Forums > Introductions > the coleman abides
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big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
i'm trying to get into changing this intro from time to time - at the very least to keep the music and films bit 'up to date'.
name: cole[man]
sex: male
age: 27
location: i live in a veritable castle in leytonstone in east london with my beautiful girlfriend
i used to go to lots of workshops but i have to admit, its a fairly rare occurance these days.
your favourite website/s: this one is okay
jugglingdb.com, contactjuggling.org, okayplayer.com, spherculism.com, playfestival.co.uk, magicbunny.co.uk, gettyimages.co.uk, toolband.com, airside.co.uk...
toys: i play poi and juggle balls. every now and again (like most people i think) i pick up other toys but am worse at all of these than i am at the keeping balls in the air thing - 97531, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop.
been twirling: since may 2002.
i could do the basic stuff (just a fwd and rev 3bt weave and a fwd butterfly) back in nov 2001 but then went and did a snowboard season in the alps and forgot everything.
when i came back, i discovered one of my best friends had learnt loads!
so summer 2002, i was in the lucky position of being around wikid poi people every weekend and having a friend acting almost as a personal tutor during the week.
big love and respect to jonny moohaahaa and fairie cath for all your patience, effort, guidance and days and days of playtime!
i began learning to juggle in august or september of 2002.
recent manipulation trends: been playing with one and two 4" stage balls quite a bit whilst wiggling bits of my body, learning to juggle 5 balls all over again, 3 ball body throws, getting confused about antispin, balancing things on my head and spinning a ball on my finger.
occupation: db admin and layout & design (similar to a porn star, just in an office). i work for a small, law firm in their information and research department. i also handle all of the firm's dtp, digital publishing and commercial print. aerotech toys aren't cheap and since my body won't ever make me rich, i have resorted to something a little more conventional
hobbies: bammy , this stuff, music, collecting things (i'm very bad for this) and boarding (although my skating is now non-existent due to me being crap and it hurting too much so just snow when i can afford it).
music: i like pretty much all of it. current playlist includes TOOL, RADIOHEAD, THE ROOTS, D'ANGELO and JEFF BUCKLEY, (and the rest) wayne shorter, a perfect circle, billie holiday, jill scott, joni mitchell, saul williams, john coltrane, soad, dj shadow, roy hargrove, 4-tet, edith piaf, cat empire, faith no more...
movies: recently seen... old boy
team america, the last samurai, the ladykillers, the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, shaolin kung fu master, jackie brown, shrek 2, shogun assassin, midnight express, lotr, seven samurai & magnificent seven double bill, kill bill 1 & 2, confessions of a dangerous mind, eraserhead, princess mononoke, a beautiful mind, pay it forward, adaptation, waking life.
favourites... shogun assassin, requium for a dream, anything by lynch, kevin smith or the coen brothers or anything written by charlie kaufmann.
books: recent... hiding the elephant, illuminatus trilogy, philosophical investigations, a book on nlp, shogun, oracle night, peter cook '...only twin', the curious incident of the dog in the night time, lord of the rings trilogy (first time ever - it didn't disappoint!), the complete winnie-the-pooh collection, of mice and men, vurt (again), chocky, brave new world, dune, falling out of cars, alice's adventures in wonderland.
favourite authors... jeff noon, iain banks, robert anton wilson and comic/graphic novel writers that only fanboys like me have ever heard of (brian michael bendis, j. m. staczynski, kevin smith, alan moore, greg rucker, brian azzarello).
tv: was invented solely to distribute the league and the boosh to the masses.
favourite colour(s): both of them - black and white
favourite number: three - its magic don't ya know?
i never had a favourite number until last year so i thought i may as well put it up here with the rest of the useless information.
and a quick note about that orange 'grumpy' face on the top of all my posts - i'm not mean or unhappy, nor does it suggest that i'm angry in every post i make.
i just think its cooler than the regular pin-in-a-post-it message icon. and it makes it easy to spot my own posts cos it rarely gets used by anyone else. and its orange and black.
and now for posterity's sake, my old sig list:
the original guru quote:
'its often easier to give advice,
than it is for a person to run one's own life'
the art lift:
if i am who i am because of who i am
and you are who you are because of who you are
then i am who i am and you are who you are
however...
if i am who i am because of who you are
and you are who you are because of who i am
then i am not who i am and you are not who you are
on the brink of war:
the horror
is that dave?:
you're myyyy wiiife noooooooooow...
confusing nix? with some bill hicks:
"here's tom with the weather..."
cryptic or just argumentative?:
a windmill in a fountain is like a spoon in the matrix...
its always a good idea to learn to swim:
mom's gonna fix it all soon.
mom's coming round to put it back the way it ought to be.
cassette boy's jewish doctor:
"you're dead.
GOD TOLD ME."
ever had a watch up your ass?:
"If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a f***ing bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs."
karma:
Non-Https Image Link
the end of the beginning:
silencio...
*never* become a performer:
"i felt so strongly that I belonged in that triangle that I started sleeping in it - you can imagine what this did for my home life..."
beware the renaissance gentleman:
"on the contrary george of asda: you will tell us... everything."
boo! shhhhh...
"i'm gonna snap your nose off and toss it at a vicar..."
why do we even bother to be here:
how they survive so misguided is a mystery.
repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability,
to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here.
EDITED_BY: coleman (1178054280)
i'm trying to get into changing this intro from time to time - at the very least to keep the music and films bit 'up to date'.
name: cole[man]
sex: male
age: 27
location: i live in a veritable castle in leytonstone in east london with my beautiful girlfriend
i used to go to lots of workshops but i have to admit, its a fairly rare occurance these days.
your favourite website/s: this one is okay
jugglingdb.com, contactjuggling.org, okayplayer.com, spherculism.com, playfestival.co.uk, magicbunny.co.uk, gettyimages.co.uk, toolband.com, airside.co.uk...toys: i play poi and juggle balls. every now and again (like most people i think) i pick up other toys but am worse at all of these than i am at the keeping balls in the air thing - 97531, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop.
been twirling: since may 2002.
i could do the basic stuff (just a fwd and rev 3bt weave and a fwd butterfly) back in nov 2001 but then went and did a snowboard season in the alps and forgot everything.
when i came back, i discovered one of my best friends had learnt loads!
so summer 2002, i was in the lucky position of being around wikid poi people every weekend and having a friend acting almost as a personal tutor during the week.
big love and respect to jonny moohaahaa and fairie cath for all your patience, effort, guidance and days and days of playtime!
i began learning to juggle in august or september of 2002.
recent manipulation trends: been playing with one and two 4" stage balls quite a bit whilst wiggling bits of my body, learning to juggle 5 balls all over again, 3 ball body throws, getting confused about antispin, balancing things on my head and spinning a ball on my finger.
occupation: db admin and layout & design (similar to a porn star, just in an office). i work for a small, law firm in their information and research department. i also handle all of the firm's dtp, digital publishing and commercial print. aerotech toys aren't cheap and since my body won't ever make me rich, i have resorted to something a little more conventional
hobbies: bammy
, this stuff, music, collecting things (i'm very bad for this) and boarding (although my skating is now non-existent due to me being crap and it hurting too much so just snow when i can afford it).music: i like pretty much all of it. current playlist includes TOOL, RADIOHEAD, THE ROOTS, D'ANGELO and JEFF BUCKLEY, (and the rest) wayne shorter, a perfect circle, billie holiday, jill scott, joni mitchell, saul williams, john coltrane, soad, dj shadow, roy hargrove, 4-tet, edith piaf, cat empire, faith no more...
movies: recently seen... old boy
team america, the last samurai, the ladykillers, the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, shaolin kung fu master, jackie brown, shrek 2, shogun assassin, midnight express, lotr, seven samurai & magnificent seven double bill, kill bill 1 & 2, confessions of a dangerous mind, eraserhead, princess mononoke, a beautiful mind, pay it forward, adaptation, waking life.favourites... shogun assassin, requium for a dream, anything by lynch, kevin smith or the coen brothers or anything written by charlie kaufmann.
books: recent... hiding the elephant, illuminatus trilogy, philosophical investigations, a book on nlp, shogun, oracle night, peter cook '...only twin', the curious incident of the dog in the night time, lord of the rings trilogy (first time ever - it didn't disappoint!), the complete winnie-the-pooh collection, of mice and men, vurt (again), chocky, brave new world, dune, falling out of cars, alice's adventures in wonderland.
favourite authors... jeff noon, iain banks, robert anton wilson and comic/graphic novel writers that only fanboys like me have ever heard of (brian michael bendis, j. m. staczynski, kevin smith, alan moore, greg rucker, brian azzarello).
tv: was invented solely to distribute the league and the boosh to the masses.
favourite colour(s): both of them - black and white
favourite number: three - its magic don't ya know?
i never had a favourite number until last year so i thought i may as well put it up here with the rest of the useless information.
and a quick note about that orange 'grumpy' face on the top of all my posts - i'm not mean or unhappy, nor does it suggest that i'm angry in every post i make.
i just think its cooler than the regular pin-in-a-post-it message icon. and it makes it easy to spot my own posts cos it rarely gets used by anyone else. and its orange and black.
and now for posterity's sake, my old sig list:
the original guru quote:
'its often easier to give advice,
than it is for a person to run one's own life'
the art lift:
if i am who i am because of who i am
and you are who you are because of who you are
then i am who i am and you are who you are
however...
if i am who i am because of who you are
and you are who you are because of who i am
then i am not who i am and you are not who you are
on the brink of war:
the horror
is that dave?:
you're myyyy wiiife noooooooooow...
confusing nix? with some bill hicks:
"here's tom with the weather..."
cryptic or just argumentative?:
a windmill in a fountain is like a spoon in the matrix...
its always a good idea to learn to swim:
mom's gonna fix it all soon.
mom's coming round to put it back the way it ought to be.
cassette boy's jewish doctor:
"you're dead.
GOD TOLD ME."
ever had a watch up your ass?:
"If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a f***ing bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs."
karma:
Non-Https Image Link
the end of the beginning:
silencio...
*never* become a performer:
"i felt so strongly that I belonged in that triangle that I started sleeping in it - you can imagine what this did for my home life..."
beware the renaissance gentleman:
"on the contrary george of asda: you will tell us... everything."
boo! shhhhh...
"i'm gonna snap your nose off and toss it at a vicar..."
why do we even bother to be here:
how they survive so misguided is a mystery.
repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability,
to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here.
EDITED_BY: coleman (1178054280)
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Cole, just in case you ever become irreversably pregnant, You should check out Uncle Joes Abortion Clinic.
If course if it actually was irreversable, then an abortion would be meaningless.
Cole, just in case you ever become irreversably pregnant, You should check out Uncle Joes Abortion Clinic.
If course if it actually was irreversable, then an abortion would be meaningless.
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
right-handed 5b half shower (sync) went solid just this weekend.
and a few times i did 1-up 4-up back into cascade.
which was nice.
jon - you are much like a camel with 6 humps... you may finish this tenuous metaphor yourself using your own particular brand of zany wit.
right-handed 5b half shower (sync) went solid just this weekend.
and a few times i did 1-up 4-up back into cascade.
which was nice.
jon - you are much like a camel with 6 humps... you may finish this tenuous metaphor yourself using your own particular brand of zany wit.
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
I can carry a lot of people?
has it got something to do with a lot of humping?
Humpsix? Thats not even a name....
I can carry a lot of people?
has it got something to do with a lot of humping?
Humpsix? Thats not even a name....
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
humpsix
that was a goodun'
best i could come up with at short notice:
you have a unorthodox number of toes but more than make up for it in other deformaties?
or maybe its just that you would smell bad and look very strange, if only you existed in the first place?
ah well, back to work... *yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*
humpsix
that was a goodun'
best i could come up with at short notice:
you have a unorthodox number of toes but more than make up for it in other deformaties?
or maybe its just that you would smell bad and look very strange, if only you existed in the first place?
ah well, back to work... *yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
PLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Posted:
I met you!
But I think I thought you were in a smallboy video, which is why you seemed taller in real life.
I'll get my coat.
I met you!
But I think I thought you were in a smallboy video, which is why you seemed taller in real life.
I'll get my coat.
"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade
I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
word up meg.
i like yoo
not least cos you didn't grass me up to rob when i walked in and immediately proceded to trash his lovely new abode.
shhhhhh....
as for me being shorter on videos, i usually am (unless you use a projector).
i always think rob seems taller in real life than he looks on videos but it may just be an optical illusion brought on by the belly of doom.
and now i've just seen a picture of you in a red dress.
and another photo what has a bit of your arse in it.
he's lovely that droo ain't he?
to all cos its the end of my day and its only a few hours till i get to snuggle me princess again 
word up meg.
i like yoo
not least cos you didn't grass me up to rob when i walked in and immediately proceded to trash his lovely new abode.
shhhhhh....
as for me being shorter on videos, i usually am (unless you use a projector).
i always think rob seems taller in real life than he looks on videos but it may just be an optical illusion brought on by the belly of doom.
and now i've just seen a picture of you in a red dress.
and another photo what has a bit of your arse in it.
he's lovely that droo ain't he?
to all cos its the end of my day and its only a few hours till i get to snuggle me princess again "i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
i've got lots of work to do.
but i'm tired and i don't want to do it.
its only an hour till i'm on lunch.
but that's an hour too long.
smoke and a sleep is a good plan methinks...
anyway, standard 'i learnt something new' post:
luke's shuffle (at last) but its still really hard i reckon!
and i can now do a head balance of one beanbag, juggle 3 and drop into 4 - can't go from 4 back to 3 yet though and still cant balance anything more round than a beanbag
i've got lots of work to do.
but i'm tired and i don't want to do it.
its only an hour till i'm on lunch.
but that's an hour too long.
smoke and a sleep is a good plan methinks...
anyway, standard 'i learnt something new' post:
luke's shuffle (at last) but its still really hard i reckon!
and i can now do a head balance of one beanbag, juggle 3 and drop into 4 - can't go from 4 back to 3 yet though and still cant balance anything more round than a beanbag
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Have you tried a whale?
a small plastic one.
I can lend you one if you would like......
i wish I could write something even half as funny as your posts Cole, but today, I am tired. We must go shopping, buy soil and fertilizer, wash up, do my laundry, go round to Evas and network their house (making wires and stuff), send my motherboard back for the third time and plant some plants.
I want to be back in bed right now.
With a snuggler and a big cup of hot chocolate.
for you Cole.
Keep your head up, its nearly time to go home.
Have you tried a whale?
a small plastic one.
I can lend you one if you would like......
i wish I could write something even half as funny as your posts Cole, but today, I am tired. We must go shopping, buy soil and fertilizer, wash up, do my laundry, go round to Evas and network their house (making wires and stuff), send my motherboard back for the third time and plant some plants.
I want to be back in bed right now.
With a snuggler and a big cup of hot chocolate.
for you Cole.Keep your head up, its nearly time to go home.
PLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Posted:
That's not meeeeeeeeeee!
Did you mess up his room? Good for you!
You should have stayed awake and seen the sights... (And there were some )
I can do burks barrage! yay! But now I have to learn boston mess and mills with snatches and one hand solid snatchs one hand solid penguins and such things.... Maybe even robs yet to be named mess. (robs ramifications?) Plus I can do
4! yay! I'm happily [censored] at juggling... Plus my left hand is retarded... but it can do poi so I am not unhappy with it.
https://www.ucl.ac.uk/internet-grammar/
You know it makes sense.
That's not meeeeeeeeeee!
Did you mess up his room? Good for you!
You should have stayed awake and seen the sights... (And there were some
) I can do burks barrage! yay! But now I have to learn boston mess and mills with snatches and one hand solid snatchs one hand solid penguins and such things.... Maybe even robs yet to be named mess. (robs ramifications?) Plus I can do
4! yay! I'm happily [censored] at juggling... Plus my left hand is retarded... but it can do poi so I am not unhappy with it. https://www.ucl.ac.uk/internet-grammar/
You know it makes sense.
"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade
I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
yeah, i have to learn that - its really sweet!
*must remember to take video camera to the ljc*
you coming to that miss mog?
apparently it lasts two days this year and i'm not planning to go out get hammered the night before like i did last year.
cheers for the words jonny
nearly time for home indeed...
Written by: mcp
Maybe even robs yet to be named mess. (robs ramifications?)
yeah, i have to learn that - its really sweet!
*must remember to take video camera to the ljc*
you coming to that miss mog?
apparently it lasts two days this year and i'm not planning to go out get hammered the night before like i did last year.
cheers for the words jonny
nearly time for home indeed...
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Do you feel like a schoolboy, when he realises that is it almost hometime?
I like that feeling.
Do you feel like a schoolboy, when he realises that is it almost hometime?
I like that feeling.
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
*...waits wide-eyed for the bell...*
*...waits wide-eyed for the bell...*
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
GOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Posted:
No UCoF this is random
No UCoF this is random
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
I know.
You showed me.
Cole, I think you will also find this very funny and entertaining until 5 comes round..
I know.
You showed me.
Cole, I think you will also find this very funny and entertaining until 5 comes round..
PLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Posted:
what is the ljc? The liverpudlian JC? The liliputian JC? The leeds JC? The livenia JC? Anyway, I don't have enough money to go no-where. I sit here, and learn easy tricks from far away.
what is the ljc? The liverpudlian JC? The liliputian JC? The leeds JC? The livenia JC? Anyway, I don't have enough money to go no-where. I sit here, and learn easy tricks from far away.
"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade
I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
Non-Https Image Link
Non-Https Image Link
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Are you ok Cole?
You seem to have exploded all over the place.
And thats no good.
Are you ok Cole?
You seem to have exploded all over the place.
And thats no good.
PLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Posted:
I have that effect on people...
I have that effect on people...
"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade
I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
I too exploded all over the place when I met MCP for the first time.
She walked in on me...
I too exploded all over the place when I met MCP for the first time.
She walked in on me...
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
i am fine thank-you kiddies
crap day at work - there are people here that refuse to do their job and somehow they seem to get away with it
ah well, back to it...
i am fine thank-you kiddies
crap day at work - there are people here that refuse to do their job and somehow they seem to get away with it
ah well, back to it...
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
cos you are metaphorically feeling bloo.
pssst...cole... the Eagle has sprouted, I repeat, the Eagle has sprouted.
cos you are metaphorically feeling bloo.
pssst...cole... the Eagle has sprouted, I repeat, the Eagle has sprouted.
Pooh-Bah
1,810 posts
Location: London
1,810 posts
Location: London
Posted:
Cole honey
Cole honey
A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.
I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Cole honey
Here are Tommmmmieeeeee Coooooooooper jokes for you.
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because, he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
Cole honey
Here are Tommmmmieeeeee Coooooooooper jokes for you.
1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."
3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.
9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because, he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"
14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."
15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think its Colin.
19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"
20. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
21. "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"
lovable smart-ass
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria
Posted:
have you been eating raw sugar again?
have you been eating raw sugar again?
"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer
Pooh-Bah
1,810 posts
Location: London
1,810 posts
Location: London
Posted:
A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.
I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom
Posted:
cole - thank you so hard core for all you did yesterday
it was a brilliant day, made so much better by you guys
all teh staff and kids loved it mate, thank you so much
now all the kids think i have cool firends
cole - thank you so hard core for all you did yesterday
it was a brilliant day, made so much better by you guys
all teh staff and kids loved it mate, thank you so much
now all the kids think i have cool firends
Step (el-nombrie)
SILVER Member
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
big and good and broken
7,330 posts
Location: lunn dunn, yoo kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
last night, in my front room, i flashed 7 balls for the first time ever.
then i did it again.
happy coleman. x
last night, in my front room, i flashed 7 balls for the first time ever.
then i did it again.
happy coleman. x
"i see you at 'dis cafe.
i come to 'dis cafe quite a lot myself.
they do porridge."
- tim westwood
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