Forums > Social Chat > Trouble with being different?

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
I think every single one of us has had this problem at least once in their lives.

At the end of the day, we are who we are, and nothing can change that.

Ignore them. The way one dresses is up to ones self!

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
To right aimee! Glad people agree wiht me!

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mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
Some kids do it beacuse they're evil bastards. Then you get others who aren't that bad, they just need to tag along with their own little group. When I was in primary school I went through a phase of being bullied until I turned round and punched them . I chased them all the way to the staff room. Then the next day they came round to my house and we became friends. I knew that they were okay guys really - they just did it because I was a suitable target at the time. I felt as though I had got my revenge by getting them to run, they were all older than me. So to answer your question, they don't actually have a problem with you looking different, it's the fact that you are outside their group.

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
I think looking different defines us, and i dont think others should be bothered about what we look like - if they are, thats their problem, not ours. you wear what you want to wear to make you feel good in yourself.

i can remember coming into high school, and in primary school you stuck to the rules always wore your collar over your jumper and your long socks were knee high. then suddenly, it was like a rule that no-one was allowed to and you'd get bullied if you did. funny though as a year later knee length socks were a craze! it reminds me of that film 'to sir with love' and he said 'you know all your haircuts are from the 1920s' and they all laughed - but its true, most fashion just comes back after a while - so love what you wear and anyone who critisises it isnt worth the bother

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
I've got this problem too, as long as I can remember.. The people who bully others because of their style are just weak lil bastards who only feel strong when they can make fun of others.. It's so tragic.. I don't find words. Meh.

Oh my God! There's an axe in my head!

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
peopel shun things they do not understand!!!


i'm getting loads of flack because people i know class me as a hippie. i've no idea what their problem is but i'm happy not being a slave to babylon, i dislike commercialism but understand a certain ammount in needed to survive. they hate the fact they work all the time, go to work, go home, go to the pub, eat, sleep, and repeat it all again

don't be a slave to the wage, "work to live not live to work"

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
I look at it this way:



You may choose to dress and groom the way you do or you may choose to dress and groom the way they do. This isn't race or religion or sexual orientation; this is dress, which is completely voluntary.



Therefore, there are consequences to your decisions and actions (as is true for all decisions and actions). But most importantly, you must accept that you aren't going to change these people.



If you feel that dressing as you do is important enough to you that it's worth the taunting, then that's great. The way to deal with it is to take the zen attitude of "oh well, it's not that important to me; they can say/do what they want." As long as they aren't physically harming you, what else can you do about it?



Your alternative is to dress the way they want you to. I'm not exactly sure what the consequences of that might be, but I'm imagining that self-respect might have something to do with it.



Which'll it be? You choose.



Now, if I may be an arrogant prick for a moment... You're 15...just over half my age. So let me give you my life's experience since I, like you, am a free spirit.



When I was in medical school I noticed that people don't change much from high school. Oh sure, some people now had beards, bald spots, and paunches and some people were married and some people were openly gay, but the popular kids were still the popular kids...it's just that drinking was legal now. And the outcast/freak kids were still the outcast/freak kids (that's me). The difference is that I no longer gave or give a flying monkey's arse what the popular kids think and they know I don't. I go to Burning Man, I spin fire, I'm gay, I'm a competitive swimmer, I drink herbal tea, I study complimentary and alternative medicine, I'm in and out of vegetarianism, and I hang out with an odd assortment of people.



And that's just me. And I'm happy with me (mostly).



So the next time they start to harrass you, my advice is just roll your eyes, don't say anything, and move on. You don't care if they accept you, anyway. So move on. And pretty soon, so will they.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
if they don't approve of the way I look physically, than they are not worth listening to

Not really though I just prefer to think of it that they lead a different lifestyle that what I do, and they can't seem to understand why. Be it clothing, hair, slang used, etc. When I look at the punks who hang out on street corners begging for money while wearing clothing that should never be as dirty as it is, I can't understand why they would want to lead that kind of lifestyle. Prejudice comes from misunderstanding.

That or they're really just jealous because they can't pull off what you're wearing

wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

Posted: 19th Aug 2006
doc ive had slightly diff exp



now in terms of school, iv prob had a slightly harsher (maybe) school time than most, i was sent to a catholic school being the only non white person there on the edge of the most racist area in bradford (im not catholic parents jus thought the schoolin wud b better)



so all thro school it was hell, absolutely wank, and add to the fact i was an original nu-metal kid so got all that flack to, started growin my hair at 12/13 etc...



but then i got to uni, and altho theres still all the popular/cliquey biz goin on, theres also a much bigger concentration of "alternative" people which also has an effect on less alternative ppl



im still the nerdy/geeky guy ive always been, but since i went to uni and afterwards it seems that i went from being an outcast to being super cool in that space of time which was kinda wierd, but not being any different in terms of who i am



so, be what you wanna be
EDITED_BY: simta (1156003159)

"the geeks have got you" - Gayle

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
looking like I do I got used to it. If you do confront em.... I dont like the way your attitude looks SMILE!!!!!

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
When I was at school I got bullied a lot. I wasn't "cool" (read identikit) enough to be in the in crowd, but I didn't fit in the out crowd either. So that was it really, I was too stubborn to change, I didn't go to lunch because I had noone to go with, I didn't date because asking me out would have removed guys from their cliques.
[Everyone go ahhh now]
In my final year I got my first tattoo, and the most popular of the "in" girls noted that actually, I might be quite cool after all, by then however I had had enough and I told her to go do something unsavoury that I shan't repeat here.
Then I went to uni - the real world. Suddenly doing my own thing made me cool and interesting and people had respect for me. Me and my freaky mates laughed at the identikits who hadn't grown out of their school gang mindset, and I started to be amused at the people who gave me funny looks in the street (what's wrong with purple hair anyway). I have been known to tart myself up in my most wierd, and go shopping in Marks and Spencers, because the dissaproval amuses me.
I'm a teacher now, so I'm back in school, and some of the "harder" trendy kids try to get at me for being a bit alternative (I can only get away with a bit), but I'm 10 years older and wiser now, and I look at them wearing their school uniform in their "individual" way (which they all do the same) and feel ever so slightly sorry for them - not a lot mind
The fact is that there will always be ignorant people who want to have a go at someone for not being like them - its a pack instinct I think. It's pure ignorance and generally I quietly laugh at them, sometimes I do it loudly instead.

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
And remember:

THOU SHALT NOT DEFINE THYSELF BY SOMETHING AS SUPERFICIAL AS HOW THOU DRESSETH OR WHERE THOU SHOPPETH.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella



A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
This post very stream-of-consciousness to forgive me for rambling...



Animals by way of nature are very clannish and separatist by instinct. At times surival depends on it. A creature is more likely to survive if it recognises those that are of a difference species as either food or threat, and those that are like it or it is familiar with (Issues of self are inarguably to animals) are safe and comforting. This instinct is still very prevalent in the human species and will stay with them for most of their childhood and will manifest in a multitude of ways - everything from fear and hatred, to curiosity and desire. The 'bullies' need to claim dominance over what they fear or don't understand in order to survive in the world. Just as those who are bullied need to adapt and grow strong in response to what they fear in order to survive. It is our capacity as humans to learn that will allow us to rise above it that provides either frustration or peace in later life.



I would like to say that (despite my history with self esteem issues and identity crisies) I was rather fortunate in my growing up. Sure I cried until the age of 11 when I got racist taunts from the mean kids at school. But at high school in retrospect I was quite lucky. I was one of those kids who managed to get on with nearly everybody and social group. A social butterfly if you will. Even though I was considered something of a weirdo. (I think at age 11 I decided that if I was gonna be taunted for something it was better to be taunted for being weird than for being Chinese, because being weird was a choice, Chinese was not a choice, it was something I was born with and therefore an unfair target.)



Yes I still got racist taunts but many from the kids younger than me so I never gave a crap about them! To be honest most of the grief came from family and family friends, mostly because I was the runt of the litter. Yes at school there were still times when I wanted to get in with the 'cool kids' and for a while I managed it until I realised it wasn't what I wanted so I focused exclusively on my true friends.



I am fortunate that I have wide selection of friends from various contradictory 'types' but I am the same with everyone. Specifically at uni my metal-mates had no problem with me liking pop music and showtunes, and my GAYGAYGAY friends had no problems with me listening to metal etc. I feel that I'm far more diverse than that now (but then again, could just be delusional )



Any problems I have (then AND now) are usually from within rather than without - love, sexuality, paranoia, morality, self-belief, future ambitions, being pro-active enough to achieve them.



It's not just a case of people treating ME with respect, I have to treat EVERYONE ELSE with respect as well. I always try to keep an open mind in dealing with everyone. Because EVERYONE is a person first and social type can be incidental. People who I would've considered to be my contemporaries often have turned out to be tw*ts and so-called 'chavscum' have been surprisingly chilled, open-minded and respectful. Which has left me somewhat mystified and appalled when so-called 'open-minded' people have an almost default and at times unprovoked 'Kill-a-chav' attitude directed at EVERYONE who wears tracktsuits.



I HAVE to believe that anyone has the capcity to change and gain understanding of others. After all. We are all just clumps of meat on this Earth trying to survive and find a place in the world...

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

Posted: 20th Aug 2006

 Written by: xXemogalXx


Why is it that people have a problem with others being different?

Possibly because they don't understand it and are scared. In my experience, those who bully and make fun of others, are usually ignorant and are only used to their type of people and their microcosm of society.
I was bullied too, mainly for being weird,dressing weird, talking weird stuff, being too silly for my own good, not wearing make up and not being obsessed with boys and sex.

As you may know, I'm not one who bows to peer pressure. And now most of my friends love those qualities about me! One of my favourite compliments is "Jo, you're so weird!"


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Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
I got it bad at 12-13. then i kinda got really ill (no connection or anything) and they were like "c**p! what the hell were we doing?!" kinda thing. Ive always wanted to go up to them lately and ask why they were like that. but i realise that in a way im the stonger person if that makes sense? I mean, i was a WIERD kid, really over sensitive, quite, etcetc but that means they were picking on someone weaker than them so..............yeah.

I jumped into the river, what did i see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me.

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
When I was in secondary school i was builled quite seriously cuz i was a spinner and they thought that was to strange. They thought i dressed strange and i had all the rubbish and C**P shouted at me like ur a hippy etc. Then one day they all got scared shitless cuz i came into the school with all the stuff i was wearin on the streets bearing in mind it was the time i was a goth and about 6Ft tall SO i walked into the main entrance with two of my mates all wearing full length leather trench coats new rock boots studded gloves, necklaces that looked evil and lots and lots of black all over us now u you can imagine there faces when this happened the fact we walked in ready for a fight didnt help them ethier never had a problem since. They kinda of accepted it and some of them are gradualy seeing that the stuff i do is cool. and thats my story.

Being wierd is good not bad just some people cant accept it. Its always been the way humanity has been. From the Race wars to the Mods and the Cons to the Goths and the chavs. People will always attack what is differant in a way thats what humanity is and does. You need only to look at the XMen film to see good examples of this.

he he i am mike the amazing gloscircus person who is mike.

Officaly an exception to the Poi Boys are Girls Thing

Posted: 20th Aug 2006
i have a scar between my eyes. people laugh and point it out and then when i tell them a scar they feel awkward and dumb and i keep a straight face and laugh on the inside

"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
for all your opinions! They have been a great help to me! Keep them coming!

Stacy

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
The problem here is is that I have no idea how you dress so I don't know who is right

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
Lunadog, my casual day to day dress is baggy jeans, tight band tshirt, converse all stars/vans, lots of bracelets, spike chokers or bead necklaces, heavy black eye makeup, black nails and a few chains, so a mix between emo and goth really

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
i used to get bullied loads (bout 2 years ago) because of the way i look, but i started to stand upto them and they have stopped and most have become my friends because they have taken the time to get to know me. as for the other people who still decide to take the mic, i just dont care about them because they dont know me. i know it can be quite hard to devoelop this knind of mentality as i have a lot of people saying that they wish that could ignore things like i do.

But, one thing that annoys me the most is chavs. as much as i hate steryotypes the chavs that fit into the catagory desrve it. unless you dress and act like them your a freak apparently?!?!?! this is because they are narrow minded and are frightened by other peoples induviduality and them having the courage to brake away from the norm and be themselves.

i know its a cliche (sp?) but just ignore them because there opinions are worthless to you if they cant be bother to get to know you

What to do in case of fire??? LET IT BURN!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
Xemogal, i dont understand why people are bullying you for being different. I see hundreds of people sporting that type of style everyday! It's hardly new and weird..

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
i agree with your way of thinking, but it is slightly more hard for me to ignore them because they start spreading rumours saying that i sed such and such about someone, then the someone starts on me, hitting me and stuff, so if you know how i can stop that, id REALLY appreciate it because its been going on for 5 years now.............

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
jo rhymes, i dont know why either, but it may not be just the way that i dress, it also doesnt help that im a 5' 11" girl, who is expected 14 a*-b grade gcses

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
oh right, well bullying is completely harsh, but it sounds like they aree just being total wankers.
Seriously converse shoes are the "cool" shoes to wear, you sound like a normal kinda person to me. its not like you go around wearing a parrot costume!!



If they're spreading rumours, there's nothing you can really do but hope that people will use their own common sense.
School and college is really hard I think.
For me the bullying stopped when I realised what complete nob-ends they were and how, even if they DID like me, I would never be their friend!

Good luck!! xxx

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
thnx jo i really do hope it stops soon! they nearly ruined my life, i wont go into it in detail. but when it was at its worst i was suffering from depression and was suicidal, so you can imagine how serious it is/was! thnx for your advice!

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
i've been there hun
well done for getting through it! means you are WAY stronger than any of those cowardly gimps torturing you. They only feel bit because they can make others feel small. What losers!!

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
many people that give me advice (counsellors, friend, family etc.) say that they understand, but how is it possible for them to understand if they havent been through it themselves?! i can see us getting along quite well! but i need to let you know that im very random and slightly mad! but most people love me for it!

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
By this place standard's you're pretty much normal...

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
thats ok, so am I.


alot of counsellors have been through bad times, it's usually the reason they get into it in the first place

I'm sure that the people who help you do care for you and only want you to be happy

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.