The funniest thing you saw recently???

some smak head junkie in the job center today, he was off his head and couldn't even work the phones


also this............

ha ha ha, "so strong it will hold any messiah to a crucifix"

i know it's possibly a little close to the nail (see what i did there;) ) i bet someone with no sence of humour will get offended and the mods will remove it


enjoy it while it lasts

just found this on another site and had to share it


These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school? did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Oral Class

the last one is by far the best

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/5081744.stm?ls

hehe thats funny

I passed the list on to all the employees at work...they fired me...I think I will do a few mass emails
I heard about that statue thing this morning

nothing funny...i'm not a funny person...not when i try to be...not even funny looking


that's the best I can do

>Scenario:
>
>You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
>
>On your left side is a deep valley and on your right side is a fire
>engine traveling at the same speed as you.
>
>In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
>and you cannot overtake it.
>
>Behind you is a helicopter traveling at ground level.
>
>Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you.
>
>What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? .
>
>. . . . . . .
>
>. . . . . .
>
>. . . . .
>
>. . . .
>
>. . .
>
>. ..
>
>.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're pissed.

lolol I got sent that the other day dude

how about this

Take just a moment. How cool are you?


Take the Cool Person Test .



http://www.sailinganarchy.com/general/2002/cool_test.htm

DON'T call me a 2 bit punk





score one for the anit-chav crew

*laughs at Rave* "ouch it hurts"

the funniest thing i have seen recently....

some of the Bits on the Play DVD

*shudders* step in a tu tu.......................but matty b in a pirate costume made me giggle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KYYzyo4TO4&search=chopper%20read


rip off of "chopper" read *WARNING contains foul lunguage.................also very funny

On Friday I saw a car from which "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder was being played loudly.

The two men singing it loudly were also wearing nun's habits

Paul McCartney is being interviewed on telly by Michael Parkinson.

Michael says " Well Sir Paul, given your recent history in the field of matrimony, I guess it'll be some time before you go down on one knee again "

Paul says " Actually Michael, I'd prefer it if you refered to her as Heather!"
-----------------------------------------------
A poem by Sir Paul McCartney
I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt
and her leg fell in the river

ROFL

yesterday i watched some people trying to put stakes in for our tent ha ha ha ha now that was funny.
liam

oh i didnt see it but portugal winning and all this damn world cup crap gone wooohhhh*dances around strips of runs round then types some more*hhoooooooooooo

http://youtube.com/watch?v=RUCZJVJ_M8o&feature=Views&page=1&t=a&f=b

Odd Computer Bug

Draven, [censored]!

you love me Really Doc

Damnit Draven!!!!! I did NOT see that coming.. God bless america, i screamed like a girl scout at a cookie convention..