Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

He did, and he knew what yer fears were.


What chicken is purple with a golden beak?

Once upon a time Mr. H- went for a stroll in the woods. Never had he seen so many of those little things, the ones that irked him by becoming lodged in his tendrils, so with a heavy heart he caught some of them and took them home in a specially prepared pouch. Unfortunately the pouch had been specially prepared for something quite different and all but one of the little things escaped and flew off unnoticed into his bedside lamp, there to wait until the time was right.

Several years later Mr H-'s neighbour, the Screaming Idiot, cornered him violently by the unnecessary wardrobe in the road and asked him several rather tricky questions, to which Mr. H- could make no reply, having surreptitiously hidden four or five objects in his mouth. That and the fact that the Screaming Idiot never spoke, except on Wednesdays. This being an unrecorded day other than Wednesday, all Mr. H- heard were some strange muffled noises coming from somewhere nearby.

"This will most certainly not do!" thought Mr. Q-, as he watched the scene unfolding from his hiding place beneath the unnecessary wardrobe, and pounced quite unexpectedly on Mrs. R-, who had just returned from the cattle market with a large and reasonably unwieldy object that nobody could identify.

Mrs. R-'s reaction was understandable, to say the least.

All at once the surviving cast exited stage left and all that could be seen, for miles around, was an unknown man with an extremely large hand pointing to a distant glimmer on the horizon which seemed to be headed our way.

As it drew nearer it became apparent that it was hunting for something and rushed past Mr. H- and the now unnaturally still Screaming Idiot leaving in its wake a stunned silence and a single purple feather. It had gone, quite uninvited, straight into Mr. H-'s house via the kitchen window. Clearly it was after something to eat. However, when Mr. H- had finally reclaimed his senses and given them to Mrs. R's object (the only trustworthy one in the immediate vicinity, since the departure of the unnecessary wardrobe) for temporary safe-keeping and ventured into his kitchen to survey the probable damage, all he found was a note written in a hurried scrawl and pasted artfully to the water dripping from the leaky tap.

It did not take much courage on Mr. H-'s part to ignore this note as, by this late stage in the proceedings, he was stultifyingly unable to see. Luckily Mr. Q- flew to the rescue by charging headlong up the stairs. When, after a period of several days, he finally came back downstairs, and having sheepishly mumbled something about getting lost under the carpet, he produced the culprit.

"Explain yourself", requested Mr. H-, who had had quite enough of this long and pointless story.

"I most humbly beg your forgiveness", replied what appeared to be a chicken, "but I was going much too fast to stop. As you can see I have recently had a nice new coat of paint, bright purple no less. I used it to trick a pensioner out of this golden beak (a family heirloom, no less) with which you see my face furnished (they're so easy to fool, you see, I feel it my duty to rob them at every available opportunity). However, on this occasion I was spotted by the local constabulary and found it necessary to flee post haste. I hope I haven't inconvenienced you greatly."

It turned out to taste very good.


What happened in the dark when no one was around?

I read an intresting story about chickens, wadrobes and people that only have single letters for names.

What happened to the golden beak?

It was eated in being mistaked for a fortuney cooky.

Why is bad grammar so fun?

my bad gramma isn't fun she's nasty

why does curry give me strange dreams ?

because its strange.

Why do I always have strange dreams?

you must eat to much curry

who is st. helier and why did they make pear cider mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (far to p'ed )?

St. Helier (or Helerius) was a Belgian ascetic monk who set up home on the little islet in the mouth of the bay that now has his name on Jersey in 540 AD. From there he sallied forth and undertook the mighty task of converting the entire population of Jersey. All by himself. A massive 30 PEOPLE!!!

He was killed by pirates in 555 AD, but continues to brew booze even to this day.

Why do people always call it pear cider and not perry, as it should be?

Mass marketing.

Why do insect bite's have to itch so much.

They don't HAVE to, they only do it to piss you off.

What time was it earlier?

Hammer time......

what time is bed time ?

time for you to get a watch!


Mayo Naise?

Is icky!...if you meant mayonnaise?

where does mayo come from?

It comes from a magical well deep in some forest...

Or is that water?

(Yay! Mah Sista made an account!!)

No, this here is water.

Why is the earth not flat anymore?

Because someone thought it would be fun to make it a bouncy ball.

Why do I love music?

because you wrote it on a little note

why can't i stop getting tattooed ?

Your tattoo artist is deaf. So just telling him that he can finally put down the needle just won't do it.

Why are veggies (especially cauliflower) so heavy to carry?

Because they're not actually malnourished, despite what a lot of other people think.


Why, if you make.. say.. a fresh mug of hot chocolate, and tap the bottom of the mug with the spoon in the same place several times, does the pitch of the 'ting' sound rise every time you tap it- until you stir it, when it goes back down again..?(try it!)

Because the stress of waiting for the hot drink to cool down is causing the tapper(in this case yourself) to tense the small muscles in the inner ear, resulting in the heightening of pitch. (I swear.)


Why is it that circles so relaxing?