Forums > Social Chat > The Bad partner thread
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
veteran
1,588 posts
Location: United Kingdom
veteran
1,588 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
Not sure if one already exists and I'm too lazy to look!
My ex finished with me when I got too old for him! (I turned 17 and he was 27) Slightly perverted? YES!
(I was sleeping with my future husband behind his back anyway and don't regret a moment because, 4yrs later, we are still together. Comments and stories please.........
EDITED_BY: LilMissSmartyPants (1126277605)
Not sure if one already exists and I'm too lazy to look!
My ex finished with me when I got too old for him! (I turned 17 and he was 27) Slightly perverted? YES!
(I was sleeping with my future husband behind his back anyway and don't regret a moment because, 4yrs later, we are still together. Comments and stories please.........
EDITED_BY: LilMissSmartyPants (1126277605)
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
bump
ok some of you know the story...I think most of it is in my intro...
He wanted to go to the bar to meet some people. Mind you he is supposed to be in recovery. I said no and walked back to his apartment. He got back before I did, gave me my stuff, and told me we were done.
I think it sucks because I did what I thought was right. on the way home I realized that it wasn't my recovery, it's his. I have no right to say who he can or cannot hang out with. I should have expressed my concern for these friends and that I thought it might hurt his recovery. I should have said it rather than walk away. He saw it as removing support and I saw it as giving support in a way, not letting him think I was okay with the bar. but it was possible that we were just going to see a friend to talk tattoos
But now he has disappeared, his worked called and he didn't show up. I don't know if he got home last night. And I'm scared for him
bump
ok some of you know the story...I think most of it is in my intro...
He wanted to go to the bar to meet some people. Mind you he is supposed to be in recovery. I said no and walked back to his apartment. He got back before I did, gave me my stuff, and told me we were done.
I think it sucks because I did what I thought was right. on the way home I realized that it wasn't my recovery, it's his. I have no right to say who he can or cannot hang out with. I should have expressed my concern for these friends and that I thought it might hurt his recovery. I should have said it rather than walk away. He saw it as removing support and I saw it as giving support in a way, not letting him think I was okay with the bar. but it was possible that we were just going to see a friend to talk tattoos
But now he has disappeared, his worked called and he didn't show up. I don't know if he got home last night. And I'm scared for him
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
Oh hun...
I know that feeling. Then you spend the entire time he don't get in touch blaming yourself...even if what you have done doesn't excuse his actions. I'm sure he's fine...
Men have a habit(Sorry guys, in my experience should I say) of ignoring things cos they think it'll just vaporise and no longer be a problem. And I'm sure they do it on purpose too...just so we sweat and get agro so they can have a bigger go when we do
Written by: faithinfire
But now he has disappeared, his worked called and he didn't show up. I don't know if he got home last night. And I'm scared for him
Oh hun...
I know that feeling. Then you spend the entire time he don't get in touch blaming yourself...even if what you have done doesn't excuse his actions. I'm sure he's fine...
Men have a habit(Sorry guys, in my experience should I say) of ignoring things cos they think it'll just vaporise and no longer be a problem. And I'm sure they do it on purpose too...just so we sweat and get agro so they can have a bigger go when we do
Are you a robot...or an alien?
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
But seriously tho, I've spent hours worrying like this...
Try not to think about it, he's probably just taking some time out to go think. You'll get a call later when 'he feels like it'...unfortuanately, the more I experience guys, the more I realise...they really are from Mars. We're so different. I really MUST read that book...
It's not their fault, they're just made that way, which I'm sure is what they say about us lol
But seriously tho, I've spent hours worrying like this...
Try not to think about it, he's probably just taking some time out to go think. You'll get a call later when 'he feels like it'...unfortuanately, the more I experience guys, the more I realise...they really are from Mars. We're so different. I really MUST read that book...
It's not their fault, they're just made that way, which I'm sure is what they say about us lol
Are you a robot...or an alien?
SILVER Member
Elusive and Bearded
3,597 posts
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, USA
Elusive and Bearded
3,597 posts
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, USA
Posted:
good stories everyone
my ex gf was like that, i would stay up late watching tv or something and shed just start bitching about how she cant sleep without me.
then she cancelled the internet because she found out i could get around the norton parental controls she had put on my computer to stop me looking at porn.....what a bitch
good stories everyone
Written by: Kyrian
as she cries and begs and pleads for him to go to sleep whenever she's supposed to go to sleep because she "can't sleep" when hes awake.....
.....
yeah.
my ex gf was like that, i would stay up late watching tv or something and shed just start bitching about how she cant sleep without me.
then she cancelled the internet because she found out i could get around the norton parental controls she had put on my computer to stop me looking at porn.....what a bitch
O.B.E.S.E.
Owned by Mynci!
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
Huh?
I don't blame her...
That's one of the most degrading things you can do in a relationship, no wonder so many women feel the need for boob jobs and starve em selves silly...
As far as I'm concerned, if a man looks lustfully on another woman, then he's already cheated in his heart, and visa versa..
If on the other hand both parties consent to the odd bit of porn for spicing it up...then fair enough!
Written by: poje
then she cancelled the internet because she found out i could get around the norton parental controls she had put on my computer to stop me looking at porn.....what a bitch
Huh?
I don't blame her...That's one of the most degrading things you can do in a relationship, no wonder so many women feel the need for boob jobs and starve em selves silly...
As far as I'm concerned, if a man looks lustfully on another woman, then he's already cheated in his heart, and visa versa..
If on the other hand both parties consent to the odd bit of porn for spicing it up...then fair enough!
Are you a robot...or an alien?
BRONZE Member
veteran
1,588 posts
Location: United Kingdom
veteran
1,588 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
Holy crap. This thread is OLD!
Porn is what keeps the rape numbers down in my opinion. (Don't start yelling. It is my veiw and it ain't changing!)
If the other party in a relationship does not like it, fair enough! Find someone who loves and accepts you for everything you are. (I have no problem with porn and encourage it whenever possible)
The man are from mars thing is alien (s at own joke) to me because I have found the most wonderful, understanding, patient, caring and above all, Marie-esque (that's me by the way) person on the planet. It isn't that men in general don't get women. (and vice versa) It's that you are not lucky enough to have found the person with a complimentary outlook, personality, consience and general attitude as yourself.
(Personal experience is a contributing factor here)
Do what I did and concentrate on friends if a relationship is getting too much. You might find a more rewarding relationship with someone who holds the same views on life as yourself. (mundene stuff which everyone overlooks untill you are like 50 an wonder why you were so blind)
My point is don't take any s**t because it only leads to dissapointment.
to everyone and I love Mynci! 
Holy crap. This thread is OLD!
Porn is what keeps the rape numbers down in my opinion. (Don't start yelling. It is my veiw and it ain't changing!)
If the other party in a relationship does not like it, fair enough! Find someone who loves and accepts you for everything you are. (I have no problem with porn and encourage it whenever possible)
The man are from mars thing is alien (
s at own joke) to me because I have found the most wonderful, understanding, patient, caring and above all, Marie-esque (that's me by the way) person on the planet. It isn't that men in general don't get women. (and vice versa) It's that you are not lucky enough to have found the person with a complimentary outlook, personality, consience and general attitude as yourself. (Personal experience is a contributing factor here)
Do what I did and concentrate on friends if a relationship is getting too much. You might find a more rewarding relationship with someone who holds the same views on life as yourself. (mundene stuff which everyone overlooks untill you are like 50 an wonder why you were so blind)
My point is don't take any s**t because it only leads to dissapointment.
to everyone and I love Mynci! BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
I have come to a mid life conclusion...
True love within a partnership doesn't really exist, there are always too many nik naks about petty things that blow up in to time bombs.
Having to live with in-laws is definitely a no no, they stick their nose in where it doesn't belong and create problems within your relationship that shouldn't exist.
Relationships with a partner of another nationality, is far too difficult to understand each other on a single level.
Regretting leaving an ex, however petty those arguments were, is bad for your health!
Learning how you were loved by an ex is a good way to look and understand how a new partner loves you, and if it will work out or not.
Having children in a rocky relationship is a bad idea.
Having children with a partner born and raised in a close nit family is a bad idea, the child will never be yours from day one.
Leaving your family and friends to go and live with a partner in another country... not such a great idea.
not if you have such a protective mother like mine. 
I'm not to bothered about bitching about past relationships, I've aired mine here over the years and don't feel like dragging up the bitter past so to speak, but bitter I'm not... I'm certainly no angel myself, that is certainly a good way to move on in life and understand yourself and prepare yourself for future relationships.
Yeah some time's it is good to air feelings and experiences, good things can arise from such doings.
LMSP, I'd love to focus on friends, when my relationship takes hardness I don't feel that I have any way to deal with things.
I have a heavily medicated partner with whom we have to live with my in-laws due to her illness and lack ability to raise our child and go about a persons daily buisness, I personally have to work to keep us in bread and milk and don't have time to socialise, I'm out of the house for 14 hours a day 6 days a week due to work load and the high cost of living.
I focus on work more than any thing else.... but some times the long hours and bad work can drive you nuts.
Every one has a different situation to deal with, that is mine, I see what I see, and that's all I can do, that and move on dealing with what situations arise in the future.
Also nice to read how two people that have posted in this thread about negative past relationships are now together themselves.
I have come to a mid life conclusion...
True love within a partnership doesn't really exist, there are always too many nik naks about petty things that blow up in to time bombs.
Having to live with in-laws is definitely a no no, they stick their nose in where it doesn't belong and create problems within your relationship that shouldn't exist.
Relationships with a partner of another nationality, is far too difficult to understand each other on a single level.
Regretting leaving an ex, however petty those arguments were, is bad for your health!
Learning how you were loved by an ex is a good way to look and understand how a new partner loves you, and if it will work out or not.
Having children in a rocky relationship is a bad idea.
Having children with a partner born and raised in a close nit family is a bad idea, the child will never be yours from day one.
Leaving your family and friends to go and live with a partner in another country... not such a great idea.
not if you have such a protective mother like mine. I'm not to bothered about bitching about past relationships, I've aired mine here over the years and don't feel like dragging up the bitter past so to speak, but bitter I'm not... I'm certainly no angel myself, that is certainly a good way to move on in life and understand yourself and prepare yourself for future relationships.
Yeah some time's it is good to air feelings and experiences, good things can arise from such doings.
LMSP, I'd love to focus on friends, when my relationship takes hardness I don't feel that I have any way to deal with things.
I have a heavily medicated partner with whom we have to live with my in-laws due to her illness and lack ability to raise our child and go about a persons daily buisness, I personally have to work to keep us in bread and milk and don't have time to socialise, I'm out of the house for 14 hours a day 6 days a week due to work load and the high cost of living.
I focus on work more than any thing else.... but some times the long hours and bad work can drive you nuts.
Every one has a different situation to deal with, that is mine, I see what I see, and that's all I can do, that and move on dealing with what situations arise in the future.
Also nice to read how two people that have posted in this thread about negative past relationships are now together themselves.
old hand
898 posts
Location: Binstead, Isle of Wight
898 posts
Location: Binstead, Isle of Wight
Posted:
Yes, ok. But surely, when you're in a relationship, you don't need the porn anymore. Or are you gonna rape your girlfriend if you don't watch your porn?! Are you saying you're a rapist?! I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
Written by: LMSP
Porn is what keeps the rape numbers down in my opinion.
Yes, ok. But surely, when you're in a relationship, you don't need the porn anymore. Or are you gonna rape your girlfriend if you don't watch your porn?! Are you saying you're a rapist?! I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Ask a question and be a fool for a minute...don't ask and be a fool your whole life.
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
I'd say that porn can be healthy...
However I'm supposedly banned from looking at any one remotely feminine and naked.
But then our work place has the walls covered in titty posters. the missus can't ban those
I'd say that porn can be healthy...
However I'm supposedly banned from looking at any one remotely feminine and naked.
But then our work place has the walls covered in titty posters. the missus can't ban those
GOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Posted:
Ok porn is not bad. Looking lustfully at another women does NOT constitute adultery on any level. If I find a woman phsically attractive then thats simply the way my biology and social conditioning make me. It doesn't make me a bad person, the fact that i choose not to pursue those urges towards other women is a compliment to the person i am with and, lets face it cheating is bad. If you do it then you have to ask why the hell are you with your partner?
I am ny no means perfect and I have put some people through some crap they really didn't deserve. Ex's have had to deal with my drink problems, me being a stroppy teenager and me being generally a, how shall i put it? A man.
I would sooner walk away from an argument then it come to saying something I'd regret. I have switched my phone off and walked out and disapeared for days in a sulk or in rage. I have drunk myself into a stupor to get back at somebody and have stood by while freinds slated a partner I didn't really want to be with anyway. I've stayed with somebody I didn't want to be with in the vain hope that things would go back to "the way they were". (DUH? It doesn't happen, EVER)
The one thing I haven't made the mistake of doing is getting back with Ex's. It just all seems to messy.
Well, to try even this out I have done a few nice things for women, even the ones that it was over and neither of us would admit it. But I will say keep trying. Don't let one bad experience swear you off men (or women) or even a string of crappy partners. Take it slow, don't move in with somebody till you are totally ready, and be honest. Not just with your partner but with yourself, that could'a saved me months if not years of agro from being with people I new weren't right for me.
Keep smiling. We all have it in us to be bad partners, I hope you all find someone that makes you want to be a good partner.
Ok porn is not bad. Looking lustfully at another women does NOT constitute adultery on any level. If I find a woman phsically attractive then thats simply the way my biology and social conditioning make me. It doesn't make me a bad person, the fact that i choose not to pursue those urges towards other women is a compliment to the person i am with and, lets face it cheating is bad. If you do it then you have to ask why the hell are you with your partner?
I am ny no means perfect and I have put some people through some crap they really didn't deserve. Ex's have had to deal with my drink problems, me being a stroppy teenager and me being generally a, how shall i put it? A man.
I would sooner walk away from an argument then it come to saying something I'd regret. I have switched my phone off and walked out and disapeared for days in a sulk or in rage. I have drunk myself into a stupor to get back at somebody and have stood by while freinds slated a partner I didn't really want to be with anyway. I've stayed with somebody I didn't want to be with in the vain hope that things would go back to "the way they were". (DUH? It doesn't happen, EVER)
The one thing I haven't made the mistake of doing is getting back with Ex's. It just all seems to messy.
Well, to try even this out I have done a few nice things for women, even the ones that it was over and neither of us would admit it. But I will say keep trying. Don't let one bad experience swear you off men (or women) or even a string of crappy partners. Take it slow, don't move in with somebody till you are totally ready, and be honest. Not just with your partner but with yourself, that could'a saved me months if not years of agro from being with people I new weren't right for me.
Keep smiling.
We all have it in us to be bad partners, I hope you all find someone that makes you want to be a good partner. Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.
SILVER Member
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
100 characters max...
2,996 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
Bah!! You're no fun!! I want to start yelling!!
Seriously, though, I would say that this is slightly simplistic. The increasing availability of fairly misogynistic and sometimes violent porn is having an impact. You can see it in the way that what were considered fairly extreme sexual practices are becoming expected (won't go into details, its a family show). You can also see it in the increase of women having brazilian waxes and even genital cosmetic surgery.
I don't have any probs with guys and girls looking at erotic images (moving or still) of women or men. However the predominence of unrealistic images of both people and the sexual act can lead to misunderstanding between the sexes. I doubt that would prevent rape, it would be more likely to encourage it.
I know I am offtopic, happy to make another thread if you wish to discuss this one some more.
Written by: LMSP
Porn is what keeps the rape numbers down in my opinion. (Don't start yelling. It is my veiw and it ain't changing!)
Bah!!
You're no fun!! I want to start yelling!!Seriously, though, I would say that this is slightly simplistic. The increasing availability of fairly misogynistic and sometimes violent porn is having an impact. You can see it in the way that what were considered fairly extreme sexual practices are becoming expected (won't go into details, its a family show). You can also see it in the increase of women having brazilian waxes and even genital cosmetic surgery.
I don't have any probs with guys and girls looking at erotic images (moving or still) of women or men. However the predominence of unrealistic images of both people and the sexual act can lead to misunderstanding between the sexes. I doubt that would prevent rape, it would be more likely to encourage it.
I know I am offtopic, happy to make another thread if you wish to discuss this one some more.
It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.
What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...
PLATINUM Member
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
Unfortunately, love is not logical nor is it rational. My friend knew a couple who had been going out for over five years, having lived together for three. Sometime in the fifth year he just upped and left. Not for another person, not for anything strikingly bad about his partner, but as my friend put it, he had appeared to have "evolved beyond the relationship."
People are always growing and changing, and what may be the perfect partner for you at point 'x' in time, may become different at point 'y' in time. However, trying to explain to someone that they have no further gains from the relationship, no matter how hard they try, seems hollow, but there is no other way to put it - so often it is not communicated.
If you're feeling it, you're feeling it. If you're not, you're not. How simpler this world would be if we could choose how we feel.
Love is something to be cherished, but to be respected: Not something to lose yourself in. We all started out alone as individual vehicles: Something we should all aspire to hold onto when in and out of a relationship
Written by: Brit_Joe
What if you are in love and it is reciprocated for a long time, then for some reason they leave you. That hurts the most. Especialy when you never got told in the first place its over.
Unfortunately, love is not logical nor is it rational. My friend knew a couple who had been going out for over five years, having lived together for three. Sometime in the fifth year he just upped and left. Not for another person, not for anything strikingly bad about his partner, but as my friend put it, he had appeared to have "evolved beyond the relationship."
People are always growing and changing, and what may be the perfect partner for you at point 'x' in time, may become different at point 'y' in time. However, trying to explain to someone that they have no further gains from the relationship, no matter how hard they try, seems hollow, but there is no other way to put it - so often it is not communicated.
If you're feeling it, you're feeling it. If you're not, you're not. How simpler this world would be if we could choose how we feel.
Love is something to be cherished, but to be respected: Not something to lose yourself in. We all started out alone as individual vehicles: Something we should all aspire to hold onto when in and out of a relationship
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey 
Owned by Lost83spy
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,191 posts
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia
Posted:
I think a lot of girls get a little unecccesarily upset about their partners watching porn.
Trust me, it doesn't matter how much you love somebody, you will still have fantasies of your own that don't revolve around your partner.
I've never had a problem with any of my previous boyfriends watching porn, and I think a lot of the people who do have a problem feel this way because they've never watched porn themselves. Yes some of it is pretty trashy, but its not people and personalities in there that you actually want to spend any time with, its just bodies and flesh that stimulate arousal- thats it.
If it bothers you, sit down and watch it with him,see what happens, and let all those "oh but her bodies better/she has bigger boobs etc" insecurities flush away because its you he's with.
As far as bad partners go, yeah I've had a few, but mostof them have been pretty cool, and generally good guys.
I think a lot of girls get a little unecccesarily upset about their partners watching porn.
Trust me, it doesn't matter how much you love somebody, you will still have fantasies of your own that don't revolve around your partner.
I've never had a problem with any of my previous boyfriends watching porn, and I think a lot of the people who do have a problem feel this way because they've never watched porn themselves. Yes some of it is pretty trashy, but its not people and personalities in there that you actually want to spend any time with, its just bodies and flesh that stimulate arousal- thats it.
If it bothers you, sit down and watch it with him,see what happens, and let all those "oh but her bodies better/she has bigger boobs etc" insecurities flush away because its you he's with.
As far as bad partners go, yeah I've had a few, but mostof them have been pretty cool, and generally good guys.
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
except that even though he's with you he's still watching better bodies and bigger boobs...??
but that's not what I want to talk about.
There are girls in here who have had emotionally abusive boyfriends...and well, my friend's boyfriend is emotionally abusive. She knows. So that's at least something; she recognises an abusive relationship.
And I want to know; what can I do as a friend? She needs to get away from him.I want to shake her until she understands that she needs to leave him cos he turns her into such a wreck...but I don't know what to do!!!
Help!!
Written by: maus
If it bothers you, sit down and watch it with him,see what happens, and let all those "oh but her bodies better/she has bigger boobs etc" insecurities flush away because its you he's with.
except that even though he's with you he's still watching better bodies and bigger boobs...??
but that's not what I want to talk about.
There are girls in here who have had emotionally abusive boyfriends...and well, my friend's boyfriend is emotionally abusive. She knows. So that's at least something; she recognises an abusive relationship.
And I want to know; what can I do as a friend? She needs to get away from him.I want to shake her until she understands that she needs to leave him cos he turns her into such a wreck...but I don't know what to do!!!
Help!!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
BRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Posted:
Rouge - what to do? Nothing.
well, not quite - be supportive of her, remind her periodically that she knows she should move on but support her when she doesn't.
As has already been said, love is not logical. Love makes you cling to a false hope that they'll change and makes you hate anyone who forces you to change at their pace rather than your own.
Have you seen "Lost"? Kate kills her stepfather to save her mother and when she tries to see her mother again her mother turns her in to the cops 'cause she still loves the guy that beat her up. No logic there - "blind love".
So the most you as a friend can do is to gently remind her of what she already knows. Do this occasionally rather than all the time. Do it gently rather than slapping her around the ears with it. And, support her when she is down. Don't take the "I told you so" high ground in the bad situations, just share the pain and feed her love. If you can't do that, then do nothing and drift away, but I'm sure she'll need your support.
If you try and do anything else, you'll become the enemy, like Kate did to her Mum.
Sorry girl, probably not what you wanted to hear, but from my experience what you need to do.
George
Rouge - what to do? Nothing.
well, not quite - be supportive of her, remind her periodically that she knows she should move on but support her when she doesn't.
As has already been said, love is not logical. Love makes you cling to a false hope that they'll change and makes you hate anyone who forces you to change at their pace rather than your own.
Have you seen "Lost"? Kate kills her stepfather to save her mother and when she tries to see her mother again her mother turns her in to the cops 'cause she still loves the guy that beat her up. No logic there - "blind love".
So the most you as a friend can do is to gently remind her of what she already knows. Do this occasionally rather than all the time. Do it gently rather than slapping her around the ears with it. And, support her when she is down. Don't take the "I told you so" high ground in the bad situations, just share the pain and feed her love. If you can't do that, then do nothing and drift away, but I'm sure she'll need your support.
If you try and do anything else, you'll become the enemy, like Kate did to her Mum.
Sorry girl, probably not what you wanted to hear, but from my experience what you need to do.
George
Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread
I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it. 
SILVER Member
Are you up for it??
349 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Are you up for it??
349 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posted:
Rouge - she's already at the first step, she recognises that he's emotionally abusive. That, from what I've seen and been through, is a big 1st step.
George is right, don't push her too much.
But having said that in my experience, realizing that there are alternatives to putting up with that sort of crap helped. I had to 'have my eyes open' to see them though. I wasn't just dealing with emotional crap though
It started like that then moved on to much worse stuff that I don't care to remember.
Good luck to her and I hope she finds the strenth/knowledge to move on before it turns to physical abuse as so often happens It can't be easy watching your friend go through that.
Rouge - she's already at the first step, she recognises that he's emotionally abusive. That, from what I've seen and been through, is a big 1st step.
George is right, don't push her too much.
But having said that in my experience, realizing that there are alternatives to putting up with that sort of crap helped. I had to 'have my eyes open' to see them though. I wasn't just dealing with emotional crap though
It started like that then moved on to much worse stuff that I don't care to remember.
Good luck to her and I hope she finds the strenth/knowledge to move on before it turns to physical abuse as so often happens
It can't be easy watching your friend go through that. Are you up for it?;)
GOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Posted:
Rouge, I was in a crap relationship with a girl who I lived with and had been with for a long time. She had become sucha massive constant in my life that i was scared to leave her.
I just felt couldn't do it alone and that I was stuck, clinging on to the hope that she would change or that I could be the person she wanted if i tried really hard.
Well eventually she split with me an I wont go into the whys and where-fors but even though my freinds had been telling me that she was evil and a nutter I still couldn't seee it. Then as with all things given a little time I started to see that my life was better without her. That I was strong enough to get by with my freinds help.
I still remember the good things about the relationship, and I still remember why I was with her, but I still kick myself for not getting out of it sooner. truth is if she hadn't dumped me I don't know how long it would have taken me to end it.
All you can do is support your freind in her decission whatever that may be. If shes not happy with him then it won't last. But she has to be ready to face being alone, if she knows your there for her then thats a lot easier.
Rouge, I was in a crap relationship with a girl who I lived with and had been with for a long time. She had become sucha massive constant in my life that i was scared to leave her.
I just felt couldn't do it alone and that I was stuck, clinging on to the hope that she would change or that I could be the person she wanted if i tried really hard.Well eventually she split with me an I wont go into the whys and where-fors but even though my freinds had been telling me that she was evil and a nutter I still couldn't seee it. Then as with all things given a little time I started to see that my life was better without her. That I was strong enough to get by with my freinds help.
I still remember the good things about the relationship, and I still remember why I was with her, but I still kick myself for not getting out of it sooner. truth is if she hadn't dumped me I don't know how long it would have taken me to end it.
All you can do is support your freind in her decission whatever that may be. If shes not happy with him then it won't last. But she has to be ready to face being alone, if she knows your there for her then thats a lot easier.
Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
I wonder if most of us are actually scared of being alone? is that why we hang on in there even though times are hard, abusive, difficult.. etcetera.
I know I don't like to be and that was why I hung on in my previous relationship.
And probably those of us who have been in long relationships in the past just really don't want to have to go through the whole dating processes again as we know what we want from partners, but with out those processes relationships don't often work out.
Just a thought.
I wonder if most of us are actually scared of being alone? is that why we hang on in there even though times are hard, abusive, difficult.. etcetera.
I know I don't like to be and that was why I hung on in my previous relationship.
And probably those of us who have been in long relationships in the past just really don't want to have to go through the whole dating processes again as we know what we want from partners, but with out those processes relationships don't often work out.
Just a thought.
BRONZE Member
Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
587 posts
Location: Somewhere, out there..., South Africa
Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
587 posts
Location: Somewhere, out there..., South Africa
Posted:
I was afraid to let go of my last relationship bcoz I was very scared of being alone and without him. I guess I hung on bcoz I wanted to prove to everyone that I could make it work. In the end he told me that he had been lying about his feeling towards me, and that he was just using me and didnt want to hurt me anymore. He told this to my face at coffee (of all places). We had been dating for four months.... 
I was afraid to let go of my last relationship bcoz I was very scared of being alone and without him. I guess I hung on bcoz I wanted to prove to everyone that I could make it work. In the end he told me that he had been lying about his feeling towards me, and that he was just using me and didnt want to hurt me anymore. He told this to my face at coffee (of all places). We had been dating for four months....
It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others
Founder and Official leader of the Curby Clan
*Owner of Brenn*
SILVER Member
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia
comfortably numb
2,676 posts
Location: The countryside, Australia
Posted:
I'd like to do a ranty thing here, about a problem I'm having.
I'd like to believe I'm a strong person, someone who can recognise a damaging relationship and get out of it as soon as possible, but I'm ashamed to admit I'm stuck on this one
There's a guy I've been seeing for a few months now, he's a fair bit older then me. There aren't any emotions involved really but it never bothered me cause I liked having someone to cuddle and kiss etc. He only sees me when it suits him and not when it suits me. He's done a few hurtful things and I've tolerated them. Last night for example he was going out on the town, and I said I'd be out as well and I'd be designated driver so I could give him a lift home if he wanted. I ended up changing my mind and drank, so I messaged him letting him know in case he was relying on me to take him home. He replied saying 'Do you think I care?' He saw me out and completely ignored me.
Another example the other week I had the house to myself. I invited him over and he said he'd be around at 9. I was going out to out with friends but I said I was busy with him so I didn't go out. I spent 3 and a half hours waiting for him until he was on MSN and he said he couldn't be bothered anymore. I told him I'd put off all my plans just for him and he said 'well it's not like I asked you to'
He's got such an attitude, one of those mean but joking types of personalities and I hate it. For example on MSN you have your display pictures, and every now and again I change it. The other day he said 'You look good. For once' with a smiley face.
And things like 'Nice name' then I say 'thanks' and he says 'Just joking'.
I know I shouldn't keep seeing him. The other week I got fed up and yelled at him, it didn't phase him at all...He just spoke to me like normal the next day and I couldn't stay mad at him.
I know it's not going anywhere. It never will. I know it's damaging to me and I deserve better..I'll say that I'll stop talking to him and not bother messaging him anymore. But then he'll want me to come around and I'll drop everything and go there. I have no idea why? It's pointless I know. When I'm with him I feel comfortable and content. He's handsome and strong and all those things that girls like....I just can't muster up the strength to leave...I hate saying this cause it brings out the weaker side of me.
It's like I have no one else so I settle for the bad ones to pass the time until someone better comes along....it's a very terrible, self descructive habit I know. I know I'm being used but I feel that meaningless affection is better then none at all
It reminds me of a quote from a song about boys..
'They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes. I know they're bad for me but I just can't leave them alone'
I'd like to do a ranty thing here, about a problem I'm having.
I'd like to believe I'm a strong person, someone who can recognise a damaging relationship and get out of it as soon as possible, but I'm ashamed to admit I'm stuck on this one
There's a guy I've been seeing for a few months now, he's a fair bit older then me. There aren't any emotions involved really but it never bothered me cause I liked having someone to cuddle and kiss etc. He only sees me when it suits him and not when it suits me. He's done a few hurtful things and I've tolerated them. Last night for example he was going out on the town, and I said I'd be out as well and I'd be designated driver so I could give him a lift home if he wanted. I ended up changing my mind and drank, so I messaged him letting him know in case he was relying on me to take him home. He replied saying 'Do you think I care?' He saw me out and completely ignored me.
Another example the other week I had the house to myself. I invited him over and he said he'd be around at 9. I was going out to out with friends but I said I was busy with him so I didn't go out. I spent 3 and a half hours waiting for him until he was on MSN and he said he couldn't be bothered anymore. I told him I'd put off all my plans just for him and he said 'well it's not like I asked you to'
He's got such an attitude, one of those mean but joking types of personalities and I hate it. For example on MSN you have your display pictures, and every now and again I change it. The other day he said 'You look good. For once' with a smiley face.
And things like 'Nice name' then I say 'thanks' and he says 'Just joking'.
I know I shouldn't keep seeing him. The other week I got fed up and yelled at him, it didn't phase him at all...He just spoke to me like normal the next day and I couldn't stay mad at him.
I know it's not going anywhere. It never will. I know it's damaging to me and I deserve better..I'll say that I'll stop talking to him and not bother messaging him anymore. But then he'll want me to come around and I'll drop everything and go there. I have no idea why? It's pointless I know. When I'm with him I feel comfortable and content. He's handsome and strong and all those things that girls like....I just can't muster up the strength to leave...I hate saying this cause it brings out the weaker side of me.
It's like I have no one else so I settle for the bad ones to pass the time until someone better comes along....it's a very terrible, self descructive habit I know. I know I'm being used but I feel that meaningless affection is better then none at all
It reminds me of a quote from a song about boys..
'They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes. I know they're bad for me but I just can't leave them alone'
.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.
BRONZE Member
Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
587 posts
Location: Somewhere, out there..., South Africa
Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
587 posts
Location: Somewhere, out there..., South Africa
Posted:
awww Roarfire, no one deserves to be treated that way
awww Roarfire, no one deserves to be treated that way
It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others
Founder and Official leader of the Curby Clan
*Owner of Brenn*
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
I totally agree with you many levels, except that...finding another woman attractive and lusting after her are two completely different things. I've found other men attractive whilst being in a relationship, it's natural...I can appreciate the beauty of another woman too. My girlfriends and I may walk past a guy and comment on him being a nice looking bloke. Lusting after someone is different, you find that person attractive, but rather than just aknowledging and appreciating an attractive member of the opposite sex, you let your mind wander...entertaining the thought of being with them!! This is the first step to being unfaithfull, and if anyone in a relationship does this...then that relationship has problems. If you are truly, madly, deeply in love with someone...you wouldn't even go there in your mind. Unless of course you're not in love, or the person you are with has hurt you deeply. Then, yes...other men/women may start to look a lil more than just attractve!! I think if it gets to that point in any relationship...it's best to end it, or at least analize why you feel you need to think of another...
Ok, totally get where you're coming from!
But, I have to say that as far as watching porn goes...I've watched plenty of it in my time, so my comments have not been made due to the fact I haven't watched it. I think Porn is un-healthy, corruptive and degrading, and anyone who feels the need to watch it when they're apparently in love with their partner...has issues!! If things are so good at home...why look elsewhere full stop? If I was with a bloke who felt the need to releave himself whilst watching pornographic movies, then I'd seriously be questioning A) His commitment B)his mind C) my self and D)My performance...which inevitably is gonna lead to suspision, self confidence issues and break up!!
Written by: darkness-before
Ok porn is not bad. Looking lustfully at another women does NOT constitute adultery on any level. If I find a woman phsically attractive then thats simply the way my biology and social conditioning make me. It doesn't make me a bad person, the fact that i choose not to pursue those urges towards other women is a compliment to the person i am with and, lets face it cheating is bad. If you do it then you have to ask why the hell are you with your partner?
I totally agree with you many levels, except that...finding another woman attractive and lusting after her are two completely different things. I've found other men attractive whilst being in a relationship, it's natural...I can appreciate the beauty of another woman too. My girlfriends and I may walk past a guy and comment on him being a nice looking bloke. Lusting after someone is different, you find that person attractive, but rather than just aknowledging and appreciating an attractive member of the opposite sex, you let your mind wander...entertaining the thought of being with them!! This is the first step to being unfaithfull, and if anyone in a relationship does this...then that relationship has problems. If you are truly, madly, deeply in love with someone...you wouldn't even go there in your mind. Unless of course you're not in love, or the person you are with has hurt you deeply. Then, yes...other men/women may start to look a lil more than just attractve!! I think if it gets to that point in any relationship...it's best to end it, or at least analize why you feel you need to think of another...
Written by: maus
I think a lot of girls get a little unecccesarily upset about their partners watching porn.
Trust me, it doesn't matter how much you love somebody, you will still have fantasies of your own that don't revolve around your partner.
I've never had a problem with any of my previous boyfriends watching porn, and I think a lot of the people who do have a problem feel this way because they've never watched porn themselves. Yes some of it is pretty trashy, but its not people and personalities in there that you actually want to spend any time with, its just bodies and flesh that stimulate arousal- thats it.
If it bothers you, sit down and watch it with him,see what happens, and let all those "oh but her bodies better/she has bigger boobs etc" insecurities flush away because its you he's with.
Ok, totally get where you're coming from!
But, I have to say that as far as watching porn goes...I've watched plenty of it in my time, so my comments have not been made due to the fact I haven't watched it. I think Porn is un-healthy, corruptive and degrading, and anyone who feels the need to watch it when they're apparently in love with their partner...has issues!! If things are so good at home...why look elsewhere full stop? If I was with a bloke who felt the need to releave himself whilst watching pornographic movies, then I'd seriously be questioning A) His commitment B)his mind C) my self and D)My performance...which inevitably is gonna lead to suspision, self confidence issues and break up!!
Are you a robot...or an alien?
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
Roarfire darling
You poor thing. Can I just say that ppl can give us advice on these types of problems and we can sit and take it all in ie 'he's no good for you, you can do so much better...blah blah!' But when you feel so much for someone, it's so hard to break away!! You tend to hang on to those good times, thro all the bad...even if the bad way out-weigh the good, for some silly reason, we keep at it...we want to make it work! This guy obviously has something about him that you really like and for what ever reason...you're hanging on to that. I would be inclined to say just that which I quoted, but I also know how hard it is being in a relationship where you feel it's very one sided...and the pain of loving someone so deeply that, even tho they keep doing things that hurt you...you don't wanna let go, even when you know the ppl who are telling you to...are right!!
No one can tell you what to do, but ask yourself this..
What would you like out of a relationship? In other words...how would you like to be treated?
If this guy falls short of giving you the respect you deserve, however nice and loving he can be at times...Is it worth all those times he's not?
Roarfire darling
You poor thing. Can I just say that ppl can give us advice on these types of problems and we can sit and take it all in ie 'he's no good for you, you can do so much better...blah blah!' But when you feel so much for someone, it's so hard to break away!! You tend to hang on to those good times, thro all the bad...even if the bad way out-weigh the good, for some silly reason, we keep at it...we want to make it work! This guy obviously has something about him that you really like and for what ever reason...you're hanging on to that. I would be inclined to say just that which I quoted, but I also know how hard it is being in a relationship where you feel it's very one sided...and the pain of loving someone so deeply that, even tho they keep doing things that hurt you...you don't wanna let go, even when you know the ppl who are telling you to...are right!!
No one can tell you what to do, but ask yourself this..
What would you like out of a relationship? In other words...how would you like to be treated?
If this guy falls short of giving you the respect you deserve, however nice and loving he can be at times...Is it worth all those times he's not?
Are you a robot...or an alien?
PLATINUM Member
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
The nice boys and girls in this world either are too shy to step up, or know what they're worth and are content with how they are.
There is a reason why so many people ( i won't say guys specifically, because both genders are equally as guilty) have attitudes and like to have the 'b!stard/bitch' guise when pursuing someone they're interested in: it's because it works.
Ever noticed yourself pursuing a person that you know it just wouldn't work with? Pursued a person who seemed absolutely disrespectful to you? These sorts of people challenge you. Someone at the polar opposite end who would drop everything for you offers no challenge, and will bore you somewhat quickly (unless a person thrives on having complete and utter control over others).
The fact that people give in to assertive, or bastardly if you will, types only perpetuates it.
Edit: wow, b!stard gets censored, but bitch does not!
EDITED_BY: Brenn (1179061894)
The nice boys and girls in this world either are too shy to step up, or know what they're worth and are content with how they are.
There is a reason why so many people ( i won't say guys specifically, because both genders are equally as guilty) have attitudes and like to have the 'b!stard/bitch' guise when pursuing someone they're interested in: it's because it works.
Ever noticed yourself pursuing a person that you know it just wouldn't work with? Pursued a person who seemed absolutely disrespectful to you? These sorts of people challenge you. Someone at the polar opposite end who would drop everything for you offers no challenge, and will bore you somewhat quickly (unless a person thrives on having complete and utter control over others).
The fact that people give in to assertive, or bastardly if you will, types only perpetuates it.
Edit: wow, b!stard gets censored, but bitch does not!
EDITED_BY: Brenn (1179061894)
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey
Owned by Lost83spy
GOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Posted:
Roar fire, the guy sounds like a jerk. Nobody deserves that.
Sparkly, point taken. However not every relationship is based on that level of love, some are of convinience, some are just physical and some are when you're looking for that someone. I know we all have this idea that you will find the perfect somebody but that takes a lot of looking and a lot of trying. Some relationships are just the company of a person you care for because its better than being alone.
Roar fire, the guy sounds like a jerk. Nobody deserves that.
Sparkly, point taken. However not every relationship is based on that level of love, some are of convinience, some are just physical and some are when you're looking for that someone. I know we all have this idea that you will find the perfect somebody but that takes a lot of looking and a lot of trying. Some relationships are just the company of a person you care for because its better than being alone.
Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
Hahaha...true in some cases I would imagine. I Know the bad boy image can be very attractive, but personally...if someone was treating me with so little respect from the word go, I wouldn't look twice. When I was younger, yeah maybe...but I'm now 28 and have been around long enuf to know that however good looking or sexy a bloke is...if he's a twat...he can stay a twat alone!! On the other hand, if it's with someone who has given you respect at the start, you've had months/years of magic, then the [censored] starts...that's when it's hard to let go!!
Written by: Brenn
Ever noticed yourself pursuing a person that you know it just wouldn't work with? Pursued a person who seemed absolutely disrespectful to you? These sorts of people challenge you. Someone at the polar opposite end who would drop everything for you offers no challenge, and will bore you somewhat quickly (unless a person thrives on having complete and utter control over others).
The fact that people give in to assertive, or bastardly if you will, types only perpetuates it.
Hahaha...true in some cases I would imagine. I Know the bad boy image can be very attractive, but personally...if someone was treating me with so little respect from the word go, I wouldn't look twice. When I was younger, yeah maybe...but I'm now 28 and have been around long enuf to know that however good looking or sexy a bloke is...if he's a twat...he can stay a twat alone!! On the other hand, if it's with someone who has given you respect at the start, you've had months/years of magic, then the [censored] starts...that's when it's hard to let go!!
Are you a robot...or an alien?
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
Exactly...which comes under 'Unless of course you're not in love!'
I do think tho that too often, ppl keep a relationship going
even when they know they're in it for the wrong reason...and that's certainly not a good thing if they know damn well that the other party feels way more than they do!! That's just not fair....
Written by: darkness-before
Sparkly, point taken. However not every relationship is based on that level of love, some are of convinience, some are just physical and some are when you're looking for that someone. I know we all have this idea that you will find the perfect somebody but that takes a lot of looking and a lot of trying. Some relationships are just the company of a person you care for because its better than being alone.
Exactly...which comes under 'Unless of course you're not in love!'
I do think tho that too often, ppl keep a relationship going
even when they know they're in it for the wrong reason...and that's certainly not a good thing if they know damn well that the other party feels way more than they do!! That's just not fair....
Are you a robot...or an alien?
GOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Posted:
No its not. people are ultimatley selfish and just want to happy though.
Sometimes the companionship is all you want from a realtionship but it is wrong to string somebody along. It would be nice if everybody had freinds that can provide that level of companionship. Thats why my best freinds a girl. She gives better hugs!
No its not. people are ultimatley selfish and just want to happy though.
Sometimes the companionship is all you want from a realtionship but it is wrong to string somebody along. It would be nice if everybody had freinds that can provide that level of companionship. Thats why my best freinds a girl. She gives better hugs!
Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.
*Green Spirit*
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
201 posts
Location: Southampton, England
Posted:
Hugs are good 
. There's only one person in my life that gives a hug to die for and that's my son...
His will never die, except when he's a teenager...but that will be short lived hopefully...hahaha!!
I think in a relationship (or something similar), having that closeness with someone, to hold them...you can't beat it!!
Hugs are good
. There's only one person in my life that gives a hug to die for and that's my son...His will never die, except when he's a teenager...but that will be short lived hopefully...hahaha!!
I think in a relationship (or something similar
), having that closeness with someone, to hold them...you can't beat it!! Are you a robot...or an alien?
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
That love is incredible.
Written by: Sparklygreenfire
Hugs are good
That love is incredible.
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