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How to (un)choose a partner? Why and how...
Tell us: What's in your mind and heart? When perceiving some (potential) partner - male or female - what do you go for?
- aura - smell - looks - speech - talents - money - colour of eyes...
Which channels do you prefer to get in touch?
And what turns you off?
- bad habits - demands - dramas - unfaithfulness - lies - intimacy
And what's your ultimate choice then? Talk it over and maybe salvage the relationship, or simply send an SMS: "your fired, don't come around here anymore"... ? :eeks:
the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
i dated zenooph for almost 4 months, he was my first love, the first person i wasnt scared to open up to, but then he broke a very important promise, and i saw how his actions were hurting his body, so asked him to stop and he broke that promise,and told a mutual friend that i was over reacting and that it was "nothing".
It hurt me to see him do this to himself, and not being able to keep such an important promise. so told him straightt face to face that i don't like it, and won't stand for it, asked him to get help, and me try and sort out my head aswell, so i broke it off, hoping he would realize what hes doing to himself, and actually ask me to be there for him to help him, instead he posts on the internet a week later that he has found someone else.... this made me ice cold, obviously i didnt mean that much to him, and he didnt love me as much as i did him.
My heart is in pieces, and it will be a while before i can be with someone again, but the point of the story is that if people don;'t have the same values, it will never work... cut it off-and be man enough to do it face to face- because you wont be able to change them
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
6,650 posts
that is very sad to hear, I hope you will find a way to stay open, despite that disenchanting experience. You seem to have a good heart and most of all: respect for yourself... thumbs up! the best smiles are the ones you lead to
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
fanks man! almost started thinking im going crazy and i was stupid in my decision to leave him, but yeah thatks for the affirmation, much obliged.
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
6,650 posts
No, you were not crazy at all.
Certainly it's not an easy decision to make - but IMHO what is most important is to stand up for your self, your health and sanity.
I do know about my ex, who (as first love) chose a heroin-addict and stayed with him four years (14-18), trying to "rescue" him... The story got ugly many times and he ended up cuddling with another girl right in front of her, she fell into borderline-symptomatics - affecting the following years and relationships.
At some time I had to make the decision for myself and walk.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
thank goodness im not alone in this.
I really love zenooph, more than what he prob knows, but the lies and not knowing when he will do it again will just kill me.
he said he told his parents, and i was so proud of him, thinking ok great i can take a breather here, he told the most important people in the world, maybe they could help him realise then we can give "us" another shot, but not the case, he already found another girlfriend the weekend after we broke it off, and the not even having the decency to keep it to himself or tell me, but rather post it on the net and have me find it out this way....
I think im better off without the pain.
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
omg stained! i'm so sorry to hear that! i was wondering why i saw your name in the singles thread!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
yeah no its cool babe, its all for the best i spose
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
6,650 posts
I like your signature
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
live by it.... it has made my life so much easier
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Most of mine aren't in the list!
Turn ons:
Looks & talent, confidence, fun factor
Let them know:
Being flirty, trying to spend time together, straight talk if necessary
Turn offs:
Lies obviously... but also inability to make themselves happy (VERY important one, like being moany without working on the actual problems), empty promises (I don't expect a lot, but if you promise something, keep to it or I'll be disappointed), hypocrisy, and feeling suffocated.
Let them know:
Definitely straight talk, trying to resolve it and if it doesn't work end it. I'd probably be quicker in that respect now since I've learned from the past.
Fully agreed on the internet communication thingy... an ex of mine posted a nice little story that was somewhat distorted from the truth on HoP, deviantart AND a blog. The most upsetting thing was not just that he put my name and the name of the guy I DARED to go on one date with nearly a month after breaking up in it, but the responses from people who'd read the blog. They'd never spoken/written a word to me, but felt qualified to call me useless, imply I was heartless, a sl!t, and not worth being upset about in the first place. Nice one...
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Hmmm, tough one really.
I am extremely attracted to confident, funny people. If you can make me laugh and you are not afraid of yourself you are in with a chance. I need to be made to feel special. I don't just want to be with someone because they want a girlfriend, I want to be with someone because they specifically want to be with me, and for me to feel the same way about them. I need a challenge. If they let me walk all over them (and I will try) it won't last. Challenge me and keep me interested. I'm attracted to a specific look too. I like tall skinny boys with longish hair
I have chosen to remain single for the past while because I keep getting it wrong. I tend to fall inlove quickly and quite hard, I am at the end of the day a hopeless romantic. But I cannot be with needy, clingy people. I cant be with someone who is not comfortable with himself. I am insanely independant and if I start to feel smothered I run for the hills. If I have news and my boyfriend isn't the first person I think of telling, then I know it's going to fizzel out soon. I am tired of wasting mine and other people's time. I'm not jumping into anything again unless I am sure.
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
wow blu.... that describes me to a T.... really scary.... nothing wrong with that, you just make yourself happy , until you find someone that can share in your happiness, and everything will be great
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
Yes it's not easy at all. I get lonely sometimes, but I keep getting myself into situations where I end up breaking my own heart and other peoples and its just not worth it. You are a t a specific juncture in your life, and you have to realise that other people are at other junctions, they have different needs, to find someone that is compatible in that way takes time and effort.
My perception of true love would be to find out as much as you can about a person, not neccissarily the big headlines, but the details (I think it tells you so much more about a person). Put yourself in their shoes and try and feel what they are feeling and what they need and then give that to them. If you are correct, then it is meant to be. If you are wrong, and you can't guess how the feel, or have an idea of what they need, or not be able to give it to them and them to you, then maybe they are not the one. It may break your heart,but it would be a greater tradgedy to keep yourself from someone that maybe one day could do that for you...
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
water based
5,125 posts
Location: melbourne, Australia
people just generally confuse me
"you know there are no trophys for doing silly things in real life yeah pete?" said ant "you wont get a 'listened to ride of the valkyries all the way to vietnam' trophy"
*proud owner of the very cute fire_spinning_angel, birgit and neon shaolin*
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
exactly like i mensioned in my original posting at the top of the thread... have a read, learn from my mistakes.
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
fluffy mess
197 posts
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom
People very rarely learn from other people's mistakes. As people have differnt issues, different things affect different people. What may be unforgivable in your eyes may be acceptable in another person's eyes. It all boils down to intenetion, and as Stained mentioned before, values.
"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
I am perpetually confused, I find it hard to figure myself out sometimes, let alone other people!
I need to be able to be myself, that's the most important one for me, so in relationships the other person needs to accept that I have my off days and although I try my best to be a good person, I have trouble being nice 365 days a year!
My other big problem is I have a tendency to look after other people, in relationships it often ends up with my partner feeling somewhat dependent on me, which I don't like. Like last night, my boyfriend was telling me some good news about his work, but I was having a bad day so found it hard to react in the usual joyous congratulatory manner. So then my boyfriend ends up looking a bit down, when I ask what's wrong he says he needs me to be enthusiastic as he can't do it by himself, I am his motivation that keeps him going...
This makes me feel pretty uncomfortable...
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
i fully understand your point there hun.
I usually am the stronger one on a relationship, and i genrally try dominate people, i need someone that can be stronger than me, that i can look up to, someone that will snap me back to reality when i need it, and have the guts to tell me i am wrong, and actually act on that.
Everybody has their off days, and you have to try get someone that can accept that, clingy people aren't cool, everybody needs space, and knowing when you need to back off abit, just comes down too compramise.
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
346 posts
Location: Midlands
Wow, sounds like I'm kinda similar. Being an Aquarius I'm all over the place, but I have some very strong planetary traits that can cause conflicts within me.
I too have to be challenged. Anything worth having isn't easily won (Not to say that it shouldn't be the kinda fantastic easy relationship to perpetuate etc) and that if I'm allowed to run amok I will. At the same time I won't let anyone run all over me either - that's the problem I'm currently experiencing. But, meh, talkin' generalisations here !
I need to be challenged, but I need to have someone capable of me challenging them. I'm a hard guy to like, let alone love, as people have said I'm pretty intense. Most people just can't handle me. Wish it weren't that way though, nothing like a good handling !
Nothing wrong with being with someone, but clinginess is bad. I don't mind if people want to spend every moment with me, so long as they're also fine with me taking them out of my pocket and leaving them somewhere safe for a while whilst I go off being all Aquariany.
We're all looking for equals, that perfect match, just a shame that the near-perfects are the ones that cause us the most heartache!
Xbox360 Live ID - Sacred Apollyon
"Enemies you threaten make armies. Enemies you destroy make graves."
"Here is a test to see if your mission on earth is finished: If your alive it isn't."
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Oh I've found another turn off. A big one, too...
Failure to take responsibility for yourself. If all things bad in someone's life can be blamed on parents, friends, exes, astrology, or society and the government. Not on them, the fact that they're lazy or don't want to confront their weaknesses.
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
Written by: E_V_I_L
We're all looking for equals, that perfect match, just a shame that the near-perfects are the ones that cause us the most heartache!
So true, Me ans zenooph are perfect for each other, i will never love anyone the way i love him, just because of the pure fact that he had given me so much that i needed, and i felt like i did the same, unspoken perfection, you just know, but then he goes and does what he did, and shatters me to pieces, but better to have loved and lost .... i spose
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Yeah, me and my ex were near perfect but not quite there. I get what you mean, I don't think anyone will ever know me the way he did, we practically grew up together too so that's hard to beat, but after 6 years together I knew there was something missing so I called things off. It was really hard, but two months later I knew I'd done the right thing cos we were both much happier and in better situations now.
Time heals all wounds, so they say.
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
times sorts all things agreed
both me and ex are recovering and talking about getting to know the real each others
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
Written by: faithinfire
times sorts all things agreed
both me and ex are recovering and talking about getting to know the real each others
i wish Zen saw it that way... but yeah i suppose ill just give it time, if you love something set it free, if it comes back its meant to be.
Ill just sit and wait, hope one day he'll come back to me and we can fix things.
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
6,650 posts
Interesting... is love like purple glasses we tend to put on and not see the person, but only our projection upon?
Funny though that there are more than 6 Billion people on this planet and we believe in "the one" who is meant for us and - even more funny - we start looking for. I mean, how foolish is that? Trying to find that ONE clover with 4 leaves, in an endless field...
Love's what it is - a (romantic) relationship is what two people make from it, no? Dunno about "waiting"... as long as it's not filled with something (and may it be "meditation" - it's just a waste of time)... or like recently someone said: Get over it!
Lot more good things have been said here - I will let them think in then feel how it looks...
EDITED_BY: FireTom (1172646154)
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
"the one"? I don't think I believe in that. Cause statistically, there's always going to be someone better for you than whoever you're with, so if you really want the perfect partner you'll never be happy.
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Sounds like that Mr Murphey.
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
Lighting up the darkness, one performance at a time
161 posts
Location: south africa
Written by: 87wt2gxq7
you'll meet a whole load more and will then have the agony of choosing between them!
thats the problem im having at the moment.... just got out of a serious relationship, and the last thing i want is to jump straight back into another one.... but then i don't want to hurt them... but i also dont want to compramise my sanity.... what do you do in a situation like this?
***********************************************
You are the only problem you will ever have
and you are the only solution
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Poisson, eh? Never liked those equations. You do know that Poisson means "fish", so they're probably fishy?
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Written by: 87wt2gxq7
Dude, you're crazy!
Took you a while to find that one out
So did all these things happen to you, or is it just hypothetical?
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
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