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All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
so just as i think i'm moving forward, something tends to pull me back. or should i say, someone. a particular someone.
gah, i don't even know where to start.
have you ever loved someone so much that no matter what you do you can't move away from the feeling? that even when you move on, there's a part of you that remains there with them? i posted here before about twin flames ( [Old link] ). i love him so completely and though i feel like i'm starting to move on away from him, there's a part of me that i know will never let go. it's a strange feeling, and not one i can easily explain, and probably something you could never understand until you feel it. i don't pine away for him, i have fallen in love with someone else, i've moved on and accepted us not being together, and yet he's still there in my heart keeping me from fully loving someone as much as i love him.
and now, it hurts even more because i see him making bad choices and throwing his life away, and he's reaching out for me to help him without actually saying he wants or needs my help. and i don't know what to do. his girlfriend has essentially ruined his life, caused him to lose pretty much all his friends, ostrisize himself from his family, had started doing drugs again, and now, as of this evening, he's been arrested for drug possession, which are more than likely her drugs but quite possibly his as well. and he chose to call me at 2am from the jail, knowing i was asleep and needing to get up early for work. and when i asked him why he decided to call me, he said just because he thought he'd let me know what was going on. we barely talk as is, and he could have waited to call me in the morning or when he got out of jail. but he didn't. and when i asked him why, he wouldn't tell me. and i want to help him, but i don't know what i can do, or even if i should.
we broke up about eight months ago and he's been with his current girlfriend for about 7 months now. and about a week ago he told me that he had rolled over in the morning, hugged his girlfriend, and said "i love you lisa." her name isn't lisa. my name is.
i can't get my head wrapped around this situation. he and i still connect in ways that would frighten the average person. at moments i know he still cares and i think he still loves me in the same way i love him, but then he says or does something that changes my mind. and i thought i knew where i stood with him, but now i feel turned around, upside down, and i don't know left from right anymore.
i feel lost.
so just as i think i'm moving forward, something tends to pull me back. or should i say, someone. a particular someone.
gah, i don't even know where to start.
have you ever loved someone so much that no matter what you do you can't move away from the feeling? that even when you move on, there's a part of you that remains there with them? i posted here before about twin flames ( [Old link] ). i love him so completely and though i feel like i'm starting to move on away from him, there's a part of me that i know will never let go. it's a strange feeling, and not one i can easily explain, and probably something you could never understand until you feel it. i don't pine away for him, i have fallen in love with someone else, i've moved on and accepted us not being together, and yet he's still there in my heart keeping me from fully loving someone as much as i love him.
and now, it hurts even more because i see him making bad choices and throwing his life away, and he's reaching out for me to help him without actually saying he wants or needs my help. and i don't know what to do. his girlfriend has essentially ruined his life, caused him to lose pretty much all his friends, ostrisize himself from his family, had started doing drugs again, and now, as of this evening, he's been arrested for drug possession, which are more than likely her drugs but quite possibly his as well. and he chose to call me at 2am from the jail, knowing i was asleep and needing to get up early for work. and when i asked him why he decided to call me, he said just because he thought he'd let me know what was going on. we barely talk as is, and he could have waited to call me in the morning or when he got out of jail. but he didn't. and when i asked him why, he wouldn't tell me. and i want to help him, but i don't know what i can do, or even if i should.
we broke up about eight months ago and he's been with his current girlfriend for about 7 months now. and about a week ago he told me that he had rolled over in the morning, hugged his girlfriend, and said "i love you lisa." her name isn't lisa. my name is.
i can't get my head wrapped around this situation. he and i still connect in ways that would frighten the average person. at moments i know he still cares and i think he still loves me in the same way i love him, but then he says or does something that changes my mind. and i thought i knew where i stood with him, but now i feel turned around, upside down, and i don't know left from right anymore.
i feel lost.
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
2,568 posts
Location: sitting on the step
2,568 posts
Location: sitting on the step
Posted:
she who sees from up high smiles
Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*
BRONZE Member
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Insert Champagne Here
13,215 posts
Location: without class distinction, Australia
Posted:
ill join in with the hugs cos i know what you mean about loving him but not and still feeling and all that blah blah that just makes life annoyingly annoying
ill join in with the hugs
cos i know what you mean about loving him but not and still feeling and all that blah blah that just makes life annoyingly annoying i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
Sponge
883 posts
Location: Stevenage
883 posts
Location: Stevenage
Posted:
I know nothing of this love you talk about but wish you lots of it and lots of hugs too
I know nothing of this love you talk about but wish you lots of it and lots of hugs too
Monkeys monkeys and bananas
strange/r/st/-ish
142 posts
Location: upside down
142 posts
Location: upside down
Posted:
GOLD Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,617 posts
Location: Berlin, Ireland
Posted:
First of all .... matters of the heart eh. Surely it's easier to be a loner and never let yourself near anyone again...that's how I've felt before 
I don't know anything and it seems silly to give love life advice when you don't know the whole story so feel free to ignore me.... one or 2 things...
He can only help himself. It takes 2 complete people to make a relationship work. It is bad if one person needs another and they are not complete in themselves first. He is to blame for everything. He is responsible for his own decisions. He can't blame anyone for where he is and neither can you. I think it was a bit lousy of him to ring you and say those things and it sounds a very needy to me.
If things are ever to work out between you, he should leave her, get back on his feet and come to you not needing anything but wanting you. The best thing you can do is be sympathetic, give him good impartial advice but try and put him out of your mind and look after yourself.
I've been down that road and still experience similar stuff but that's what I've learnt after a lot of pain and regret.
I know it's reeeeaaalllly difficult
but work on being being complete and strong by yourself. The best relationships are the ones where the people don't need each other.
Be very carefull getting involved with someone else. It doesn't make it feel any better. It's not fair and it will come out in ways you don't expect. If you do though be honest, don't hide anything. As long as you tell the truth you're not doing anything wrong.
First of all
.... matters of the heart eh. Surely it's easier to be a loner and never let yourself near anyone again...that's how I've felt before I don't know anything and it seems silly to give love life advice when you don't know the whole story so feel free to ignore me.... one or 2 things...
Quote:
, and he's reaching out for me to help him without actually saying he wants or needs my help. and i don't know what to do. his girlfriend has essentially ruined his life, caused him to lose pretty much all his friends, ostrisize himself from his family, had started doing drugs again...
He can only help himself. It takes 2 complete people to make a relationship work. It is bad if one person needs another and they are not complete in themselves first. He is to blame for everything. He is responsible for his own decisions. He can't blame anyone for where he is and neither can you. I think it was a bit lousy of him to ring you and say those things and it sounds a very needy to me.
If things are ever to work out between you, he should leave her, get back on his feet and come to you not needing anything but wanting you. The best thing you can do is be sympathetic, give him good impartial advice but try and put him out of your mind and look after yourself.
I've been down that road and still experience similar stuff but that's what I've learnt after a lot of pain and regret.
I know it's reeeeaaalllly difficult
but work on being being complete and strong by yourself. The best relationships are the ones where the people don't need each other.Be very carefull getting involved with someone else. It doesn't make it feel any better. It's not fair and it will come out in ways you don't expect. If you do though be honest, don't hide anything. As long as you tell the truth you're not doing anything wrong.
I live in a world of infinite possibilities.
strange/r/st/-ish
142 posts
Location: upside down
142 posts
Location: upside down
Posted:
DeepSoulSheep:
Pounce:
DeepSoulSheep:
Pounce:
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Pounce... you've just described every meaningful relationship that I've been in.
Not only do you take something away from every relationship... but you'll ALWAYS have that connection with that person at that time. The only thing that changes is time. I'm even more of a romantic than that... [About to get all philisophical and sentimental]...
If we realize that time is only relative... we will always have that relationship. There is a time and a place where I'm still having my first kiss, or waking up next to my college girlfriend, or curling up in a blanket with a lost love... it's only 'time' that separates all of these realities. Not emotions.
If you really love someone, a part of you will always love them. And you will always have that time with them.
You can move on, and realize that the reality of the situation means that you can't be with them, or aren't compatible, or are even bad for eachother... but it doesn't affect that fact that in that moment there was and will always be love.
What you're feeling is natural. You will feel it again. And you're mature enough to realize that it's natural... even enjoyable... to feel that sort of sentimentality.
Yeah, we're all looking for 'that special someone' to call our one true love but it doens't discredit the souls we've touched on the journey.
For me, it's honestly one of the beautiful things about life. To be able to touch a soul and have that uncorruptable sacred moment where it will always exist. In some ways, the memory of those moments are all that really matters in life.
Pounce... you've just described every meaningful relationship that I've been in.
Not only do you take something away from every relationship... but you'll ALWAYS have that connection with that person at that time. The only thing that changes is time. I'm even more of a romantic than that... [About to get all philisophical and sentimental]...
If we realize that time is only relative... we will always have that relationship. There is a time and a place where I'm still having my first kiss, or waking up next to my college girlfriend, or curling up in a blanket with a lost love... it's only 'time' that separates all of these realities. Not emotions.
If you really love someone, a part of you will always love them. And you will always have that time with them.
You can move on, and realize that the reality of the situation means that you can't be with them, or aren't compatible, or are even bad for eachother... but it doesn't affect that fact that in that moment there was and will always be love.
What you're feeling is natural. You will feel it again. And you're mature enough to realize that it's natural... even enjoyable... to feel that sort of sentimentality.
Yeah, we're all looking for 'that special someone' to call our one true love but it doens't discredit the souls we've touched on the journey.
For me, it's honestly one of the beautiful things about life. To be able to touch a soul and have that uncorruptable sacred moment where it will always exist. In some ways, the memory of those moments are all that really matters in life.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
Sponge
883 posts
Location: Stevenage
883 posts
Location: Stevenage
Posted:
Quote:
If we realize that time is only relative... we will always have that relationship. There is a time and a place where I'm still having my first kiss, or waking up next to my college girlfriend, or curling up in a blanket with a lost love...
Monkeys monkeys and bananas
(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
2,568 posts
Location: sitting on the step
2,568 posts
Location: sitting on the step
Posted:
im with gottalove it one that one!!
im with gottalove it one that one!!
she who sees from up high smiles
Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*
Pooh-Bah
1,810 posts
Location: London
1,810 posts
Location: London
Posted:
NYC darling you put that beautifully
Bring on the love
Lisa
NYC darling you put that beautifully
Bring on the love
Lisa
A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.
I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom
Posted:
ahhh look nyc has a nice side, who would have thought it!
:
lady p, as for the problem i know there is little i can do for you bar sending you a hug and saying, they never go awy, it been 4yrs sinve kate died, and i still love her, and i have moved on, i know that oneday there will be someone else, and thet i will love her more, but i knwo how you feel, and i know im still young, and some of you will say i dont know what love is, but i have been lucky i know!
so all i can say is and while it may never go away, u knwo in your heart u have made the right choice, and u are taking a road u wanna take!
ahhh look nyc has a nice side, who would have thought it!
:lady p, as for the problem i know there is little i can do for you bar sending you a hug and saying, they never go awy, it been 4yrs sinve kate died, and i still love her, and i have moved on, i know that oneday there will be someone else, and thet i will love her more, but i knwo how you feel, and i know im still young, and some of you will say i dont know what love is, but i have been lucky i know!
so all i can say is
and while it may never go away, u knwo in your heart u have made the right choice, and u are taking a road u wanna take! Step (el-nombrie)
I don't want a title.
940 posts
940 posts
Posted:
Yes. Sometimes in a different form, but the love always remains.
Quote:
If you really love someone, a part of you will always love them.
Yes. Sometimes in a different form, but the love always remains.
E pluribus unum, baby.
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
well thank you to everyone who sent me loves and hugs i'm really in a state of confusion and numbness right now, so forgive me if i don't make a lot of sense....
DSS....you hit everything right on the head. i know he's made his choices, and he needs to own up to everything and take responsibility. i'm frustrated watching him make his mistakes and know there is nothing i can do. and i'm angry that he has made those choices, and that he is with someone who allows him to spiral down and in fact encourages it most of the time. and i'm angry at her. i know there is nothing i can do, and i think that's why i feel so frustrated and confused because he's basically asking me for help, and being the person that i am, and how much i love him, i want to do something. and yet i know that i can't. and i'm finally in a good place after over a year of suffering from problems between us, and i don't want to go back to that. but at the same time it is against my nature to shut myself off. and i'm struggling with how to balance the two emotions. and as far as getting involved with someone else, you are completely right. i still fear that i am just trying to replace him, and i remain honest about my feelings with him about it. we are taking it slow, keeping it light right now and giving ourselves time. he understands the position i am in and how i feel, and he has been very wonderful about supporting that and not pushing me to forget my past.
NYC....i feel similar to you in that i have loved every person i have been with. it's different than being in love, certainly, but a part of them remains with me and i always hold on to that. but the relationship i have with this particular person is different than any relationship i have known, personally or viewed through someone else. and that's what makes it difficult at times for me to talk about it and ask for advice because very few people are able to understand. i am a fairly strong person, and i remain my own person in relationships. but the relationship he and i have crosses so many lines that what is him and what is me begins to blur. most of the time it's healthy, but at times like this it's not. and in the past it nearly destroyed me but also saved me at times. it's so hard for me to explain because i know everything i say comes out sounding dysfunctional and unhealthy, but it wasn't and isn't. he is the first and last person i have not been able to say no to, and it's not that i can't or won't, but it just is. he is me and i am him. we are connected, the same person in two bodies. when i am hurt, he feels pain. when he's in trouble, i know if before i even talk to him.
i'm probably rambling, and i'm sorry. i'm extremely tired, both physically and mentally.
well thank you to everyone who sent me loves and hugs
i'm really in a state of confusion and numbness right now, so forgive me if i don't make a lot of sense....DSS....you hit everything right on the head. i know he's made his choices, and he needs to own up to everything and take responsibility. i'm frustrated watching him make his mistakes and know there is nothing i can do. and i'm angry that he has made those choices, and that he is with someone who allows him to spiral down and in fact encourages it most of the time. and i'm angry at her. i know there is nothing i can do, and i think that's why i feel so frustrated and confused because he's basically asking me for help, and being the person that i am, and how much i love him, i want to do something. and yet i know that i can't. and i'm finally in a good place after over a year of suffering from problems between us, and i don't want to go back to that. but at the same time it is against my nature to shut myself off. and i'm struggling with how to balance the two emotions. and as far as getting involved with someone else, you are completely right. i still fear that i am just trying to replace him, and i remain honest about my feelings with him about it. we are taking it slow, keeping it light right now and giving ourselves time. he understands the position i am in and how i feel, and he has been very wonderful about supporting that and not pushing me to forget my past.
NYC....i feel similar to you in that i have loved every person i have been with. it's different than being in love, certainly, but a part of them remains with me and i always hold on to that. but the relationship i have with this particular person is different than any relationship i have known, personally or viewed through someone else. and that's what makes it difficult at times for me to talk about it and ask for advice because very few people are able to understand. i am a fairly strong person, and i remain my own person in relationships. but the relationship he and i have crosses so many lines that what is him and what is me begins to blur. most of the time it's healthy, but at times like this it's not. and in the past it nearly destroyed me but also saved me at times. it's so hard for me to explain because i know everything i say comes out sounding dysfunctional and unhealthy, but it wasn't and isn't. he is the first and last person i have not been able to say no to, and it's not that i can't or won't, but it just is. he is me and i am him. we are connected, the same person in two bodies. when i am hurt, he feels pain. when he's in trouble, i know if before i even talk to him.
i'm probably rambling, and i'm sorry. i'm extremely tired, both physically and mentally.
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
I know what you're talking about. I really do. I know it's tough and I've had to say goodbye to people like that. I am the king of dragging on relationships far too long. Maybe because I'm naive, maybe because I'm loyal. Sometimes I find that I have to remove someone, even someone beautiful, from my life.
I think I get fooled into believing that a relationship can be saved. I've found that to be untrue. It's very easy for me to talk myself into giving a friendship/relationship 'one more shot'...
But as I grow more experienced I realize that if a relationship ended, it was for a reason. And that reason never really goes away. When you're not near that person you may forget or minimize 'the reason' but if it was strong enough to make the relationship fail once, it probably will remain.
My 'off the cuff' advice is to try to gain perspective and distance. Quantify why the relationship DIDN'T work... and keep that foremost in your mind. King size beds seem big and empty after a break up... and most often we naturally focus on missing the positives in our ex. But there was a whole other side that was there that caused the breakup in the first place. Don't romanticize the situation (which is always easy to do)... trust in your emotions and decisions at the time of the break up... not after years of forgetting the bad and exaggerating the good.
Easier said than done, I know.
I know what you're talking about. I really do. I know it's tough and I've had to say goodbye to people like that. I am the king of dragging on relationships far too long. Maybe because I'm naive, maybe because I'm loyal. Sometimes I find that I have to remove someone, even someone beautiful, from my life.
I think I get fooled into believing that a relationship can be saved. I've found that to be untrue. It's very easy for me to talk myself into giving a friendship/relationship 'one more shot'...
But as I grow more experienced I realize that if a relationship ended, it was for a reason. And that reason never really goes away. When you're not near that person you may forget or minimize 'the reason' but if it was strong enough to make the relationship fail once, it probably will remain.
My 'off the cuff' advice is to try to gain perspective and distance. Quantify why the relationship DIDN'T work... and keep that foremost in your mind. King size beds seem big and empty after a break up... and most often we naturally focus on missing the positives in our ex. But there was a whole other side that was there that caused the breakup in the first place. Don't romanticize the situation (which is always easy to do)... trust in your emotions and decisions at the time of the break up... not after years of forgetting the bad and exaggerating the good.
Easier said than done, I know.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
i thankfully have been pretty good about reminding myself why things didn't work at the time, and not attempting to romanticize the good. but i do believe relationships can be saved. (if i didn't i'd be a lousy therapist). yes not all relationships can be, but some can. but i think most of the time it's just time and distance and both people actively working on it. i don't think relationships just happen, i think they take constant time and effort and checking in and communicating, and relationships fail when that doesn't happen. i think our generation has started treating relationships like that, that they should just work out magically, and when they don't we go for a quick fix with divorce. i think that's why divorce rates are so high now. but i realize that's just my opinion.
again, still tired so i realize i may not sound totally coherent.
i thankfully have been pretty good about reminding myself why things didn't work at the time, and not attempting to romanticize the good. but i do believe relationships can be saved. (if i didn't i'd be a lousy therapist). yes not all relationships can be, but some can. but i think most of the time it's just time and distance and both people actively working on it. i don't think relationships just happen, i think they take constant time and effort and checking in and communicating, and relationships fail when that doesn't happen. i think our generation has started treating relationships like that, that they should just work out magically, and when they don't we go for a quick fix with divorce. i think that's why divorce rates are so high now. but i realize that's just my opinion.
again, still tired so i realize i may not sound totally coherent.
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
member
313 posts
Location: london,uk
313 posts
Location: london,uk
Posted:
Thank you Pounce,for your honesty,in bringing your problems here,you've helped me as i'm coming to terms with losing someone i loved,he's gone and he's not coming back cos he died.,......NYc,you put it beautifully cos he's still with me ,in my heart and you've really helped me understand why.....I hope you're ok,pounce,If you think too much,you can talk yourself into anything,so go with what you feel and when you feel clear and light,then you know youre on the right track.......
Thank you Pounce,for your honesty,in bringing your problems here,you've helped me as i'm coming to terms with losing someone i loved,he's gone and he's not coming back cos he died.,...
...NYc,you put it beautifully cos he's still with me ,in my heart and you've really helped me understand why.....I hope you're ok,pounce,If you think too much,you can talk yourself into anything,so go with what you feel and when you feel clear and light,then you know youre on the right track....... BRONZE Member
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posted:
did you say that you are a therapist? Often the hardest thing is to take your own advice..
perhaps you should write down your situation as a new case, and review it as impartially as you can, cuz I think there is a risk here, if he's messing up his life and you cant say no to him and believe you are the same person and stuff - you could get dragged down.
Good luck.
Josh
did you say that you are a therapist? Often the hardest thing is to take your own advice..
perhaps you should write down your situation as a new case, and review it as impartially as you can, cuz I think there is a risk here, if he's messing up his life and you cant say no to him and believe you are the same person and stuff - you could get dragged down.
Good luck.
Josh
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
SILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted:
Pounce
You have such a compassionate nature, and to be in this situation must be tearing you apart on the inside because your professinal mind would be telling you that he needs to be learning from his lessons and not saved, but your heart is telling you to run to him.
I was sent something today that I think is prefect for this situation and I will send it to you email hun....
Keep your head up pounce and wlisten to what your intution says
Try not to let this get you down hun... hard to do yet easy to say, I realise. We are all here should you need us... and we all love you pounce . You have lightened up this board with giggley goodness... and I espically appreciate that
Pounce
You have such a compassionate nature, and to be in this situation must be tearing you apart on the inside because your professinal mind would be telling you that he needs to be learning from his lessons and not saved, but your heart is telling you to run to him.
I was sent something today that I think is prefect for this situation and I will send it to you email hun....
Keep your head up pounce and wlisten to what your intution says
Try not to let this get you down hun... hard to do yet easy to say, I realise. We are all here should you need us... and we all love you pounce . You have lightened up this board with giggley goodness... and I espically appreciate that
TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"
SILVER Member
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia
Posted:
what NYC said
love makes a connection and even years after the fact, you can still carry love in your heart for that person, even if you never see them again
it doesn't mean you can't also love someone else
best of luck
what NYC said
love makes a connection and even years after the fact, you can still carry love in your heart for that person, even if you never see them again
it doesn't mean you can't also love someone else
best of luck
Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
605 posts
Location: East London Wilds
605 posts
Location: East London Wilds
Posted:
I used to think that. I'm really not so sure anymore. Someone you really love can hurt you enough to make you not want to ever have anything to do with them again. Having said that, just seeing her name written down (or emails sent to her and me) does make me still flutter somewhat, so maybe you're right.
Quote:Quote:
If you really love someone, a part of you will always love them.
Yes. Sometimes in a different form, but the love always remains.
I used to think that. I'm really not so sure anymore. Someone you really love can hurt you enough to make you not want to ever have anything to do with them again. Having said that, just seeing her name written down (or emails sent to her and me) does make me still flutter somewhat, so maybe you're right.
Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
thank you all for your advice and support.
i realized that it feels really good that he's reaching out to me for support. that's not where the problem lies. the problem lies in the fact that i fear when this is all over, we're going to go back to the way things were, where we hardly talked and he denied having any emotions towards me at all. it seems he actually reaches out to me a fair amount when he's hurting, but the rest of the time he's afraid to admit he still cares. i don't need anything more than that. just a confimation that he still holds me in his heart, that the last few years haven't been erased from his memory. is that a lot to ask? is that unfair for me to want? i don't think so, but perhaps i'm just being selfish?
things haven't gotten much better since yesterday. and i now managed to have a few other issues piled onto my plate. i'm tired. i'm really really tired. i want the weekend to come so i can sleep and have some alone time. i've started ignoring phone calls and IMs (sorry to any of you who that might apply to, don't take it personally, i like hearing from you but just wasn't up to responding at that moment) because i really needed time alone. i hope they just all understand because i know it's what i need right now.
again, many thanks and to everyone who has been giving me support and allowing me to vent at times. it really does make a difference.
thank you all for your advice and support.
i realized that it feels really good that he's reaching out to me for support. that's not where the problem lies. the problem lies in the fact that i fear when this is all over, we're going to go back to the way things were, where we hardly talked and he denied having any emotions towards me at all. it seems he actually reaches out to me a fair amount when he's hurting, but the rest of the time he's afraid to admit he still cares. i don't need anything more than that. just a confimation that he still holds me in his heart, that the last few years haven't been erased from his memory. is that a lot to ask? is that unfair for me to want? i don't think so, but perhaps i'm just being selfish?
things haven't gotten much better since yesterday. and i now managed to have a few other issues piled onto my plate. i'm tired. i'm really really tired. i want the weekend to come so i can sleep and have some alone time. i've started ignoring phone calls and IMs (sorry to any of you who that might apply to, don't take it personally, i like hearing from you but just wasn't up to responding at that moment) because i really needed time alone. i hope they just all understand because i know it's what i need right now.
again, many thanks and
to everyone who has been giving me support and allowing me to vent at times. it really does make a difference. I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
GOLD Member
still can't believe it's not butter
6,978 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
still can't believe it's not butter
6,978 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
Hey! Pounce!
Perhaps by seeking permanence in something or someone in a universe of impermanence will always lead to suffering.
It is not defeatist to accept the temporary nature of all things created.
Accepting this truth in fact frees you to enjoy the beauty of what it is you have in the moment.
Don't let past relationships sadden you, because the past is gone!
Don't worry over future relationships, becuase the future is not yet here!
Just be in the present, where you can be content.
After all, sometimes life is about wanting what you have, not just getting what you want.
Be a love maniac becauze you only get as much love as you give.
Hey! Pounce!
Perhaps by seeking permanence in something or someone in a universe of impermanence will always lead to suffering.
It is not defeatist to accept the temporary nature of all things created.
Accepting this truth in fact frees you to enjoy the beauty of what it is you have in the moment.
Don't let past relationships sadden you, because the past is gone!
Don't worry over future relationships, becuase the future is not yet here!
Just be in the present, where you can be content.
After all, sometimes life is about wanting what you have, not just getting what you want.
Be a love maniac becauze you only get as much love as you give.
Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always
member
48 posts
Location: Perth
48 posts
Location: Perth
Posted:
I hope you're working through this okay Pounce... your way okay? I think it's soo important too for a relationship to be equal equal and not just a need-need type thing from the one person ya know? Perhaps it isn't the case... but I hope you're taking care of your energy too..sometimes other people are stuck in a cycle of bein so desperately needy they can stifle the person they're leaning on.
Bender.. I have read a few of your posts now and I have to admit.. your ideas and inspirations remind me of my Osho Zen Tarot cards in their phrasing and just ideaology I guess! It's the kind of stuff that doesn't usually pop into my head naturally but when it's in there it makes me all soothed and aloe-vera-ed in my brain ya know?
Thanks! 
I hope you're working through this okay Pounce...
your way okay? I think it's soo important too for a relationship to be equal equal and not just a need-need type thing from the one person ya know? Perhaps it isn't the case... but I hope you're taking care of your energy too..sometimes other people are stuck in a cycle of bein so desperately needy they can stifle the person they're leaning on. Bender.. I have read a few of your posts now and I have to admit.. your ideas and inspirations remind me of my Osho Zen Tarot cards in their phrasing and just ideaology I guess! It's the kind of stuff that doesn't usually pop into my head naturally but when it's in there it makes me all soothed and aloe-vera-ed in my brain ya know?
Thanks!
Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
605 posts
Location: East London Wilds
605 posts
Location: East London Wilds
Posted:
So, after posting what I did, I had an interesting discovery last night. I got home after a friend's birthday to discover my yearbook from University (only about 4 years late - long story). What I hadn't realised, until recently, was that it was given out to those who went to get their paper-meaningless MA in person (I didn't, I was marching through London with a Stop The War Coalition placard). This was in April/May 2003.
The aforementioned person who always seems to make my heart flutter slightly (my ex-fiancee), had, as with some other of the entries (given that it was actually produced 3 years after graduation), "The editors would like to congratulate Helen Mary Cohen on becoming Mrs. Helen Mary O'Hare".
Scary.
Now, obviously, I'm somewhat gutted about this. I'm single, have been for some time, have yet to meet someone that I really care about. What really upsets me, however, in an anger sort of way, is that of the friends I have who are still, roughly, in contact with her, no one thought to bother mentioning this to me. It kept me up for large amounts of last night.
I don't know whether I should feel happy for her, sorry for the guy she married (her family have several generations of history of divorce, and obviously she broke off our engagement), amazed that she managed to get it as far as a wedding, or just to wish them well, and hope that he never has to experience what I went through. I've no idea who he is, and besides curiosity, I suspect no particular desire to get to know.
I can't help feeling angry at the people who must have known when I saw them that it was imminent or had already happened, and didn't think to mention it.
I sent her an email a few years ago saying that I was slightly shaken by the fact that two people who had been so close could now be so far apart emotionally, and that I wanted to be friends. She basically said, in not so many words, to never speak to her again. I note with some satisfaction that she doesn't seem to have completed her PhD yet, but that's not how I should be feeling.
Right now, gutted and angry, negative emotions. And on top of that, I'm worried about doing damage to my arm by going out to
to try and make myself feel better....
So, after posting what I did, I had an interesting discovery last night. I got home after a friend's birthday to discover my yearbook from University (only about 4 years late - long story). What I hadn't realised, until recently, was that it was given out to those who went to get their paper-meaningless MA in person (I didn't, I was marching through London with a Stop The War Coalition placard). This was in April/May 2003.
The aforementioned person who always seems to make my heart flutter slightly (my ex-fiancee), had, as with some other of the entries (given that it was actually produced 3 years after graduation), "The editors would like to congratulate Helen Mary Cohen on becoming Mrs. Helen Mary O'Hare".
Scary.
Now, obviously, I'm somewhat gutted about this. I'm single, have been for some time, have yet to meet someone that I really care about. What really upsets me, however, in an anger sort of way, is that of the friends I have who are still, roughly, in contact with her, no one thought to bother mentioning this to me. It kept me up for large amounts of last night.
I don't know whether I should feel happy for her, sorry for the guy she married (her family have several generations of history of divorce, and obviously she broke off our engagement), amazed that she managed to get it as far as a wedding, or just to wish them well, and hope that he never has to experience what I went through. I've no idea who he is, and besides curiosity, I suspect no particular desire to get to know.
I can't help feeling angry at the people who must have known when I saw them that it was imminent or had already happened, and didn't think to mention it.
I sent her an email a few years ago saying that I was slightly shaken by the fact that two people who had been so close could now be so far apart emotionally, and that I wanted to be friends. She basically said, in not so many words, to never speak to her again. I note with some satisfaction that she doesn't seem to have completed her PhD yet, but that's not how I should be feeling.
Right now, gutted and angry, negative emotions. And on top of that, I'm worried about doing damage to my arm by going out to
to try and make myself feel better.... Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance
SILVER Member
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia
Sweet talented nutter
2,615 posts
Location: Brisbane Oz, Australia
Posted:
Pounce first of all
You know whats best for you .....
But you will always remember what you had was beautiful . And will be loved even More than last cause you've learn't a lot from what happen .
Is that good advice from a synic ?.
Pounce first of all
You know whats best for you .....
But you will always remember what you had was beautiful . And will be loved even More than last cause you've learn't a lot from what happen .
Is that good advice from a synic ?.
that shrewd and knavish sprite
Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy
I am the merry wander of the night -puk
SILVER Member
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
Posted:
thank you for that. there's been a lot of people who have jumped in and told me what i needed to do without even asking if i needed advice or guidance. and i appreciated their help and concern, but most of them failed to recognize what was best for me versus what would be best for them.
i know what my situation entails, my options, the consequences. it becomes a matter of what is going to be best for me, and it's a difficult decision to make when there are pros and cons in every option. i finally sat down and talked with him. i told him how i felt, that i was angry, that i was hurt, that i felt used. we didn't resolve a whole lot, but things are a bit more clear. he said something to me that didn't sink in at the time but i realized later the weight of it. he asked me if i wanted him to never call me again, and i told him that wasn't an easy question to answer. he acknowledged that and said it wasn't an easy decision to make either. and then he said, "even if you said yes, i'm not sure i could follow through with it." that statement was the most telling, most powerful, and most positive thing he has said to me in awhile. now, it's hard for people to understand why that is so without knowing the extent of everything we have been through, but in short, last october some things happened with his girlfriend (some of you might remember me posting about it) and the result of which he told me our friendship wasn't important to him and he wasn't going to call me anymore. now the opposite seems to be happening.
i still don't know what to do or what's going to happen. i feel a bit better knowing i was able to tell him how i felt and that he listened. i feel good knowing he does want to turn to me, that he's being honest with his feelings for once, that i am important to him, because the last 3-4 months he's been making me feel unimportant. and i feel comforted in knowing i'm taking care of myself for once, that i'm setting limits with him, that i'm making sure i'm happy first.
thanks to anyone who has been there to listen, who has looked out for my well-being, that has been a good friend. this community really has become like family to me
Quote:
I hope you're working through this okay Pounce... your way okay?
thank you for that. there's been a lot of people who have jumped in and told me what i needed to do without even asking if i needed advice or guidance. and i appreciated their help and concern, but most of them failed to recognize what was best for me versus what would be best for them.
i know what my situation entails, my options, the consequences. it becomes a matter of what is going to be best for me, and it's a difficult decision to make when there are pros and cons in every option. i finally sat down and talked with him. i told him how i felt, that i was angry, that i was hurt, that i felt used. we didn't resolve a whole lot, but things are a bit more clear. he said something to me that didn't sink in at the time but i realized later the weight of it. he asked me if i wanted him to never call me again, and i told him that wasn't an easy question to answer. he acknowledged that and said it wasn't an easy decision to make either. and then he said, "even if you said yes, i'm not sure i could follow through with it." that statement was the most telling, most powerful, and most positive thing he has said to me in awhile. now, it's hard for people to understand why that is so without knowing the extent of everything we have been through, but in short, last october some things happened with his girlfriend (some of you might remember me posting about it) and the result of which he told me our friendship wasn't important to him and he wasn't going to call me anymore. now the opposite seems to be happening.
i still don't know what to do or what's going to happen. i feel a bit better knowing i was able to tell him how i felt and that he listened. i feel good knowing he does want to turn to me, that he's being honest with his feelings for once, that i am important to him, because the last 3-4 months he's been making me feel unimportant. and i feel comforted in knowing i'm taking care of myself for once, that i'm setting limits with him, that i'm making sure i'm happy first.
thanks to anyone who has been there to listen, who has looked out for my well-being, that has been a good friend. this community really has become like family to me
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**