Forums > Social Discussion > Mom's losing her memory
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HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
So my mom called me last week in a big tizzy. She lost her passport just before a trip to Mexico (she found it) and then she lost her mobile phone (she found it). She's also been misplacing other stuff.
Now, my mom never loses anything. Ever.
Except she seems to now. She also, in conversations with my family, has been starting to forget things she's just been told. And she's been in two pretty bad car accidents in the last 3 years. In one she rolled the car on an exit ramp from the freeway and in the other she rear-ended a semi-truck.
So I talked with her about it last week and she's very resistant to the idea of going to her neurologist. I know this is very normal behavior. I also spoke to her neurologist (she has one because she has migraines) and he's concerned and wants to see her.
Anyone dealt with this? How do you get a parent in to the neurologist when she thinks she's totally fine?
So my mom called me last week in a big tizzy. She lost her passport just before a trip to Mexico (she found it) and then she lost her mobile phone (she found it). She's also been misplacing other stuff.
Now, my mom never loses anything. Ever.
Except she seems to now. She also, in conversations with my family, has been starting to forget things she's just been told. And she's been in two pretty bad car accidents in the last 3 years. In one she rolled the car on an exit ramp from the freeway and in the other she rear-ended a semi-truck.
So I talked with her about it last week and she's very resistant to the idea of going to her neurologist. I know this is very normal behavior. I also spoke to her neurologist (she has one because she has migraines) and he's concerned and wants to see her.
Anyone dealt with this? How do you get a parent in to the neurologist when she thinks she's totally fine?
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
SILVER Member
~ Cup Cakes and Faerie Lights ~
110 posts
Location: Portsmouth, Uk / Kowloon, Hong Kong / Auckland, Ne...
~ Cup Cakes and Faerie Lights ~
110 posts
Location: Portsmouth, Uk / Kowloon, Hong Kong / Auckland, Ne...
Posted:
I guess the best way would be to talk to her, express your concerns for her welfare etc? I'm guessing you have your suspicions on what might be wrong? Though hopefully its nothing more than the symptoms of age we all experience
I guess the best way would be to talk to her, express your concerns for her welfare etc? I'm guessing you have your suspicions on what might be wrong? Though hopefully its nothing more than the symptoms of age we all experience
"They say it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile; thus smiling is for pansies" - The Short Gorilla
"Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast" - Ace Rimmer
PLATINUM Member
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
That's a toughie, Doc
I have a relative who is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's and he has always had the greatest distrust of doctors. Whenever we see him at family functions the only thing he ever talks about is doctors and how they are 'out to get him' and will repeat his story over and over to the same people in the same instance without realising. In addition, whenever he and his wife go out he makes her change and wash after every outing because of how 'dirty' things are, which hints of OCD to me.
Hopefully your mother sees the need to get help soon
All the best from me
EDIT: quoted the wrong condition
EDITED_BY: Brenn (1200039423)
That's a toughie, Doc
I have a relative who is starting to show signs of Alzheimer's and he has always had the greatest distrust of doctors. Whenever we see him at family functions the only thing he ever talks about is doctors and how they are 'out to get him' and will repeat his story over and over to the same people in the same instance without realising. In addition, whenever he and his wife go out he makes her change and wash after every outing because of how 'dirty' things are, which hints of OCD to me.
Hopefully your mother sees the need to get help soon
All the best from me
EDIT: quoted the wrong condition
EDITED_BY: Brenn (1200039423)
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BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
Would she do it for you?
"mum, i'd feel a lot better if you went and saw someone. could you do it for me please to put my mind at ease?"
Would she do it for you?
"mum, i'd feel a lot better if you went and saw someone. could you do it for me please to put my mind at ease?"
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
How old is she?
Did she have any head injuries during the accidents?
How old is she?
Did she have any head injuries during the accidents?
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
My mom's 73 and there were no head injuries.
However, my maternal grandparents both had vascular dementia. Vascular dementia is caused by a series of tiny little strokes. It presents as a slow, step-wise decline in cognitive function. Everyone else started to see a decline, but I didn't until recently.
I think there have been at least two steps so far and I don't like that possibility one bit.
My mom's 73 and there were no head injuries.
However, my maternal grandparents both had vascular dementia. Vascular dementia is caused by a series of tiny little strokes. It presents as a slow, step-wise decline in cognitive function. Everyone else started to see a decline, but I didn't until recently.
I think there have been at least two steps so far and I don't like that possibility one bit.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
If she's 73 then she's done rather well up until now...
My mum's only 54 but I've noticed how she's become slighty forgetful and not as sharp when she's working in our Chinese Take-away. It's difficult to tell whether is is the onset of Alzheimers or whether I'm now viewing her through an adult's perspective rather than a child's image of indomitable strength.
I agree with what Rougie said. Also tell her how you've watched her go from a strong sharp-minded woman into someone who's had more than a few lapses in memory. And that if she wants to stop declining any further that a trip to the Neurologist would be a good thing to try...
Hope it works itself out as much as it can.
If she's 73 then she's done rather well up until now...
My mum's only 54 but I've noticed how she's become slighty forgetful and not as sharp when she's working in our Chinese Take-away. It's difficult to tell whether is is the onset of Alzheimers or whether I'm now viewing her through an adult's perspective rather than a child's image of indomitable strength.
I agree with what Rougie said. Also tell her how you've watched her go from a strong sharp-minded woman into someone who's had more than a few lapses in memory. And that if she wants to stop declining any further that a trip to the Neurologist would be a good thing to try...
Hope it works itself out as much as it can.
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
GOLD Member
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
Serious questions Lightning. I’m hearing a lot of commitment and love. I’ll share my experience in the hope that it might help. Mum was diagnosed with bipolar/schizophrenia many years ago, but she did not show any symptoms of dementia until she was in her early 80’s. And then, the symptoms were only slight.
I spent a lot of time blaming the Doctors because they could not fix mum’s disorders. In the end, it was more about me than mum. My advice is to spend more time with your mum, be in her world and listen to what your mum is saying. Accidents and misplacing things might not necessarily mean dementia.
ed. Always forget something.
EDITED_BY: Stone (1200050976)
Serious questions Lightning. I’m hearing a lot of commitment and love. I’ll share my experience in the hope that it might help. Mum was diagnosed with bipolar/schizophrenia many years ago, but she did not show any symptoms of dementia until she was in her early 80’s. And then, the symptoms were only slight.
I spent a lot of time blaming the Doctors because they could not fix mum’s disorders. In the end, it was more about me than mum. My advice is to spend more time with your mum, be in her world and listen to what your mum is saying. Accidents and misplacing things might not necessarily mean dementia.
ed. Always forget something.
EDITED_BY: Stone (1200050976)
If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
I'm sorry to hear that. My grandfather has dementia and is generally stuck in the 1940's when he was running a roadside vegetable stand, either that or he is dating some FBI agent
In your case, I'd say just tell her how worried you are and that it is better to know if something is wrong or starting to go wrong. Though it may be that she is getting older and there is nothing to fix. My uncle nearly hit me and didn't even notice when he was 80 something...Forgot stuff. He was just getting old though. This way you guys will know what if anything needs to get done.
It's hard because that generation is a bunch of tough old birds and to see them go downhill and loose some of those traits that we admired
I'm sorry to hear that. My grandfather has dementia and is generally stuck in the 1940's when he was running a roadside vegetable stand, either that or he is dating some FBI agent
In your case, I'd say just tell her how worried you are and that it is better to know if something is wrong or starting to go wrong. Though it may be that she is getting older and there is nothing to fix. My uncle nearly hit me and didn't even notice when he was 80 something...Forgot stuff. He was just getting old though. This way you guys will know what if anything needs to get done.
It's hard because that generation is a bunch of tough old birds and to see them go downhill and loose some of those traits that we admired
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
You're right, she may be fine. In fact, I'm hoping she is. The son in me is telling me that it'll all be fine.
The doctor who happens to live in my head thinks otherwise.
Either way, if it is a real process, there is a possibility that, depending on the cause, there may be a way to modify the process so that it stops, reverses, or at least progresses more slowly.
I would far rather take her in and find out that it's nothing and that the entire family is just imagining it (sounds unlikely, though) than not take her in and find out later that if I had, perhaps something could have been done.
Also, I'm an idiot and posted this in Social Chat and will move it to Social Discussion.
Written by: Stone
I spent a lot of time blaming the Doctors because they could not fix mum’s disorders. In the end, it was more about me than mum. My advice is to spend more time with your mum, be in her world and listen to what your mum is saying. Accidents and misplacing things might not necessarily mean dementia.
You're right, she may be fine. In fact, I'm hoping she is. The son in me is telling me that it'll all be fine.
The doctor who happens to live in my head thinks otherwise.
Either way, if it is a real process, there is a possibility that, depending on the cause, there may be a way to modify the process so that it stops, reverses, or at least progresses more slowly.
I would far rather take her in and find out that it's nothing and that the entire family is just imagining it (sounds unlikely, though) than not take her in and find out later that if I had, perhaps something could have been done.
Also, I'm an idiot and posted this in Social Chat and will move it to Social Discussion.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
SILVER Member
Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
2,293 posts
Location: NJ or DE, USA
Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
2,293 posts
Location: NJ or DE, USA
Posted:
**hugs**
I'm so sorry to hear that. My grandfather had Alzheimer's before he passed away and it was really rough on everyone. For a while people just thought he was getting forgetful since he was so old, but it got worse over time and everyone had to face the truth. It's always better to be safe than sorry, so just tell your mom how you feel and that it would mean a lot to you if she would get an appointment. Trying to convince someone to get help when they insist nothing is wrong is really difficult - I've been trying with a certain family member for years - but if you keep stressing how important it is to you, eventually she might concede. If all else fails, you can try to bribe her by taking her out to a lovely restaurant or something. And if that doesn't work, at least she got a good meal and some quality time with her baby.
**hugs**
I'm so sorry to hear that. My grandfather had Alzheimer's before he passed away and it was really rough on everyone. For a while people just thought he was getting forgetful since he was so old, but it got worse over time and everyone had to face the truth. It's always better to be safe than sorry, so just tell your mom how you feel and that it would mean a lot to you if she would get an appointment. Trying to convince someone to get help when they insist nothing is wrong is really difficult - I've been trying with a certain family member for years - but if you keep stressing how important it is to you, eventually she might concede. If all else fails, you can try to bribe her by taking her out to a lovely restaurant or something. And if that doesn't work, at least she got a good meal and some quality time with her baby.
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
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Dona eis requiem *whack*
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GOLD Member
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
Lightning, mum’s a pretty special and I sincerely hope you mum is fine.
I get the son verse doctor thing. I’m not trying to be presumptive or prescriptive here. I’m only putting forward a few ideas that I hope might help.
I like the idea of taking your mum to a restaurant. I know I’d be pretty scared and frightened, as a person, if I’d been in a few accidents recently, and was starting to become forgetful. So leave any agenda at the door. Create an environment where your mum feels secure enough to open up, and tell you about what’s happening in her life. I’m sure your mum is very proud of you as a Doctor, and given a bit of time and space, it would not be long before your mum started to ask you for your advice.
Lightning, mum’s a pretty special and I sincerely hope you mum is fine.
I get the son verse doctor thing. I’m not trying to be presumptive or prescriptive here. I’m only putting forward a few ideas that I hope might help.
I like the idea of taking your mum to a restaurant. I know I’d be pretty scared and frightened, as a person, if I’d been in a few accidents recently, and was starting to become forgetful. So leave any agenda at the door. Create an environment where your mum feels secure enough to open up, and tell you about what’s happening in her life. I’m sure your mum is very proud of you as a Doctor, and given a bit of time and space, it would not be long before your mum started to ask you for your advice.
If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh
SILVER Member
member - tee hee "member"
279 posts
Location: Bethnal Green, London, England (UK)
member - tee hee "member"
279 posts
Location: Bethnal Green, London, England (UK)
Posted:
Hello...
It sounds like you have already mentioned it to her... you could ask her to go on your behalf as it is you that is worried. This might take away the feeling that she is going to the doctors because she could be ill...!
Emotional balckmail in a way but it does give her an excuse. Hope it all turns out OK.
Hello...
It sounds like you have already mentioned it to her... you could ask her to go on your behalf as it is you that is worried. This might take away the feeling that she is going to the doctors because she could be ill...!
Emotional balckmail in a way but it does give her an excuse. Hope it all turns out OK.
"Whats wrong with the cat?" - Mrs Schrödinger
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Here's the issue: I've already brought it up to her. I already spoke to her neurologist.
She doesn't want to see him about it. That is a perfectly normal response.
How do I get her to actually go? She is an adult, after all and I can't drag her in kicking and screaming.
Here's the issue: I've already brought it up to her. I already spoke to her neurologist.
She doesn't want to see him about it. That is a perfectly normal response.
How do I get her to actually go? She is an adult, after all and I can't drag her in kicking and screaming.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
GOLD Member
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
I think you are missing the point. It’s not about you getting her to do anything; it’s about creating the environment where she wants to go.
I think you are missing the point. It’s not about you getting her to do anything; it’s about creating the environment where she wants to go.
If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Fine, how do I do that? Mom is a *very* cantankerous lady.
Fine, how do I do that? Mom is a *very* cantankerous lady.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
old hand
1,186 posts
Location: under the fairie wheel, Australia
old hand
1,186 posts
Location: under the fairie wheel, Australia
Posted:
mike how do you get a kid to go see the doctor??
how as a doctor do you aproch a child that does nto want to be treated even though they need the treatment/care
i have just been through a lot of this with my gran who is 80 and has both alzimers and schysophrenia (sp)
its next on impossible
best way is to get to nurologist to approch her and book her in for a "regular" check up for her migrains
i know its deseptfull but in the long run it may find the root of the issue before it to late
love love and thougts are with you
mike how do you get a kid to go see the doctor??
how as a doctor do you aproch a child that does nto want to be treated even though they need the treatment/care
i have just been through a lot of this with my gran who is 80 and has both alzimers and schysophrenia (sp)
its next on impossible
best way is to get to nurologist to approch her and book her in for a "regular" check up for her migrains
i know its deseptfull but in the long run it may find the root of the issue before it to late
love love and thougts are with you
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, and screaming "WOO-HOO What a ride!"
GOLD Member
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
Cantankerous
My sister and I used to say mum could be difficult at times. Having said that, I never imagined I’d miss mum as much as I do.
“How to do that?”
Sometimes it’s not enough to love someone; sometimes we have to show them that we love them. Spend more time with your mum, visit, phone, txt or even take her on a holiday. Be in her world, with no agenda. Listen to what she is saying, and not what you think she is saying. This may take some time, but given you suspect early symptoms of dementia, I suggest that this would be time extremely well spent.
Cantankerous
My sister and I used to say mum could be difficult at times. Having said that, I never imagined I’d miss mum as much as I do.“How to do that?”
Sometimes it’s not enough to love someone; sometimes we have to show them that we love them. Spend more time with your mum, visit, phone, txt or even take her on a holiday. Be in her world, with no agenda. Listen to what she is saying, and not what you think she is saying. This may take some time, but given you suspect early symptoms of dementia, I suggest that this would be time extremely well spent.
If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
It's different. A child does not have the legal right to refuse care, so you make them go.
An adult does have that right until proven that she is not competent to make her own medical decisions.
Written by: brainstorma
mike how do you get a kid to go see the doctor??
how as a doctor do you aproch a child that does nto want to be treated even though they need the treatment/care
It's different. A child does not have the legal right to refuse care, so you make them go.
An adult does have that right until proven that she is not competent to make her own medical decisions.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
old hand
1,186 posts
Location: under the fairie wheel, Australia
old hand
1,186 posts
Location: under the fairie wheel, Australia
Posted:
but if this is the onset of damencha or alzimers then you need to look at this as if yuo are about to treat a child who ses the doctor as a boogy man not the big beautiful caring soul that you are
but as i sugested and this is some thing we did to my gran
get the nerologis to book her in for a check up for her migrains and run testes that can also scan for both issues
i now its deseptfull but in the long run if done right it may help her see that there is a problem
the other really hard part is she may have realised all this and know there is somthign wrong and is affriad to let go and admit there is somthign wrong
this is the issue we are now going through with my grandfather who is startign to show the onset of a lot of the same issues my gran was showing
minus the schytzophinia (sp)
im here for a long distance sholder to lean on bro
*hugz*
but if this is the onset of damencha or alzimers then you need to look at this as if yuo are about to treat a child who ses the doctor as a boogy man not the big beautiful caring soul that you are
but as i sugested and this is some thing we did to my gran
get the nerologis to book her in for a check up for her migrains and run testes that can also scan for both issues
i now its deseptfull but in the long run if done right it may help her see that there is a problem
the other really hard part is she may have realised all this and know there is somthign wrong and is affriad to let go and admit there is somthign wrong
this is the issue we are now going through with my grandfather who is startign to show the onset of a lot of the same issues my gran was showing
minus the schytzophinia (sp)
im here for a long distance sholder to lean on bro
*hugz*
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, and screaming "WOO-HOO What a ride!"
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
A medical student friend of mine raised a good point.
I think my mom takes a medicine called Topamax (topirimate) for her migraines. That can make you really dumb....
I hope it's that simple.
A medical student friend of mine raised a good point.
I think my mom takes a medicine called Topamax (topirimate) for her migraines. That can make you really dumb....
I hope it's that simple.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
SILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Posted:
Sorry to hear about your mum Doc.
Maybe it is the meds, but it's still probably best to check and put everyone's minds at rest. Plus if the medication is having a negative impact on her quality of life, maybe they could change the prescription?
That might be another angle you could approach it from, if everyone's worried about her already then maybe you could mention that you think it might be her medication that's making everyone worried about how she's been lately and she should go get a check-up?
Getting family to do things they don't want to/feel they don't need to is tough. I think Stone's advice is good, spend time with her without an agenda, get her into a mindset where she's comfortable enough to open up to you about it. Chances are if you're family have been worried about it and mentioning it to her, she knows something might be wrong (or at least that people are worried) - maybe you could implore her to get checked out just to put everyone's minds at rest and prove that they're worrying about nothing?
Sorry to hear about your mum Doc.
Maybe it is the meds, but it's still probably best to check and put everyone's minds at rest. Plus if the medication is having a negative impact on her quality of life, maybe they could change the prescription?
That might be another angle you could approach it from, if everyone's worried about her already then maybe you could mention that you think it might be her medication that's making everyone worried about how she's been lately and she should go get a check-up?
Getting family to do things they don't want to/feel they don't need to is tough. I think Stone's advice is good, spend time with her without an agenda, get her into a mindset where she's comfortable enough to open up to you about it. Chances are if you're family have been worried about it and mentioning it to her, she knows something might be wrong (or at least that people are worried) - maybe you could implore her to get checked out just to put everyone's minds at rest and prove that they're worrying about nothing?
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
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Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Posted:
sshhiitttttttt.
No suggestions.
No ideas.
But many hugs. Its hard when the roles start to change
sshhiitttttttt.
No suggestions.
No ideas.
But many hugs. Its hard when the roles start to change
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
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ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
my mother has been forgetting things and generally getting things mixed up since i can remember
however this is mainly limited to getting husband/ sons/ daughters/ pets names mixed up and leaving dead cups of tea about the house - so general absent mind-ism as opposed to anything serious.
She is however very aware of the frustration of dealing with her own rather stubborn elderly mother - especially in regards to health issues. my grandmother will never seek medical advice for herself to the point of absurdity - for example refusing to wear glasses or even see and optrician... despite her probably being legally blind without them. Her house is filthy and her cooking is downright hazardous because she cant see any of the dirt see or even smell what she is preparing - let alone reading the used by dates. Considering she raised a family through WWII london and was married for over 50yrs its a sad demise.
In her case, she cared for her husband for many many years (who succumbed to cancer 5yrs ago) and was so conditioned to neglecting her own issues to care for grandpa - that she has a massive blind spot to her own good health.
mum is almost 60 now - and has always made a point of making sure we would promise to bluntly tell her down the line if she starting becoming as irrational and stubborn as her mother... so hopefully that self-awareness will help. then again - this might just be an ideal that completely fails in practicality when it comes to the moment.
denial can seem an easier path that dealing with what must be quite terrifying.
my mother has been forgetting things and generally getting things mixed up since i can remember
however this is mainly limited to getting husband/ sons/ daughters/ pets names mixed up and leaving dead cups of tea about the house - so general absent mind-ism as opposed to anything serious. She is however very aware of the frustration of dealing with her own rather stubborn elderly mother - especially in regards to health issues. my grandmother will never seek medical advice for herself to the point of absurdity - for example refusing to wear glasses or even see and optrician... despite her probably being legally blind without them. Her house is filthy and her cooking is downright hazardous because she cant see any of the dirt see or even smell what she is preparing - let alone reading the used by dates. Considering she raised a family through WWII london and was married for over 50yrs its a sad demise.
In her case, she cared for her husband for many many years (who succumbed to cancer 5yrs ago) and was so conditioned to neglecting her own issues to care for grandpa - that she has a massive blind spot to her own good health.
mum is almost 60 now - and has always made a point of making sure we would promise to bluntly tell her down the line if she starting becoming as irrational and stubborn as her mother... so hopefully that self-awareness will help. then again - this might just be an ideal that completely fails in practicality when it comes to the moment.
denial can seem an easier path that dealing with what must be quite terrifying.
"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
SILVER Member
Member
67 posts
Location: West Coast Tasmania
Member
67 posts
Location: West Coast Tasmania
Posted:
Doc, a someone who has been around a lot of mental illness, I think approaching her about her prescription could help.
Ask her what she would do if the roles were reversed...would she just stand idly by? Or would she want you to go to the doctors to make sure its nothing?
The fact of her meds making people dumb gives hope that its just them messing with her mind, and not anything more serious.
Heck- let her read this thread LOL! She might see how much everyone, although we don't know her- wants to see her healthy and happy!
I hope she listens soon...for both her sake and yours.
Doc, a someone who has been around a lot of mental illness, I think approaching her about her prescription could help.
Ask her what she would do if the roles were reversed...would she just stand idly by? Or would she want you to go to the doctors to make sure its nothing?
The fact of her meds making people dumb gives hope that its just them messing with her mind, and not anything more serious.
Heck- let her read this thread LOL! She might see how much everyone, although we don't know her- wants to see her healthy and happy!
I hope she listens soon...for both her sake and yours.
You also tilt when you should withdraw, and that is Knightly too.
BRONZE Member
hello!
1,034 posts
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands
hello!
1,034 posts
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands
Posted:
If you want your watching-someone-with-Alzheimer-sadness to get even worse, check out Away from her. Should be in the movie theaters now.
If you want your watching-someone-with-Alzheimer-sadness to get even worse, check out Away from her. Should be in the movie theaters now.
a swapped test-playboy, set free by NOn, idolizing the tea fairy; Dragosani spiritual freedom agreement reached 18th Sept 2006
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
I'm facing similar with my mum, hence not to the same degree. Not to any degree that I would claim it to be pathological, just age-induced.
Even though I should regard it as a natural process I'm emotionally involved and by that account it's hard to stand aside and watch it happening. With me it has a lot to do to start accepting that she will be gone at some point (she's 74).
Is there really anything you could (medically) do about it? I mean more than Stones suggestion.
I'm facing similar with my mum, hence not to the same degree. Not to any degree that I would claim it to be pathological, just age-induced.
Even though I should regard it as a natural process I'm emotionally involved and by that account it's hard to stand aside and watch it happening. With me it has a lot to do to start accepting that she will be gone at some point (she's 74).
Is there really anything you could (medically) do about it? I mean more than Stones suggestion.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Tom, it needn't be "just age." That's what my brother thought. And my aunt and my cousin...
....but my two other cousins (also both physicians) and I knew better. We knew that some memory loss is to be expected, but not like this.
Get your mom to the neurologist. What she has may be preventable, or at least modifiable.
Tom, it needn't be "just age." That's what my brother thought. And my aunt and my cousin...
....but my two other cousins (also both physicians) and I knew better. We knew that some memory loss is to be expected, but not like this.
Get your mom to the neurologist. What she has may be preventable, or at least modifiable.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
member
24 posts
Location: Portland, OR USA
24 posts
Location: Portland, OR USA
Posted:
No doubt this is challenging. My mother too has had signs of forgetfulness. A large part was from sadness which led to depression. This is passing as time does too.
What I do is when mom has had several good days I ask if we can talk. Like really talk. She's usually open to discussing things and I always allow her to stop the conversation if she is uncomfortable, but with a promise to let me know when we can complete the conversation.
Ask mom during a good time about how you should deal with this type of concern and when and how you should bring this to her attention. Reinforce that you want to do this because you love her and care that she is healthy.
You know your mom best so choose your words. Remember to allow her to tell you how she wants you to approach these types of questions about her health.
You sound like a caring son. I hope your mother is able to see that by helping herself now it can possibly extend her health and wellbeing.
All my best.
KyroPDX
No doubt this is challenging. My mother too has had signs of forgetfulness. A large part was from sadness which led to depression. This is passing as time does too.
What I do is when mom has had several good days I ask if we can talk. Like really talk. She's usually open to discussing things and I always allow her to stop the conversation if she is uncomfortable, but with a promise to let me know when we can complete the conversation.
Ask mom during a good time about how you should deal with this type of concern and when and how you should bring this to her attention. Reinforce that you want to do this because you love her and care that she is healthy.
You know your mom best so choose your words. Remember to allow her to tell you how she wants you to approach these types of questions about her health.
You sound like a caring son. I hope your mother is able to see that by helping herself now it can possibly extend her health and wellbeing.
All my best.
KyroPDX
From the most primitive cultures to the most advanced civilizations,man has had to manufacture things;his well-being depends on his success at production.The lowest human tribe cannot survive without that alleged source of pollution: fire. Ayn Rand
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
Thanks for the advice, Mike. What to do with a woman that lived independently all her life and has a strong character and will and talks about ending her life before it's too late to do so? What to do with someone who doesn't want her/ his life prolonged for their own reasons?
At which point am I infringing on their individual right to govern their own lives? How can I put a judgement on their "quality of life" and force my POV on them?
I mean like: Hey Mom, I feel you're forgetting too much, I will get you to a Neurologist to check you out.
Mom: No son I don't like to see a doctor. I'm quite happy with how I am, I will die (rather sooner than later) and it's okay because I've lived my life, had fun. Now my strength is fading, my body degrades... that's age and it's okay like that. I wouldn't mind to become 90, but only if nobody has to look after me and if it's still what I consider "fun". Other than that I rather leave. I don't want to depend on other people or medicine to run my life.
How can you NOT respect that as a son? I would want to receive the same respect one day from my children. That they let me go.
I'm in the lucky position to say the same as my Mom: I lived my life and I enjoyed it. Not much I left out on. If death lingers around the corner I will embrace him like an old friend, rather than hiding...
I dearly hope that you'll find a way to cope and that everything turns out the way it's supposed to be.
Thanks for the advice, Mike. What to do with a woman that lived independently all her life and has a strong character and will and talks about ending her life before it's too late to do so? What to do with someone who doesn't want her/ his life prolonged for their own reasons?
At which point am I infringing on their individual right to govern their own lives? How can I put a judgement on their "quality of life" and force my POV on them?
I mean like: Hey Mom, I feel you're forgetting too much, I will get you to a Neurologist to check you out.
Mom: No son I don't like to see a doctor. I'm quite happy with how I am, I will die (rather sooner than later) and it's okay because I've lived my life, had fun. Now my strength is fading, my body degrades... that's age and it's okay like that. I wouldn't mind to become 90, but only if nobody has to look after me and if it's still what I consider "fun". Other than that I rather leave. I don't want to depend on other people or medicine to run my life.
How can you NOT respect that as a son? I would want to receive the same respect one day from my children. That they let me go.
I'm in the lucky position to say the same as my Mom: I lived my life and I enjoyed it. Not much I left out on. If death lingers around the corner I will embrace him like an old friend, rather than hiding...
I dearly hope that you'll find a way to cope and that everything turns out the way it's supposed to be.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Pooh-Bah
2,014 posts
Location: Galveston, TX, USA
Posted:
Doc, is it possible that your mother is really worried about the result of seeing the doctor? Maybe she's worried that she'll wind up in a nursing home by going to visit him. Could you somehow ally those fears to get her to see him?
Doc, is it possible that your mother is really worried about the result of seeing the doctor? Maybe she's worried that she'll wind up in a nursing home by going to visit him. Could you somehow ally those fears to get her to see him?
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