Forums > Social Chat > Your mission, should you choose to accept it...

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
Operation find my stupid bosses (well he's not actually my boss but another boss in the company who can't actually fire me so I can tell him to go to hell if I wish, also sucking up to him gets me nowheres) keys which he may have lost somwheres, anywheres in a 8 acre plot of christmas tree land.

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
Operation go to the hospitel at 3.30 in the morning.

your mission will involve the following

* a 0300 hours you will begain the 2k walk to the hospitel
* you will then proceed to use the constraction shaft to gain access to the building
* Ascend the 5 storys
* you may not be sighted by anystaff!
* you may attempet to acquire a tank of Nitrousoxide
* you may acquire a tube suitable to be used as a bong that you will then pass on to other poeple and that those people will then pass on tho other people
* proceed to the therater


NOTE~ this mission may resuilt in the following:
* Nitrousoxide reclaimed by Staff
* A trip to the Police Station
* Being held over night
* Being fined
* Resteralisation (woops did i spell that right?) of the therater -including hallways
* One hell of a good story to tell

Mission: All of the above compleated.


(now i didnt do this mission, i only found out about this about a month later. and almost pissed myself laughing the whole time at when ruben told me he uses very good hand jesters and dieogrames)

What if we think the jokes on them,
But really - the jokes on us....

and also... i wuv Rougie *snuz*

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
mission 1

to umm..borrow... all the for sale/ sold/ to let signs in several streets in Southsea then dump them in your best mates front garden

*problem one lots of bulk to carry
*problem 2 the police
*problem three the drunken walk..falling over with all those things trying to elude the police aint easy!!

mission 2

plan b to mission 1

to swap all the sold/sale/to let signs in several streets in southsea

* no problems incurred

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
Operation: Escape the train of the dead
Location: Seoul City, South Korea

So after a night of heavy, HEAVY drinking i find myself waiting outside the subway station at 5 AM waiting for it to open. Now i know what you thinking... Stebbins, why would the subways be closed at night in a city of 30 million people?? The answer.. Bastards unions! So anyway as soon as I step on the empty train I curl up in a ball and drift of to a land where my drunken face is not pressed against a wad of gum on a stinky subway seat... When i wake, total confusion! It is now 9 AM and my alcohol addled brain tells me that it should be light out but I only see darkness from every window I look out. As a matter of fact total darkness!!!! The train is NOT moving and making no sound and there is nobody in my car! "ok, ok, calm down" I say to myself "there my be people in one of the other cars". So begun my search for human contact on every car of the train. After awhile i finally find a korean soldier LYING ON THE FLOOR! So it doesn't look like he is breathing and will not respond no matter how hard i kick him."OH MY GOD! I'm on the train of the dead!" I thought to myself. "That's what happened. I drank myself to death and now me and this dead soldier are being carried to the other side". So there I was sitting down beside this "dead soldier" trying my best not to start sobbing uncontrollably like a 12 year school girl. I finally decided that i could do one of two things. 1 stay on the train and wait to be delivered to my untimely demise. Or 2 try to escape to the darkness outside in hopes of continuing the Wacky Misadventures of Stebbins. I chose 2. Now all the doors do not seem to want to open no matter how hard I pried. I figure if im going to get out Im going to have to kick one of the windows out. After about 5 kicks there is a far off noise and the train starts to shake. Oh great I thought. I must have angered the guardian spirit that lives in the walls of the train. But to my surprise the train starts to move. After about 5 minutes the train emerges out of a tunnel to the light of day and the land of the living. The door opens at the next stop and I bolt out leaving my soldier friend to his ill fate. Thus what you get for joining the army I thought and off I stumble to the nearest bus stop....

-Beeaaatch please, I'm the macaroni with the cheese.
-This message will self destruct in 10 seconds.

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
thats is SOOO bad...

ok heres mine

It was the second night of the start of my summer holidays. I'd finished my AS level exams, i was free for 9 weeks of that [censored] hole borf=ding school and i decided that i had to celebrate by partying til i died....

ok stop. nothing that fatal occured, just torutrous. ok go.

the night before i had gone to a super flash house party in a very VERY upmarket part of london (6 storey house, free bar, pool, Paul Mcartney in house opposite, with lost of 18/19 yr olds there). Anyway suffice to say that i got completely trollied, pulled some v.attractive lady, looked afta a friend on a bad Ketamine trip, and STILL cleaned up everything and threw peeps out morning afta. I got NO sleep that night.

so, that morning i went to a skate park to take pics, still in the same alcohol drenched clothes id been wearing before, still rather piss*d. i spent the whole day there, got about 6 rolls of film done, STILL NO SLEEP.

about 5pm im thinking of heading home when i get a call "dude, free house party in Kings Langley"
"wheres that?" i ask
"god knows, but mike does, were all meeting up in Mornington cresent at eight."
"okay, cool, c u there"
I got half way home beofre i had to head to meet up with these guys cuz of the goddam traffic. so we wait for other to arrive, and start drinking
and drinking...
and drinking...
and guess what else?

next thing i know, im piss*d agen, its 11pm, and were running for the last train from euston to King's Langley. All 40 of us London possee make it. just. and so we drink some more, and some more, and some more. and we piss out of the windows onto passing trains.

anyway, we get to Watford, the stop before Lings Langley and they tell us,"track problems, were using coaches" fine we get on the coach. Then i see someone i prayed wouldnt be there. My ex. that cow made this entire ordeal so much worse, simply cuz she thinks we can be friends even afta she crushed me.

anyway....

we arrive at Langley train station by coach, and begin the 30min walk UP hill to the house. Finally we make it. we are at the house. right now im too pissed and too tired to notice anything.
except for the girls parents to return early.....

"who the F*CK ARE THESE KIDS???!!!"
"theyre from london...."
"RIGHT ALL THE LONDON KIDS OUT... NOW!!!!!!!!!!"

so we got evicted at 2am. not before leaving with the contents of their drinks cabinet (ez-pic lock) and no less than 5 remote controls....

but it gets better....

D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
your mission, should you choose to accept it...

is to

1) drive to the all night shoppping centre at 3 in the morning. NB; must be heavily influenced by illegal plants known at the time as "giggly weed"

2) attempt to purchase milk and cookies without losing the plot and spinning out in the third aisle next to the dvd's.

3) exchange currency for products without laughing histericly at nothing in particular.

4) fall asleep in car untill 7 in the morning with 3 other people also fallen asleep in said vechicle.


OR

cover your friend who has fallen asleep (passed out) on sofa. proceed to cover them with everything..... EVERYTHING.... in the kitchen and living room and take photos of the various stages of construction.

OR

get a group of friends together to help to pick up big comfy chair with sleeping (stoned) friend out into the middle of the street and then retreat back to watch the hilarity of pasing police men waking said friend and asking what the feck is going on.

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
Operation Pepe was to bring back a 'trophy' for our friends birthday. The trophy consisted of a certain fiberglass bulls(we'll call him Pepe) nuts(over anatomically correct, pink to boot eh) from a local tourist dive @ 3 in the morning. Operation pepe began at 3 in the morning, step 1, divert the guards. Two friends just started running screaming their heads off on the other side of the dive. While the guards were trying to catch them, Step 2, we set to work on castrating Pepe with a hacksaw. Pepe was pretty loathe to part with his jewels, it took much kicking to finally wrench them off halfway across the parking lot. 3 guys kickin the f00k out of some poor fibeglass bulls sack repeatedly, it wasn't pretty. Once we had our prize, Step 3 was to go back around and pick up our friends, which was a bit harder because we had to pick them up on the run, guards close behind on foot and in golf cart. We ended up cleaning out pepes sak and making a cup out of it for the friends b-day

Then there was the newspaper machine delivery on someone lawn

Or snowman baseball, where you pile in a car with your friends and your bats, drive around the neighborhood til you find a snowman, screech to a stop, pile out n beat the stuffing out of the snowman

Full contact go-karts r fun too, not much of a mission there

First intention, then enlightenment..
Ars Pyronomica

" Life is programmed. Whether death is programmed or not is yet to be determined."

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
ok,

my tale of ridiculous mission.

when we were camping down in cornwall in the summer we would wake up every morning at aroud 10 feeling stupidly hungover. we then decided we needed water, the nearest tap was about 50 meters away from our tents...

we would then jump into my car with all readily availible water carrying devices, and head off through the tents to the tap, with the chemical bothers on.

this became known as the water mission... and people began to reognise us as the water mission people

altogether fairly pointless id say...

Me train running low on soul coal
They push+pull tactics are driving me loco
They shouldn't do that no no no

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
some of these stories are priceless!!!

My simple, yet incredibly hard, mission - get up in the morning and get to work on time.

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

Posted: 2nd Dec 2003
Best thread in a while.

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
Mmmmmmmmmmm

Feeling so much better just by reading this. More missions please!!!

Here are some of my favourites:

Mission One - A close friend's desparate quest to impregnate a large green wheelie bin (don't ask, don't tell)

Mission Two - Down to the shops for marshmellows. Sounds easy, but combined with driving a truly ancient barely roadworthy car with no headlights down a country road, fairly death defying.

Mission three - Escape from work by burrowing a tunnel from my desk to the exit. (Tunnel digging occurs under the cunning guise of having dropped a pen). Could be problematic as office is on the second floor.

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
To find a slab of carrerra marble.

Easy? No. All carrerra seems to be imported into the country in either 20mm thickness (for work surfaces) or 30mm (for gravestones). Finding a slab 1100mm thick which I need to calibrate my rock crushing rig against is nigh to impossible. It took 10 months of ringing around various masons to locate one, which turned out to be 4m by 3m and weighs over two tonnes. result being it wouldn't fit in my truck and is still at the stone yard. The cores I use are 75mm2 and I use about 8 in a year. This slab will last me for about 3000 years.

There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
getting the service station around the corner from my ex's house to accept you buying icecreams at midnight with a fistful of 5, 10 and 20 cent pieces.

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
that reminded me! getting the bus driver to accept coppers with a long queue behind you

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
My mission along with sweet pixie's was to steal as many signs as possible after a night on the hops... we physically ripped off a metal sign from a sign post and carried home... that was a long long trek... with many r-sups...tee hee, my father asked me in the morning where the "hypnothearpy" sign came from... this mission escalated in many reoccuring missions into my father told me that next time he found a sign hidden in the house he would make me take it back...
ummm mission number two... making a bong like mygyver outta a patotoe and a cone piece....
mission number three... trying to convience the cops in masterton not to arrest me for sleeping in a mini in the middle of town at 2.30 in the morning cause my friend and I were to drunk to drive home...they than reconginsed me and say "oh... your Ross' daughter arnt you?" (thats my dad) I was like "yeah ossifer" and they let me sleep there AHAHAH thanks dad

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
I remember a mission now.

Mission:infiltrate the roof of my friends multi-story apartment complex (people fileing cabinet)

It started when I was at his apartment a bit intoxicated by various substances (ok not a bit, a lot) and two guys from the party dissapeared, then came running back with a vacuume cleaner, some circut boards, some other random garbage, and a elevator inspection clipboard.

We were like "wtf" It turns out they smashed the door open to the roof access of the large apartment complex. So about 5 of us headed up to see what the deal was. We found ourselves in a weird room full of machinery that was atleast in my current state of mind unidentifable (it did make a lot of noise, leading me to believe it was probably something evil)

There was metal industrial site style stair case that went up to this door, where one of the characters who had previously broken onto the roof insisted we climb the stairs to look in the room. Up the stairs I go. Behind the door is a mass of crazy circuts and wires and pulleys and gears, and weird little rods that click back and forth rapidly, like some sort of overlyl elaborate mechincal/electic computer hybrid, clearly it was really old.

Following this we went up to the roof it's self and walked around, Two of my friends climbed part ways up the small radio tower on the top of the roof to retrieve a insanely bright flood light which was meant for signaling aircraft. We returned to the apartment without falling to our death, loseing our limbs in crazy elevator machinery or being caught.

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
Tee hee, this thread has cheered me up no end!! Just when I needed it most too.....and it's reminded me of a funny mission.....

ok, we're in Paris, 1997, in a Winnebago next to a mini airfield. We bet this dumb Scottish guy that was hitching with us that he couldn't break in to the airfield and get one of the copters of the ground. He accepted (for the price of 4000F) that he could. Thus he dissapeared and we carried on juicing completely forgetting about him. About 3 hours later the campervan door swung open and in piles the guy, aparantly being chased, carrying....get this....a copter door, foot pedals, hand controls, various knobs and switches and......a windscreen!! Aparently the copter was chained down so he just decided to steal what he could instead!! And to make it worse it was the only Army helicopter in the airfield he had stripped!!
We were very impressed with this as he had no means to remove these items, no screwdrivers or any tools whatsoever, but we couldn't pay because he hadn't completed the bet. Needless to say he was very angry at this but we laughed our proverbial tits off and told him where to go.
For some reason he decided he didn't want to hitch with us any more............

Let's relight this forum

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
For those that know me, you'll know this to be all true!!

I have a reoccuring mission, that happens every time I go out clubbing. And I do mean every time.

My mission starts when people ask me for a lighter or a ciggy or my aerotechs or my camera or some chewing gum, or, or, well basically anything....

My mission is to then find said item.....from THE BAG. shudder shudder

The mission then goes something like this....(lets say BamBam is asking for my camera)

BamBam - Hels, have you got the camera?
Me - Yep.....it's in THE BAG
BamBam - oh god....

Then I will spend fecking ages looking in the bag, literally just looking, because by this point I've forgotten what I'm looking for. But instead of just asking what I'm looking for, I will start emptying out the bag in the hope that when I see it, I will remember what I'm looking for. But this rarely happens. It is then my mission to keep on looking until I remember what the bloody hell I'm looking for.

By this point, BamBam (or whoever) has either forgotten what she wanted, or has gone off to dance, or spin, or whatever. But I'm still looking in THE BAG

I will then, put everything back in the bag and go and have a dance, or spin, or whatever. Then BamBam will come and find me and say "have you got the camera?".

Hels - "oh yeah that's what I was looking for"...

Then repeat steps above as I forget what I'm looking for, again, and then go and make someone, anyone, for the love of god...skin up for me.

I secretly think people just ask me for stuff just because I WILL GO LOOK, won't actually find anything, but I will look.

Meanwhile someone will say

- What's Hels doing?
- She's looking in THE BAG (shudder)

I began to think that maybe I was just cursed by this particular bag, but NO.....I've tried other rucksacks. Everything is always in the bag, I can never find it, but I'll keep looking anyway...

Oh the fun of it

Live well, love much, laugh often...

Official O.B.E.S.E. cheerleader

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
Sounds like Hels the goldfish..oh look theres a rock.....


never have kids cos it gets worse......give birth to half your brain each time

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
People the don't know Hels will not totally understand that this actually happens every time we go out.



Now it's just fun asking her to find something.......perhaps I've said tooo much AGAIN



Bammy

Bells have you got a lighter...........


EDITED_BY: BamBam (1070469220)

A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003


It's in THE BAG

See...it happens all the time!!!

Live well, love much, laugh often...

Official O.B.E.S.E. cheerleader

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
whatta bout a bag w lots of pockets and an inventory sheet!

First intention, then enlightenment..
Ars Pyronomica

" Life is programmed. Whether death is programmed or not is yet to be determined."

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
"Bells, where is the inventory sheet?"

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
Err err I can answer that one....it's with the rent cheque which is in the post

Sad but true....

hels where's me poi??????

Bams

A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.

Posted: 3rd Dec 2003
That was a fun mission, even though I didn't get to see the machinery room.

Posted: 8th Dec 2003
Ok. So I lost the bag (and my mobile) on Friday night.

Story starts with me getting very drunk at our works Xmas party. Story ends with my Bag (and mobile phone) at the South Terminal of Gatwick airport.

Story goes something like this.

Our Xmas party finishes and I get into a cab (it’s on the work account – this fact makes a BIG difference later on) with two girls from work. Our cabbie doesn’t find our drunken behaviour very amusing. This fact makes us even loader and more pissed. After trying to find out cabbie’s name, which he won’t tell us, we decide to call him George. Which we do, ALL the way home. It’s George this, and George that. hmmmm George isn’t too impressed with all this. So I get home and say goodnight to George and the girls. As soon as I wave George off in his cab I realise I have left the bag in his cab. Ah well, I think, I’m sure the girls will see it and give it to me on Monday. I think no more of it.

So I go indoors, and fall into bed in a drunken stupor

I get rudely awaken at 11am (I mean, I ask you, how early is that on a Saturday, on a hangover!) by the man who’s come to fix the cooker. It must have taken me less than 5 minutes to recognise that it’s the doorbell ringing and not my head. So I stumble down the stairs and open the door. But there’s no one there. The bastard has been sitting in his van waiting, and gets no answer, so drives off.

So, I’m sitting in the living room watching a bit of tv, when BamBam, who's on the phone to my Mum, and Smallboy come rushing into the room. BamBam’s like “talk to your Mum quick she’s about to call the police”…..

wtf???

My mum thinks I’ve been abducted, or attacked, or stranded or something equally dramatic because she’s had a call from the police at Gatwick telling her they’ve got my bag. Mum being Mum immediately thinks the worst and calls Lisa. Lisa has stayed at Smallboy’s the night before, and she gets a frantic call from my Mum telling her I’ve gone missing. (Back at the Princess Palace, I’m safely tucked up in bed, asleep, oblivious to all this going on around me ). Bam’s has just had the cooker man phone her and tell her no-one’s home, so she thinks maybe I *have* gone “missing”. So she gets in a cab and gets home in super quick time….the story then cuts back to the point where she runs into the house saying to me “talk to your Mum quick she’s about to call the police”…..

I get off the phone from Mum, after trying to calm her down, and telling her I’m fine, I was in bed and that I’ve just got a HUGE hangover, when one of the girls from work (who was in the cab with George the night before) call me on Lisa’s phone.

I’m confused to say the least.

This is when I find out exactly what has happened.

My bag was left in the cab until Saturday morning when George had another job to go to Gatwick. He’s found my bag, and given it to the passenger to hand in at the airport. So passenger gets to check-in, and they ask the usual “has anyone given you anything, or packed a bag for you”, and he’s like “well the cabbie gave me this bag” Now you can just imagine the fuss that this caused.

So my bag ends up with a policeman, who tries to find out who it belongs to. At this point one of the guys I work with sends me a text. So the policeman reads this (I dread to think what it said) and calls him to find out who the phone belongs to. Graham (the guy from work) tells him. Graham them calls numerous people at work to get the phone number of Kate (who was in the cab with me the night before). The policeman phones Kate, Kate then phone my mum, and then phones me on Lisa’s phone.

I then phone the cab company and in my hungover state have a right go at them for stupid taxi driver man George giving my bag to a complete stranger to hand in a Gatwick . They then send George back to Gatwick to get the bag back for me.

I’m still waiting though….

That’ll teach me to NEVER lose the bag again ;o)

Live well, love much, laugh often...

Official O.B.E.S.E. cheerleader

Posted: 8th Dec 2003
Hels have you got a lighter???? Ohhh yeahhhh it's in the BAG

Barmy me

A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.