Forums > Introductions > "Finding Me Finding You"

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
by the way

pk state passando lontano troppo tempo in linea

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
yesterday turned out to be quite a strange day, im sorry i didn't finish that post on the previous page, but when a man is tearful a man shouldnt be doing any thing other than supping coffee.

i went to bed last night kinda early well it was just after 3am, i wasnt sure of my rota today so i went to sleep to catch up on some lost hours.

most of the time i wonder why i bother, today was one of them, turns out i dont have to be at work til 3pm and im not in the kitchen for once, but then the bars a little shite some times, but its friday... its the weekend for all you people so it should be an ok shift, id much prefer being in the kitchen, i get to sit and post during my fag breaks, today thats not going to happen. Going to have to wait till midnight to see what all my minions have had to say and do all day. oh well.



Im past caring, im gonna go be a slut.... some might say i already am so .... be prepared for sly remarks.



Still feeling miffed about that italian girl though.... desperate, wants to visit me, young, kinda attractive, single, sexy accent, carries a blade, murders people in their sleep, child of fred and rose west.... what more could a man wish for.



Flash serial monogomist you say?, whats wrong with falling in love so much, love is a strange thing, i love bluecat, i'd sit and hug his all day, i'd tell him i love him, i do with all my friends, doesnt allways have to mean there is a sexualy nature involved, i've actually had this conversations with two extremly sexy ladies by the names of FNF and Astro, reet, we get on great, except ros hogs the duvet! but then her eyes... she can have the dubvet id be cold as long as i could stare into them eyes. and ali.... shes sexy as a mofo, shes got one fine ass!, i love em to bits, who said i cant say their attractive? who said i cant tell them that to their face, they are my friends. doesnt have to mean that i ant to get them into bed or have a relationship or do any thing that only married people do
So yeah i guess you kinda get what im saying.

you can tell a person you love that you love them you dont have any sexual feelings towards them, its just friends and thats what its about.



well i had almost a complete day off work yesterday, what did i do? all, i should have been looking for a house... i think im dragging it out a little here, im not supposed to be living here, damn it ive been here 2 months, squaters rights lol, theres a flat for rent just a few doors away but i really cant be arsed calling them up to find out that i couldnt afford it.... maybe thats why im putting it off.

well my loan is now 2 days late and last months hasnt arrived yet, so thats 2 payments now overdue, i hate her oweing me money, why did i choose to lend some one that stupid ammount of money? what i could do with that 1500 quid right now, id be in melb for a start or visiting pks chooks.

Any one have any methods to stop their brain from functioning?, i cant stop thinking about stuff today, im getting irritated with my self, ive had much coffee, and extra hour in bed 5 hours sleep last night , im not sexually frustrated either, ill save that for another post maybe.



well jo's online im gonna go see if i can get any sense out of an automated chick.



thank you white space, i keep typeing and there seems to be more white space, will it ever stop?.................................................................................................

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*answers on a post card*

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
See I told you it said pig


It seems the Italians don't use the word "hog" as a verb. So when you copy and paste from Babel Fish......

101 s for you Mr PK

Meh

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
fyi - i only hog the douvet cos I get colder than you rock'ard northerners

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
i give up..... i put in cow god damnit.





così realmente varify le traduzioni

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
nevermind hey?

bet this isn't how you imagined your intro would go ....... lmao

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
so there'ssome thing about talking to automated girl that seems to calm me, jo is awsome, i cant believe that we had a sucky past, i met her before i met nat and they were best mates, life can certainly throw obstructions in your path some times, at least after every thing that has gone on we can still talk.
she just said that nat went to visit her the otherday, out of the blue and thats unlike her to do some thing like that, they go way back but nats not bothered with her family or friends rght now, i dont really know whats shes doing with her life and with the way she is acting none of us give a [censored] any more. just taking it as it comes, the same old every time.
I think she is thinking of moving back to derby, i doubt she would, i know her mom would take her back in, thats what she told me last week, butshed have to get her lazy arse a job, i know if she went back home she would just not get a job cos thats what shes like and sit on the net all the time. thats all she ever did when she was with me.
i really wanna go visit jo, i miss her a lot and im glad i just got to chat with her just now, i feel a little more revived in my self, we can talk about stuff, not that we just sit there and slag nat off, its not like that at all, i still care for her and im really concerned about her, i know i told her i wanted nothing to do with her ever again, but i cant close doors on people just like that, i really just hope she never plans to move here while im here, that would just annoy me and make my life complicated cos i know if i saw her i would spring back in to my old ways, i still look at her photo's on my pc and remember lots of good times but then i remember what i have been tryingto sort out in my head and i dont want to have to go through that all over again, im only just starting to getover a lot of things, i know i have a few issues right now and certain things that have just pissed me off and the hassles of finding a house are getting to me but i can deal with that, i couldnt deal with her though that would be just too much too soon. im not ready.
Im still unsure about where im heading in life, paths to choose decissions to make, im sure ill be more possitive once i get this meeting out of the way in a few days time with my area manager, if i get the go ahead to be put in for my NLC then that will be kewl, if not then i think i need to sit down and think where id be most happy in life.
still every thing pulls me back to sheffield but this thing wit hDee is putting me off of that idea right now until i hear from her. untill then i dont think i will know any thing, just have to get through the next few days.
i have no idea on my finacial situation right now...... wish i was rich right now, id take a year out and goto australia at the drop of a hat.

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
lol at ros.... its all part of the fun of having me around!



yeah but theres no one new in here, no one that i dont know, looking at every one elses intros their full of random people, i supose that im not that well know with some of the newbies here any more. oh well

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
it's cos you shunned them all and their shallowness - you have to go round postin gin random peoples intro's stuff like 'hey have these pretend flowers that took absolutely no effort to think of' and 'oooooo just thought I'd pop in and seem like I'm being nice but actually it's just to get more friends and seem more popular'................

hmmm. Does that constitute a rant?

oops! whatever brought that on? shucks!

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
coffin in the nail??? i think your right?, was that one of the reasons i stopped posting ? before i disapeard ? ... popularity contest.... i think im keeping it this way! no offense to any one, i not here to be popular, just o be with friends.

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
the people you really have to worry about are the ones who've only been back in the country for a few months and yet have totted up about a thousand posts in the Intro section alone....

[censored] freaks the lot of them

Meh

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
LOL, ive not many posts in my intro, i get one maybe once every month if that (most by me lol) lol, the people i care about i talk to online or ring anyhoo (sorry if i excluded anyone), i find the whole popularity contest a bit boring, mind you i did want to get to know pk cos i knew he was like....................................

'the god of poi maaaaan, your like sooo coooool'

hehehe private joke, but then he did get two girls at his feet saying sire! sire! and bowing down to him

Saying all this tho, as long as you are here to make real friends and share experiences then the site is doing what its supposed to, i wouldnt have met some of the amazing friends i have if it wasnt for sites like this and PIP.

Im very affectionate too, sometimes makes people awkward when you are honest about things. Telling a friend you love them is a great thing, everyone should know they are loved.

Anyway im shutting up now cos im getting too slushy.

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
Oh yeah and thanks for the compliment on my ass, its one of my assetts

Only when the last tree has died
and the last river has been poisoned
and the last fish has been caught
will we realise that we
cannot eat money.

Cree Indian, 1909

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
i still don't believe that astro faerie exists...

Meh

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
so im part way through my shift at work..... bored!
just logged on to pip to find a pm from miss D, quite shocked at what i read, ive been really worried about her today and atleast i know partly whats gone off for me to have recieved that email last night, so hopefully i will hear back from her now so she can explain a little more, why do i always end up in shitty situations when i really dont need them.
i was thinking today at work about why she'd be pissed at me, was it because FNF stayed over last weekend? thats the only reason that i could come up with!.
now having read her PM i think it could be the fact that 1 i have a photo of cami on pip in my gallery and another of my ex sarah and non of her... not that i have any that i could post because their kinda not suitable ones.
it could have been my writing, shed already read that, but when she read it it didnt have her in it, so if she reads it now then she might understand a little more about the way im feeling and thinking right now, so it could be that, she said that she didnt feel that she made that much of an impact on me, but thats an understatement if youd have seen us at pip last month!.
Now im just sat in totaly confusion wondering where i went wrong and why, things just get stranger by the minuite in my life.

the white space is filling slowly............................. will it come to an end? will things start to seem clearer in the end? im not sure.

im gonna write more tonight, i have children around and i have to get back to work right now so for now im signing away....... as much as i dont want to.

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
[censored] man, that's a hell of a long story. My brain melted after the 1st 20 mins, and i'll have to come back for seconds.

I can't be arsed to even find my intro, so you'll have to do the tea making and skinning up.

Hugz mate
Cam

Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Posted: 27th Nov 2004
so what a day, its 12.15am, the start of my day normally, im feeling quite tired and withdrawn, been trying to have a laugh at work tonight just to make the time pass by a little quicker, but to no avail.
so i've had a lot on my mind today, i finally recieved some thing from miss d, but to tear another peice of my heart out.
Another girl i seem to care too much about goes and does it again, i never put all of my eggs in one bastket, im not that stupid, i was partly expecting all of this to happen, but i was having fun, enjoying the good company being able to be myself for a while.
so in the end i was right, over on pip i have some photos, none of her, but i explained that in another post i made earlier ^^^, seems that this is where i [censored] up! or actually where she [censored] up, if shed have been so kind to have spoken to me.
another... my intro, that i let her read before it was even finished, she didnt like cos she wasnt in it.... well it wasnt finished... this is quite hurtfull to me, shes read it and can now totally and fully understand me, what ive been through and what i want now she cant see past that, just because shes not in it when i let her read it, i sent her an email tonight with a link to this thread, in hope she will take the time out to sit and re read it, but im not going to hold my breath, im learning fast about women. what ever i have written is in my past, im not sitting here dwelling on it, or would like to relive any of it, like heading off to san fran to be with cami, why would i i am here, dont get me wrong i adore cami, i always will and yes some times i regret making the decission to stay but i did all i do is think about it, because thats part of my problem.... i think way too much and cant shut off, its impossible for me to do that.
i talk about my ex's too much? when? this is some writing about me and my life why wouldnt it have them in it? or am i missing one of those girl things again that blokes will never understand about chicks.
If speaking to me directly and you ask a question about me or some thing i have done, more than likly it will involve one of them along the line, so im bound to talk about my past loves, why shouldnt i, their in the past... who am i with right now!, i dont understand why shes said all these things, like she didnt make an impact, what about the stuff i told her in private that im not repeating?.
so this is the complicated bit, shes in a 5 year relationship, shes told me all about it, why else would she come and visit me, or even spend a whole weekend with my in sheffield behind his back?, i dont know, and then tell me loads of stuff, write me such a beautiful poem, well if things were that bad and she felt the need to spend that time in my company on a private basis, why is she still with him now?, why make a go of it?, she pretty much said the same to me over 3 years ago when i first met her, if feelings are still that strong wouldnt you go for it?... im not asking her to do any thing, its not my buisness, but if he feels the need to go through her phone and read her messages and then ask who i am and why i love her??? bye.... no [censored] privacy, see ya... ive been there with nat but under totally different circumstances. thats why i dont understand.
I dont want to loose sleep over this, but at the end of the day, why was she mad at me? for writing and posting photos that mean so much to me that some times i cry over them, when were not a couple in the first place!, she has no right to be pissed at me and she is the one thats been cheating on her bloke with me!, how does that work.
depressions [censored] up......, i know how depression works, ive suffered it enough of my life now, i think she needs to make up her mind.
My feelings for her will never change, im just angry that her choice right now is made from half stories and not the gift horses mouth.
do i want to start what could be a beautiful relationship creeping around? doing things by email? cant call or text incase hes with her?... nope, im not in the wrong, i just want to be a friend, id like to be her partner if things were a little different right now, im not prepared to creep around, im either in it or im not, either way friends are suppossed to be for life, im still her friend, i always will be, i just dont need to be messed around, not mentally, im far to unstable for that, i really dont want to have to be on meds again not after just getting off them.
maybe i will get a reply from her tommorrow, i hope so, cos i dont want to leave it this way, im sorry d if your reading this after i sent you the link, but what else can i say, ive been honest and open to you about some really personal stuff, i let you into me, deeper than most people will ever get to be, if you can be pissed at me for some thing that means the world to me then im sorry.





i have another problem, its cute, scary, and funny... i have a 9 year old stalker, she sits in my bed room when im not here, looking at my photo's and reading my stuff. she told me that she fancies me... shes being serious, she asked me to keep it a secret and especially not to tell her mom, i did tonight well today shes informed me that shes has a letter for me. the other night i was in the bathroom having a shave before going some where, might have been work but i cant remember, well she told me right then that she fancies me, then asked me if i fancied her! lol what do you tell a 9 year old whos mom works with you that shes a little too young for you.

lol shes cute, so funny... this situation makes me laugh.... i wish life was as simple some times as it is for kids, just not a care in the world.

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
Sometimes I wish I'd learnt to read. This is one of those times. I bet you've written some profound, interesting and thought provoking stuff up there Mr Pk...

Such a shame it all looks like clumps of weirdness to me....

So it seems I shall never know...

Meh

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
my life in cantus's brain .....................................................................

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
lol - how's yer stalker today?

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
shes in stoke thank god.

yay i get to finish work in an hour, only just got my first break though
long day.....................
then i can talk to serena

Posted: 28th Nov 2004

Written by: pk ....:™

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my life in cantus's brain .....................................................................

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yeah which speck do you reckon you are?

If you weren't important then i wouldn't keep coming back into your damn thread now would i? So shut up moaning and make me a coffee Bitch!

Meh

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
Is that the thrid time you'va called pk a bitch? or is it your bitch? lol...... he seems to like it

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
he knows how is the real bitch around here!

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
so its been a long day, i need to take a holiday....... really badly and i almost just booked a flight out of here, but then i reminded myslef that i have to see if i can get the time off work. lol
so thats my mission tonight to get a week off in jan so i can book this flight tonight.

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
Well I'd call him Homie but i don't want to sound like an extra from the Cosby Show.

Written by: a basket case

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he knows how is the real bitch around here!

---

Damn straight. that would be PyroWill...

Meh

Posted: 28th Nov 2004
Wow!

That's what I call a life!

Good one!

Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

Posted: 29th Nov 2004
cantus what is going on with you and pryo-will?

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 29th Nov 2004
well mission acomplished.... i fly out to europe on the 3rd of january boy i cant wait....... holiday by ones self doing what ever i like with no one to stress me out what so ever, this is going to be heaven i tell ya.

So updates in life.... nats phoned her mom to ask if she can go and live back home... knew that was coming, didnt think she could stick it out on her own, maybe she realises that she made a wrong decission by staying there, but who cares i certainly dont as long as she is ok thats all. Cant turn off and hate her for any thing, after all she did me a favour by making me happier than i was when i was with her.

So works been murder, yesterday i worked for 10 hours with no break and i jsut checked the sales figures.... no wonder i didnt get a break, i was shocked at what we took compared to normal.
I have the easy shifts today as manager, just opened up, done the banking for the day, changed all the christmas promotions stuff that we have to do so thats all cool and up to company standards, done all my stock for the day and my orders.

So i called Sarah this morning to tell her im not going to be at leighs for christmas, i decided that i want to stay here and work instead, so i spoke to karl last night and told him what i want to do and he was sound, just told me to give him my flight details and i can be off, so i've booked my ticket, not even knowing if i can afford it what so ever but i dont care, im sat on money as i dont touch my wages and have no bills other than my loan right now, so no reason why i cant afford it really, if nats paid her debts up then i get my deposite back from my old flat soon any way so im not having to save money for a new flat, which im struggling to find one right now, if i can find a bedsit some where around here that would suit me better, i know i have all of my furnature but i can send that to my moms for storage untill i need it again. cant wait to get my double bed back together.... comforts, £600 bed sat in a stable that i cant use right now until i get my own place makes me sad.. mind you i miss having all of my stuff around me, i hate living out of boxes and just having the nesesities to hand. maybe after i get back from my trip i will find some thing suitable.
I just realised that if im spending christmas here, nat might be here too as all of her familly are staying here, i have to vacate my room, but then maybe i can get my bed set up in the juggling room where theres so much space for some one to sleep in there rather than me sleeping on the floor some where, how can we accomodate with only 1 spare bed and two sofa's??? i was never any good at math.
To be honest i dont really care if shes here or not, yeah it may be good to see her, i havnt seen or spoken to her since i left matlock. [censored] it.. who cares.
my mom seems really happy that im going away on my own, turns out my brother is in italy next week too lucky for some huh.

so im sat awaiting an email from D, but now i have kinda changed my feelings from what has gone off over the past few days, i dont need that, not from any one, i've had enough of my own problems over the past few years to have any more, not my fault she was caught out, but no need for her to be mean to me about it. i was just being loving and caring to her some thing i gathered her boyfriend wasnt!.
not going to hold back from any thing any more.... i wanna go away. so ive booked a flight... i dont care any more, its about me from now on and thats all i give a [censored] about right now.

I had a few beers with some guys in the pub last night, just talking about relationships and how sucky they are some times.
a guy married for 25 years... cheated on his missus a few years back, still together though and both lovely people, another married for 15 years divorced with kids and been with his partner for 8 years now... bored and fed up wit h it all, strange how so many people you can meet and talk to of any age and relate to so many problems that women cause us. and how they stress us out, why do we allways just try and brush things under the carpet? maybe thats why beer was really invented!.

today i have nothing to do until 5 when im back at work so i might go and have a juggle some where. infact [censored] i only have 4 hours till then... might just sit around here for a while and do some work.

right im going to have to go and beet up the dog who is sat slathering all over my clean washing.

be kewl xxxx

Posted: 29th Nov 2004
maybe mech doesnt love me any more.....:( maybe i have been replaced in his life.