Forums > Social Chat > dilema, HELP!
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285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
Posted:
ok heres a little puzzle for you to think about. a friend of mine (erm.....ok me!!) went out with this lovely guy (lets call him X) for about two years and they were really happy and he was lovely but then he broke up with her (looooong story) and im always going to love him abit coz he's my first love.
fast forward say 8 months ive got quite close to one of his friends (Y) and end up going out with him and falling in love.
then ex-boyf X tells me that hes been cheating on me, maybe im too innocent for my own good coz i still havnt found out who was telling the truth in all this becoz Y always denied it but he did always have a bit of a reputation. but im sure X would never lie to me about something like this
so Y says that i obviously dont trust him etc. and we break up, i cry alot. i text him because i still wanna look out for him (there is a whole sub-plot involving him being a crack head and having lots of family problems) he doesnt want to know at all, i cry some more because hes the most amazingly attractive adn wonderful person in the world.
we have no contact for about another 7 months and i end up going back out with X again when Y desides to start talking to me again, i tell him he'll just muck me around again so i keep going out with X. but i stay friends with Y this time and were really close.
but we just keep getting closer and closer and he's always telling me he loves me and wants me back. to be honest thats what i want more than anything.
i havnt done anything with him becoz i know how that feels but i still feeling like im cheating, i dunno maybe i am.
so i should just be with him and follow my heart etc. right? but how do i hurt X (he gets depressiong and has tried to kill himself a few times) and what if Y lied and he is a cheating git after all?! and why do i always find myself attracted to the most screwed up people i can find?
i feel like a totally manipulative bitch and i swear i never ment to get into this it just kinda snowballed. ive got my own problems with depression and drugs anyway so this isnt exactly helping. am i a bad person? be honest, if i know then i can do something about it.
sorry to bum you guys out like this i just dont know what to do and i need an objective opinion.
ok heres a little puzzle for you to think about. a friend of mine (erm.....ok me!!) went out with this lovely guy (lets call him X) for about two years and they were really happy and he was lovely but then he broke up with her (looooong story) and im always going to love him abit coz he's my first love.
fast forward say 8 months ive got quite close to one of his friends (Y) and end up going out with him and falling in love.
then ex-boyf X tells me that hes been cheating on me, maybe im too innocent for my own good coz i still havnt found out who was telling the truth in all this becoz Y always denied it but he did always have a bit of a reputation. but im sure X would never lie to me about something like this
so Y says that i obviously dont trust him etc. and we break up, i cry alot. i text him because i still wanna look out for him (there is a whole sub-plot involving him being a crack head and having lots of family problems) he doesnt want to know at all, i cry some more because hes the most amazingly attractive adn wonderful person in the world.
we have no contact for about another 7 months and i end up going back out with X again when Y desides to start talking to me again, i tell him he'll just muck me around again so i keep going out with X. but i stay friends with Y this time and were really close.
but we just keep getting closer and closer and he's always telling me he loves me and wants me back. to be honest thats what i want more than anything.
i havnt done anything with him becoz i know how that feels but i still feeling like im cheating, i dunno maybe i am.
so i should just be with him and follow my heart etc. right? but how do i hurt X (he gets depressiong and has tried to kill himself a few times) and what if Y lied and he is a cheating git after all?! and why do i always find myself attracted to the most screwed up people i can find?
i feel like a totally manipulative bitch and i swear i never ment to get into this it just kinda snowballed. ive got my own problems with depression and drugs anyway so this isnt exactly helping. am i a bad person? be honest, if i know then i can do something about it.
sorry to bum you guys out like this i just dont know what to do and i need an objective opinion.
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,737 posts
Location: London
2,737 posts
Location: London
Posted:
UR not a bad person unless u think u are.....as long as u don't break your own moral standards then u r the judge of yourself.
Whoever u decide to go out with, please don't mess them around and fuck with their heads or everything will come back and bite you in the ass and you'll end up risking being with no-one.
Drugs problem? - What's up, unreliable dealer?
Sit back, give yourself a few days and think about what your heart says.
Watch the crack-head types though, they'z well unpredictable.....and hard drugz fucks with your sex drive which can't be good. - lol
OK just re-read it so...
Watch out for suicide case though....completely biased opinion but don't stay together just coz you don't want the guilt of him trying to top himself.
They wont actually do it 9/10 but don't take no shit from them just coz they're a nutter.
[ 02 November 2002, 09:20: Message edited by: SmallBoy ]
UR not a bad person unless u think u are.....as long as u don't break your own moral standards then u r the judge of yourself.
Whoever u decide to go out with, please don't mess them around and fuck with their heads or everything will come back and bite you in the ass and you'll end up risking being with no-one.
Drugs problem? - What's up, unreliable dealer?
Sit back, give yourself a few days and think about what your heart says.
Watch the crack-head types though, they'z well unpredictable.....and hard drugz fucks with your sex drive which can't be good. - lol
OK just re-read it so...
Watch out for suicide case though....completely biased opinion but don't stay together just coz you don't want the guilt of him trying to top himself.
They wont actually do it 9/10 but don't take no shit from them just coz they're a nutter.
[ 02 November 2002, 09:20: Message edited by: SmallBoy ]
Small Lardy Person In Disguise
member
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
Posted:
no no my dealers more than realiable, too realiable. im just bad at giving up when i know its fucking with my head so badly.
thats pretty sound advice actually so thanx, just not sure if i can cope with the whole guilt thing.
[ 02 November 2002, 09:28: Message edited by: Kittytheravequeen ]
no no my dealers more than realiable, too realiable. im just bad at giving up when i know its fucking with my head so badly.
thats pretty sound advice actually so thanx, just not sure if i can cope with the whole guilt thing.
[ 02 November 2002, 09:28: Message edited by: Kittytheravequeen ]
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,737 posts
Location: London
2,737 posts
Location: London
Posted:
Sorry just an attempt at my patented "SmallBoy" line of humour.
According to my crystal ball your problems are directly related to taking too many drugz, being involved in too many drugz, and being a 16 year old nipper. - Muhahahaha - (That's the old git in me coming out.)
Errrrm just chill.
Go play barbie for a bit
(This for anyone not having read her profile is one of her fave toys and not a direct insult on her age so you can all fuck off)
And a spliff for the guilt......
[ 02 November 2002, 09:30: Message edited by: SmallBoy ]
Sorry just an attempt at my patented "SmallBoy" line of humour.
According to my crystal ball your problems are directly related to taking too many drugz, being involved in too many drugz, and being a 16 year old nipper. - Muhahahaha - (That's the old git in me coming out.)
Errrrm just chill.
Go play barbie for a bit
(This for anyone not having read her profile is one of her fave toys and not a direct insult on her age so you can all fuck off)
And a spliff for the guilt......
[ 02 November 2002, 09:30: Message edited by: SmallBoy ]
Small Lardy Person In Disguise
member
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
Posted:
yup yet another sub plot in the drama which is my life!! but im tryin to sort out one problem at a time and this is the one hurting me most.
yeah i kno im pretty little (16 and 10/12ths actually!) but i feel about 40 at the moment.
hmmmmm ......barbie.......i miss barbie. ill go play for awhile
[ 02 November 2002, 09:37: Message edited by: Kittytheravequeen ]
yup yet another sub plot in the drama which is my life!! but im tryin to sort out one problem at a time and this is the one hurting me most.
yeah i kno im pretty little (16 and 10/12ths actually!) but i feel about 40 at the moment.
hmmmmm ......barbie.......i miss barbie. ill go play for awhile
[ 02 November 2002, 09:37: Message edited by: Kittytheravequeen ]
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,737 posts
Location: London
2,737 posts
Location: London
Posted:
OK, yous got many problems maybe?
Its kewl, when I was 16 I was so fucked up it hurt to even get out of bed in the morning.
Check your PM's mate.
Cam
OK, yous got many problems maybe?
Its kewl, when I was 16 I was so fucked up it hurt to even get out of bed in the morning.
Check your PM's mate.
Cam
Small Lardy Person In Disguise
BRONZE Member
member
180 posts
Location: Leicester, uk
member
180 posts
Location: Leicester, uk
Posted:
Hey Kittycat
Yup, that's quite a situation you've got there. Afraid I probably won't be much help either. I got myself into pickles over some f*cked up guys when I was younger, lots of games going on and manipulation so I know what that feels like. I also know about the depression/drugs thing, been there, thankfully a goodly while ago now.
I think you'd be better off to leave BOTH of these guys alone. You're right, you don't need it. Sounds harsh but you cannie keep going back and forth forever beacause sooner or later it'll really start getting to you. You already feel like you're being manipulative just by being with X when you're secretly dreaming of Y, and you're just hurting yourself over it. Even if nothing has happened with Y, you shouldn't be with X if your feelings for Y are that strong. It isn't fair, whether you get back with Y in the future or not.
Sounds like you don't know who to trust, who's lying and who's telling the truth. How can you have a decent relationship under those conditions? Only YOU can judge your actions. You know how these guys have treated you in the past. And only you know if/how you may be manipulating them now. Follow your heart but don't rush into anything until you're really sure.
Also what kind of a friends are these if one is trying to break up your relationship with his supposed friend? and the other possibly lied to you about his "friend" cheating on you? Food for thought me thinks.
Sometimes it's beautiful to shine alone too
Hope all gets sorted for you soon
Hey Kittycat
Yup, that's quite a situation you've got there. Afraid I probably won't be much help either. I got myself into pickles over some f*cked up guys when I was younger, lots of games going on and manipulation so I know what that feels like. I also know about the depression/drugs thing, been there, thankfully a goodly while ago now.
I think you'd be better off to leave BOTH of these guys alone. You're right, you don't need it. Sounds harsh but you cannie keep going back and forth forever beacause sooner or later it'll really start getting to you. You already feel like you're being manipulative just by being with X when you're secretly dreaming of Y, and you're just hurting yourself over it. Even if nothing has happened with Y, you shouldn't be with X if your feelings for Y are that strong. It isn't fair, whether you get back with Y in the future or not.
Sounds like you don't know who to trust, who's lying and who's telling the truth. How can you have a decent relationship under those conditions? Only YOU can judge your actions. You know how these guys have treated you in the past. And only you know if/how you may be manipulating them now. Follow your heart but don't rush into anything until you're really sure.
Also what kind of a friends are these if one is trying to break up your relationship with his supposed friend? and the other possibly lied to you about his "friend" cheating on you? Food for thought me thinks.
Sometimes it's beautiful to shine alone too
Hope all gets sorted for you soon
Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside wakes C G Jung
member
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
Posted:
thanx chalise thats pretty damm sound advice. i know your right. im gunna sort it out over the week-end i think. just gotta take a deep breath........
thanx chalise thats pretty damm sound advice. i know your right. im gunna sort it out over the week-end i think. just gotta take a deep breath........
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
SILVER Member
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
Hey sweety. It sounds like both guys are a little ego tripping over who you want to be with. You make your choice, and they try and change it. Ask yourself, which one would let you go if you were happy? Which one cares about your happiness enough to allow your decisions to stand. (The surprising answer may be neither).
Make the decision about where you want to be, not about who is the best at persuading you.
Hey sweety. It sounds like both guys are a little ego tripping over who you want to be with. You make your choice, and they try and change it. Ask yourself, which one would let you go if you were happy? Which one cares about your happiness enough to allow your decisions to stand. (The surprising answer may be neither).
Make the decision about where you want to be, not about who is the best at persuading you.
It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.
What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...
resident fridge magnet
835 posts
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
835 posts
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Posted:
hey sweetheart, I'm going to go with Chalice on this one - fully realising though that "just letting go" is faaaaaaaar harder than it sounds. Of course you want to care for your significant other and make them happy, but you do have your own happiness to think of too - and it doesn't sound like either of them can make you happy at the moment. But again, all this is very easy to say for those who don't have to make the decision...
Take care hon, keep us posted, and remember "this too, shall pass" - things DO have the tendency to work themselves out in the end. Big hugs, lots of them!
Charlotte
hey sweetheart, I'm going to go with Chalice on this one - fully realising though that "just letting go" is faaaaaaaar harder than it sounds. Of course you want to care for your significant other and make them happy, but you do have your own happiness to think of too - and it doesn't sound like either of them can make you happy at the moment. But again, all this is very easy to say for those who don't have to make the decision...
Take care hon, keep us posted, and remember "this too, shall pass" - things DO have the tendency to work themselves out in the end. Big hugs, lots of them!
Charlotte
everyone's unique except me
member
249 posts
Location: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
249 posts
Location: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
Posted:
ask Y where he was when you were texting him and waiting for 7 months. just think, in about 6 months it'll all be over, you just dont know how yet...
ask Y where he was when you were texting him and waiting for 7 months. just think, in about 6 months it'll all be over, you just dont know how yet...
old hand
950 posts
Location: Nottingham UK
950 posts
Location: Nottingham UK
Posted:
First off here's a huge hug.
In no way are you a bad person. Everyone is made up of diffferent emotions, personality traits and quirks. We label these emotions, traits and quirks as either good or bad, but this is not the case. There are no good or bad feelings, feelings just are.
If either of these guys do anything stupid, (eg. self harm or suicide) it is not your fault. Everyone is responsible for there own actions and reactions. You are NOT responsible for how they react, only how you react.
My advice would be to get away from the both of them, go get yourself some 'person centred' counselling to help find out the answer to your question 'why do i always find myself attracted to the most screwed up people i can find?' and stop taking drugs because they cloud your judgement and cause depression.
You are very young to be dealing with such serious issues alone. I recommend you seek support as soon as possible. It is amazing how much support is on offer for you, all you have to do is start looking.
Best of luck to you on this journey which is life.
First off here's a huge hug.
In no way are you a bad person. Everyone is made up of diffferent emotions, personality traits and quirks. We label these emotions, traits and quirks as either good or bad, but this is not the case. There are no good or bad feelings, feelings just are.
If either of these guys do anything stupid, (eg. self harm or suicide) it is not your fault. Everyone is responsible for there own actions and reactions. You are NOT responsible for how they react, only how you react.
My advice would be to get away from the both of them, go get yourself some 'person centred' counselling to help find out the answer to your question 'why do i always find myself attracted to the most screwed up people i can find?' and stop taking drugs because they cloud your judgement and cause depression.
You are very young to be dealing with such serious issues alone. I recommend you seek support as soon as possible. It is amazing how much support is on offer for you, all you have to do is start looking.
Best of luck to you on this journey which is life.
Are we nearly there yet?
member
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
Posted:
thanx guys and girls youve all been dead sweet and helpful i was a bit worried about everyone just thinking im a dumb little 16 year old but youve been really kewl about me being ickle. adren@line im gunna text Y, ahh wot the hell, simon tonite with your question so ill let you know how i got on later. but first i got a media essay to do and dont worry im gunna get the whole drugs thing sorted soon i swear.
thanx guys and girls youve all been dead sweet and helpful i was a bit worried about everyone just thinking im a dumb little 16 year old but youve been really kewl about me being ickle. adren@line im gunna text Y, ahh wot the hell, simon tonite with your question so ill let you know how i got on later. but first i got a media essay to do and dont worry im gunna get the whole drugs thing sorted soon i swear.
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
member
127 posts
Location: Melbourne
127 posts
Location: Melbourne
Posted:
My god, I think I could write a thesis on why girls are attracted to the worst type of guys...
I was once in a relationship like that, I was (in his mind at least) the only outlet to vent his feelings of hopelessness and manipulation. Because I'm a VERY reflective person, I became absorbed in his problems. Even though I did everything I could to help him, I was trying to deal with my own shit at the same time - my world fell to bits again and again at the same time his did. In the end I almost had a breakdown over it, and became just as depressed and suicidal as he was. I became physically sick over what was happening and almost failed uni. In the end I had to get out of the relationship for my own sanity and wellbeing.
These type of relationships are parasitical, and you are having your sweet-naturedness taken advantage of. There are plenty more guys out there that are much more deserving of you!
A big from someone who's been there before.
- queen of wands -
My god, I think I could write a thesis on why girls are attracted to the worst type of guys...
I was once in a relationship like that, I was (in his mind at least) the only outlet to vent his feelings of hopelessness and manipulation. Because I'm a VERY reflective person, I became absorbed in his problems. Even though I did everything I could to help him, I was trying to deal with my own shit at the same time - my world fell to bits again and again at the same time his did. In the end I almost had a breakdown over it, and became just as depressed and suicidal as he was. I became physically sick over what was happening and almost failed uni. In the end I had to get out of the relationship for my own sanity and wellbeing.
These type of relationships are parasitical, and you are having your sweet-naturedness taken advantage of. There are plenty more guys out there that are much more deserving of you!
A big from someone who's been there before.
- queen of wands -
I'm not vegetarian, but currently I'm off my chops!
member
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
285 posts
Location: down the bottom of the garden,england
Posted:
awww bless you guys and girlies are all so lovely i did wot you sugested and my doctors gunna sort me out some kinda councelling so im really hoping that'll help cheers my dears
awww bless you guys and girlies are all so lovely i did wot you sugested and my doctors gunna sort me out some kinda councelling so im really hoping that'll help cheers my dears
i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear
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