Forums > Social Chat > On not having kids...
Login/Join to ParticipateNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Hopefully this will serve to entertain someone who is dreadfully bored at work. Unfortunately, it's an extremely long post and has little to no point at all. Do with it what you will. And if you're not dreadfully bored and stuck at work with nothing productive to do... for the love of God, click on another post.
Every now and then I have a deep thought that I feel like throwing at HoP... just to see how it bounces back.
Growing up I'd always loved working with kids. I still enjoy playing with 'toys' but more importantly, I've always had a very protective personality when it comes to folks younger than me. In High School I remember all of my friends telling me how great a dad I would be and I was looking forward to having kids. But recently something changed.
I've been really happy the last few years. I've gained an optimism in life. I'm having a great time. I know that some things suck in life, but I've been enjoying the little things more and appreciating the time that I'm alive. After breaking up with my most recent girlfriend I had a very strange sense of relief. I realized that I didn't want to go down that path anymore. I'd recently started thinking about kids as (what my buddy calls) "A huge administrative hassle."
Ya'see, I already have TONS of fulfilling daily interactions with kids. I teach High School for those of you who don't know. I love my interactions with my students. But I also love the fact that, when the day is done, I can go HOME. I feel that because I am a teacher I UNDERSTAND a bit more of what it's like to be around kids all day. I know it's different having MY kids... I know I'd be a great Dad. I have infinite patience with children and am utterly responsible. I get along great with kids and would gladly give my life to save one. Unfortunately, just because you'd be good at something, doesn't mean you should do it.
But then I started asking myself: How great would it be if I didn't have to have kids? How great would it be if I found someone who just wanted to be with me... and we could be together and do silly romantic things all the time without being bound to the overwhelming responsibility of having a kid? I DEFINITELY want to get married and am utterly romantic at heart. The thought of actually meeting a woman who DIDN'T want to have kids was really exciting. In fact, the idea that I didn't have to have kids at all made me really happy. And that thought within it self sealed the deal:
I don't want kids.
You'd think that'd be the end of a very long post, but no... what I was really surprised by was how much of a freak that decision has made me. I had no idea. I even looked at the data from the 2000 census. 86% of Americans between 35 and 45 already had kids. Add another few percent for those who have their kids above 35 and we're looking at like 90% of the general population who will have kids before they die. Figure a low estimate that 5% of the general population is gay and doesn't want kids (understanding that there are gay families but they'd be in the 86%) and maybe 5% have fertility issues that keep them childless and chose not to adopt. So who does that leave me to marry and not have kids with?
Nobody.
I know that a few of you are going to chime in and say "I don't want kids either" but you're wrong. You'll meet the right guy/girl, graduate from High School (
) and then change your mind.
And this crosses all socioeconomic boundaries as well. My totally crazy, drug-addct, psycho-pyromaniac acquaintances are like "Dude, you don't want kids? That's messed up!!"
I really gotta wrap up this ultralong post so I'll just throw some points out there:
1) It's sad how many people instinctively 'settle down' and have kids without thinking of the huge repercussions or even contemplate the OPTION of not having kids.
2) I'm AMAZED by how FEW people chose NOT to have kids. The statistic that only 14% of 35 - 45 year olds DIDN'T already have kids TOTALLY floored me.
OK, thanks for listening.
Feedback? Thoughs? Drawings? Interpretive Dance?
Hopefully this will serve to entertain someone who is dreadfully bored at work. Unfortunately, it's an extremely long post and has little to no point at all. Do with it what you will. And if you're not dreadfully bored and stuck at work with nothing productive to do... for the love of God, click on another post.
Every now and then I have a deep thought that I feel like throwing at HoP... just to see how it bounces back.
Growing up I'd always loved working with kids. I still enjoy playing with 'toys' but more importantly, I've always had a very protective personality when it comes to folks younger than me. In High School I remember all of my friends telling me how great a dad I would be and I was looking forward to having kids. But recently something changed.
I've been really happy the last few years. I've gained an optimism in life. I'm having a great time. I know that some things suck in life, but I've been enjoying the little things more and appreciating the time that I'm alive. After breaking up with my most recent girlfriend I had a very strange sense of relief. I realized that I didn't want to go down that path anymore. I'd recently started thinking about kids as (what my buddy calls) "A huge administrative hassle."
Ya'see, I already have TONS of fulfilling daily interactions with kids. I teach High School for those of you who don't know. I love my interactions with my students. But I also love the fact that, when the day is done, I can go HOME. I feel that because I am a teacher I UNDERSTAND a bit more of what it's like to be around kids all day. I know it's different having MY kids... I know I'd be a great Dad. I have infinite patience with children and am utterly responsible. I get along great with kids and would gladly give my life to save one. Unfortunately, just because you'd be good at something, doesn't mean you should do it.
But then I started asking myself: How great would it be if I didn't have to have kids? How great would it be if I found someone who just wanted to be with me... and we could be together and do silly romantic things all the time without being bound to the overwhelming responsibility of having a kid? I DEFINITELY want to get married and am utterly romantic at heart. The thought of actually meeting a woman who DIDN'T want to have kids was really exciting. In fact, the idea that I didn't have to have kids at all made me really happy. And that thought within it self sealed the deal:
I don't want kids.
You'd think that'd be the end of a very long post, but no... what I was really surprised by was how much of a freak that decision has made me. I had no idea. I even looked at the data from the 2000 census. 86% of Americans between 35 and 45 already had kids. Add another few percent for those who have their kids above 35 and we're looking at like 90% of the general population who will have kids before they die. Figure a low estimate that 5% of the general population is gay and doesn't want kids (understanding that there are gay families but they'd be in the 86%) and maybe 5% have fertility issues that keep them childless and chose not to adopt. So who does that leave me to marry and not have kids with?
Nobody.
I know that a few of you are going to chime in and say "I don't want kids either" but you're wrong. You'll meet the right guy/girl, graduate from High School (
) and then change your mind.And this crosses all socioeconomic boundaries as well. My totally crazy, drug-addct, psycho-pyromaniac acquaintances are like "Dude, you don't want kids? That's messed up!!"
I really gotta wrap up this ultralong post so I'll just throw some points out there:
1) It's sad how many people instinctively 'settle down' and have kids without thinking of the huge repercussions or even contemplate the OPTION of not having kids.
2) I'm AMAZED by how FEW people chose NOT to have kids. The statistic that only 14% of 35 - 45 year olds DIDN'T already have kids TOTALLY floored me.
OK, thanks for listening.
Feedback? Thoughs? Drawings? Interpretive Dance?
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
False Eyelash
346 posts
Location: New York City
346 posts
Location: New York City
Posted:
Do what's right for you girl. And - being female - you can always change your mind.
Do what's right for you girl. And - being female - you can always change your mind.
All the freaky people make the beauty of the world.
member
313 posts
Location: london,uk
313 posts
Location: london,uk
Posted:
What are my thoughts on this thread?I'm one of them single mums and it really isn't all that bad....I had kids because i was overwhelmed with broody feelings when i hit 22,then i lost my first born to a car crash.Shortly thereafter i had my daughter,followed soon by my son.After going thru something as horrendous as the death of a child,any subsequent kids are a blessing.When i look back on my journey,i wonder how i got here,and how these 2 gorgeous beings became my family........and i respect anyone who has the foresight to consider the impact that having kids will have on their lives..I didn't and it was right for me...
What are my thoughts on this thread?I'm one of them single mums and it really isn't all that bad....I had kids because i was overwhelmed with broody feelings when i hit 22,then i lost my first born to a car crash.Shortly thereafter i had my daughter,followed soon by my son.After going thru something as horrendous as the death of a child,any subsequent kids are a blessing.When i look back on my journey,i wonder how i got here,and how these 2 gorgeous beings became my family........and i respect anyone who has the foresight to consider the impact that having kids will have on their lives..I didn't and it was right for me...
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
Wow..so much to ponder.
First of all. I was adopted. I was taken away by CPS for child neglect and abuse by my 14 year old mother when I was 8 months old. I had visitations with her for four years, some of my first memories are terrifying from her. My family adopted me and gave me a better life. I know I was given a better life because when I was 21 I met my biologicals, and they are, well, horrible in their own obssesive way. In the end I thanked them in letter for giving me the greatest gift of all, a life beyond what they could have dreamed. I used to belong to a group of adopted children, and the majority had the same feelings as I do. Not all, but there are always exceptions.
As to having children. I did not choose to have my son. In fact, I didn't even expect to have him until the day he was born (long story). It was a debate on whether or not to keep him even. I never wanted children, and to be honest, I still don't. But I love my son with all my heart and would never change that. I had my share of raising other people's children and wanted none of my own. I am way too selfish. But I am learning.
And he is 9 now, and my life is coming back to "normal" the older he gets.
And the meeting the right person theory...well, I have seen it happen, that is true. People dead set against having children changed their minds. I have also seen it work in reverse. When I met PWB he was completely gung-ho about having a child of his own, and since I did not want anymore...well, it caused issues. As time has passed however several things have changed, and he has come to realize the tremendous responsibility children are physically, emotionally, mentally, fiscally..... it is really incredible. He has come to love my son as his and has decided against having one, to the point of looking into getting fixed. However, doctors don't like to do this unless you have already had a child or are over a certain age limit, because of the ideology that people all too frequently change their minds.
I also have to say that I think part of where our social thinking that we "have to have" children to be complete is biological impulse, for certain. I think our society propigates it terribly however. Everywhere we look the idea of the perfect family is Mom, Dad, and 2.2 kids. Nowhere do you see family listed as husband and wife, and rarely as with one child. Thanks especially to the 50's we are still battling "nuclear family" stereotypes so many years later. Social conditioning can be such a strong influence on us.
I also agree that there are so many other factors...but one thing is for certain, when I have had conversations with people about having babies they all talk about the joy of cuddling this little person, the playing with toys and watching them grow. What they fail to think about is the times when the child screams "I hate you!" because they can not play, and they mean it with a vengence. They forget the up-all night fevers, the running for buckets at 2 am to stop projectile vomitting, the worry when they decide to walk away from you in a store, the stubborn arguements, the thousands of dollars that go into after school activities, summer camps, braces, etc. The hours spent at teacher parent conferences in the middle of the day. The every night event of helping with homework, that you already know how to do. The punishment of when they are grounded from going out on a beautiful day that you have to stay in with them too, and when you see them cry or get angry, how much it hurts you to stand your ground........
For all the plusses there are minusses people tend to miss. It is an amazing feeling when your child wraps his/her arms around your neck, kisses you on the cheek and says "I love you." But my advice to most people, borrow someone else's kid for at least two weeks (preferably long enough for the honeymoon phase to be over)...you get the jist!
Sorry for babbling. And I do not want anyone for one moment to think that I regret having my son, as I completely do not. I really do love my son as I do nothing else in the world, but in truth, I prolly would not have chosen to bring such a gorgeous and loving creature as him into my really messed up world. But since I have him, I do enjoy him!
My respect to all who have chosen the path less taken!
Pele
PS: NYC we still really enjoy the lego set you gave us...thank you!
Wow..so much to ponder.
First of all. I was adopted. I was taken away by CPS for child neglect and abuse by my 14 year old mother when I was 8 months old. I had visitations with her for four years, some of my first memories are terrifying from her. My family adopted me and gave me a better life. I know I was given a better life because when I was 21 I met my biologicals, and they are, well, horrible in their own obssesive way. In the end I thanked them in letter for giving me the greatest gift of all, a life beyond what they could have dreamed. I used to belong to a group of adopted children, and the majority had the same feelings as I do. Not all, but there are always exceptions.
As to having children. I did not choose to have my son. In fact, I didn't even expect to have him until the day he was born (long story). It was a debate on whether or not to keep him even. I never wanted children, and to be honest, I still don't. But I love my son with all my heart and would never change that. I had my share of raising other people's children and wanted none of my own. I am way too selfish. But I am learning.
And he is 9 now, and my life is coming back to "normal" the older he gets.
And the meeting the right person theory...well, I have seen it happen, that is true. People dead set against having children changed their minds. I have also seen it work in reverse. When I met PWB he was completely gung-ho about having a child of his own, and since I did not want anymore...well, it caused issues. As time has passed however several things have changed, and he has come to realize the tremendous responsibility children are physically, emotionally, mentally, fiscally..... it is really incredible. He has come to love my son as his and has decided against having one, to the point of looking into getting fixed. However, doctors don't like to do this unless you have already had a child or are over a certain age limit, because of the ideology that people all too frequently change their minds.
I also have to say that I think part of where our social thinking that we "have to have" children to be complete is biological impulse, for certain. I think our society propigates it terribly however. Everywhere we look the idea of the perfect family is Mom, Dad, and 2.2 kids. Nowhere do you see family listed as husband and wife, and rarely as with one child. Thanks especially to the 50's we are still battling "nuclear family" stereotypes so many years later. Social conditioning can be such a strong influence on us.
I also agree that there are so many other factors...but one thing is for certain, when I have had conversations with people about having babies they all talk about the joy of cuddling this little person, the playing with toys and watching them grow. What they fail to think about is the times when the child screams "I hate you!" because they can not play, and they mean it with a vengence. They forget the up-all night fevers, the running for buckets at 2 am to stop projectile vomitting, the worry when they decide to walk away from you in a store, the stubborn arguements, the thousands of dollars that go into after school activities, summer camps, braces, etc. The hours spent at teacher parent conferences in the middle of the day. The every night event of helping with homework, that you already know how to do. The punishment of when they are grounded from going out on a beautiful day that you have to stay in with them too, and when you see them cry or get angry, how much it hurts you to stand your ground........
For all the plusses there are minusses people tend to miss. It is an amazing feeling when your child wraps his/her arms around your neck, kisses you on the cheek and says "I love you." But my advice to most people, borrow someone else's kid for at least two weeks (preferably long enough for the honeymoon phase to be over)...you get the jist!
Sorry for babbling. And I do not want anyone for one moment to think that I regret having my son, as I completely do not. I really do love my son as I do nothing else in the world, but in truth, I prolly would not have chosen to bring such a gorgeous and loving creature as him into my really messed up world. But since I have him, I do enjoy him!
My respect to all who have chosen the path less taken!
Pele
PS: NYC we still really enjoy the lego set you gave us...thank you!
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
[Still legoing?! Hrmmm.... I've got a set I've been meaning to get rid of.... PM me your mailing address and I'll get one out next week. I'm always happy to support a fellow lego maniac.]
[Still legoing?! Hrmmm.... I've got a set I've been meaning to get rid of.... PM me your mailing address and I'll get one out next week. I'm always happy to support a fellow lego maniac.]
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland
Posted:
Wow Flat Noah's doing well this year
Lego totally rocks the casbah 
Wow Flat Noah's doing well this year
Lego totally rocks the casbah I live in a world of infinite possibilities.
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
Lego, Zoids, Bionicles, MegaBlock Dragon Sets.....
That is the other draw back to parenting...when your floor turns into a land mined area of toys! lol
Rather sharpens the reaction time and dulls the nerves in the bottoms of the feet! lol
Lego, Zoids, Bionicles, MegaBlock Dragon Sets.....
That is the other draw back to parenting...when your floor turns into a land mined area of toys! lol
Rather sharpens the reaction time and dulls the nerves in the bottoms of the feet! lol
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
605 posts
Location: East London Wilds
605 posts
Location: East London Wilds
Posted:
I remember weekends in fleamarkets digging for more interesting meccano stuff when I was little. And I loved the Technic lego, too.
I remember weekends in fleamarkets digging for more interesting meccano stuff when I was little. And I loved the Technic lego, too.
Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
oh oh!!! support me, support me!!!
I've even been to Legoland in Denmark!
I also seriously considered a career in Lego design.
Quote:
[Still legoing?! Hrmmm.... I've got a set I've been meaning to get rid of.... PM me your mailing address and I'll get one out next week. I'm always happy to support a fellow lego maniac.]
oh oh!!! support me, support me!!!
I've even been to Legoland in Denmark!
I also seriously considered a career in Lego design.
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
ooh Legoland is cool. i went to the one in Carlsbad, CA. i love Legos
ooh Legoland is cool. i went to the one in Carlsbad, CA. i love Legos
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
and get this - I dragged my ex-wife along to that trip to legoland denmark (the ORIGINAL legoland) - and it was on our honeymoon!
Am I sick or what?!?
and get this - I dragged my ex-wife along to that trip to legoland denmark (the ORIGINAL legoland) - and it was on our honeymoon!
Am I sick or what?!?
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
wanna know something even more sad? the guy i'm dating now, we've talked about marriage, he'd actually LOVE to go to Legoland for our honeymoon, so it's probably a near-reality
wanna know something even more sad? the guy i'm dating now, we've talked about marriage, he'd actually LOVE to go to Legoland for our honeymoon, so it's probably a near-reality
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
well, do it at legoland denmark then. Odensee is a nice little town for a one or two night stopover, and you can drop by copenhagen on the way in or out, which is a cool city.
well, do it at legoland denmark then. Odensee is a nice little town for a one or two night stopover, and you can drop by copenhagen on the way in or out, which is a cool city.
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Jello wrestling firespiner who wants to Honeymoon at Legoland?
Do you have a single older sister?
Jello wrestling firespiner who wants to Honeymoon at Legoland?
Do you have a single older sister?
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
... WHO DOESN'T WANT KIDS!
... WHO DOESN'T WANT KIDS!
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
(psst... If you do have an older sister but she does want kids, then send her my way...)
(psst... If you do have an older sister but she does want kids, then send her my way...)
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
well you never know, this thing might not work out with this guy....
i actually do have a single older sister, but she already has kids. don't think she wants anymore, but does love her children and i have to say, they are very adorable children
well you never know, this thing might not work out with this guy.... i actually do have a single older sister, but she already has kids. don't think she wants anymore, but does love her children
and i have to say, they are very adorable children I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
I don't want a title.
940 posts
940 posts
Posted:
And vanize, if you have a younger brother who doesn't want kids, send him my way!
And vanize, if you have a younger brother who doesn't want kids, send him my way!
E pluribus unum, baby.
BRONZE Member
Super Gidg!!!!
8,506 posts
Location: Portland Oregon USA
Super Gidg!!!!
8,506 posts
Location: Portland Oregon USA
Posted:
Back to the subject, even though I do love legos.
I am also one of those that do not want children even though I have been told that I would be a great mother.
As a teenager I decided that I did not want to have the responsibility of children and then in my early 20’s I made a decision that I did not want to bring a child into the world as it was. In my late 20’s and early 30’s I heard my biological clock start ticking and felt that I would want to have children. Now that I’m in my 40’s I have come to understand that I don’t need to have children to be fulfilled in my life.
I would love to get married but it will be for the relationship between my husband and myself and not the need to have children. The decision to have children should be a joint one and with everything that has to be considered when having a child (including having a teenager when I’m in my late 50’s) and older children that need a home, adoption, if we decided if we wanted children, would be the way to go.
Statistics are fine and dandy, but it is the individual that needs to decide what is best for them. Remember, statistics are always changing.
Back to the subject, even though I do love legos.
I am also one of those that do not want children even though I have been told that I would be a great mother.
As a teenager I decided that I did not want to have the responsibility of children and then in my early 20’s I made a decision that I did not want to bring a child into the world as it was. In my late 20’s and early 30’s I heard my biological clock start ticking and felt that I would want to have children. Now that I’m in my 40’s I have come to understand that I don’t need to have children to be fulfilled in my life.
I would love to get married but it will be for the relationship between my husband and myself and not the need to have children. The decision to have children should be a joint one and with everything that has to be considered when having a child (including having a teenager when I’m in my late 50’s) and older children that need a home, adoption, if we decided if we wanted children, would be the way to go.
Statistics are fine and dandy, but it is the individual that needs to decide what is best for them. Remember, statistics are always changing.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.
Gidg
SILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia
Posted:
well said, thanks!
Quote:
"You never listen to them about anything else, why are you listening to them about that issue?"
well said, thanks!
SILVER Member
veteran
1,389 posts
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
veteran
1,389 posts
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
Posted:
That's how I feel at the moment. Note: AT THE MOMENT! I flly realize that I'm in high school, and this is very likely a stage that I'm going through, that I don't want kids, because I am going to change the world!!!!
Okay, so not really. But the way I justify myself at this age is that
a) I'm just WAAAYYYY too young to have kids at all right now
b) before I even think of wanting to settle down, I'm going to travel lots
c) why bring another child into this world, when I can save one dying? I think that if I ever deciede to have a child, I will go through all the papers and time to adopt.
See, I think that people want to have kids, so that a part of them will continue through them. Just a part of our nature, I figure. But I find that people are so bent on getting their own DNA out there. I think that it's not the DNA, but the ideals, and what you've taught your children.
Man, am I rambling...
Well, for now, I don't want kids, understandably. And at this point, I'm convinced I won't any time soon. But I realize that yes, I AM a teenager, and a girl to boot, and that my mind will change a million times on a million subjects before I die, whenever that may be.
So, I'll just not worry about it, and let it be. Just my... uhh... *looks over post* I'll say 5 cents...
*wanders away singing let it be*
~ Bobo
Quote:
Now that I’m in my 40’s I have come to understand that I don’t need to have children to be fulfilled in my life.
That's how I feel at the moment. Note: AT THE MOMENT! I flly realize that I'm in high school, and this is very likely a stage that I'm going through, that I don't want kids, because I am going to change the world!!!!
Okay, so not really. But the way I justify myself at this age is that
a) I'm just WAAAYYYY too young to have kids at all right now
b) before I even think of wanting to settle down, I'm going to travel lots
c) why bring another child into this world, when I can save one dying? I think that if I ever deciede to have a child, I will go through all the papers and time to adopt.
See, I think that people want to have kids, so that a part of them will continue through them. Just a part of our nature, I figure. But I find that people are so bent on getting their own DNA out there. I think that it's not the DNA, but the ideals, and what you've taught your children.
Man, am I rambling...
Well, for now, I don't want kids, understandably. And at this point, I'm convinced I won't any time soon. But I realize that yes, I AM a teenager, and a girl to boot, and that my mind will change a million times on a million subjects before I die, whenever that may be.
So, I'll just not worry about it, and let it be. Just my... uhh... *looks over post* I'll say 5 cents...
*wanders away singing let it be*
~ Bobo
wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I just watched "Sex in the City" tonight and realized just how much I want a kid.
This sucks.
I just watched "Sex in the City" tonight and realized just how much I want a kid.
This sucks.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
Interesting post. I wish more people looked seriously at whats good for them. Now, a few disclaimers
I didn't have time to read everyone's posts yet. In fact, mostly none of them except NYC's
I think NYC's post was great
He's going to predict every word of my answer more or less. Oh well, can't always be original, I can still haev anecdotes tho.
Yes, I feel like i want to have kids someday. Yes, this is new. I do wish they'd come to me at age 5, but that is another story entirely. I don't wnat to have kids right now. I wnatto travel, learn languages, and figure out what to do with my life. I also want to be married to the person i marry, at least first, if nothing else. Before we have to worry about being parents. There's disadvantages..... but whatever. I'm not gonna do a two million line post on things everyone already has thought about for themselves.
My anecdotes:
I was talking to my bf the other night, the whole "what happens if the world goes to hell and i get pregnant" convo. It was a very mature conversation for any male, imo, let alone a 20yo in college. But I still think one of my many favourite quotes he shared from his discussions with his parents was (directed at him, he's the oldest of 2, altho one of about 4 family dependants)
"everything went to hell after you were born"
Now, they don't entirely mean it. His mother has more accomplishments and is more sucessful than most history figures, him and his brother are the most amazingly cool contributions to the human race, and his father is, at worst, a sucessful engineer with a fair number of odd hobbies.
But, they have a point. When you become parents, you have to sacrifice a lot. And if its ever worth it (I hope i'll give in to it someday) Well, its not worth it young. I hope I'm never insane enough to try and keep a baby i didn't try for, i knwo plenty of people who want to adopt.
And i'm babbling.
Homework time.
Kbug
Interesting post. I wish more people looked seriously at whats good for them. Now, a few disclaimers
I didn't have time to read everyone's posts yet. In fact, mostly none of them except NYC's
I think NYC's post was great
He's going to predict every word of my answer more or less. Oh well, can't always be original, I can still haev anecdotes tho.
Yes, I feel like i want to have kids someday. Yes, this is new. I do wish they'd come to me at age 5, but that is another story entirely. I don't wnat to have kids right now. I wnatto travel, learn languages, and figure out what to do with my life. I also want to be married to the person i marry, at least first, if nothing else. Before we have to worry about being parents. There's disadvantages..... but whatever. I'm not gonna do a two million line post on things everyone already has thought about for themselves.
My anecdotes:
I was talking to my bf the other night, the whole "what happens if the world goes to hell and i get pregnant" convo. It was a very mature conversation for any male, imo, let alone a 20yo in college. But I still think one of my many favourite quotes he shared from his discussions with his parents was (directed at him, he's the oldest of 2, altho one of about 4 family dependants)
"everything went to hell after you were born"
Now, they don't entirely mean it. His mother has more accomplishments and is more sucessful than most history figures, him and his brother are the most amazingly cool contributions to the human race, and his father is, at worst, a sucessful engineer with a fair number of odd hobbies.
But, they have a point. When you become parents, you have to sacrifice a lot. And if its ever worth it (I hope i'll give in to it someday) Well, its not worth it young. I hope I'm never insane enough to try and keep a baby i didn't try for, i knwo plenty of people who want to adopt.
And i'm babbling.
Homework time.
Kbug
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
Pooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol
Posted:
ME!
people sometimes ask me why me & John ( ) haven't started (even though i'm only 19!!!! 
) But we agreed we don't want them. Ever. We'ew more interested in our house and the cats and stuff. They're kind of replacement babies.
Maybe if i had eneded up with someone else it might have been different, but frankly the only part of haveing kids that appeals to me is the preganacy - and NOT including birth because that's just too much pain and grossness.
Quote:
... WHO DOESN'T WANT KIDS!
ME!
people sometimes ask me why me & John (
) haven't started (even though i'm only 19!!!! ) But we agreed we don't want them. Ever. We'ew more interested in our house and the cats and stuff. They're kind of replacement babies.Maybe if i had eneded up with someone else it might have been different, but frankly the only part of haveing kids that appeals to me is the preganacy - and NOT including birth because that's just too much pain and grossness.
I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Well, if we're going to convice some woman to have a kid with you but sleep with me on the side, one of us is at least going to have to move to the other's city.
Quote:
I just watched "Sex in the City" tonight and realized just how much I want a kid.
This sucks.
Well, if we're going to convice some woman to have a kid with you but sleep with me on the side, one of us is at least going to have to move to the other's city.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
SILVER Member
old hand
899 posts
Location: New York City, USA
old hand
899 posts
Location: New York City, USA
Posted:
I used to think that I'd never want kids.
Most of my cousins are younger than I am so I got stuck babysitting them and trying to deal with all of their craziness. (one of them loved to wear other people's shoes...she put on my sneakers then ran around her mother's backyard while peeing...the pee, of course, ran down her legs into my sneakers..)
Then I became an uncle.
I love my neices and my nephew. One of my neices is very close to me and despite only seeing her twice a year at most we have developed a good relationship.
I guess that I look forward to having kids of my own when I have moved back to NYC and given up the odd lifestyle I'm involved with at the moment. Currently I am not in a place in my life where I could be the kind of father I know I can be because my focus is on my sport, training and competitions.
When that changes I will start thinking much more about having kids of my own.
Raph
I used to think that I'd never want kids.
Most of my cousins are younger than I am so I got stuck babysitting them and trying to deal with all of their craziness. (one of them loved to wear other people's shoes...she put on my sneakers then ran around her mother's backyard while peeing...the pee, of course, ran down her legs into my sneakers..)
Then I became an uncle.
I love my neices and my nephew. One of my neices is very close to me and despite only seeing her twice a year at most we have developed a good relationship.
I guess that I look forward to having kids of my own when I have moved back to NYC and given up the odd lifestyle I'm involved with at the moment. Currently I am not in a place in my life where I could be the kind of father I know I can be because my focus is on my sport, training and competitions.
When that changes I will start thinking much more about having kids of my own.
Raph
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted:
Really? Would it have to be that way, NYC? Lightning, if you were to adopt a child (or say arrange for someone specific to have a baby for you), would you still want further contact with that woman?
I realize I'm in the minority when it comes to women on this issue, but I actually like the idea of having kids for others to enjoy. I would happily have one for someone else, and have no regrets about giving up custody or not having contact with that child.
I also agree with Kyrian in that I don't particularly want my own until after they are at least a year old and over that whole spitting up mess. It just grosses me out for some reason.
Really? Would it have to be that way, NYC? Lightning, if you were to adopt a child (or say arrange for someone specific to have a baby for you), would you still want further contact with that woman?
I realize I'm in the minority when it comes to women on this issue, but I actually like the idea of having kids for others to enjoy. I would happily have one for someone else, and have no regrets about giving up custody or not having contact with that child.
I also agree with Kyrian in that I don't particularly want my own until after they are at least a year old and over that whole spitting up mess. It just grosses me out for some reason.
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
i love being an aunt. it's enough for me. my sister and my nephew (he'll be 2 in may) visited my parents last weekend. they called me and put me on speakerphone, and i could hear him in the background saying "lisa. lisa. lisa." he apparently was sitting in the living room, and all of a sudden got up and walked out calling my name. he was looking for me. *teary eyed* i love that stuff. it's enough for me to be an aunt, cause i get to hand him off when i'm done spoiling him
i love being an aunt. it's enough for me. my sister and my nephew (he'll be 2 in may) visited my parents last weekend. they called me and put me on speakerphone, and i could hear him in the background saying "lisa. lisa. lisa." he apparently was sitting in the living room, and all of a sudden got up and walked out calling my name. he was looking for me. *teary eyed* i love that stuff. it's enough for me to be an aunt, cause i get to hand him off when i'm done spoiling him
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
No... I was being silly. Since I want to sleep with women but don't want kids and Lightning wants kids but doesn't want to sleep with women... it seems like we could pair up and make one woman who wants a family very happy. EVERYBODY WINS!
Quote:
Really? Would it have to be that way, NYC? Lightning, if you were to adopt a child (or say arrange for someone specific to have a baby for you), would you still want further contact with that woman?
No... I was being silly.
Since I want to sleep with women but don't want kids and Lightning wants kids but doesn't want to sleep with women... it seems like we could pair up and make one woman who wants a family very happy. EVERYBODY WINS! Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I think I would leave the decision up to her, but under the condition that it is MY child and that under no circumstances is she to make a move to try to get him/her back.
Quote:
Really? Would it have to be that way, NYC? Lightning, if you were to adopt a child (or say arrange for someone specific to have a baby for you), would you still want further contact with that woman?
I think I would leave the decision up to her, but under the condition that it is MY child and that under no circumstances is she to make a move to try to get him/her back.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
Dreamer
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
4,308 posts
Location: York, England
Posted:
Oh, btw NYC.
My stepmom never wanted kids. Of course, she's like 35 and married. But just to prove females who don't want kids exist. Meeting my dad was a good thing... My dad both didn't want and couldn't have any (more) kids. And I didn't live with them, so she didn't have to deal with me.
So, these people do exist. And she lives in CT. And actually is good friends with a couple where neither of them want kids.
And now i am gonna go back and actually read peoples posts....
*hugs*
Oh, btw NYC.
My stepmom never wanted kids. Of course, she's like 35 and married. But just to prove females who don't want kids exist. Meeting my dad was a good thing... My dad both didn't want and couldn't have any (more) kids. And I didn't live with them, so she didn't have to deal with me.
So, these people do exist. And she lives in CT. And actually is good friends with a couple where neither of them want kids.
And now i am gonna go back and actually read peoples posts....
*hugs*
Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive
Shalom VeAhavah
New Hampshire has a point....
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