Forums > Social Chat > *sigh*

Posted: 5th Dec 2004

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Posted: 5th Dec 2004


Man DON'T change for anyone!!!

Don't stop being polite, friendly. Don't let go of your morals. There are too many people out there without them.. when you meet someone with them its like finding a gorgeous gem. Totally rare and totally precious.

Seriously... I went out with a guy who was wrestling with a similar problem to yourself.. and he ended up fully just turning into a bastard to 'suit his own ends' .. He ended up being lonely and unhappy (more so than before) because he'd gone against his own self, ya know??

The small hick town is a tough thing... they obviously have their own ideas about what is 'cool' that may well not agree with you.

My suggestion.. based on the fact I have no idea how old you are? is to go with the flow, keep going out having fun, BEING YOURSELF and staying TRUE to yourself. Don't lose your manners, remain polite, remaining your SELF the most important thing. Seriously. It sounds like you are more mature than anyone else cos you've actually got that inward insight into yourself. You'll eventually make friends, but seriously pretending to be someone you're not is not the way to do it. (I am the kinda person that also takes a little longer to make new friends.. you get to be patient though... the good ones are the ones that are worth waiting for).

Additionally.. just a little hint I have from also spending a fair amount of time in a country 'hick' town when I was growing up - stay true to yourself, but don't try and force your morals onto other people. i.e., if you're mate has undertaken pre marital sex, don't try and force your view that this is wrong on to him .. this is just a lil example..definitely stick up for yourself though.. (i.e. if a mate is talking about a girl terribly then let him know you don't agree).. ummm... find something you enjoy in the town like horseriding or playing pool or soccer or similar. This is additionally a great way to make friends but also to just live and make the best of your situation.

A wise man ? once told me "Things turn out for the best, for those who make the best out of how things turn out". This may seem little comfort now, but trust me.. it's sooo true.

It's not the destination, but the journey that is important - there is no sense in just lashing out being someone you're not, because once its all over and you do have good friends, what are you left with? Someone less than your whole and wonderful potential.

Additionally, in hard times, as the dawn nears, the night becomes darker. We have to experience the bad to weather it, build our strength, and to fully appreciate the light after the trouble.

And we have places like HoP to rant to in that darkest night, you're never alone!

Good luck and much love.

Posted: 5th Dec 2004
Unlucky dude it'll pass, and when it does, you'll miss it.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!!

Posted: 5th Dec 2004
it won't pass. and you won' miss it, cause at some point soon girls will start to realise that nice and loving is a good thing, not a kiddy cute thing.

beleive me i know.

i spent my entire youth up to 18 being the cute one. then it all got better(in the relationships side of things) and i hadn't stopped being who i was. and since then it has only got better, and i feel truly blessed that i didn't follow my instict at around 16-17 to lash out and start being a bit more 'manly'.

stick with who you are and rmember the saying

'the best things come to thse who wait'

smiles
Rob

Holistic Spinner (I hope)

Posted: 5th Dec 2004


Don't change. Staying true to yourself is the best thing you can do, and it is far more attracive. And even though the girls might not appreciate it now, eventually they will pull the wool away from their eyes and realise that a sweet guy with morals is worth 20 of the "macho" blokes they went out with who only had sex on their minds and got drunk every weekend.

You'll get the last laugh when all those other guys are divorced and you are happily married after 20 years!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

Posted: 5th Dec 2004
I kind of had the same problem. I allways tried and try to be myself, and a lot of girls think I'm a loser or something. But now I am dating this great girl, she is beautifull and everything She says she likes me because I am one of the very few who isn't being macho and all... Just wait and look around, just like Rouge Dragon says..

good luck

Hij die zijn kind benzine voert moet niet roken als het boert.

Love you MyIng

Posted: 5th Dec 2004
Hello boss, tottally understand what you mean.
Been through much of the same an its definitely hard to keep your chin up through these kinda times.
All i keep tellin myslef is ''there is sumone out there that will aprechiate all ide do for her'' i jus gotsta find her. May bump into her tomorw or maybe in 8 years time, who knows? I find it hard to believe that there isnt sumone out there for me tho...Maybee try an c it the same way?
Hope things work out soon buddy, try an find a way to vent all of your feelings but dont change who you are.

Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
I think I learned a valuable lesson on this one. It might disagree somewhat with those opinions above but hear me out...

"Nice" isn't good enough on it's own.

"Nice" is a great added bonus. "Nice" makes everything else better. "Nice" is gravy. But nobody wants to be with someone JUST because they're nice. You have to bring something else to the table.

That's what makes guys like Bluecat such a chick magnet. He's cute, he's talented, he's artistic, he's intellgent, he's funny... oh yeah... and on top of that, he's nice.

I was definitely that guy in Junior High School. I think being friendly with girls makes it much easier later to have meaningful relationships.

Also, be careful about establishing yourself as the 'platonic friend' with every female you meet... Make sure you express sides of yourself that let others know that you're lookin for some action. Whatever that may be... be it kissing or a girlfriend or whatever. Nobody wants to kiss their brother.

Then again... and a very important piece of advice... don't worry too much about having too many platonic female friends. Because your platonic female friends... have cute available single friends.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
You really arn't going to have sex till you're married?

Really?

It's not that I think you should, you should do what ever is right for you.

Or drink?
Or drugs?

You know, you are denying yourself some of lifes greatest pleasures at the age when you can enjoy them most.

Having sex don't mean that you treat girls badly.
Drinking and taking drugs don't necessarily mean you are not a nice person.

Well done with the parents thing.
And especially well done with the trolly thing. That's always a good idea.

Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
sounds like NYC is lookin for some bluecat action.

If I could be granted one wish I would ask for all the questions of the universe.

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
NYC's got good advice.

I'm a nice kinda guy who's moaned just as you have, but I didn't get a beautiful girlfriend by just being nice and waiting to be noticed. You've got to be open, flirty, charming ( which is different to being just 'polite') and make people realise you're it. This delays the onset of platonic friend syndrome - you're you're tagged as 'friend' by a girls it's rare for that relationship to develop further.

so chill out about it, and start having fun with the ladies regardless.

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
Thanks guys, i still feel a little depressed but am happier hearing what you guys said. thanks for the 's

Written by: Lillie Frog

---

You really arn't going to have sex till you're married?

Really?

It's not that I think you should, you should do what ever is right for you.

Or drink?
Or drugs?

You know, you are denying yourself some of lifes greatest pleasures at the age when you can enjoy them most.

Having sex don't mean that you treat girls badly.
Drinking and taking drugs don't necessarily mean you are not a nice person.

Well done with the parents thing.
And especially well done with the trolly thing. That's always a good idea.

---

Really.
Dont get me wrong, I think sex is a wonderful thing, but only when done under the sacrament of marriage. Sex was a gift from God and should be enjoyed, and i hope that someday if i do find someone i love and get married to, that i can experience sex, but not untill then.

I dont see anything wrong with occasional drinking as long as your of age (im 16)And dont believe in doing drugs because they are for the most part A. Bad for you and your body B. Illegal.

whats the trolly thing?

Im a Thespian, But I'll Act Normal Around You Guys

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
Sorry. Shopping trolly = shopping cart.
I am stck to the back teeth of them being left all over the supermarket car park for the wind to blow them into the side of the car.
If you take them and put them in the proper place, more power to you. Well done.

As for the rest I guess I don't agree with you on the god thing, so I suppose we both see the whole question from different view points.

As it happens I don't drink. It always ends up with a lot of blood and broken glass.
Which is obviously a bad thing.

I've been married 10 years, so...
sacrament? No.
Trial by ordeal? Yes.

I hope you find someone soon (before you explode )

And I wish you well.

Honestly, I'm impressed by your desire to stick to your principals.
Good luck to you.
Take no notice of me, I always post utter rubbish.

Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Posted: 6th Dec 2004

Written by: Burning Brain

---

sounds like NYC is lookin for some bluecat action.

---

he'll have to ask phyllis first.

:back on topic:
all good advice above.
the gist seems to be:

stay who you are, flirt a bit more, and it'll work out good in the end...

enjoy

R

Holistic Spinner (I hope)

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
id have to disagree that sex is only wonderful when done under the sacrament of marriage, then again i havnt been married but its pretty damn fantastic without the marriage. id suggest spending time with the girls that go to ur local church as they are much more likely to share similar values to you than other girls as girls enjoy sex just as much (if not more) than us guys.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
Best thing about being friends with girls is... learning what girls are (that and free huggings).

saying nice things to girls as well as polite things is always appreciated. The ones that appreciate it more are sure to let you know.

also, the best thing about being mature when your young is.. older people hit on you too

nice guys start later and take longer to finish, its nice to be nice.

Love is the law.

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
there are several things I could say, but they are going to come out too cynical sounding I think. I'll address a couple things though...

Ben - I've been married and also had extra marital sex. as one might well imagine, there is no difference. furthering this topic (though no longer having anything to do with what Ben was talking about), I personally beleive that not having sex till you get married is a very bad idea - because it means you are more likely to rush into a marrage for one thing, and because you have a fair chance of winding up married to someone who is not sexually compatable with you for another, which would be a big mess. I know pepole who are waiting to get married to have sex will always claim they won't rush into marrage in order to have sex, but you know what? After 35 years of life, I am not at all inclined to beleive them. I most assuredly beleive they beleive themselves when they say this, but self delusion is a rather simple thing to accomplish.

that does not mean you shouldn't wait to have sex - but better to wait till you are ready for it, are mature enough to do it responsibly, and have found someone you really want to share your first sexual experience with - this is a much more noble goal in my opinion. and even then keep in mind that sex is usually better once you get sexually comfortable with your partner (which can sometimes take a little while, even when you are in your 30s!).

as far as the nice guy thing is concerned, I largely agree with what NYC said. don't give it up, but if you want more attention from girls, then you need to expand a bit on that tactic. girls love guys that are respectful, but they also really like to be noticed and flirted with. They also expect men to take the lead in that regard. It took me a long time to realize that these things are not mutually exclusive. and often times what a young and inexperinced gentleman thinks is being respectful is seen as a lack of interest (or worse, lack of self-confidence) by a woman. No one likes to be harrassed, but almost everyone loves to recieve some ego stroking, even if they are not specifically attracted to the person doing it - and if they are, then all the better!

One last problem I see - you have chosen a particular type of lifestyle, and I respect that. however, you seem to be looking to gain some of the benifits of another type of lifestyle. Choosing not to drink, do drugs, or have sex before marrage is great if it works for you, but keep in mind that many people will find this "adorable", but not "attractive" per say, since it is not the lifestyle they prefer or have any desire to get involved with. In other words, the type of woman you are looking for to fit your life choices is not your average woman in this day in age, so you should not expect most women to seriously consider you as boyfriend material. however, when you do meet one that does suit your style, I'd be suprised if she didn't really like you a lot, but be too shy to give you much evidence of it.

my overall point is that you should not let yourself get caught in a trap of your own making. do not worry about so many girls only thinking of you as a platonic friend when they really aren't your type anyway - that will only lead to a self confidence problem that will get in your way when a girl that does fit you comes along, and you can't afford that when such a moment does come. That is the time to remember that nice is a great tactic, but that nothing ever happens between people without someone having the guts to make it happen.

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
Well said Vanize

Getting to the other side

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
yea, i agree with firepoise.. good points and very well worded..

there is one thing that maybe vanize wanted to say but didnt (as he mentioned it in the first sentence)

i really hope i dont insult you, your morals or your beliefs twisthem, and im not trying to convert you in any way, but just hear me out.. you said sex is a gift from god.. in that respect i have to diagree.. i am a biologist (or a future biologist actually ) and the way i see it is that sex, initially, is THE method of reproduction in all of nature, and surely humans are part of nature.. i think sex, making love, sexual intercourse, reproduction, whatever you wanna call it, is a natural occurance.. without it there would be no life on this planet.

once again, i wrote this with all best intentions.. please dont be offended.. its just my opinion.

Posted: 6th Dec 2004
One last thing... And this much I promise.

Wait for College.

Trust me.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
NYC has a most terrific point, everything seems to change when you get to Uni - not sure why.

I have a friend who was not what you might call hugely popular, but as soon as got to Uni he made a ton of new friends and they do all sorts of things together (mostly getting drunk but other things too)

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!!

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
I sympathises, I see myself in (sort of) the same position. I'm nice but a bit "emotionally closed" (appart from when drunk - alcohol the solution to, and cause of, so many of life's problems) I'm an introvert which is a difficult stait of being when you want to get to know someone better. Also, since most of my friends are at uni (I'm on a gap year) I don't have much of a social life at the moment and I'm at a loss of how to make one from scratch.

Despite this, this thread is encouraging and I know that things are going to get more interesting, I'm going traveling in January and to Uni after that.

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
Oh... and by the way, you win this month's award for

"Post With The Least Helpful Subject Line"

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
well i guess its a good thing im like this. this is mostly because of one lady, and right now she's going through some problems and im sure it feels good to have someone to lean on. today she told me i was the only male she felt comfortable with. I found out one of our friends is gone because she attempted suicide, so that hit both of us, especially because i had another friend attempt recently and my older sister did a while back. It turns out she did to last year after she had some things done to her that shouldnt have been done. things are gonna be hectic for a while, but i guess a brothers one of thebest things to have in times like these.

stickman: Dont worry, its hard to offend me. My moms a preacher and im always in religious discussions with a morman at school. From a biologists point of view i can see what your saying, but i believe that its a miracle humans even exist. isnt it possible everything could of been A-sexual or just had a form of reproduction like the germinating of plants. Also, as far as i know, and i might be wrong, but humans are the only ones who get the pleasure and sense of togetherness in sex.

NYC: yeah, sorry bout that

Im a Thespian, But I'll Act Normal Around You Guys

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
I might be wrong but i think dolphines have sex for pluesure as well, i could be wrong tho. I usualy am!

Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
That would explain all of the dolphin porn I've been hearing so much about.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
no your right dolphines do enjoy sex for pleasure they also pack rape to

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
Dolphin rape. I got nothin on that.

I fold.

*Quietly exits the thread.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
*makes careful notE to avoid dolphin bars in future*



the nice guy rule doesn't hold true right across the board. Take Nix for example.



Inherantly evil and still gets chickage...erm

chickability?.....chickerama....pretty girls.

Meh

Posted: 7th Dec 2004
Hey cantus... is that a careful note to avoid dolphin bars, or be careful not to avoid them???

I can't hear you... I have a banana in my ear.

"You mean I'll have to use my brain?... but I use staff!!!" ~ ben-ja-men