Forums > Social Discussion > Friends without resorting to Alcohol?
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Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Posted:
(hope no-one minds this being in here... thought it was a wee bit more serious than chat..?)
OK, I'm short of friends. Maybe this is my own fault, it probably is... but I'm really lonely a lot of the time. I like coming on here but I'm a student! I've just started my second year and I'm finding it really hard to get on with the people I live with - they all drink and do loads of drugs, which is fine, but not for me. I do drink but I'm trying to be less of a monster for it.
So I was wondering - what should I do to make friends? I'm pretty shy and this is all a bit daunting. The fact is, I'm just depending on my long-distance girlfriend so much that it's putting a strain on our relationship and I really want to meet new people, people to talk to and people I can help with difficult stuff they're going through. I want to get a job because that's a good way, but with my studies and my determination to keep weekends free so I can see my lady, it's tricky.
At the moment the next 2 years of uni seem like hell!
I hope this isn't too self-serving or anything.. I'm not after loads of replies going "I'll be your friend".. I just need to stop feeling crap! So thanks for any suggestions you can give me
(hope no-one minds this being in here... thought it was a wee bit more serious than chat..?)
OK, I'm short of friends. Maybe this is my own fault, it probably is... but I'm really lonely a lot of the time. I like coming on here but I'm a student! I've just started my second year and I'm finding it really hard to get on with the people I live with - they all drink and do loads of drugs, which is fine, but not for me. I do drink but I'm trying to be less of a monster for it.
So I was wondering - what should I do to make friends? I'm pretty shy and this is all a bit daunting. The fact is, I'm just depending on my long-distance girlfriend so much that it's putting a strain on our relationship and I really want to meet new people, people to talk to and people I can help with difficult stuff they're going through. I want to get a job because that's a good way, but with my studies and my determination to keep weekends free so I can see my lady, it's tricky.
At the moment the next 2 years of uni seem like hell!
I hope this isn't too self-serving or anything.. I'm not after loads of replies going "I'll be your friend".. I just need to stop feeling crap! So thanks for any suggestions you can give me
What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
GOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Posted:
Does your Uni have a circus society? If not think about setting one up. That way you'll get to meet lots of other people. What other interests do you have? Are there any clubs or groups dedicated to them at Uni?
As for jobs...... is it just to help pay the bills or do you want a certain type of work? If its just to pay the bills get something like shelf stacking in a supermarket or Bar work. You meet loads of people that way. A friend of mine swears by Dog walking to meet people. If you don't have a dog turn it into a business and set up a local dog walking service where the owners pay you a £5 to walk the dog for an hour.
Good Luck in finding what you are looking for.
Does your Uni have a circus society? If not think about setting one up. That way you'll get to meet lots of other people. What other interests do you have? Are there any clubs or groups dedicated to them at Uni?
As for jobs...... is it just to help pay the bills or do you want a certain type of work? If its just to pay the bills get something like shelf stacking in a supermarket or Bar work. You meet loads of people that way. A friend of mine swears by Dog walking to meet people. If you don't have a dog turn it into a business and set up a local dog walking service where the owners pay you a £5 to walk the dog for an hour.
Good Luck in finding what you are looking for.
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Thanks Skul. I'm not sure about the circus society, I'll look into it - they're certainly not very vocal if they do exist!! And the job, well, I could use the money but I could use the people more. To be honest I don't have a lot of interests besides poi and uni..
there's music, which takes up the rest of my life, but I don't really like playing in a group or anything.. so besides that it's all clubs and pubs which is what I'm trying to avoid! I love the countryside, long walks and reading books under strees and suchlike.. I think I'm probably the most boring student in the country Which is fine by me.. it's just a bit lonely.
The circus society sounds like a great idea!
Thanks Skul. I'm not sure about the circus society, I'll look into it - they're certainly not very vocal if they do exist!! And the job, well, I could use the money but I could use the people more. To be honest I don't have a lot of interests besides poi and uni..
there's music, which takes up the rest of my life, but I don't really like playing in a group or anything.. so besides that it's all clubs and pubs which is what I'm trying to avoid! I love the countryside, long walks and reading books under strees and suchlike.. I think I'm probably the most boring student in the country
Which is fine by me.. it's just a bit lonely.The circus society sounds like a great idea!
What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom
Posted:
weeeeeeeeeeell, ya know ur only a 30min train journy from hastings
weeeeeeeeeeell, ya know ur only a 30min train journy from hastings
BRONZE Member
Geek-enviro-hippy priest
1,858 posts
Location: Diss, Norfolk, United Kingdom
Geek-enviro-hippy priest
1,858 posts
Location: Diss, Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posted:
Hey,
I'm more or less the same I guess. I know its very hard to meet people when you don't know anyone (or not many people).
From what I've found, you really need to be brave (I know it's hard). If you see someone doing poi for example, just talk to them. You'll end up meeting people in no time. Also I know most people have house partys - so just turn up to one. You don't need to get drunk - in fact I don't ever drink. I used to, but now I like to remember my partys, and enjoy them without drink.
I know it's all very cliche, but it's true. Trust me, once you've met 1 or 2 people it'll meet loads.
Getting a job is a good idea - for money and people.
Good luck mate, let us know how it goes!
oh, and good luck with your girlfriend. I had a long distance relationship for 4 years - it's not fun.
Hey,
I'm more or less the same I guess. I know its very hard to meet people when you don't know anyone (or not many people).
From what I've found, you really need to be brave (I know it's hard). If you see someone doing poi for example, just talk to them. You'll end up meeting people in no time. Also I know most people have house partys - so just turn up to one. You don't need to get drunk - in fact I don't ever drink. I used to, but now I like to remember my partys, and enjoy them without drink.
I know it's all very cliche, but it's true. Trust me, once you've met 1 or 2 people it'll meet loads.
Getting a job is a good idea - for money and people.
Good luck mate, let us know how it goes!
oh, and good luck with your girlfriend. I had a long distance relationship for 4 years - it's not fun.
There's too many home fires burning and not enough trees
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,252 posts
Location: sheffield, United Kingdom
Posted:
Also, you can be alone without being lonely. There's a lot of pressure from all around to make people feel like there's something wrong with them if they spend a lot of time alone, but many are naturally a bit solitary- there's nothing wrong with that.
Being able to be happy on your own is not only useful for those times when there's no one around, it also makes it more likely that you will make good friendships, as they'll be based on something other than simply a need to not be alone.
Many of the people who use drugs/alcohol as a social crutch are in fact at least as lonely as you, if not more so.
The circus skills society is a really good idea- if it doesn't exist then set one up. Student unions will provide a space and some funding, you just need to get a small group of students interested and get their signatures.
Also, be aware that there's plenty of other people at your university who also don't like drink/drugs, it's just a matter of hooking up with them.
Also, you can be alone without being lonely. There's a lot of pressure from all around to make people feel like there's something wrong with them if they spend a lot of time alone, but many are naturally a bit solitary- there's nothing wrong with that.
Being able to be happy on your own is not only useful for those times when there's no one around, it also makes it more likely that you will make good friendships, as they'll be based on something other than simply a need to not be alone.
Many of the people who use drugs/alcohol as a social crutch are in fact at least as lonely as you, if not more so.
The circus skills society is a really good idea- if it doesn't exist then set one up. Student unions will provide a space and some funding, you just need to get a small group of students interested and get their signatures.
Also, be aware that there's plenty of other people at your university who also don't like drink/drugs, it's just a matter of hooking up with them.
"You can't outrun Death forever.
But you can make the Bastard work for it."
--MAJOR KORGO KORGAR,
"Last of The Lancers"
AFC 32
Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing STAY SAFE!
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Posted:
mate, if your goin out, you can still have a cool time. Go to a house party and spin fire poi. Talk to people who are interested. Spread the religion of the flame!
Seriously tho, you don't need alcohol for parties. I don't drink and I'm only smoking on one evening a week. I don't do other drugs, apart from caffeine. But I still enjoy myself! Go to societies, go to lots of parties. I have mates who do a lot of crazy stuff and mates who do a little. But they're all cool to hang out with.
Tell people about all the cool stuff that you do. They'll be interested. You'd be surprised how many cool people there are out there! And be confident in yourself.
mate, if your goin out, you can still have a cool time. Go to a house party and spin fire poi. Talk to people who are interested. Spread the religion of the flame!
Seriously tho, you don't need alcohol for parties. I don't drink and I'm only smoking on one evening a week. I don't do other drugs, apart from caffeine. But I still enjoy myself! Go to societies, go to lots of parties. I have mates who do a lot of crazy stuff and mates who do a little. But they're all cool to hang out with.
Tell people about all the cool stuff that you do. They'll be interested. You'd be surprised how many cool people there are out there! And be confident in yourself.
Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant
Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.
'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi
SILVER Member
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
Posted:
I seriously understand how you feel.
I moved over from the Eastern States of Australia to the West by myself and knew only one person when I got here. (A guy who helped me immensly then disappeared from my life).
I to suffer the same lonliness. The people I do meet tend to get turned off of being my friend because I feel so shy that I often shut down when I am around people and they take that as me being a stuck up snob (which isn't the case) or I get so nervous that I stick my foot in my mouth majorly.
The person who I used to go out with just dumped my sorry arse...which I guess I don't blame him for.
Everyone keeps telling me to join a group of something I am interested in. And I guess one day I will do it. At least that way I will have some people to talk to who will have the same interest as me which will give me the foundation to start a conversation.
For me it will be a creative writing group or maybe a skating group (I already meet up every Tuesday for fire but the group we have is pretty small).
Sp maybe try to find something that you have a high interest in and find a group or club that focus on that activity.
I'm sure that you have other interests other than just fire twirling as well so maybe join a number of groups or clubs that way you broadden you horizons and have a better chance of meeting some people you will actually get along with.
I seriously understand how you feel.
I moved over from the Eastern States of Australia to the West by myself and knew only one person when I got here. (A guy who helped me immensly then disappeared from my life).
I to suffer the same lonliness. The people I do meet tend to get turned off of being my friend because I feel so shy that I often shut down when I am around people and they take that as me being a stuck up snob (which isn't the case) or I get so nervous that I stick my foot in my mouth majorly.
The person who I used to go out with just dumped my sorry arse...which I guess I don't blame him for.
Everyone keeps telling me to join a group of something I am interested in. And I guess one day I will do it. At least that way I will have some people to talk to who will have the same interest as me which will give me the foundation to start a conversation.
For me it will be a creative writing group or maybe a skating group (I already meet up every Tuesday for fire but the group we have is pretty small).
Sp maybe try to find something that you have a high interest in and find a group or club that focus on that activity.
I'm sure that you have other interests other than just fire twirling as well so maybe join a number of groups or clubs that way you broadden you horizons and have a better chance of meeting some people you will actually get along with.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Thanks for all the great advice people.
Aimee - If I'm ever going to your neck of the woods I'll let you know, maybe we can spin some
OWD - I see what you're saying and it's a good point. The fact is at uni there's such a stigma attatched to not following the herd (well, A herd at least) that being alone makes you feel like an outcast. I guess it's finding the balance between solitude and isolation.
Toyer and Lazyangel - I'm going to have a sober halloween, but I'm still going out to a party. Which I think is me being brave! Thanks for the suggestion!
Medusa - I'm really sorry that you got dumped. That sucks so much. But don't give up hope! and if it's any consolation, I knwo how you feel about the whole shyness thing. It's very much the same with me - people think I'm unfriendly because I can sit in a room full of people and chat away when I'm wasted, but when I'm sober I just can't. And no-one seems to understand that! It's depressing, it surely is. It's a great idea about the creative writing though! It's blatantly such a good way to spend your time, and certainly something to do alone.. I hope you can feel good through it.
Thanks for all the great advice people.
Aimee - If I'm ever going to your neck of the woods I'll let you know, maybe we can spin some
OWD - I see what you're saying and it's a good point. The fact is at uni there's such a stigma attatched to not following the herd (well, A herd at least) that being alone makes you feel like an outcast. I guess it's finding the balance between solitude and isolation.
Toyer and Lazyangel - I'm going to have a sober halloween, but I'm still going out to a party. Which I think is me being brave!
Thanks for the suggestion!Medusa - I'm really sorry that you got dumped. That sucks so much. But don't give up hope!
and if it's any consolation, I knwo how you feel about the whole shyness thing. It's very much the same with me - people think I'm unfriendly because I can sit in a room full of people and chat away when I'm wasted, but when I'm sober I just can't. And no-one seems to understand that! It's depressing, it surely is. It's a great idea about the creative writing though! It's blatantly such a good way to spend your time, and certainly something to do alone.. I hope you can feel good through it. What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
PLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Posted:
If you don't have annoying societies to go to, you get to spin a LOT more! Plus you don't end up getting dragged into being on the committee and having NO free time to spin...
Or maybe I'm just bitter...
Good luck!
(Friends on HOP count!)
If you don't have annoying societies to go to, you get to spin a LOT more! Plus you don't end up getting dragged into being on the committee and having NO free time to spin...
Or maybe I'm just bitter...
Good luck!
(Friends on HOP count!)
"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade
I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Posted:
They do, it's true That's why I'm always on here!
They do, it's true
That's why I'm always on here! What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Posted:
P.S if you want to be chatty and sober, drink coffee. Caffeine gives you good chat!
P.S if you want to be chatty and sober, drink coffee. Caffeine gives you good chat!
Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant
Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.
'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over
192 posts
Location: Wolverhampton
192 posts
Location: Wolverhampton
Posted:
Making friends can be very difficult - I moved to Wolves nearly 4 years ago and didn't know a single person over here. My b/f asked me to move into his house so it wouldn't be left empty when his lodgers moved out (he was working in Europe at the time).
The first month was awful - no job, no mates...eventually I found an activity group and joined it, that's given me a huge circle of friends and loads of fun things to do.
It's tough when you're a cash-strapped student though. My advice would be to have a good look at the clubs and societies your Uni has, join a few that look promising or start your own. Have a look at your local library and see what they've got on their noticeboards, depending on what you're interested in they'll often have music clubs, film/book/poetry groups...there's loads going on out there if you just take a while to look.
sin
Making friends can be very difficult - I moved to Wolves nearly 4 years ago and didn't know a single person over here. My b/f asked me to move into his house so it wouldn't be left empty when his lodgers moved out (he was working in Europe at the time).
The first month was awful - no job, no mates...eventually I found an activity group and joined it, that's given me a huge circle of friends and loads of fun things to do.
It's tough when you're a cash-strapped student though. My advice would be to have a good look at the clubs and societies your Uni has, join a few that look promising or start your own. Have a look at your local library and see what they've got on their noticeboards, depending on what you're interested in they'll often have music clubs, film/book/poetry groups...there's loads going on out there if you just take a while to look.
sin
"Abashed, the Devil stood and saw how awful Goodness is"
member
340 posts
Location: Australia
340 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
Organise fire dancing parties!!!!!!!!!
Organise fire dancing parties!!!!!!!!!
HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.
SILVER Member
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
veteran
1,433 posts
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Perth, Australia
Posted:
BurningByron: You been slacking off in that department lately boy...when is our next South Perth foreshore fire party???
I do agree though that fire parties are a GREAT way to meet new people.
BurningByron: You been slacking off in that department lately boy...when is our next South Perth foreshore fire party???
I do agree though that fire parties are a GREAT way to meet new people.
GOLD Member
Poi-tato
183 posts
Location: Iceberg 319, Canada
Poi-tato
183 posts
Location: Iceberg 319, Canada
Posted:
Hmm how very interesting, I have much the same problem though I don't consider it really shyness my mind just tends to shut off in situations I don't know much about and I turn into somewhat of a zombie statue like thing but thats all good. I find the hardest part of meating new people is getting your foot out the door in the first place but once you've made it outside, the world opens up its welcoming arms. When it comes down to it I would say just talk to people you think look interesting...
P.S. My interests seem to collide with exactly what youre profile like thingy doohickie says yours do so I Can say I know how you feel
Hmm how very interesting, I have much the same problem though I don't consider it really shyness my mind just tends to shut off in situations I don't know much about and I turn into somewhat of a zombie statue like thing but thats all good. I find the hardest part of meating new people is getting your foot out the door in the first place but once you've made it outside, the world opens up its welcoming arms. When it comes down to it I would say just talk to people you think look interesting...
P.S. My interests seem to collide with exactly what youre profile like thingy doohickie says yours do so I Can say I know how you feel
It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potato's.
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
Joining a club seems like the thing to do but its that huge step of first walking in. Scary scary stuff. I like the idea of looking at the social clubs at UNI, a number of people I know are in writing groups as well. They might be up your alley.
We are part of a group that seems to attract mildly dysfunctional people. Check the local medieval groups near you and see if they are the same in the UK and full of lovely slightly off centre people.
"oooo..can I look at your sword please" is always a good conversation opener. Most medievalists love talking weapons.
Good luck.
Joining a club seems like the thing to do but its that huge step of first walking in. Scary scary stuff. I like the idea of looking at the social clubs at UNI, a number of people I know are in writing groups as well. They might be up your alley.
We are part of a group that seems to attract mildly dysfunctional people. Check the local medieval groups near you and see if they are the same in the UK and full of lovely slightly off centre people.
"oooo..can I look at your sword please" is always a good conversation opener. Most medievalists love talking weapons.
Good luck.
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
member
340 posts
Location: Australia
340 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
Another SouthPerth fire night will be organised for the start of december!!!! Sorry, I've been too busy "slacking off" with my studies!
Another SouthPerth fire night will be organised for the start of december!!!! Sorry, I've been too busy "slacking off" with my studies!
HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.
BRONZE Member
Playing OldSchool Poi
593 posts
Location: amsterdam, Netherlands
Playing OldSchool Poi
593 posts
Location: amsterdam, Netherlands
Posted:
hmmm,
i was never a good group person, even the circus group i was in last year were mostly people i wouldn't hang out with. eventhough i made a couple of 'friends'.
my biggest scource of friends always came from music.
likeminded people always want to hangout together. i lived in madrid for 4 months, and it was a very lonely time too. only after the 3rd month or so, people started noticing that i went to all the same gigs as they did anyway, so they started giving me invites to next gigs and partys. and by the time i had to leave spain, i was making friends by the dozen, eventhough i didn't speak spanish at the time (or they english)
just hang in there. you'll get noticed eventually by your future peers.
maybe hang your firechains on the outside of your bag, so other jugglers can see them (no, it's not being a show-off, it's just to prevent the stuff in your bag from smelling like gasoline all the time)
oh yeah, and i don't drink, smoke or do drugs either.
hmmm,
i was never a good group person, even the circus group i was in last year were mostly people i wouldn't hang out with. eventhough i made a couple of 'friends'.
my biggest scource of friends always came from music.
likeminded people always want to hangout together. i lived in madrid for 4 months, and it was a very lonely time too. only after the 3rd month or so, people started noticing that i went to all the same gigs as they did anyway, so they started giving me invites to next gigs and partys. and by the time i had to leave spain, i was making friends by the dozen, eventhough i didn't speak spanish at the time (or they english
)just hang in there. you'll get noticed eventually by your future peers.
maybe hang your firechains on the outside of your bag, so other jugglers can see them (no, it's not being a show-off, it's just to prevent the stuff in your bag from smelling like gasoline all the time)
oh yeah, and i don't drink, smoke or do drugs either.
eRic.
I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!
Innuendo Officer Extraordinaire
105 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
105 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Posted:
Oi! Might I point out that all your real friends are from the societies you do stuff with, and that the point of coming to the society meets is to spin, and do huge street performances with fire! Fool! Oh, and you volunteered! And you're also slack!
But we love you MCP! 
(and if that isn't an advert for the joys of meetng people through spinning and juggling etc, I don't know what is!)
THIS ADVERT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY JUGGLING SOCIETY - DROPPING STUFF IN STYLE SINCE 1873 (ish)
Written by: mcp
If you don't have annoying societies to go to, you get to spin a LOT more! Plus you don't end up getting dragged into being on the committee and having NO free time to spin...
Oi! Might I point out that all your real friends are from the societies you do stuff with, and that the point of coming to the society meets is to spin, and do huge street performances with fire! Fool! Oh, and you volunteered! And you're also slack!
But we love you MCP!
(and if that isn't an advert for the joys of meetng people through spinning and juggling etc, I don't know what is!)
THIS ADVERT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY JUGGLING SOCIETY - DROPPING STUFF IN STYLE SINCE 1873 (ish)
YARR! Thats replaced the whale in my nightmares!
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