER Member
enthusiast
274 posts
Location: Swansea, Ma (US), USA


Posted:
*hugs* comeing out it hard but you feel good afterwards atleast. Meassage me on myspace and or here if you need ot talk/get stuff off yer chest. hug hug hug

You know what I'm thinking about right now? That's right, Tacos!


Loki_the_tricksterSILVER Member
Has sharp edges
1,266 posts
Location: Stuck in the mire, USA


Posted:
hug hug hug Good luck!!!! I'm Bi and have come out to everyone but my family and I know its hard. I personally dont know if I ever can, because of fear of being shunned from the family. I hope it goes well for you .....If you think they already know maybe its time to come out because it may go over better if they hear it from you instead of them hunting out information and them feeling you've lied to them. I wish you the best!!! hug biggrin

My ADD makes it so that.....Ooooo SHINY.....wanna go ride bikes....wait....where am I.....


GidgBRONZE Member
Super Gidg!!!!
8,506 posts
Location: Portland Oregon USA


Posted:
It's funny how family can react. My cousins father is a priest, but when he (the cousin, not the father) came out of the closet the family was sort of cool about it. A lot a prayer started flying around everwhere but they didn't shun him or anything.

Personally I would rather have my child (if I had any) tell me than hearing through the grape vine.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg


_Aimée_SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom


Posted:
I came out as bi-sexual to pretty much everybody apart from my family.
About a week after I did this my little sister came up to me and asked if she could have a talk. She started crying said "I'm bi-sexual".
She then went on to tell how she told one of her 'friends' in confidance and now the whole school is running around calling her a dirty fat lesbian frown
I told her that I was too, and so was our cousin Katrina, and we made a joke about it running in the family ubblol

We're going to tell mum together, when we're a bit older. I would have told her sooner, but now that lulu has come out as well, I don't want it to seem like lucy is 'copying' me - which mum will think she is doing.

As for dad? When he slows down in the car to look at a hot woman I look too biggrin

All families act different, although you should talk to them. Ask your mum specifically if she asked your brother to do her dirty work for her, and say if she has a question for you, she can ask it to your face!

The way you flounce around on here I'm sure you will have no problem having the confidance to say 'I am gay'.
wink

All the best hug

IgirisujinSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom


Posted:
lol aw thanks guys for the kind words and advice and everything, I'll have to think about what im going to do next but I will come back here and write how things turn out.

kiss grouphug heart

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?


BatwalkerBRONZE Member
journeyman
50 posts
Location: Malvern, UK


Posted:
It took me a long time to come out to my friends that I am bi. When I did they just said OK, and nothing else has really been mentioned.

Sometimes the reaction can be alot better then you are expecting. My mates certainly surprised me.

Have to admit though I haven't told my parents. I always said I would if I was ever started to feel serious about a woman. But it was a man that I ended up falling in love with so never got to cross that bridge.

I think it is slightly different for bi, but I still wish you all the best, good luck sweety hug grouphug

I am a EVIL Giraffe.....


KyrianDreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England


Posted:
Ooooooh look, an elephant!

*pets the elephant*

good luck brit joe! families are weird anyway. you never can tell what upsets them most and what doesn't.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....


UCOFSILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales


Posted:
Put a closet in your living room, then half way through the evening when you parents are watching tv, come out.

wink

Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
My parents kinda guessed mainly due to:

- Me being a weirdo (in their eyes)

- not having a girlfriend.

And it came out during arguments with each of them aged 22 and 24 respectively. Still don't really get on with my dad but it was like that before the coming out. Mum saves she still loves me and, god bless her, tries her best but I try not to refer to it as I know she still holds out hope that I will 'turn back'. That and my love life is such a mess that I don't want to burden them with that. (Actually it's to avoid more comments in the vein of 'I told you so')

I can attribute it to more of a culture clash so I hope your coming out will prove more positive. You coming out at 18 will probably be better in the long run as the earlier they accept it, the more you don't have to live a lie with them.

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


DrBooBRONZE Member
I invented the decaffinated coffee table.
453 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom


Posted:
Hi Sweetie. Sorry you're having a tough time. Have another hug hug
Well done for telling your brother, that was brave.
PM/instant message (drboo@hotmail.co.uk) me if you want to chat or rant.
kiss hug2 hug

Boo x

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

If it costs "a penny for your thoughts", but people give you their "two-pence worth", who is getting the extra penny?


MikeIconGOLD Member
Pooh-Bah
2,109 posts
Location: Philadelphia, PA - USA


Posted:
You should make it fun. Tomorrow dress as gay as possible. Walk into the room and be fabulously flamboyant. Kiss your parents on both cheeks and say "Good bye everyone, Im off to dance class!" then leave the room with a skip.

Let's turn those old bridges we crossed into ashes.
We'll blaze a new trail,
and torch the rough patches.

-Me


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
I did have a plan when I was younger and didn't get on at all with my parents was to wait until I was rich, successful and living with a long term partner, invite them round and spring it upon them, lay the blame on them as they didn't let me have a girlfriend when I was younger and plus their predeliction for rude penis-jokes.

Obviously I've changed my tune as they sprung it on me (well, not as if I can play the same trick twice!)
Plus the last thing you wanna do is make them feel guilty if you want them to be understanding of the fact it wasn't their fault.

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


[Nx?]BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,749 posts
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both


Posted:
hard stuff.

gonna happen somehow.

be strong.

hug

T wave

This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti


JerryDSILVER Member
member
136 posts
Location: Maryland, USA


Posted:
hug



Good luck with everything with your family. I came out to my parents when I was 18 or 19 and it was one of the hardest things that I have done. I told my mom first and she took it well (though there were some tears) and then I told my dad. He surprised the hell out of me by handling it even better than my mom did. It was such a huge relief to have it out in the open. Only then did I realize just how freaking exhausting it was to hide it. My relationship with my parents was 200% closer & stronger from that point on.



So, even though things might be tough for a while, hopefully they'll get a lot better afterwards. As otheres have said, feel free to PM me if you wanna chat about anything.

I was touched by His Noodly Appendage


jo_rhymesSILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom


Posted:
aww Joe, sorry to hear this.
my friend's older brother is gay, when his parents found out his mum was fine but his dad went mental.
He's the only son in the family and his dad was like "who's going to carry on our surname?" !!
He and his dad were really close, but his dad started ignoring him and even said "i have no son" he was really ashamed.
After about a month of acting like a total psycho, his dad finally came round, and has even let his son's boyfriend move in.
It's now been over a year, and Alex and his boyfriend Graeme still live with Alex's folks and they're happy as anything.
what i'm saying is, expect your folks to react badly, it might be a shock, but remember that you're their son and they love you.
good luck fella hug

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.


PyroWillGOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom


Posted:
I thought you had already come out to them joe?



Coming out is always hard, I guess, but its hardest for the family since they are the ones that when you grow up imagine your future, they imagine your wedding day, they imagine having grandchildren etc, they are often less understanding than friends.



P.S. Dave if I didnt know you were gay I certainly wouldnt have guessed it from hanging out with out you

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Well, the good news is now you don't have to fret over how you're going to do it...

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


Nephtysresident fridge magnet
835 posts
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands


Posted:
hug That sucks Joe, I can really imagine this is something you want to tell your family when YOU are ready..... but on the brighter side, neither your brother nor your mother have freaked out - maybe you should just have 'the talk' with your parents now?

On a related but different issue... what is your brother doing snooping around your phone anyway!?



 Written by: neon shaolin

And it came out during arguments with each of them aged 22 and 24 respectively



Neon, I had to read that sentence about three times before I decided you weren't saying your parents were 22 and 24 when you came out ubblol

everyone's unique except me


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
no Nephtys, I meant that I came out to them at different times, to my mum when I was 22 and to my dad at 24. She thought it unwise to tell him.

Actually I'm not sure if they know that the other knows...
(we don't talk that much)

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


Nephtysresident fridge magnet
835 posts
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands


Posted:
smile yep, i figureed that out after read three ubblol in my defense, its been a very, very, very long day!

everyone's unique except me


Tao StarPooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol


Posted:
hmmm, i haven't told my dad yet...i'm not sure that i ever will. as it is i have a boyfirend atm so he's not gonna notice anything. i don't think he'd be angry, i just think it doesn't really fit in with his world view. i think he'd be more confused than anything, he just wouldn't understand me. plus he's catholic although very accepting - i guess i just don't know what he'd say!

the rest of my family all know though, and i feel a bit guilty that he's the only one having something kept from him.

it's so tricky, but like someone else said up there - if your mum was angry or realy worried then wouldn't she have said something by now? i know it's traumatic, but it's really worth getting it out in the open i think - it'll take a big weight off your mind.

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.


CantusSILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,966 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: PyroWill

Coming out is always hard,

Thus spake the voice of experience....
rolleyes biggrin ubblol

Meh


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
Tao

Surely if you come out while you're still with him, he'll take it as a compliment that with your WIDE tastes, you chose HIM...

I know its very easy for me to say something like that but when it comes down to it - its a matter of trust. Do you love him enough to tell him everything about yourself? And does he love you enough to have that not matter to him in the position you're both in together now?

As I say its not for me to dictate what to do as everyone has differing circumstances but that's just my thought on the matter.

P.S. From experience all my male friends with bisexual girlfriends have been happy about it!

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


IgirisujinSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom


Posted:
lol

 Written by:

On a related but different issue... what is your brother doing snooping around your phone anyway!?



Oh he has absoulutly no respect for his own or anyone elses things. One of the many reasons we dont get along.

Hmm I know I need to ust be out with it, I know my mum knows I mean come on I am 19 ive never ad a gf and ive been really sneaky recently (seeing boyfriends and all). I tend to put things off for too long so Im still thinking on how/when to do it confused2, I will post it up once Ive done it with how it went.

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?


Tao StarPooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol


Posted:
no my boyfriend knows! he thinks it's great wink

i's my dad that doesn't....lol

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
Hmmm sorry!

Misreading posts seems to be quite contagious on this thread! Apologises Tao!

What's that? That's the sound of my soap box falling to pieces under my feet!

And Joe, don't assume anything. For all you know, your mum might think you're out doing drugs with your drug-dealing Chav girlfriend/mistress (in which case you coming out would be a sigh of relief).
If all else fails, if you REALLY want her to know but can't bring yourself to tell her, leave a REALLY gay CD out somewhere 'by mistake' (say, Barbara Streisand) and let her come to you!

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
Drop hints so they get the idea, and then let them figure it out for themselves?

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


AsenaGOLD Member
What a Bummer
3,224 posts
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
Ah Joe, thats censored ...

I was kinda forced out the closet with my parents, cos of stuff, but my sister kept my secret for ages. Well I hope all goes well when you finally tell em, and I say now, altho they've been told by someone else, it always hits home when it comes from you. frown

But good luck, my dad was wikid smile it was my psycohtic mother that did my head in frown

Ooooh, and as suggestions on how to do it... walk into the front room (dressed in a ballet suit, preferably leotard and tutu) with a ghetto blaster ready to play Amerie - I'm coming out....
[Lyrics incase you dont know the song]
Then dance flashdance styleeeee and they might get the Idea smile

_khan_SILVER Member
old hand
768 posts
Location: San Francisco, California, USA


Posted:
oh big hugs to you puppy!! hug

sending you strength!
**wiggles figures in the general direction of England**

I am from San Francisco, land of the fairy godmothers, so my magic works ya know. wink

As far as coming out outfits, I'd suggest chaps. Leather chaps, no shirt, and a boa. That'll telegraph the punch alright. (you could perhaps replace the chaps with Asena's tutu idea, but skip the leotard and still go topless. keep the boa.)

Seriously though, better to tell them directly and intentionally, and on your terms. My coming out was blurted out in the middle of an argument, on Christmas Day. Definitely not optimal.

Be brave!! hug

taken out of context i must seem so strange
~ ani di franco


KyrianDreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England


Posted:
You know I may be the only person in the world who doesn't want to come out to my (mother) because she's a lesbian and she'll think she's *won* or something? Well, half-won, but it'll look like a win to her. (And not too terribly much different to myself, in my estimation...)

Surely since she knows, tho, joe, no more point in stressing about her knowing? confused

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....


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