SALE 🔥 Big Stock Clearance — Limited stock, grab yours now! Shop Now → ×
Page: ...
PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
Name: Pele (based on the Volcano Goddess not the soccer player)



B-Date: Oct 16, 1973, you figure out the age wink



Been doing this stuff: Many years



What do I do?: It all, just not well smile



Job: Performer, Event Organizer, Writer, Director, Performance Consultant, Henna Artist...not in that order



Location: Webster, Western New York State



Other: Proud mother of one 11 1/2 year old named Noah.



Pets: 1 Bearded Dragon named Harley, 1 Guinea Pig named Snowflake, 2 cats: Joujou Grisgris and Fizzgig, r.i.p. goldie and sage (the snakes)



Hobbies: Reading, mostly dark novels and fantasy-ish stuff, along with business and performing books. Fantasy Art. Movies, love movies. Music..almost any kind really. Learning, don't really care about what. I have an amazing aptitude at retaining incredibly useless knowledge....just ask Kombiguy, Gardening, especially herbs and veggies. Cooking....oh how I love to cook.....with the herbs I grow. Artsy stuff.



All of my favorites are based on moods, such as food, color, drinks, etc. I always love Popcorn as a snack though. It's rather a greasy-salty addiction to tell you the truth.



Things I love: My friends...more than they could ever possibly know, the elements, life on the whole, a hot cup of tea cuddled under a blanket on a cold night with all the lights off and a good movie on and a roaring fire going. To lay in the shade in cool sand on a hot day with water at my feet and look for shapes in the clouds. Watching my son be melodramatic, especially when reading outloud. He cracks me up. Making up constellations in a full starry sky.



Personal outlook: All of live should be lived with passion and conviction, preferrably in what we love rather than what we don't love. Faith should be strongest within ourselves than in a preacher in a pulpit. Every day is the chance to begin again, to mend broken things and to be who we want....it is NEVER too late.



Pet Peeves: Stupid commercials. Bad drivers (other than me of course! smile ). The words "I can't". (I have more but I am in such a good mood they slip my mind...ooops!)



Anyway....ummmm....I have no idea what else to say here so I will leave it up to questions, comments, harrassments...whatever.



hug



Pele

EDITED_BY: Pele (1163465069)

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
Two cows were standing on a hill.
One cow said "moo"
The other cow said "I was going to say that"



Two muffins were in the oven.
One muffin said "damn it's hot in here"
The other muffin said "OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
Where the hell did you all get these (it's rhetorical!) and who the hell are you all?

This is scary...and yet sends me into fits of giggles alone in my lab. I wonder what my bosses in the office are thinking! wink ubblol

YAY!

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


MandSILVER Member
Keeper of the Spitfire
2,317 posts
Location: Calgary Canada


Posted:
Hey, did you hear the one about the magic tractor?

It went down the road and turned into a field.

Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.


Dr_MollyPooh-Bah
2,354 posts
Location: Away from home


Posted:
*rolls about laughing*



I love it Mand! hug



wave to Pele



We're going to be house-hunting upstate but not as far upstate as you hug



George you forgot "how can you tell if there's 3 elephants in your fridge? The door won't shut properly!" and the two elephants are obvious because of their whispering smile



They took a Europe wide vote on each nation's favourite joke a few years ago.



Belgium had two:



Why do ducks have flat feet?

For putting out forest fires!



Why do elephants have flat feet?

For putting out burning ducks!

pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
OMG i can't believe there's more silly joke people! everyone always laughs at me cause i'm thoroughly amused by my own jokes. this is awesome!!!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
Molly I hadn't fogotten them - I was holding off to see if I was going to get paid to stop telling silly jokes! Since I am still cash-less, I will release a few more:

Q. Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet blue?
A. So you can't see them when they're parachuting.

Q. Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
A. To hide in the strawberry patch.

Q. What's the dark squishy stuff between an elephants toes?
A. Slow natives!

I want to keep some of the elephant jokes in reserve, so how about some "name" jokes instead:

Q. What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
A. Doug

Q. What do you call a man who's drowned in your pool?
A. Bob.

Let's see what that starts!
wavehello Pele!!

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


pkBRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom


Posted:
Hi dollface ubblove

I miss you tonight.

MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
 Written by: georgemc


Q. What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
A. Doug

Q. What do you call a man who's drowned in your pool?
A. Bob.

Let's see what that starts!
wavehello Pele!!



Q. What do you call a man hanging on your wall?
A. Art.

Q. What do you call a man who just fell in a vat of boiling water?
A. Stu.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A: F*cked.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
 Written by: Doc Lightning


Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
A: F*cked.


ubblol

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


Rouge DragonBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia


Posted:
Q. What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A. Eileen

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Q. What do you call a man on the floor?
A. Matt.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


JauntyJamesSILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,533 posts
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA


Posted:
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming across the ocean?

Clever Dick

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
Hey PK...(un?)luckily you didn't miss me for long! wink


Sparky, that's too much!

I was on cast once with a guy pretending to have no legs and he would go through all those "bob" "matt" jokes. lol
I wish I could remember what they all were beyond those.

This is fun! ubblol

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
Okay..finish this statement...

"Two drunk pirates walk into a bar..."

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


KaelGotRiceGOLD Member
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angels Landing, USA


Posted:
And say "arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr", like did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated "ARRRRRRRRRRRRR".

I dunno about that one. But here's a bunch of other bad (good) one-liners about bars and other things.

René Descartes is in a bar at closing time. The bartender asks him if he'd like another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and he disappears.

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A man goes into a bar and says, "Give me a drink before the trouble starts." And the bartender pours him a drink. He drinks it and says, "Give me another drink before the trouble starts." He downs that one and says "give me another drink before the trouble starts." Finally, the bartender asks, "Just when is this trouble going to start?" The man says, "The trouble starts just as soon as I tell you that I don't have any money."

This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper. And so are his shirt, vest, chaps, pants, and boots. His spurs are also made of paper. Pretty soon, the sheriff arrives and arrests him for rustling.

A guy walks into a bar with a German shepherd dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign--I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the man tells his friend about it: "I told him I was blind, and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down. The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my Seeing Eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as Seeing Eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me. I'm just looking around."

A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" "Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. "Driving," says a man. "That's the quickest way," says the barman.

A woman goes into a bar and says "I'd like a double-entendre please" So the barman gave her one.

A little pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them and the bartender says, "Don't you want to know where the toilet is?" The pig says, "No, thanks, I go wee-wee-wee all the way home."

A brain goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're out of your head."

A Latin scholar walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a martinus." The bartender asks him. "Don't you mean martini?" The man tells the bartender, "Listen, if I wanted two or more drinks I would have asked for them."

A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra.

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do I come here often?"

A jew, a mexican, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Is this some sort of joke?"

A Jew, a white man, and a Muslim walk into a bar. What a fine example of a racially integrated society!

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He looks in his pocket and orders another drink, looks in his pocket and orders still another drink. His curiosity aroused, the bartender asks, "What are you doing? What's in your pocket?" And the guy says, "It's a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, I know it's time to go home."

A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartenders says "Can I help you?". The duck opens it's mouth and says "Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?"

A priest, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar... Then a second guy comes in.

(here's the dork in me coming out)
A guy walks into a bar. There is a magical chest here. Exits are east, south.

(and horribly...funny)
So a seal walks into a club...

THE END!

To do: More Firedrums 08 video?

Wildfire/US East coast fire footage

LA/EDC glow/fire footage

Fresno fire


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
ubblol those are awesome Kael!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
 Written by: KaelGotRice


A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


This one took me a moment. And then I had to hold my face and moan...

 Written by:

A jew, a mexican, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Is this some sort of joke?"


This was like when I was hanging out with my friends in San Francisco. We were hanging out and I suddenly said, "Wait... we have a Jew, a Catholic, a Muslim, and an athiest. All we need is a punchline."

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
Mike, didja hold your face because you took so long to get it?

Those are awesome Kael! My bosses came in because I was giggling, and since I work in a lab alone, they were *very* curious! lol

Yay!

Right now in between loading my tests I am writing limmericks for our shows. So far, I don't think I have one I can put up here because of the whole rating rules thing. LOL

I'll have to make a nice one at some point.

I only known the long drawn out story jokes, so I am completely loving that other people have humor like I do.

Oh, my friend texted me this joke...

What do ghosts where thier bras over?

Boooooooooooooooobies


I laughed, what can I say. wink

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


pounceSILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA


Posted:
LMAO!!! i love it Pele!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**


pkBRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom


Posted:
I got some more for ya doll, but PG status they aint!

Hope your having fun! and congrats again by the way biggrin

hug ubblove

MikeGinnyGOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA


Posted:
Q: What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware River?
A: Get in the boat!

Did you hear about the two guys who stole everything out of a house except the soap and towels. They were dirty crooks!

Q: Why do lions always eat raw meat?
A: Because they don't know how to cook.

Q: What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
A: It gets wet.

"Pardon me, madam", said the man trying to get back to his seat in the darkened movie theater, "but did I step on your toes a few minutes ago?"
"You certainly did!!", said the lady in the aisle seat.
"Good, then I'm in the right row!" the man said as he went back to his seat.

Teacher: If you multiplied 50 by 8 and then divided by 4, what would you get?
Student: The wrong answer.

A guy and his dog go into a barroom. The bartender says, "Hey, get that dog out of here... we don't allow dogs in here."
Wait a minute, the guy says, "This is no ordinary dog ! This is 'Plato' the talking dog !"
"Yeah, sure" says the bartender.
I'll prove it to you," says the guy. "Plato... what's on top of a building?"
"ROOF !" says the dog.
"Look," says the bartender, "just how dumb do you think I am?"
"Wait a minute," says the guy. "Plato, how does sandpaper feel?"
"RUFF !" says the dog.
"Do I have 'stupid' tattooed across my forehead or something," says the bartender. "Now get that dog out of here! "
"Wait.. I'm not through", says the guy. "Plato, who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"RUTH !" says the dog.
"That does it !! " says the bartender, and he throws them both out on the street.
Outside, the dog looks at his owner and says, "Do you think I should have gone with DiMaggio?"

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
lol those are funny mike! I like the dog one!

I thought about you this weekend. I got to flirt with some very cute, very cut gay men, one of whom is a swimmer. Sorry I didn't have your number on me wink

Pounce, thought you'd like that one! biggrin

PK, thanks love. hug You'll have to tell 'em to me later. I love the one you texted.

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
Woohoo! SHe has a birthday cake beside her name!!!
bounce2 bounce clap clap bounce2 bounce

Hippy Pappy Thuthdth Bethuthdth Bethuthday!!! Hope it's a good one!

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


PeleBRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA


Posted:
LOL...funny too, because it's not my birthday here yet! wink

Thank you so much! I think it will be a good one. I have a feeling. wink

Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK


[Nx?]BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,750 posts
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both


Posted:
Hap Bif!!!!

beerchug

T wave

This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti


pkBRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom


Posted:
Happy birthday babe.

Sure you can blow out so many candles?

Love you.

[Nx?]BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,750 posts
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both


Posted:
oh and mike, the rpg one is the best... wink

T wave

This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti


MandSILVER Member
Keeper of the Spitfire
2,317 posts
Location: Calgary Canada


Posted:
Happy birthday beautiful
kiss

Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.


AdeSILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia


Posted:
 Written by: Pele


LOL...funny too, because it's not my birthday here yet! wink




nana

it is here!

and we're already partaying!


Non-Https Image Link


Have a great birthday hug

KaelGotRiceGOLD Member
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angels Landing, USA


Posted:
happy hoppy birfday! smile

To do: More Firedrums 08 video?

Wildfire/US East coast fire footage

LA/EDC glow/fire footage

Fresno fire


Page: ...

Similar Topics No similar topics were found
      Show more..

HOPニュースレター

Subscribe now for updates on sales, new arrivals, and exclusive offers!