Forums > Social Chat > The Bad partner thread

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
nope...
i think i know two couples who are true love - my parents and two of my friends. however, both couples have been hurt because of the love they have for each other, it is the overcoming of obstacles and working through the pain that make their love what it is.

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
hey mynci i know all about the last one and although i like her will say she is a bit of a psycho b***h and anyone considering dating her needs a mental examination however as a freind she can be a good laugh

Written by: jo_rhymes

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my theory is true love doesnt hurt

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when you walk out of a relationship where you love the person and they love you like i did once (for very sound reasons not willing to explain right now) it hurts its the most painful experience i've ever had worse than being dumped.

true love does have to be reciprocated but even then things don't always work out its sad but thats life

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
What if you are in love and it is reciprocated for a long time, then for some reason they leave you. That hurts the most. Especialy when you never got told in the first place its over.

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

Posted: 9th Sep 2005

Written by: blu_valley

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Yes, whats that saying...uh

" no man/woman is worth your tears, the one who is, will not make you cry." I belive it (I dont practice it, but I belive it)



I'm with you on the true love doesny hurt theory..

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what about that song sung in the french accent...

you always hurt the one you love,

the one you (its either "don't wanna" or "shouldnt" - cant rmbr) hurt at all....?

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
maybe you do occasionally hurt the one you love... but surely with a true love the hurt isn't that deep and doesn't scar so much. It's a very tricky subject as "how do you know true love until it's gone?"
If you live your life with your true love would you truely realise it until they were gone... and would you be stricken with loss or be able to smile at all you'd shared. I suppose I have watched my parents hating each other my whole life and want something a bit different. (please don't burst my happy little bubble)

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
*chases mynci's bubble with a knitting needle*
muhahahaha I am DEATH!

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

Posted: 9th Sep 2005

Written by: Tink L. Pants

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ah good girl marie, u took on board my suggestion!

true love hurts the worst as its usually the one that you cant be with.

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you don't think I should get hithed?

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
i think i should hit you lol

oh u mean hitched? well i been there done that, it may work for you but i wont be doing it again

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
Fair one! Especialy if mammys track record is anything to go by lol

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
Tammie....read my title....first word.....death.... I laugh in your general direction.

now I'm not looking to get married but I'm sure there are nice people out there who just make mistakes, with no hurt intended...is hurt always given or often taken?

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
IMHO, there is usually enough blame to go around, as far as hurt goes. I am, of course, not speaking in terms of abuse - some people are just jerks.

Yellow and blue make green.

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
My ex cheated on me with some slutty teenager in a club loo on the same night as I was out with his friends trying to make myself get along better with them, as that was one of our problems. Then he cheated on me with my best friend. On my birthday. While I was asleep upstairs.



(I should add here that I am a fool who is seriously contemplating going back to him...)



My former fiance abandoned me the day my grandmother died and I had a miscarriage. He then came back later that same day then left again half an hour later.



People ask me why I have commitment issues...
EDITED_BY: Miranda (mewcat) (1126294192)

to live at all is miracle enough

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
true love in unconditional, and if you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. whether that means them being with you or with someone else.
If you truly truly love someone with all of your being, it doesnt hurt.

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 9th Sep 2005
miranda, i'm really sorry to hear that, they all sound like arses. i've had my fair share of bastards too. I found that once you learn to love and respect yourself, you attract people who love and respect you too. dont go back to the bastards. be happy being you

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Posted: 9th Sep 2005

Written by: Miranda (mewcat)

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My ex cheated on me with some slutty teenager in a club loo on the same night as I was out with his friends trying to make myself get along better with them, as that was one of our problems. Then he cheated on me with my best friend. On my birthday. While I was asleep upstairs.



(I should add here that I am a fool who is seriously contemplating going back to him...)



People ask me why I have commitment issues...

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What? Nah dont bother, his pricks probably fallen off by now, so he has lost his uses lol. Anyway you dont want clamidia as your new best friend hun



*drags her off to a singles night to get someone better*

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

Posted: 10th Sep 2005
Thanks, guys! I love people telling me I'm right really!
X

to live at all is miracle enough

Posted: 11th Sep 2005
Well this took off... I don't think val will be back, but I didn't realize you'd had things happen, and i'm sorry

I did pm you, so hopefully things will straighten out there.... I didn't mean anything bad by what I said.

Now, as to everyone, goodness people have some crap times, but the one i find myself identfy most with... spiral... and i pm'd you sweetie, because its been ages, but ....

God do I know what thats like. And I did the "commiting because someone wanted it" thing. For a short period of time, even, a year, but... omg. My life has been more messed up because of it.... its not over. I'll be honest. It will end short of a year, but its not really over. There's been a lot of problems, and a lot of them can't be discussed here, but most of them are because i didn't realize that even a promise might have to be broken.

I would rather die than break a promise, I said. And in the process of killing myself I found maybe thats not the best thing for everyone involved. Things are mending, are not totally broken, because of this, and because of friends, and because maybe I don't actually break, I don't know anymore.

But... even now its hard. I don't know where I'm going to live in a month. I have very little money because he spent it all (except that which i took and decided to spend on a trip to britain this summer because if its money and if its going away i might as well get something from it....)
I don't have anywhere concrete to go right now, I have plans for the future, but my plans for this year involved things like a job that I can't have without being able to live (near) here and commute, and being able to, well, stay in one place.....
Every time I turn around something new is taken from me. I havn't just walked out the door yet, I have way too many obligations to work, to my family, to him, even, still, and nowhere to go really....
But its hard to survive.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to turn into such a rant... i'll come back later.

-Kyri

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Posted: 12th Sep 2005
never go back it never works out they will change for a short while but only on the surfave then the cycle begins again and they treat you as bad as they did before

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

Posted: 18th Sep 2005
I vote for me to be here as a bad boyfriend, well i suppose I'm an ex-boyfriend now, and I bet no-one was as nasty as me. (not proud) never talk over emotional problems after a beer, you just don't think things through......

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Posted: 20th Sep 2005
Yeah... people having serious discussions drinking is no good.....

Altho I'm also going to have to vote for my friends gf to be considered a bad partner at this point, as she cries and begs and pleads for him to go to sleep whenever she's supposed to go to sleep because she "can't sleep" when hes awake.....

.....

.....

yeah.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Posted: 20th Sep 2005
mynci you were really bad but i understand your reasons(and i'd have probably acted similar) it don't make it right but you gotta stop punishing yourself for being a and get on with life i know thats gonna be hard cos you're hurtin about loosing her but is all you can do.

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

Posted: 20th Sep 2005

Posted: 20th Sep 2005
ta dude, I'm cool today.
back to

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Posted: 24th Sep 2005
you're back alright i was gonna say to normal but there really aint anything normal bout you is there dude

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

Posted: 24th Sep 2005
Isn't it best that way?

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Posted: 24th Sep 2005
always!

wouldn't be as much fun if he were normal

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

Posted: 24th Sep 2005
Normal people in general arn't as much fun i've found. but perhaps i'm being prejudice.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Posted: 24th Sep 2005
no, normal people are dull and boring like norm from the twix advert

i don't think its predudice its just fact

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

Posted: 24th Sep 2005
ok ok nuff said...i'm back to ABnormal... lummy kick a guy when he's down

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Posted: 2nd Oct 2005
Oooo where do I start? Not quite sure what a 'good boyfriend' is really - have yet to meet one ( Not that I am perfect you understand, far from it!) had to reply on this thread for a number of reasons, mainly because writing it down is therapeutic- so will go the selfish route for now- apologies if this turns into a ramble.

Broke up with my fiance a few months ago now- nasty break up, hurt like hell and I questioned my sanity a few times. However the thing that really hurt was that you think you know someone, that you can trust them and then they just pull the whole rug out from under your feet and you're left slapping your forehead repeatedly wondering why you put up with this for so long.

Before doing that though I was constantly thinking it was me, I wasn't good enough, through hard times I knew that he must question where the fun loving girl went he first met... lost in a sea of responsibility, stress and reality ....but I tried, i really tried. When things were really tough for us i even sat him down with the idea that if you love someone let them free to give him a chance to get out , have some fun and get away from the daily grind and reality of life...but he said he loved me, that "even in a cardboard box, he would be the richest man in the world with me by his side."

And you know, I believed him ( have since found out he wasn't in love with me for a long time, but he didn't tell me that.Why I don't know, apart from the fact he had burned his bridges elsewhere and his only option would be to return to his parents... so better to keep up the deception till a better offer come along before taking off.) I believed him when he said he had paid for things (when he hadn't), believed him (for a time)when he said he was ill and the Dr. had signed him off work for 4 weeks ( he wasn't, he just didn't like going to work ( who does? but it pays the bills!:D) and why should he when i was stupid enough to support him totally , despite being ill myself), I believed that he was looking for a job ( he was, but a shame he didn't do more than going through the motions every now and again and a shame he didn't devote as much time to job hunting as he did investigating and joining internet dating sites and porn sites). I even believed the little things like he had got in the bath ( when he hadn't and the smell of him used to make me physically gag and as much as I am a sucker for dreads , woolly jumpers and men with individuality, even I think not washing your hair and having a proper wash for 3 months or brushing your teeth for over 2 weeks steps into the realms of revolting and lazy rather than 'natural' and acceptable.) or he had taken the dogs out ( when he hadn't, (so is it any wonder they made a mess - a huge case in point for him to use against me- the irony being they had far more sense of personal hygiene than him lol!)

And then there were his friends - a lovely bunch of people who often used to contact him and were worried when he moved in with me they wouldn't see him. Before he left I assured them they would. How wrong I was! If they used to invite him ( or both of us) to something he used to turn them down ( I usually couldn't go because of work or dog sitting) and I'd tell him to go, his friends were important and I didn't want him to turn around , years down the line and blame it on me that he was no longer in contact with them.But he still wouldn't see them and I am led to believe he has now informed them something along the lines of me not letting him see them , or arranging something to clash so he couldn't attend. well, if it makes him feel better to play the victim , so be it- I know and he knows and his concsience knows.

Outwardly, he was one of the most geuine and caring people I thought I had ever met but he was merely incredibly good at voicing what I and others wanted to hear. Inwardly he was one of the most self-centred individuals I have ever had the misfortune to meet. So long as he was alright, others were inconsequential. I think this was why he didn't tell me he didn't love me, why he didn't pay for things ( when the s**t hit the fan it was me who had to pick up the pieces, being 'inbetween' jobs, debt collectors couldn't touch him), why he didn't see his friends ( he was happy with me for a time , why make the effort- our of sight, out of mind) and why he couldn't even be bothered to make an effort or even send a card to his family on important dates- the old out of sight etc....)And also incredibly lazy or had some huge psychological block with both hygiene and responsibility.

I was far from perfect in the relationship... I nagged him too much, I worked too hard and I was far too sensitive to name a few things and I couldn't accept him for who he was - I wanted the person I thought he was -and am sure there are many other things .... but I did the best I could and I never lied, I never cheated ( either in the flesh or over the internet- an easy one to go into denial about but to me it constitutes cheating... the intention was there.) and I was there for him and I worked very hard to keep our heads above water.

I am left now fighting to keep my house due to the financial mess created through his lies, struggling to find money to buy food in and have built up so many barriers due to trusting someone to be kicked in the teeth AGAIN that even if the real love of my life showed up on his white charger (!) I do hope he is armed with a pick axe to break through them all and a huge amount of patience for me!

Do I hate my ex-fiance? Nope, I was angry for a long time but then to use a cliche- you either get bitter or you get better- I chose the latter. Do I think he was a bad person? Not necessarily, I think he was a good person with flaws like the rest of us but he did behave badly.Have I forgiven him? Yep, life is a learning curve and far too short to hold grudges.I genuinely hope he has a happy life and I hope he finds all that he is searching for. Anything to be grateful for ? Yes, we did have good times and I will treasure those. Oh, and I didn't marry him and also to put on my 'fluffy bunny slippers' for a moment...." ever mind the rule of three, what's sent out .... etc Am I ever going to stop it with the rhetoric? Yep, that just about wraps it up



Thanks for reading my ramble:)

BlitheSpirit

(Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend- dogs are!)