Forums > Social Chat > Trouble with being different?

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
thnx neon shaolin, but i dont think the others will appreciate you saying that! jo: u play guitar?! what one(s) do u have?

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
yep I do I have an epiphone SG, a fender strat and a 12 string acoustic.
I mainly play acoustic now though.
Xemogal, the HoPpers are the best friends I've ever met and I love them more than anything!

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 21st Aug 2006

xXemogalXx hun, we are fire spinners. We get told we are weird, mad, freaks all the time. Most of us are, but I refuse to believe that being odd, weird, different, or a freak is a bad thing.

The kids around here, when they see us playing in the park , call us Gypsys. I just smile and say "I'm not a gypsy but I'd like the freedom they have. I wish I was free to travel all over like they can." Because I don't take it as the insult they mean it to be it kind of knocks them off their stride and they either shut up and walk away or they come over and ask me what I'm doing and if they can have a go. Most of them turn out to be ok kids. They just do all the name calling to look big infront of their friends.

Just remember that you are the one with the courage to be different. You are not a sheep. Sheep rarely have a very exciting life.

Remember if it really gets you down we are here to talk to.

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

Posted: 21st Aug 2006
people in general love to label... and once they've labelled, they make stereotypical judgements re: those labels... has happened I imagine, for-ever...

I suppose it happens to me with the dreads, hippie-ish clothes, propensity for bare feet etc... but I don't take much notice of what's going on around me, so I'll never likely notice... if I did notice, I wouldn't care...

my daughter jess, struggles with it a lot, cos 13 girls can be right lil b*tches... she dresses emo, loves the music etc... so is pigeon-holed and subsequently picked on... you're not going to change human nature, but you can change your reaction to it

--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006
xXemogalXx - the trick is to try your best to ignor it. I may be hard because they are the sort of people that deserve some kind of retaliation but stepping back and turning away is the stronger thing to do, belive me I know! Im sorry to hear its been going on for so loong so many a hug to you you'll get through it! xx

I jumped into the river, what did i see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me.

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006
Being a top student is a good thing because one day ur go past a tramp on the street in ur big car and see them and that tramp will be one of the bullys.

Seriousily i was builled although school infants and junior and senior the only way to get though it is to not let them win and eventaly they get bored and find somthing better to do other then that all i can suggest is standing outside you school with a fire staff or poi then telling them to take you on...

Mike

he he i am mike the amazing gloscircus person who is mike.

Officaly an exception to the Poi Boys are Girls Thing

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006
I think an even better trick is not just to ignore it, but act to them like you are not in the faintest bit interested in what they have to say unless they can say something sensible. The more you look hurt, the more they think they are succeeding and the more they will tease. That may sound like a nearly impossible task, but i'm pretty sure the reason why i've never felt like i was being bullied was because i was possibly too dippy to notice that anyone was even trying to insult me! and i reckons i must've been a prime target (given the gingerness plus numerous other factors)... If you pay them no attention they get bored and give up. Secondly, i never took it personally, in fact i take it so impersonally that i once didn't even realise that this kid was talking to me when he shouted some crap ginger insult, in fact me and my friend (who was with me at the time and is dark haired) both thought he was talking to her, and so we both stood there looking baffled.....

Anyway if you want to meet another weirdo, i'm right down the road

Oh he he, another funny thing i just remembered my actual tutor from my actual university course once called me weird in a tutorial!!

Aurinko freedom agreement reached 10th Sept 2006

if it makes no sense that's because it's NOn-sense.

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006
I used to be quite alternative in how I dressed. Was sometimes teased for it, sometimes held up as way cool-- depended on the situation.It entertained me for a while, exploring the reactions . I kind of liked challenging peoples preconceptions, and was willing to take the sh-t that arose when I did so. I now suspect that was all about the surface identifiers, and was not a real reflection of the inner person- me or anyone else- at all.

At some point, I realized I did not need or want any external markers to demonstrate that I was "different" in how I thought or felt or ? to anyone, not even to me. That in fact, much of what I had been doing to express myself as an "individual", was just so much silliness on the surface, play provocation and manipulation- not a real expression of me-- and actually distracted from whatever I wanted to communicate or accomplish. An unneccessary diversion of energy.So I let it go.

Some people dress to be accepted as part of a "tribe", to fit in. Others people dress to reject a given tribe, or perhaps to deliberately identify with a specific subculture they would like to be a part of. Clothes/hair can be a form of protest. Or sometimes subverting an observed consumer trend... Some people dress to provoke,for attention, or respect or to assert individual identity. So many reasons we play this way. For most, it is a natural part of a personal exploration of identity, belonging and community. It can be interesting and enlightening if you dont take it too seriously. A fascinating cultural phenomenon.

To a degree you can choose what role and significance your appearance has for you, as you become aware of how it is manipulatable within a given community. I find giving it too much emphasis is unsatisfying though, and I dont spend a lot of time with people stuck on my appearance either. Not very interesting to me. I prefer to try to recognize and identify with ,the core spirit of a person. All the bells and whistles on the surface can be misleading and distracting.

If you choose to be different in attire from the cultural norm where you are, for whatever reason, be aware that it will get commented on. An unavoidable fact. That's fine, their choice, don't let it have any impact unless you want it to. It may even serve as a useful discriminatory tactic- indicate to you which people are stuck on the surface, and which will take a moment to go beyond that and find out who you really are.

So it can help you select people you want to interact with on a deeper level.Realistically, in regards to the bullies, you probably can not change peoples preconceptions at all in the short term.You may influence some people in the long term, as they get to know you and see what you really are by what you do and how you behave. Ignoring and avoiding rudeness, and not taking it to heart is the only way to go in the meantime.


Don't think your surface is you, it is not. What you think feel, and act is you. What you wear is irrelevant, though may be fun-- so enjoy it without attachment!

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006

 Written by: xXemogalXx

it also doesnt help that im a 5' 11" girl, who is expected 14 a*-b grade gcses

ohhhh an intelligent tall girl

not many of them ive met, luv tall gals lol, not that im takin it off topic, seein as most threads come down to flirtin sooner or later

"the geeks have got you" - Gayle

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006
Well HELLO Sim.....

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

Posted: 22nd Aug 2006
yeh for once it isnt you bringing a thread into disrepute

"the geeks have got you" - Gayle

Posted: 23rd Aug 2006

 Written by: jo_rhymes


its not like you go around wearing a parrot costume!!

What's wrong with parrot costumes :P

People mentioning labels reminded me of an amusing run in I had with a rough chavvy type girl. I walked past her and she waited until I was safely out of her way - or perhaps until she notciced her b/f eyeing me up - before yelling after me "you can't have a blonde goth" (my hair was bleached white at the time, and I think technically I would have categorised that outfit as rockabilly but there ya go).
I turned around looked at her straight and said "well, I am blonde, so I'm obviously not a goth then, what's your point?" She seemed a little confused, bless her.

Posted: 23rd Aug 2006

 Written by: kash

 Written by: jo_rhymes


its not like you go around wearing a parrot costume!!

What's wrong with parrot costumes :P

that's what i thought! ...i once saw a job advert for someone to dress up as a pigeon, hide behind trees and leap out on people, for 1 day, getting paid £70,000! There was the one requirement that you had to be a male over 35 yrs old, but who in their right mind would refuse to get into a pigeon costume for that kind of salary?!?

Aurinko freedom agreement reached 10th Sept 2006

if it makes no sense that's because it's NOn-sense.

Posted: 23rd Aug 2006
I'D DO IT!!!! (though not 35 nor male BAH!)

I jumped into the river, what did i see?
Black-eyed angels swam with me.

Posted: 23rd Aug 2006
LOL..
You can't control your situation, but you CAN control the way you react to it.

I used to cop a lot of crap at school, I got bullied to the point that for a year no one would speak to me unless they wanted to make me cry. I was short, poor and fat, and very good at school, with an inability to keep my trap shut.

There will always be rude people, who try to categorise what they don't understand under stupid labels.

I've been told that I'm in the wrong toilet. People who don't know me have spat at me in the street. I've had more abuse hurled at me than I can really list here, simply because of the way I look/dress.

The way I see it, I have two choices in the way I react. I can become upset by it, get angry or depressed about it, which only makes me unhappy and they get the desired result.
OR
I can refuse to enter into their negativity. If someone puts a label on you, don't do it back. Challenge the label. I might be a lesbian who wears mens clothing, smokes, drinks beer and plays pool. But I also know that that's certainly not the sum and total of who I am. If someone calls me a dyke in the street, "Yes, that's me!". If i get abuse thrown at me, I'll thank them. If I am positive, confident in myself, then I know that the abuse is empty..

You sound like you are pretty confident in yourself, that you are happy with the way you dress and conduct yourself. If you are happy with who you are, why would you let that negativity get to you?

I took a long time to be as happy with myself as I am. I got cut about it until I realised that I could change how I act and dress but it wouldn't change anything. I can't blend in, so I don't.

"You've gone from Loey the Wonder Lesbian to everyone wondering if you are a lesbian." - Shadowman

Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.

Posted: 30th Aug 2006
Thanks a lot everyone! Youve all been such a help, ur all totally amazin people! Luv ya all!

ummmm...........anybody have any suggestions as to what i can put here?!

mjk is monitoring your interwebs!

Posted: 30th Aug 2006
i dressed differently all through high school, (as differently as you can in school uniform, lol) and the music i listened to was "different" etc etc. i got a lot of hassle for it, and was pretty much in a very similar situation to yours. (i was at an all girls school - super-b*tchy)



it was hell and i hated it, but i sat my gcse's, passed with good grades, and got the hell out of there!! i went to 6th form at a different school, and fitted in, insofar as that i was accepted for being who i was, music tastes, dress sence and all.



i now work two jobs, one in an office v. respectable, and although i have to dress smart i still put my own mark on how i look. People respect that, yeah i'm a little kooky and weird, but it cheers people up!



my other job is in a rock bar/pub that i used to drink in when i was a kid. the people in there look/dress right across the whole spectrum from emo/chav/goth/pychobilly* whatever. and no one cares. its a propper down to earth friendly place and everyone gets on with eachother for who they are.



the moral of the story is that while it is sh!t now, it will get better. your what 15? everyone is so insecure at that age and take it out on those seeming more secure than themselves.



eventually people will value you for being different, you just have to ride it out until then...



*huggles*





*not to lable anyone...!
EDITED_BY: toobie (1156941523)