Forums > Social Discussion > I lost a patient
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HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I lost a patient today. Sick little girl, 1.5 months old. Probably had some sort of metabolic disorder...and she just stopped breathing.
The problem is she stopped breathing just after I'd stopped dicking with her oxygen.
Everyone tells me it's not my fault...but I'm not convinced. The fact that the attending praised me on my appropriate response to the situation made me feel a lot better. I was prepared to resign my position as a student. But I'm devastated.
I will never forget the sight of that mother holding her dead baby girl in her arms and sobbing. It will be etched into my memory forever. I just stood there and said "I'm so sorry." She nodded...and then after a few more seconds...I left.
And then I went to cry.
And I still can't get the nagging feeling out of my head that I somehow caused it.
I lost a patient today. Sick little girl, 1.5 months old. Probably had some sort of metabolic disorder...and she just stopped breathing.
The problem is she stopped breathing just after I'd stopped dicking with her oxygen.
Everyone tells me it's not my fault...but I'm not convinced. The fact that the attending praised me on my appropriate response to the situation made me feel a lot better. I was prepared to resign my position as a student. But I'm devastated.
I will never forget the sight of that mother holding her dead baby girl in her arms and sobbing. It will be etched into my memory forever. I just stood there and said "I'm so sorry." She nodded...and then after a few more seconds...I left.
And then I went to cry.
And I still can't get the nagging feeling out of my head that I somehow caused it.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,533 posts
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,533 posts
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA
Posted:
merrr! that's no fun. what a traumatizing experience! .:heaps pitty upon lightning:. i'm sure its just natural to blame yourself, but if nobody had helped her, there would have been no doubt of her dying. there's nowhere to place the blame, just bad luck
edit: i just realized i forgot a hug
so here's four to make up for the delay
EDITED_BY: sparkey (1107725973)
merrr! that's no fun. what a traumatizing experience! .:heaps pitty upon lightning:. i'm sure its just natural to blame yourself, but if nobody had helped her, there would have been no doubt of her dying. there's nowhere to place the blame, just bad luck
edit: i just realized i forgot a hug
so here's four to make up for the delayEDITED_BY: sparkey (1107725973)
-James
"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"
GOLD Member
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland
Posted:
Love is the law.
BRONZE Member
After 17 hrs i got the little beautie
340 posts
Location: Sunny Devon, UK
After 17 hrs i got the little beautie
340 posts
Location: Sunny Devon, UK
Posted:
Lightning,
Dude. Please dont blame your self. You did what you could and what you thought was right. Like you said your attending praised you on your appropriate response to the situation. If in any way it had of been something that you had done then surely your attending would have said. I know this probly isn't helping but from what i know about you i know you would of done all you could in the situation.
For you mate.
Lightning,
Dude. Please dont blame your self. You did what you could and what you thought was right. Like you said your attending praised you on your appropriate response to the situation. If in any way it had of been something that you had done then surely your attending would have said. I know this probly isn't helping but from what i know about you i know you would of done all you could in the situation.
For you mate.
A wise man once told me, A friend will bail you outta jail, A great friend will be sitting beside you saying that was f**king awesome.
BRONZE Member
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
Posted:
So sorry to hear about that, but don't blaime yourself. It wasn't your fault.
Think of all the people who are still here today because of you.
So sorry to hear about that, but don't blaime yourself. It wasn't your fault.
Think of all the people who are still here today because of you.
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
SILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales
Posted:
Mate,
I feel like I should say something that Dr.Cox from Scrubs would say.
You can probably tell what I was going to say.
*squeezyhugs*
Mate,
I feel like I should say something that Dr.Cox from Scrubs would say.
You can probably tell what I was going to say.
*squeezyhugs*
GOLD Member
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
2,723 posts
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada
Posted:
Many hugs to you, mate.
Many hugs to you, mate.
Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.
SILVER Member
Liquid Cow
2,629 posts
Location: High Wycombe, England
Liquid Cow
2,629 posts
Location: High Wycombe, England
Posted:
That's probably not enough, so have another one
That's probably not enough, so have another one
But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
old hand
1,024 posts
Location: london
1,024 posts
Location: london
Posted:
pm on it way dude
pm on it way dude
GOLD Member
master of disaster
3,354 posts
Location: New York, USA
master of disaster
3,354 posts
Location: New York, USA
Posted:
kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more
GOLD Member
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
now available in "advanced"
6,086 posts
Location: Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posted:
My state of mind is not yours to define!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I freaked and froze. I eventually snapped to and managed to write some transfer orders for the ICU (hey, a little kid is getting worked over in the next room and I'm doing friggin' PAPERWORK).
But yeah...a code is an intense experience.
When a code is called, about 30 people appear in the space of a minute, all of them at a dead run. They all descend on this poor human being in the most spectacular, and often horrifying, act of desperation I have ever seen. It is properly called a rescussitation. But to everyone who has ever been at one, it's called a "Code Blue" or simply a "code."
These 30 people descend on this poor human being in a desperate attempt to stabilize the failing body and support it by whatever means necessary. They actually can snatch people back from the dead. And it is brutal. Intubation, chest compressions, lines here and there...you are naked, a machine to be urgently tended for. And you are unconscious.
And if you ever survive a code, which occasionally happens, you will wake with broken ribs, chipped teeth, bumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes...you name it. Because the point of a code isn't to care for the patient, it's to keep him alive at all costs.
There's this intense calm to a code. It's noisy, but yet everyone is very calm about it. And while all this was happening to this little six-week-old girl, I was in the next room doing PAPERWORK of all things.
And they stopped her from dying! They snatched her back. They had to go at it for 20 minutes, but they stabilized her. And she went to the PICU...
...where she promptly coded again. And then they gave up after another 20 minutes.
That little girl was born absolutely determined to die.
I freaked and froze. I eventually snapped to and managed to write some transfer orders for the ICU (hey, a little kid is getting worked over in the next room and I'm doing friggin' PAPERWORK).
But yeah...a code is an intense experience.
When a code is called, about 30 people appear in the space of a minute, all of them at a dead run. They all descend on this poor human being in the most spectacular, and often horrifying, act of desperation I have ever seen. It is properly called a rescussitation. But to everyone who has ever been at one, it's called a "Code Blue" or simply a "code."
These 30 people descend on this poor human being in a desperate attempt to stabilize the failing body and support it by whatever means necessary. They actually can snatch people back from the dead. And it is brutal. Intubation, chest compressions, lines here and there...you are naked, a machine to be urgently tended for. And you are unconscious.
And if you ever survive a code, which occasionally happens, you will wake with broken ribs, chipped teeth, bumps, bruises, cuts, scrapes...you name it. Because the point of a code isn't to care for the patient, it's to keep him alive at all costs.
There's this intense calm to a code. It's noisy, but yet everyone is very calm about it. And while all this was happening to this little six-week-old girl, I was in the next room doing PAPERWORK of all things.
And they stopped her from dying! They snatched her back. They had to go at it for 20 minutes, but they stabilized her. And she went to the PICU...
...where she promptly coded again. And then they gave up after another 20 minutes.
That little girl was born absolutely determined to die.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
GOLD Member
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland
Posted:
aw lightning
my heart goes out to you mate
aw lightning
my heart goes out to you mate
Love is the law.
GOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Posted:
When I read the top post Lightning, the first thought that came into my head was "Don't you dare give up! The world needs doctors like you. Someone that doesn't act like they are an all knowing, all seeing, God like person, but someone that is compassionate and vulnerable enough to feel the loss of a small child"
The second was "how brave he is to show is vulnerablity so openly to the world"
What a terribly sad day. Don't blame yourself, hun. Sometimes its just someones time to go. Just remember all the people you have helped live healthier and better lives.
When I read the top post Lightning, the first thought that came into my head was "Don't you dare give up! The world needs doctors like you. Someone that doesn't act like they are an all knowing, all seeing, God like person, but someone that is compassionate and vulnerable enough to feel the loss of a small child"
The second was "how brave he is to show is vulnerablity so openly to the world"
What a terribly sad day. Don't blame yourself, hun. Sometimes its just someones time to go. Just remember all the people you have helped live healthier and better lives.
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
BRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
Lighting, my love and support go to you.
How are you feeling about it all today? Have you resolved your issues of blame? I hope so, cos it was not your fault - as you said, she was born to die.
I hope you can overcome this, and learn to accept what must be the hardest and most traumatic aspect of your chosen profession.
love n light.
Lighting, my love and support go to you.
How are you feeling about it all today? Have you resolved your issues of blame? I hope so, cos it was not your fault - as you said, she was born to die.
I hope you can overcome this, and learn to accept what must be the hardest and most traumatic aspect of your chosen profession.
love n light.
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SILVER Member
Scientist!
578 posts
Location: Waterloo, Ontario, Canada
Scientist!
578 posts
Location: Waterloo, Ontario, Canada
Posted:
Lightning man, I can only imagine how you feel right now. Truamatic experiences unfortunately happen to the best of people, at the best of times. I'm sure the mother doesn't blame you, nor would any of the family. They know how much was done to try and save their baby. Sometimes things like this happen.
My mother was a nurse in the ER for a few dozen years, and even now she is doing community living work (Going to patients houses who are on their death bed, but prefer to be at home to live it out). She has had times where she would be on her way for a daily appointment and she showed up and the person had passed away.
I'm sure you don't need anyone to tell you, but it will never hurt less. It's a brutal truth, but you learn to cope with it better as you go on.
At times like this you have to go watch a Feel Good Movie, hang out with friends, twirl all night long and get your mind off it. Give you a bit of fresh air.
My deepest condolences to you, the mother and the family.
I hope you feel better soon mate.
You're a good doctor, and I think I'd rather have you as my doctor than half the ones out there now.
Skulduggery said it best man;
Lightning man, I can only imagine how you feel right now. Truamatic experiences unfortunately happen to the best of people, at the best of times. I'm sure the mother doesn't blame you, nor would any of the family. They know how much was done to try and save their baby. Sometimes things like this happen.
My mother was a nurse in the ER for a few dozen years, and even now she is doing community living work (Going to patients houses who are on their death bed, but prefer to be at home to live it out). She has had times where she would be on her way for a daily appointment and she showed up and the person had passed away.
I'm sure you don't need anyone to tell you, but it will never hurt less. It's a brutal truth, but you learn to cope with it better as you go on.
At times like this you have to go watch a Feel Good Movie, hang out with friends, twirl all night long and get your mind off it. Give you a bit of fresh air.
My deepest condolences to you, the mother and the family.
I hope you feel better soon mate.
You're a good doctor, and I think I'd rather have you as my doctor than half the ones out there now.
Skulduggery said it best man;
Written by: Skulduggery
"Don't you dare give up! The world needs doctors like you. Someone that doesn't act like they are an all knowing, all seeing, God like person, but someone that is compassionate and vulnerable enough to feel the loss of a small child"
Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> STAY SAFE! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />
SILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Posted:
a thousand and one hugs mate
my heart goes out to you
a thousand and one hugs mate
my heart goes out to you
Meh
SILVER Member
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom
Posted:
I think that you are in the most unrewarded, barely lauded, spritually draning, emotionally destroying careers in the world.
Without people like you, people die.
With people like you less people die.
Youre a good man Mike.
You have given your life to help those who bodies are damaged.
As such, you are a precious spirit, and many more people will live because of you and your actions.
I give you and the people who work with you (across the world) my thanks for being there when you can be, and my love for being there when no more can be done.
Walk in light, my friend
I think that you are in the most unrewarded, barely lauded, spritually draning, emotionally destroying careers in the world.
Without people like you, people die.
With people like you less people die.
Youre a good man Mike.
You have given your life to help those who bodies are damaged.
As such, you are a precious spirit, and many more people will live because of you and your actions.
I give you and the people who work with you (across the world) my thanks for being there when you can be, and my love for being there when no more can be done.
Walk in light, my friend
ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
You upset shows your humanity and your desire to be the best Doctor you can shines through.
Look after yourself
You upset shows your humanity and your desire to be the best Doctor you can shines through.
Look after yourself
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
Flaming Lesbian
181 posts
Location: Portland, Oregon
181 posts
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posted:
“O’er all the hilltops is quiet now, in all the treetops hearest thou hardly a breath; the birds are asleep in the trees: wait; soon like these thou shalt rest.”—JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE
humans want to live. it's in our genes. we would claw and fight our way through anything to do it. but it's not our choice.
and it's not our fault.
the bible writer paul wrote at romans 5:12 that "Through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned."
Adam and Eve brought sin on us, and condemned us all to death. All we can do is try to fight it.
and it's nobody's fault when we can't fight it anymore.
EDITED_BY: thor (1107747970)
“O’er all the hilltops is quiet now, in all the treetops hearest thou hardly a breath; the birds are asleep in the trees: wait; soon like these thou shalt rest.”—JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE
humans want to live. it's in our genes. we would claw and fight our way through anything to do it. but it's not our choice.
and it's not our fault.
the bible writer paul wrote at romans 5:12 that "Through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned."
Adam and Eve brought sin on us, and condemned us all to death. All we can do is try to fight it.
and it's nobody's fault when we can't fight it anymore.
EDITED_BY: thor (1107747970)
Lights dancing off my skin as chains wrap round it.
Pain is in a little box and I'm so glad I found it.
SILVER Member
addict
475 posts
Location: Van Diemans Land, Australia
addict
475 posts
Location: Van Diemans Land, Australia
Posted:
Hey dude.
You must never beat yourself up for something like this. You have taken on the most honourable profession in the world.
Its people like you that saved my life when i suffered from massive head trauma (on several occasions)
You did all you could, nobody can do more
Sleep peacefully my friend. There is no sin
We all send you our love
Hey dude.
You must never beat yourself up for something like this. You have taken on the most honourable profession in the world.
Its people like you that saved my life when i suffered from massive head trauma (on several occasions)
You did all you could, nobody can do more
Sleep peacefully my friend. There is no sin
We all send you our love
Fair luna bright, fair luna moon
it shines at night but fades too soon
fair luna moon, fair luna bright
forever we dance
we dance under starlight
SILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
Dr Mike..
That child is all the better to have had you there looking after her. It is not your fault that she passed over, you did everything that was in your power to help her, but sometimes the divine has other plans for the spirits of those who are ill.
I know what a comitted and dedicated Dr you are. you have helped so many people, and because of your caring and compassionate nature it is sometimes hard to be detached from the emotion of the situation.
Im glad that you havent become one of the Robot drs that I have dealt with at hospitals before. The ones where the profession has thrown so much at them that they have stopped caring about anything.
You can only do so much if it is someones time to go. I know you gavce everything my friend, you can be proud of yourself, I am so in awe of your heart and soul.
Dr Mike..
That child is all the better to have had you there looking after her. It is not your fault that she passed over, you did everything that was in your power to help her, but sometimes the divine has other plans for the spirits of those who are ill.
I know what a comitted and dedicated Dr you are. you have helped so many people, and because of your caring and compassionate nature it is sometimes hard to be detached from the emotion of the situation.
Im glad that you havent become one of the Robot drs that I have dealt with at hospitals before. The ones where the profession has thrown so much at them that they have stopped caring about anything.
You can only do so much if it is someones time to go. I know you gavce everything my friend, you can be proud of yourself, I am so in awe of your heart and soul.
TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"
SILVER Member
addict
435 posts
Location: VIC, MELB, Australia
addict
435 posts
Location: VIC, MELB, Australia
Posted:
Lightening my heart out goes out to you, i believe you need to be very brave to be a doctor and do what you do and it was said in an earlier post the world needs people like you. Please dont give up, it wasnt your fault. Take care of yourself, maybe a counsellor or your peers who have been through this can offer you some support on how they cope with the hard times?. Take care and kind thoughts are being beamed your way.
Flame and Tristan
Lightening my heart out goes out to you, i believe you need to be very brave to be a doctor and do what you do and it was said in an earlier post the world needs people like you. Please dont give up, it wasnt your fault. Take care of yourself, maybe a counsellor or your peers who have been through this can offer you some support on how they cope with the hard times?. Take care and kind thoughts are being beamed your way.
Flame and Tristan
*In the car while Pink is playing on the radio*
Tristan aged 4 : "Mum is this Pink?"
Flame:"Yes mate this is Pink?"
Tristan:"Are you going to Pink?"
Flame:"Yes i am"
Tristan:"Cool well I'm going to BLUE" 
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom
Posted:
Think of all the good you've done. Think of the reasons you were doing whatever to her oxygen. Were they out of motivation to harm her in any way? No.
You are guilty of nothing. I can understand why you feel responsible but please try and see that of course you feel responsible in this situation - anyone would - but that doesn't mean you are.
Think of all the good you've done. Think of the reasons you were doing whatever to her oxygen. Were they out of motivation to harm her in any way? No.
You are guilty of nothing. I can understand why you feel responsible but please try and see that of course you feel responsible in this situation - anyone would - but that doesn't mean you are.
What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau
old hand
1,024 posts
Location: london
1,024 posts
Location: london
Posted:
how are you doing today dude?
how are you doing today dude?
SILVER Member
member
112 posts
Location: UT, Sweden
member
112 posts
Location: UT, Sweden
Posted:
There is nothing I can say to ease the pain of this loss. Just think of this way, how many individuals have you been asociated that came into the doors of that practice hurt, injured or other wise not in one peice, and walked out? Just think of all of the other people that you have helped out. Without you, they would not be here with us still.
Best of luck to you.
edit- I was just informed, and just realized myself that my sig wasn't too great for this thread, let me explain in the same words that I used to the person that informed me.
I'm sorry about my sig, it was not meant for that thread, it is my classic ending for every note, letter or anything else that I write. It is something to remind me, not to get angry, not to start fights, not to get upset at people. I have a very bad temper and that is my way to keep it in check, to constantly remind myself not to bite off anyone's heads or become overly offensive. I am truley sorry if you misunderstood my sig.
I can not apoligize enough if this offended you. Like I said, it is simply there to remind me to keep my cool at all times and not to bite people's heads off for the small things in life.
EDITED_BY: Adrillf (1107791702)
There is nothing I can say to ease the pain of this loss. Just think of this way, how many individuals have you been asociated that came into the doors of that practice hurt, injured or other wise not in one peice, and walked out? Just think of all of the other people that you have helped out. Without you, they would not be here with us still.
Best of luck to you.
edit- I was just informed, and just realized myself that my sig wasn't too great for this thread, let me explain in the same words that I used to the person that informed me.
I'm sorry about my sig, it was not meant for that thread, it is my classic ending for every note, letter or anything else that I write. It is something to remind me, not to get angry, not to start fights, not to get upset at people. I have a very bad temper and that is my way to keep it in check, to constantly remind myself not to bite off anyone's heads or become overly offensive. I am truley sorry if you misunderstood my sig.
I can not apoligize enough if this offended you. Like I said, it is simply there to remind me to keep my cool at all times and not to bite people's heads off for the small things in life.
EDITED_BY: Adrillf (1107791702)
missegyptology: I'm gonna be a terrorist when I grow up anyway
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Sympathy Dr. Lightning.
I was just thinking that you should probably have a preset support network for yourself if you don't already. This seems like a profession where you could easily become overwhelmed with the sadness involved. It might be nice to come up with some kind of game plan now so if you're ever really overwhelmed you can just push a few buttons on your cellphone and get some help.
I know you'll get hugs here at HoP but there will probably be a day or two where you'll need more than us and it's always a good idea to have something more substantial as a back up.
Sympathy Dr. Lightning.
I was just thinking that you should probably have a preset support network for yourself if you don't already. This seems like a profession where you could easily become overwhelmed with the sadness involved. It might be nice to come up with some kind of game plan now so if you're ever really overwhelmed you can just push a few buttons on your cellphone and get some help.
I know you'll get hugs here at HoP but there will probably be a day or two where you'll need more than us and it's always a good idea to have something more substantial as a back up.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
lovable smart-ass
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria
785 posts
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria
Posted:
wow
im really sorry this hapened to you....
have a
i dont really know anything else to say...
wow
im really sorry this hapened to you....
have a
i dont really know anything else to say...
"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Thanks, everyone. I came in today to work, and of course there's a new patient in her bed and the documentation is all done. The parents consented to an autopsy so that, if any good comes of this, at the very least we will be able to learn from her.
I still feel a surge in my breath when I talk about her. It's not that I loved her, really. She was a neurologically devastated infant when I met her who couldn't even be handled because she'd get upset and drop her O2 saturations. But I liked her parents and I feel horribly for their loss.
I've lost patients before, but they were old and sick. In most cases, I first met them when they were unconscious. In two cases, I had met them previously, but they were already in palliative care and I was prepared for their death. And I was a third-year medical student for all of them, so they weren't MINE.
But now as a 4th year medical student...this is the first time that it's been MY patient. This is the first time that it was unexpected. And this was the first time that it was a child.
I'm doing better today.
Adrillf, nothing offensive about your sigline. Hippocrates had it slightly more eloquently. "Do no harm."
Thanks all
Thanks, everyone. I came in today to work, and of course there's a new patient in her bed and the documentation is all done. The parents consented to an autopsy so that, if any good comes of this, at the very least we will be able to learn from her.
I still feel a surge in my breath when I talk about her. It's not that I loved her, really. She was a neurologically devastated infant when I met her who couldn't even be handled because she'd get upset and drop her O2 saturations. But I liked her parents and I feel horribly for their loss.
I've lost patients before, but they were old and sick. In most cases, I first met them when they were unconscious. In two cases, I had met them previously, but they were already in palliative care and I was prepared for their death. And I was a third-year medical student for all of them, so they weren't MINE.
But now as a 4th year medical student...this is the first time that it's been MY patient. This is the first time that it was unexpected. And this was the first time that it was a child.
I'm doing better today.
Adrillf, nothing offensive about your sigline. Hippocrates had it slightly more eloquently. "Do no harm."
Thanks all
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Head up Mike... unfortunately, it's all part of the training and you will be stronger for it.
Take care of yourself and perhaps you'll keep her memory alive for the rest of your career.
Head up Mike... unfortunately, it's all part of the training and you will be stronger for it.
Take care of yourself and perhaps you'll keep her memory alive for the rest of your career.
Getting to the other side
SILVER Member
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia
Posted:
It's not the easiest of jobs you have mike . Your heart makes a big difference
It's not the easiest of jobs you have mike . Your heart makes a big difference
that shrewd and knavish sprite
Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy
I am the merry wander of the night -puk
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