Forums > Social Discussion > convincing a friend to see a psychologist
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
One of my friends has been going through some very very rotten problems and they have apparently been going on for years. She has been talking to me about them, and normally I've very happy to talk my friends through problems, but these are really serious sh!t and I don't feel comfortable talking to her as a non professional, but I can't say "no" because if I do then she will continue to withdraw into herself and that's going to end incredibly nasty.
I'm really really worried about her and 100% convinced she needs to seek professional help, but she says she can't afford it. But now the public medicare will cover part of psychologist bills...
oh i just need to convince her! any ideas! i'm glad she feels she can open up to me, but at the same time i feel so helpless!!
One of my friends has been going through some very very rotten problems and they have apparently been going on for years. She has been talking to me about them, and normally I've very happy to talk my friends through problems, but these are really serious sh!t and I don't feel comfortable talking to her as a non professional, but I can't say "no" because if I do then she will continue to withdraw into herself and that's going to end incredibly nasty.
I'm really really worried about her and 100% convinced she needs to seek professional help, but she says she can't afford it. But now the public medicare will cover part of psychologist bills...
oh i just need to convince her! any ideas! i'm glad she feels she can open up to me, but at the same time i feel so helpless!!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
enthusiast
271 posts
Location: Bradford *rolls eyes*, United Kingdom
enthusiast
271 posts
Location: Bradford *rolls eyes*, United Kingdom
Posted:
Rouge,
I think what you are doing for your friend is amazing, and i am sure that she appreciates it. I am glad that you care about her enough to be worried. Sometimes it is very difficult to talk to people about things, because that means admiting them to yourself first. She obviously trusts you enough to be able to talk to you about this, but sometimes it is even harder to open up to a complete stranger. If it is professional help it means admiting you have somewhat serious issues, and she just might not be ready for that, hense the excuse of not being able to afford it. I think it is a good idea that you do encourage the idea, talk it though with her, and explain it is not that expensive etc, but try and be gentle (i am sure you will be) and not push too hard. if she becomes comfortable with the idea that she CAN get help, then it will be much easier for her when she decides that it is the right time for her to do so.
But for yourself, please remember that you count too. You do not need to do anything for her - and i doubt that she will expect you to - apart from listen and be there. please do not get too involved, as hard as it is, because that is likely to upset you as well. you should not be expected to make it all better, but sometimes it helps just knowing that there is someone you can sound off too when it all gets a little too much.
I hope that helped and was not just random babble.
Good Luck!
Rouge,
I think what you are doing for your friend is amazing, and i am sure that she appreciates it. I am glad that you care about her enough to be worried. Sometimes it is very difficult to talk to people about things, because that means admiting them to yourself first. She obviously trusts you enough to be able to talk to you about this, but sometimes it is even harder to open up to a complete stranger. If it is professional help it means admiting you have somewhat serious issues, and she just might not be ready for that, hense the excuse of not being able to afford it. I think it is a good idea that you do encourage the idea, talk it though with her, and explain it is not that expensive etc, but try and be gentle (i am sure you will be) and not push too hard. if she becomes comfortable with the idea that she CAN get help, then it will be much easier for her when she decides that it is the right time for her to do so.
But for yourself, please remember that you count too. You do not need to do anything for her - and i doubt that she will expect you to - apart from listen and be there. please do not get too involved, as hard as it is, because that is likely to upset you as well. you should not be expected to make it all better, but sometimes it helps just knowing that there is someone you can sound off too when it all gets a little too much.
I hope that helped and was not just random babble.
Good Luck!
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
Rogue, I second that! It's really amazing what you are doing for your friend and I hope she's aware of it.
Maybe you admit, that your powers are limited to a certain extent and (if you haven't) are talking about your own feelings.
Maybe you propose to accompany her to a session with a councellor or psychologist?
I'm not a big fan of surrendering ones own wellbeing and sanity in order to help and I have observed people slipping into co-dependancy. Finally the only reason or aim for a relationship was to continue the (symbiotic) exchange - but no real progress was made on any level.
There is only so much one can do and you do not help your friend if - in the end - you have to see a psychologist yourself in order to cope with the images that are starting to hount you.
But I have no real clue, excuse.
Rogue, I second that! It's really amazing what you are doing for your friend and I hope she's aware of it.
Maybe you admit, that your powers are limited to a certain extent and (if you haven't) are talking about your own feelings.
Maybe you propose to accompany her to a session with a councellor or psychologist?
I'm not a big fan of surrendering ones own wellbeing and sanity in order to help and I have observed people slipping into co-dependancy. Finally the only reason or aim for a relationship was to continue the (symbiotic) exchange - but no real progress was made on any level.
There is only so much one can do and you do not help your friend if - in the end - you have to see a psychologist yourself in order to cope with the images that are starting to hount you.
But I have no real clue, excuse.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
sorry to be a spoiler, but from my experience with people who've seen psychologists, even if she agrees to go, it won't help her much if she doesn't really want to. So convincing her just so that she goes won't do the job.
Someone I know told me that after a few sessions you know what your doctors want to hear from you, so you tell them that and they leave you alone and don't dig where it hurts. I'm sure this doesn't work for every doctor, but the point is if you're not ready to let someone see inside you they won't.
sorry to be a spoiler, but from my experience with people who've seen psychologists, even if she agrees to go, it won't help her much if she doesn't really want to. So convincing her just so that she goes won't do the job.
Someone I know told me that after a few sessions you know what your doctors want to hear from you, so you tell them that and they leave you alone and don't dig where it hurts. I'm sure this doesn't work for every doctor, but the point is if you're not ready to let someone see inside you they won't.
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
Completely agreed, Birgit. Thanks for pointing that out.
Completely agreed, Birgit. Thanks for pointing that out.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
i don't think even if you want help, that they help, if the problems have been around for a bit.
i wanted help and went but i wouldn't let my guard down and so i went with the drugs instead (which worked some-should have seen the mess i was before
)
the best thing you can do is admit that you think it would benefit her more to see a professional because you care about her and love her...seeing a professional is sometimes like an alcoholic going to their first meeting...it is a very big step
unlike AA though, you can go with her for support
i don't think even if you want help, that they help, if the problems have been around for a bit.
i wanted help and went but i wouldn't let my guard down and so i went with the drugs instead (which worked some-should have seen the mess i was before
)the best thing you can do is admit that you think it would benefit her more to see a professional because you care about her and love her...seeing a professional is sometimes like an alcoholic going to their first meeting...it is a very big step
unlike AA though, you can go with her for support
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
Rouge, why can't you say "no i dont feel comfortable talking to you as a non-professional?"
Telling a friend your problems is ok in some circumstances, but to treat a friend as a psychologist just isnt on.
I think you should say to her, "listen missy, I'm no counsellor/psychiatrist/psychologist, I think you'd be much better off talking to one. Nevertheless I will always be a supportive friend and will be here for you as much as I can."
I don't think that that's being unreasonable. If she doesnt want help, then you can't force it on her.
Rouge, why can't you say "no i dont feel comfortable talking to you as a non-professional?"
Telling a friend your problems is ok in some circumstances, but to treat a friend as a psychologist just isnt on.
I think you should say to her, "listen missy, I'm no counsellor/psychiatrist/psychologist, I think you'd be much better off talking to one. Nevertheless I will always be a supportive friend and will be here for you as much as I can."
I don't think that that's being unreasonable. If she doesnt want help, then you can't force it on her.
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
she might not be able to do that because the friend might see it as an abandonment or rouge being unsympathetic...that sort of thing
she might not be able to do that because the friend might see it as an abandonment or rouge being unsympathetic...that sort of thing
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
SILVER Member
there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
3,764 posts
Location: limbo, Australia
there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
3,764 posts
Location: limbo, Australia
Posted:
how does one go about choosing a counsellor?
I considered tracking one down after basically falling apart post-separation, and (not) dealing with a whole bunch of other crap. but the idea of trusting someone with the burden of my mental anguish freaked me out a bit, and I ended up sorting stuff out on my own.
I now also have a friend who has been going through a lot of pretty bad crap. she has started talking to a couple different counsellors (which obviously sounds like a bad idea) and they are giving her directly opposing views and advice... to the point where they cant both be correct.
so back to the original question... how do you pick one?
oh... and to a certain extent, I agree with jo... there is a point past which you have to be firm. allowing someone to depend on you for psychological support when you dont feel comfortable is not healthy for either you or your friend. the way that jo worded it is firm and assertive, not all aggressive or harsh...
how does one go about choosing a counsellor?
I considered tracking one down after basically falling apart post-separation, and (not) dealing with a whole bunch of other crap. but the idea of trusting someone with the burden of my mental anguish freaked me out a bit, and I ended up sorting stuff out on my own.
I now also have a friend who has been going through a lot of pretty bad crap. she has started talking to a couple different counsellors (which obviously sounds like a bad idea) and they are giving her directly opposing views and advice... to the point where they cant both be correct.
so back to the original question... how do you pick one?
oh... and to a certain extent, I agree with jo... there is a point past which you have to be firm. allowing someone to depend on you for psychological support when you dont feel comfortable is not healthy for either you or your friend. the way that jo worded it is firm and assertive, not all aggressive or harsh...
--pogo (pat) [forever and always]
GOLD Member
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Stream Entrant
2,829 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
Hi Rouge,
Have you checked out Beyond Blue?
Try Fact Sheet 1- How can you help someone with depression?
Hi Rouge,
Have you checked out Beyond Blue?
Try Fact Sheet 1- How can you help someone with depression?
If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
*pouts* The friend isn't me is it?
i think i need to see a psychologist, but i'm the same as pogo, how do you pick one? and i could never figure that beyond blue website out, i always found it completely unhelpful...
*pouts* The friend isn't me is it?
i think i need to see a psychologist, but i'm the same as pogo, how do you pick one? and i could never figure that beyond blue website out, i always found it completely unhelpful...
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
I think you just have to be brave and try someone. At least then you'll know what you didn't like about them.
I'm certainly not an expert in this field but some of my students wrestle with depression. I think (and I'm NO expert) that depression has an incapacatating element to it which becomes cyclical. Most depressed people are quite intelligent so they're very good at coming up with extremely logical and intelligent barriers that prevent themselves from getting help.
I think the most important step is to be brave enough to try something. And be prepared for that something to perhaps not work but be brave enough to keep trying.
Again, this isn't something I've ever had to wrestle with but I've certainly have had friends who have. I think opening up to someone can be quite helpful if you're ready for it.
I think you just have to be brave and try someone. At least then you'll know what you didn't like about them.
I'm certainly not an expert in this field but some of my students wrestle with depression. I think (and I'm NO expert) that depression has an incapacatating element to it which becomes cyclical. Most depressed people are quite intelligent so they're very good at coming up with extremely logical and intelligent barriers that prevent themselves from getting help.
I think the most important step is to be brave enough to try something. And be prepared for that something to perhaps not work but be brave enough to keep trying.
Again, this isn't something I've ever had to wrestle with but I've certainly have had friends who have. I think opening up to someone can be quite helpful if you're ready for it.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
damnit, you got me.
Written by: NYC
Most depressed people are quite intelligent so they're very good at coming up with extremely logical and intelligent barriers that prevent themselves from getting help.
damnit, you got me.
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
Pogo: There are more than only one road leading to Rome. Point is that the human psyche is pretty complex and that psychologists are also "only" humans, who can be deceived and who may have their own individual approach to the same topic.
I was sent to one by my mom when I was 16, because she simply couldn't handle me anymore. I disliked it and made him freak at me within 5 sessions... very smart I thought I was.
Another point is that the mind, or ego knows a certain state of being and usually wants to stay within those boundaries. For example: Some child learned that, if crying the parents dispense more attention to them. Certainly this is a response every child enjoys and being sad or angry may become a habitual pattern that is repeated throughout the entire life in order to drag attention. Most regular human beings will try to help, therefore focus on this (now grown up) person and therefore continue the cycle.
From then on, the mind might start to create circumstances in which one has reasons to feel sad, deserted, angry etc. like choosing the wrong friends and getting themselves into all kinds of trouble.
It's much like "self fullfilling prophecies".
The root cause may lie much deeper than in ones own childhood and start at the parents or further back...
Basically until the point where one is really fed up with this way of life and curious what the rest of the spectrum might feel like, it's almost impossible to break the cycle - much like (drug) addiction: Unless one truely wants to get out of there...
So back to the initial question: "How do you pick one (a psychologist)?" Well this is the toughest part. Unless one really wants it, there is none who might be able to help any which way. And regarding recommendations: what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for an other. Some go through half a dozend different therapists and scientists before they are able to find the appropriate one. Another few simply get their asses off the couch and do something actively to keep themselves out of further trouble. Look for alternatives, other than the usual way to get attention and confirmation, never see a doctor and are fine for the rest of the days.
Excuse me, I might just mumble garbled cowspoo - so feel free to ignore me. I have no clue who this is about, just reflecting thoughts that are running through my head... Rouge, I hope your frind will get better, soon
EDITED_BY: FireTom (1163651554)
Written by: Pogo69
I now also have a friend who has been going through a lot of pretty bad crap. she has started talking to a couple different counsellors (which obviously sounds like a bad idea) and they are giving her directly opposing views and advice... to the point where they cant both be correct.
so back to the original question... how do you pick one?
Pogo: There are more than only one road leading to Rome. Point is that the human psyche is pretty complex and that psychologists are also "only" humans, who can be deceived and who may have their own individual approach to the same topic.
I was sent to one by my mom when I was 16, because she simply couldn't handle me anymore. I disliked it and made him freak at me within 5 sessions... very smart I thought I was.
Another point is that the mind, or ego knows a certain state of being and usually wants to stay within those boundaries. For example: Some child learned that, if crying the parents dispense more attention to them. Certainly this is a response every child enjoys and being sad or angry may become a habitual pattern that is repeated throughout the entire life in order to drag attention. Most regular human beings will try to help, therefore focus on this (now grown up) person and therefore continue the cycle.
From then on, the mind might start to create circumstances in which one has reasons to feel sad, deserted, angry etc. like choosing the wrong friends and getting themselves into all kinds of trouble.
It's much like "self fullfilling prophecies".
The root cause may lie much deeper than in ones own childhood and start at the parents or further back...
Basically until the point where one is really fed up with this way of life and curious what the rest of the spectrum might feel like, it's almost impossible to break the cycle - much like (drug) addiction: Unless one truely wants to get out of there...
So back to the initial question: "How do you pick one (a psychologist)?" Well this is the toughest part. Unless one really wants it, there is none who might be able to help any which way. And regarding recommendations: what works for one, doesn't necessarily work for an other. Some go through half a dozend different therapists and scientists before they are able to find the appropriate one. Another few simply get their asses off the couch and do something actively to keep themselves out of further trouble. Look for alternatives, other than the usual way to get attention and confirmation, never see a doctor and are fine for the rest of the days.
Excuse me, I might just mumble garbled cowspoo - so feel free to ignore me. I have no clue who this is about, just reflecting thoughts that are running through my head...
Rouge, I hope your frind will get better, soon EDITED_BY: FireTom (1163651554)
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
SILVER Member
there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
3,764 posts
Location: limbo, Australia
there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
3,764 posts
Location: limbo, Australia
Posted:
that was the essence of my solution to feeling depressed and totally lacking in motivation about anything... I found the wonderful world of fire spinning and drumming through moonfest, and subsequently this fabulous community...
but not everyone can be so lucky, and as you say, that wont work for everyone.
nyc: completely agree... eventually it does come down to taking the plunge. at the same time, its so much more important than deciding who is going to service your washing machine when it goes on the blink. there is always personal recommendations, but as tom rightly points out, different strokes for different folks... the same thing will not always work for everyone. although, I would expect a talented therapist/counsellor would realise this and be able to alter their methods accordingly.
sarah: I ended up on beyondblue in my search for answers, but I never got much out of it either... I did, however find doses of self-administered *positive thinking* to be effective (to a point)
Written by: tom
few simply get their asses off the couch and do something actively to keep themselves out of further trouble. Look for alternatives, other than the usual way to get attention and confirmation, never see a doctor and are fine for the rest of the days
that was the essence of my solution to feeling depressed and totally lacking in motivation about anything... I found the wonderful world of fire spinning and drumming through moonfest, and subsequently this fabulous community...
but not everyone can be so lucky, and as you say, that wont work for everyone.
nyc: completely agree... eventually it does come down to taking the plunge. at the same time, its so much more important than deciding who is going to service your washing machine when it goes on the blink. there is always personal recommendations, but as tom rightly points out, different strokes for different folks... the same thing will not always work for everyone. although, I would expect a talented therapist/counsellor would realise this and be able to alter their methods accordingly.
sarah: I ended up on beyondblue in my search for answers, but I never got much out of it either... I did, however find doses of self-administered *positive thinking* to be effective (to a point)
--pogo (pat) [forever and always]
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
the mind does get in the way...it is not as simple as getting up and doing something-they have new commercials for some new pill about how depression physically hurts and it does, my joints ache-more when i get more depressed
depression (possibly bipolar-tests say yes, docs say no?) for me was incapacatating...i'd cry in the grocery store because i couldn't decide on a loaf of bread...i started smoking to get away from crowds...drinking myself to sleep and the list goes on...looking for affection in all the wrong places and so far ends with my last relationship
the point is, eventually it got to a point where my friends couldn't help me, i wasn't getting out of bed, my health going to hell, and i needed professional help
i chose my doctors by first talking to the nurses at the clinic about personalities...i had one or two that just didn't work, but the two i stuck with (not at the same time) helped me out a lot.
it took a few sesssions for me to warm up to them, many of you know how defensive and guarded and redundant i can be
but now i can have A drink, not sell myself for affection and get out of bed and get my butt to work
i still have a lot of work to do ex: i still cry in the grocery store and feel panicky in groups and my body still hurts even now that i am exercising
the mind does get in the way...it is not as simple as getting up and doing something-they have new commercials for some new pill about how depression physically hurts and it does, my joints ache-more when i get more depressed
depression (possibly bipolar-tests say yes, docs say no?) for me was incapacatating...i'd cry in the grocery store because i couldn't decide on a loaf of bread...i started smoking to get away from crowds...drinking myself to sleep and the list goes on...looking for affection in all the wrong places and so far ends with my last relationship
the point is, eventually it got to a point where my friends couldn't help me, i wasn't getting out of bed, my health going to hell, and i needed professional help
i chose my doctors by first talking to the nurses at the clinic about personalities...i had one or two that just didn't work, but the two i stuck with (not at the same time) helped me out a lot.
it took a few sesssions for me to warm up to them, many of you know how defensive and guarded and redundant i can be
but now i can have A drink, not sell myself for affection and get out of bed and get my butt to work
i still have a lot of work to do ex: i still cry in the grocery store and feel panicky in groups and my body still hurts even now that i am exercising
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
never really been good at that whole "positive" thing...
i've been this way for years... hell, i've been this way ever since i can remember on and off...
but lately i've just been *so* sick of being sick of everything, and always struggling so hard to achieve basic levels of things like keeping a job, studying and house-clenliness... that i'm in tears half of most days.
i just want to know what's wrong with me and what to do about it...
never really been good at that whole "positive" thing...
i've been this way for years... hell, i've been this way ever since i can remember on and off...
but lately i've just been *so* sick of being sick of everything, and always struggling so hard to achieve basic levels of things like keeping a job, studying and house-clenliness... that i'm in tears half of most days.
i just want to know what's wrong with me and what to do about it...
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
the struggle to survive could actually be considered a chemical balance thing
our body does weird things in stress mode, which is what survival mode is
many times too our body reacts to emotional stresses similar to physical
it sounds like you have stressors all over your life which puts the mind and body into survival mode and you get worn out...you can only run so far
one of my big breakthroughs was for me to look at a major stressor in my life and shrug and keep moving past it...
meaning and conclusion: you need to rest in every sense of the word, if you can meditate or go on a retreat...your body and mind need a break from survival mode-find a moment away from your major stressors, take time each day
eat balanced and healthy, get some exercise-even if it is just a walk every day, get regular sleep
if this doesn't work (or didn't) know that it is ok to go talk to a professional, why feel miserable when you can feel good (or back to your normal state of being, not being good with the whole positive thing). it's silly. they train for this. the mind is highly sensitive and the brain a complicated piece of work. if you had a complicated machine that was grinding and smoking and looking about ready to explode in a mass of gears and you had no experience with the machine, wouldn't you get a professional help so that you could get back up to the status quo
one of my docs asked me this "why feel miserable any longer than you have to?"
maybe everyone could use a tune up now and then
the struggle to survive could actually be considered a chemical balance thing
our body does weird things in stress mode, which is what survival mode is
many times too our body reacts to emotional stresses similar to physical
it sounds like you have stressors all over your life which puts the mind and body into survival mode and you get worn out...you can only run so far
one of my big breakthroughs was for me to look at a major stressor in my life and shrug and keep moving past it...
meaning and conclusion: you need to rest in every sense of the word, if you can meditate or go on a retreat...your body and mind need a break from survival mode-find a moment away from your major stressors, take time each day
eat balanced and healthy, get some exercise-even if it is just a walk every day, get regular sleep
if this doesn't work (or didn't) know that it is ok to go talk to a professional, why feel miserable when you can feel good (or back to your normal state of being, not being good with the whole positive thing). it's silly. they train for this. the mind is highly sensitive and the brain a complicated piece of work. if you had a complicated machine that was grinding and smoking and looking about ready to explode in a mass of gears and you had no experience with the machine, wouldn't you get a professional help so that you could get back up to the status quo
one of my docs asked me this "why feel miserable any longer than you have to?"
maybe everyone could use a tune up now and then
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
It's not so much about being "positive"... it's more about getting realistic... IMHO
I've been through some real serious [censored] in my life and was piling up problems big time. There have been times I didn't count on passing my 21st birthday - not to speak of celebrating the turn of the century...
Amazingly life went on and I'm still around...
But due to this I never pursued any education - simply I couldn't see much sense in this.
Meanwhile I start planning ahead a little more than one year and try to get back in shape (it's amazing how much the body can take for how long)... and I can still consider myself "young" - (well, comparatively.... well maybe not on this board...
)
However: being in the presence of fire, as well as of water - is healing in itself. Besides: Mental problems manifest in the body and one might feel physically sick, no problem.
Standing in the grocery store and crying is okay IMHO. It's sad, that one is incapable of making a decision and live with the consequences - especially if it's simply on what bread to eat for two days... But to then demontage ones own personality and be disgusted is way too far and might be another learned procedure. Problems are problems - to some it's ridiculous, to other very serious that it's not the latest model of cellphone one gets for christmas... Some jump in front of a train, because of a bad grade.
However: By closely investigating into ones own childhood events, many clues might be drawn. Sometimes it might come to the point where one get's really angry about the parents or the way one has been brought up - but this is only a temporary escape hatch. My parents are the product of their parents and times - so who is to blame?
And (to me) it's not about right and wrong anyways.
Fortunately enough we are a community - without a community, humans would curl up and die very fast. Humans are naked, slow, halfway blind and deaf... we need society in order to assure our survival.
As I said, the mind is spinning over some common known ground and will do everything to protect it's habitat.
I try to take my ego as a child and start taking it by the hand, to proove that there is something different out there - no anger, no rejection... just not taking it (myself) as serious as I used to. Tears are a great healer, but this too can become a habit. Being angry about ones-self can be very healing and produce energy (unless killed by a pill or spliff), but this too can turn into a habit and self-destruction. Time (used) can be a great healer...
I like the idea to imagine that "spiritual being" that one day will be my child - not making a scetch or anything - and to get ready being it's guide... not so self centered and affective as my parents were, but also not turning to the other extreme.... Finding balance... gaining strength... growing up, yet stay playful. I know already that I will lack patience and be in despair - but that's okay, too.
For some people it helps to volunteer in regions where they have "real" problems... like: how do I - physically - survive the next day...? I mean we all know that such people exist, but only few really had contact. Maybe in Australia the Aboriginal community can do heeps for the western folks, to show them what other aspects there are in life.... ??? Sounds odd - just a thought that crossed my mind in this very instant... maybe it's better to volunteer on the other side of the planet...
Can't be of much more help, I'm afraid. Dunno whether this helped at all... hope so.
It's not so much about being "positive"... it's more about getting realistic... IMHO
I've been through some real serious [censored] in my life and was piling up problems big time. There have been times I didn't count on passing my 21st birthday - not to speak of celebrating the turn of the century...
Amazingly life went on and I'm still around...
But due to this I never pursued any education - simply I couldn't see much sense in this.
Meanwhile I start planning ahead a little more than one year and try to get back in shape (it's amazing how much the body can take for how long)... and I can still consider myself "young" - (well, comparatively.... well maybe not on this board...
)However: being in the presence of fire, as well as of water - is healing in itself. Besides: Mental problems manifest in the body and one might feel physically sick, no problem.
Standing in the grocery store and crying is okay IMHO. It's sad, that one is incapable of making a decision and live with the consequences - especially if it's simply on what bread to eat for two days... But to then demontage ones own personality and be disgusted is way too far and might be another learned procedure. Problems are problems - to some it's ridiculous, to other very serious that it's not the latest model of cellphone one gets for christmas... Some jump in front of a train, because of a bad grade.
However: By closely investigating into ones own childhood events, many clues might be drawn. Sometimes it might come to the point where one get's really angry about the parents or the way one has been brought up - but this is only a temporary escape hatch. My parents are the product of their parents and times - so who is to blame?
And (to me) it's not about right and wrong anyways.
Fortunately enough we are a community - without a community, humans would curl up and die very fast. Humans are naked, slow, halfway blind and deaf... we need society in order to assure our survival.
As I said, the mind is spinning over some common known ground and will do everything to protect it's habitat.
I try to take my ego as a child and start taking it by the hand, to proove that there is something different out there - no anger, no rejection... just not taking it (myself) as serious as I used to. Tears are a great healer, but this too can become a habit. Being angry about ones-self can be very healing and produce energy (unless killed by a pill or spliff), but this too can turn into a habit and self-destruction. Time (used) can be a great healer...
I like the idea to imagine that "spiritual being" that one day will be my child - not making a scetch or anything - and to get ready being it's guide... not so self centered and affective as my parents were, but also not turning to the other extreme.... Finding balance... gaining strength... growing up, yet stay playful. I know already that I will lack patience and be in despair - but that's okay, too.
For some people it helps to volunteer in regions where they have "real" problems... like: how do I - physically - survive the next day...? I mean we all know that such people exist, but only few really had contact. Maybe in Australia the Aboriginal community can do heeps for the western folks, to show them what other aspects there are in life.... ??? Sounds odd - just a thought that crossed my mind in this very instant... maybe it's better to volunteer on the other side of the planet...
Can't be of much more help, I'm afraid. Dunno whether this helped at all... hope so.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
Faith, that would all make alot of sence, except that thus far i haven't been able to think of what these stressor's are...
I have a wonderful supportive boyfriend (the most gorgeous mr MiG) I have gorgeous puppy, I have a roof over my head, i have a job, that while perhaps not the most glamourous or high-paying, is steady, not too stressful, and pays the bills.
And yet, i struggle to get up most mornings, the thought of having to wash the dishes makes me want to run away and hide, let alone doing all the rest of the house work... it all sounds so petty when i write it down like this but i constantly feel like the world expects so much from me and i can't handle it all. And knowing that i *should* eat better and i *should* get more exercise just adds to it all...
:S ugh, and now instead of just whinging to rougie and occasionally my friend erin, i'm outing myself to the whole of HoP...
*crawls under a rock to hide*
and as for the grinding smoking machine that looks like it's about to explode? ...i'd turn it off before i called the professionals...
Faith, that would all make alot of sence, except that thus far i haven't been able to think of what these stressor's are...
I have a wonderful supportive boyfriend (the most gorgeous mr MiG) I have gorgeous puppy, I have a roof over my head, i have a job, that while perhaps not the most glamourous or high-paying, is steady, not too stressful, and pays the bills.
And yet, i struggle to get up most mornings, the thought of having to wash the dishes makes me want to run away and hide, let alone doing all the rest of the house work... it all sounds so petty when i write it down like this but i constantly feel like the world expects so much from me and i can't handle it all. And knowing that i *should* eat better and i *should* get more exercise just adds to it all...
:S ugh, and now instead of just whinging to rougie and occasionally my friend erin, i'm outing myself to the whole of HoP...
*crawls under a rock to hide*
and as for the grinding smoking machine that looks like it's about to explode? ...i'd turn it off before i called the professionals...
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
I've taken the first step and have emailed a therapist who is local. The problem is is that the BACP list I found him on is out of date and he has said that he's in Kendal (a 30min train ride away) so I'm gonna contact another on the list ...
I've taken the first step and have emailed a therapist who is local. The problem is is that the BACP list I found him on is out of date and he has said that he's in Kendal (a 30min train ride away) so I'm gonna contact another on the list ...
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
fox that is the worst part about depression, and that is when i think you know something is wrong, there is no logical reason-if everything is going alright, and you are still sad-that's when i would say it is a medical thing more than a mental just feel better thing
fox that is the worst part about depression, and that is when i think you know something is wrong, there is no logical reason-if everything is going alright, and you are still sad-that's when i would say it is a medical thing more than a mental just feel better thing
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
SILVER Member
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Posted:
Miss Fox,
surely you must know by now that HoP is the greatest family you could hope for!
You're not whinging, you're rationally saying that although everything in your life is great for some reason you feel like total and utter sh!te.
It's an awful way to feel, I know. Have you been to see your doctor? Sounds like it's a chemical thing, but what do i know!
Anyway, huge hugs and lots of love,
Jo xxx
Miss Fox,
surely you must know by now that HoP is the greatest family you could hope for!
You're not whinging, you're rationally saying that although everything in your life is great for some reason you feel like total and utter sh!te.
It's an awful way to feel, I know. Have you been to see your doctor? Sounds like it's a chemical thing, but what do i know!
Anyway, huge hugs and lots of love,
Jo xxx
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
yup, i'm on zoloft, it worked great for about two months, but then it stopped working... i still have some days that're ok, yesterday i was mostly alright, i'll see how i got today... i tried to make an appointment to go back and see my doctor again yesterday, but he's moved surgeries and the one he was at before didn't have the number for his new one *rolls eyes*
but you know, this is all terribly
yup, i'm on zoloft, it worked great for about two months, but then it stopped working... i still have some days that're ok, yesterday i was mostly alright, i'll see how i got today... i tried to make an appointment to go back and see my doctor again yesterday, but he's moved surgeries and the one he was at before didn't have the number for his new one *rolls eyes*
but you know, this is all terribly
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
GOLD Member
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
i saw a psychologist for about a month or so - i think it was about 2-3 years ago now.
it was great having a completely impartial perspective as to why my mind was doing certain things. he was able to suggest some strategies for dealing with what was in my head - in hindsight now its seems all very commonsense - but i wasnt in the right frame of mind to work it out myself at the time.
there alot of help and love out there in the world - but you have to take the initative and search for it. A knight in shining armour wont just rock up on your doorstep unbidden and magic everything away. One has to be prepared to do some hard yards, in both searching for the right help, and learning to accept help & change.
mega-hugs to ya!
i saw a psychologist for about a month or so - i think it was about 2-3 years ago now.
it was great having a completely impartial perspective as to why my mind was doing certain things. he was able to suggest some strategies for dealing with what was in my head - in hindsight now its seems all very commonsense - but i wasnt in the right frame of mind to work it out myself at the time.
there alot of help and love out there in the world - but you have to take the initative and search for it. A knight in shining armour wont just rock up on your doorstep unbidden and magic everything away. One has to be prepared to do some hard yards, in both searching for the right help, and learning to accept help & change.
mega-hugs to ya!
"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
why not? *pouts*
Written by: Dentrassi
A knight in shining armour wont just rock up on your doorstep unbidden and magic everything away.
why not? *pouts*
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
GOLD Member
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
well unless MiG gets interested in medievil reinactment anyway...
well unless MiG gets interested in medievil reinactment anyway...
"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
that's not unlikely really...
that's not unlikely really...
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
*lalala* don't need to hear!
you said on msn you were worried about hijacking this thread, foxy. don't be hun. go for it
*lalala* don't need to hear!
you said on msn you were worried about hijacking this thread, foxy. don't be hun. go for it
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posted:
rougie get your mind out of the gutter, that is *not* what i was talking about.
oh, and apparently i'm not the friend she was talking about either... oddly enough she has friends *even more* messed up than me
rougie get your mind out of the gutter, that is *not* what i was talking about.
oh, and apparently i'm not the friend she was talking about either... oddly enough she has friends *even more* messed up than me
"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie
"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
please excuse me, if my previous post was misleading and if I hurt someones feelings. In no way I am seriously making fun of other peoples problems - but admittedly I have been through enough, have seen people go through and helped others cope with immense crap to know that life ain't as hard as it seems to many of us (westerners) and many of the problems we're taking on are a piece of cake, compared.
Yet problems are as serious as much meaning we put into them.
A strong social background is most important, but (having been there) I know that the ego tends to exploit other peoples patience and helpers-syndrome, without any change in sight.
Sometimes it's a key/ lock principle and only good to perpetuate the same old merry-go-round...
Unless you REALLY want to end it and break the cycle, there is nothing and nobody who can help.
I dearly hope that things can and will be resolved
please excuse me, if my previous post was misleading and if I hurt someones feelings. In no way I am seriously making fun of other peoples problems - but admittedly I have been through enough, have seen people go through and helped others cope with immense crap to know that life ain't as hard as it seems to many of us (westerners) and many of the problems we're taking on are a piece of cake, compared.
Yet problems are as serious as much meaning we put into them.
A strong social background is most important, but (having been there) I know that the ego tends to exploit other peoples patience and helpers-syndrome, without any change in sight.
Sometimes it's a key/ lock principle and only good to perpetuate the same old merry-go-round...
Unless you REALLY want to end it and break the cycle, there is nothing and nobody who can help.
I dearly hope that things can and will be resolved
the best smiles are the ones you lead to
Similar Topics
Using the keywords [convincing friend see psychologist] we found the following existing topics.
- Forums > convincing a friend to see a psychologist [33 replies]
Show more..
© 1998 - 2024 Home of Poi
All prices converted to United States dollars using XE.com