Forums > Social Discussion > I lost a patient
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HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I lost a patient today. Sick little girl, 1.5 months old. Probably had some sort of metabolic disorder...and she just stopped breathing.
The problem is she stopped breathing just after I'd stopped dicking with her oxygen.
Everyone tells me it's not my fault...but I'm not convinced. The fact that the attending praised me on my appropriate response to the situation made me feel a lot better. I was prepared to resign my position as a student. But I'm devastated.
I will never forget the sight of that mother holding her dead baby girl in her arms and sobbing. It will be etched into my memory forever. I just stood there and said "I'm so sorry." She nodded...and then after a few more seconds...I left.
And then I went to cry.
And I still can't get the nagging feeling out of my head that I somehow caused it.
I lost a patient today. Sick little girl, 1.5 months old. Probably had some sort of metabolic disorder...and she just stopped breathing.
The problem is she stopped breathing just after I'd stopped dicking with her oxygen.
Everyone tells me it's not my fault...but I'm not convinced. The fact that the attending praised me on my appropriate response to the situation made me feel a lot better. I was prepared to resign my position as a student. But I'm devastated.
I will never forget the sight of that mother holding her dead baby girl in her arms and sobbing. It will be etched into my memory forever. I just stood there and said "I'm so sorry." She nodded...and then after a few more seconds...I left.
And then I went to cry.
And I still can't get the nagging feeling out of my head that I somehow caused it.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
2,084 posts
Location: melbourne, victoria, australia
Pooh-Bah
2,084 posts
Location: melbourne, victoria, australia
Posted:
you're in a career that is very full on emotionally, mentally and physically. you're also in a very responsible position. seeing how much this affected you gives an indication of how passionate you are about helping people. it's natural to feel that you could have done more, or whatever. it certainly takes a very strong and special person to enter into a feild like yours. i'm so sorry that you had to go through this.
you're in a career that is very full on emotionally, mentally and physically. you're also in a very responsible position. seeing how much this affected you gives an indication of how passionate you are about helping people. it's natural to feel that you could have done more, or whatever. it certainly takes a very strong and special person to enter into a feild like yours. i'm so sorry that you had to go through this.
BRONZE Member
Arf! Can I have a biscut?
288 posts
Location: North America, Mid West, USA
Arf! Can I have a biscut?
288 posts
Location: North America, Mid West, USA
Posted:
We meet people as we journy through life, and each teaches us something. The lessons we learn from them we carry for time.
Socks
We meet people as we journy through life, and each teaches us something. The lessons we learn from them we carry for time.
Socks
I'm weird. Just work through that and we'll all be fine.
"If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail." - Fran Lebowitz
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
Lightning - you are stronger than I am. I couldn't choose a profession where I have to watch shildren die - even if it were my job to stop them - especially if that were so - I would see every death as a personal failure and find a way to blame myslef for it.
Sort of like you have I guess. Try your hardest not to do that, because, as Skulkly says, we need more doctor's like you. Don't let coincidence get you down, even though I know how easy it is to find fault for yourself in such things.
Lightning - you are stronger than I am. I couldn't choose a profession where I have to watch shildren die - even if it were my job to stop them - especially if that were so - I would see every death as a personal failure and find a way to blame myslef for it.
Sort of like you have I guess. Try your hardest not to do that, because, as Skulkly says, we need more doctor's like you. Don't let coincidence get you down, even though I know how easy it is to find fault for yourself in such things.
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
2,444 posts
Location: Bristol !!!!!!, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
2,444 posts
Location: Bristol !!!!!!, United Kingdom
Posted:
Dr Mike,
The first time, i stumbled across HOP i remember reading a post from somebody who was struggling to deal with a family members illness. You jumped in straight away and did all you could, answering questions, PM'ing advice. I remember thinking that if i ever needed a straight forward answer to something like that i would ask you and i don't even know you. Your caring, patient nature on-line seems ideally suited to medicine and i think medicine would suffer a great loss if you were to leave. Keep at it. Believe in your ability and keep trying to save those lives - even if sometimes they don't want to be saved.
Keep smiling and stay strong
Dr Mike,
The first time, i stumbled across HOP i remember reading a post from somebody who was struggling to deal with a family members illness. You jumped in straight away and did all you could, answering questions, PM'ing advice. I remember thinking that if i ever needed a straight forward answer to something like that i would ask you and i don't even know you. Your caring, patient nature on-line seems ideally suited to medicine and i think medicine would suffer a great loss if you were to leave. Keep at it. Believe in your ability and keep trying to save those lives - even if sometimes they don't want to be saved.
Keep smiling and stay strong
Gayle.....!
BRONZE Member
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Pooh-Bah
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)
Posted:
Hugs to you Mike! . Not an easy job when you experience such sadness - focus on the fact that you are making a positive contribution, there will be a lot more people who wouldn't live without the knowledge you have acquired / are acquiring and your hard work. If you need support to get through this - consider availing of counselling available to you through hospital.
Warm Hugs, tea and sympathy
Kat
Hugs to you Mike! . Not an easy job when you experience such sadness - focus on the fact that you are making a positive contribution, there will be a lot more people who wouldn't live without the knowledge you have acquired / are acquiring and your hard work. If you need support to get through this - consider availing of counselling available to you through hospital.
Warm Hugs, tea and sympathy
Kat
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.
- W B Yeats
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,750 posts
Location: london, United Kingdom
Pooh-Bah
1,750 posts
Location: london, United Kingdom
Posted:
Never assume
Always Acknowledge
SILVER Member
slack rating - 9.5
2,216 posts
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay, United Kingdom
slack rating - 9.5
2,216 posts
Location: Suburbiton, Yoo-Kay, United Kingdom
Posted:
hey mike... that's really tough man, but the fact that you care so much show's what a great doctor you are and will be. skully and NYC are both right, don't give up but use this to make you stronger and know that you can always find support here. if it wasn't for caring people like you what chance would anyone have... keep on giving man but remember to take care of yourself too...
hey mike... that's really tough man, but the fact that you care so much show's what a great doctor you are and will be. skully and NYC are both right, don't give up but use this to make you stronger and know that you can always find support here. if it wasn't for caring people like you what chance would anyone have... keep on giving man but remember to take care of yourself too...
It is our fantasies that make us real. Without our fantasies we're just a blank monkey' - Terry Pratchett
BRONZE Member
member
75 posts
Location: In UK for now, but born an lived in ZIMBABWE and S...
member
75 posts
Location: In UK for now, but born an lived in ZIMBABWE and S...
Posted:
Think of the lifes you've helped and saved though, i'm sure they out way this! Although it doesn't make it any better on you, but it might help looking at it from that perspective.
My thoughts for the girl and her family.
Think of the lifes you've helped and saved though, i'm sure they out way this! Although it doesn't make it any better on you, but it might help looking at it from that perspective.
My thoughts for the girl and her family.
SILVER Member
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
Posted:
Mike, you have already answered yourself with your own wisdom: some people are indeed destined for short sharp lives. Some people are neurologically devastated, intestinally impaired... too sick to be here one way or another. I worked in palliative care for 6 years and loved friend's babies as they passed through briefly. And one of the things I have come to admire most is a professional who can do their utter best, with heart and fine attention to detail (including the paperwork.. that is the collective memory of many situations). Whilst remembering that ultimately it is NOT their business who lives and dies, and when. And with the grace to accept and express the shock and pain and sometimes rage that this work visits on us.
NYC is on the money about the instant support network too.... including us!
Mike, you have already answered yourself with your own wisdom: some people are indeed destined for short sharp lives. Some people are neurologically devastated, intestinally impaired... too sick to be here one way or another. I worked in palliative care for 6 years and loved friend's babies as they passed through briefly. And one of the things I have come to admire most is a professional who can do their utter best, with heart and fine attention to detail (including the paperwork.. that is the collective memory of many situations). Whilst remembering that ultimately it is NOT their business who lives and dies, and when. And with the grace to accept and express the shock and pain and sometimes rage that this work visits on us.
NYC is on the money about the instant support network too.... including us!
.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Welp, this happened back in February.
And I've lost a few more since then.
And I still get up to go to work every day excited to do my job.
In the end, I can't save them all. But when I can't save them, I can keep them comfortable, I can keep them calm, and I can console and support the families.
In the end, if I can look in the mirror and say "I did everything I could and everything I should," then you can sleep well that night and wake proud to be a doctor.
Welp, this happened back in February.
And I've lost a few more since then.
And I still get up to go to work every day excited to do my job.
In the end, I can't save them all. But when I can't save them, I can keep them comfortable, I can keep them calm, and I can console and support the families.
In the end, if I can look in the mirror and say "I did everything I could and everything I should," then you can sleep well that night and wake proud to be a doctor.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
GOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Posted:
Well Said!
Well Said!
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
SILVER Member
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom
Pasta of Muppets
2,722 posts
Location: in the interwebs..., United Kingdom
Posted:
and again
and again
ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
GOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
Posted:
I agree, your a good doc mike
I agree, your a good doc mike
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
SILVER Member
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
Posted:
Ah well, that'll teach me to read the dates on threads!
May well be another of those great synchronicities in this popping up again just now though.... for someone reading...or writing.....
Ah well, that'll teach me to read the dates on threads!
May well be another of those great synchronicities in this popping up again just now though.... for someone reading...or writing.....
.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....
SILVER Member
no excuses. no apologies.
1,799 posts
Location: aotearoa, New Zealand
no excuses. no apologies.
1,799 posts
Location: aotearoa, New Zealand
Posted:
MASSIVE HUGS!!!!
you poor thing....
-covers you in hugs and love and happy smiling thoughts that make you feel good-
-even more hugs-
MASSIVE HUGS!!!!
you poor thing....
-covers you in hugs and love and happy smiling thoughts that make you feel good-
-even more hugs-
those that know, dont say. those that say, dont know.
SILVER Member
member
185 posts
Location: Australia,Vic
member
185 posts
Location: Australia,Vic
Posted:
Its good to see you happy again, and understanding these things much better.
Its good to see you happy again, and understanding these things much better.
"glow bugs, to slow to resist eating, to bitter to eat more than one handfull in a sitting" toothpaste for dinner
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,492 posts
Location: .:*over the rainbow*:.
3,492 posts
Location: .:*over the rainbow*:.
Posted:
I cried lots reading through all this... sharing you feelings at the time and how many supportive and wise words came from everyone in reply
massive hugs and loads of love
glad you got passed that difficault piriod
...also reminds me how lovely and supportive this forum is
I cried lots reading through all this... sharing you feelings at the time and how many supportive and wise words came from everyone in reply
massive hugs and loads of love
glad you got passed that difficault piriod
...also reminds me how lovely and supportive this forum is
*:...one day all the fairy fridges will be aligned and my pixie world will be complete...:*
SILVER Member
newbie
20 posts
Location: United Kingdom
newbie
20 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
i agree with moon pixie...
i'm new on here but you've obviously got a lot of love coming from these people lightning...
glad things are in perspective for you now
i agree with moon pixie...
i'm new on here but you've obviously got a lot of love coming from these people lightning...
glad things are in perspective for you now
Living life to the full!
177 posts
Location: Rural South
177 posts
Location: Rural South
Posted:
Hey
Big big big huggles Soc,
Hey
Big big big huggles Soc,
Life is short!
So lets leave a mark,
for people to remember!
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