Geeky Jokes

Now we all reamember the horros of the other jokes thread, so lets not repeat that please, keep em clean and nice, but geeky jokes make me laugh and giggle, why cos they're funny and sometiems pretty clever, and a lot of people dont get em, if that makes me a geek then im embrace my geekishness, but i found this and thought i'd share cos its quite funny

Sung to Beatles "Let it Be":

When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."

As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, oh, write in C.
LISP is dead and buried,
Write in C.

I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.

If you've just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C.

Write in C, write in C
Write in C, oh, write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

Guitar Solo

Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
Don't even mention COBOL.
Write in C.

And when the screen is fuzzy,
And the editor is bugging me.
I'm sick of ones and zeros,
Write in C.

A thousand people swear that T.P.
Seven is the one for me.
I hate the word PROCEDURE,

Write in C.
Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
PL1 is 80s,

Write in C.
Write in C, write in C,
Write in C, yeah, write in C.
The government loves ADA,
Write in C.


heeheee
Now remember people, there are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't!

oi!!!! thats a play on my mathmatics quote

Murphy Laws of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you’d least expect to find it.

4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.

5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up.

8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

9. A complex system that doesn’t work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do

God no.

*bangs head on desk*

i have to admit rave it was your thing that reminded me of it, but its still funny, lol FRD i know what you mean its quite scary

Its not the fact that its scary.

Its the fact that these jokes *suck*!

what do you mean!!!!

these are some of the funiest jokes i've heard in a while

Really?

I've heard far funnier.

A mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and
Microsoft developer are in a car. As they're driving along, the car
stalls and they pull it over to the side of the road.

"The engine must have locked up," announced the mechanical engineer.
"We'll have to re-build the engine."

The chemical engineer retorts, "It's probably a problem with the gas or
the air intake. We're clearly not getting any combustion."

"I think it's an electrical problem," says the electrical engineer. "We
should diagnose the battery and the alternator to see if we can find the
problem."

The 3 engineers look at the Microsoft developer waiting for his
solution. He thinks for a moment and than replies, "Maybe we should all get out of the car, close the windows, get back in and see if it starts."

Let there be DOS
A bit dated now, but still clever in its inception.

In the beginning, there was nothing but Apple. And the PC was without form and void, and the darkness was on the face of its hard drive. And Bill said, Let there be DOS: And there was DOS. And Bill looked upon it, and it was good, and with it the PC slew the Apple. And DOS grew and grew, until its number was legion if you counted the decimal points, and still it was good.

And Bill grew large with ambition, and he decreed there should be a processor of words; and lo, there was Word. And Bill sayeth, Let there be a thingy for the crunching of numbers, and lo, there was Excel, and did his kingdom grow apace.

But there had arisen in the land the thing called Macintosh, sprung from the intransigent Apple-men, and Bill looked upon it, and it was better.

Rapidly did he decree that Word should be made to run upon it, and after that Excel, and then all the other fruits of his efforts, but still he was wrathful.

So Bill did order his minions to come forth with Windows, and when they did, he looked upon it, and it was bad.

So he sent them back to try again, assuring all the world they would get it right this time, yet they did not.

Unrelenting, Bill forced yet a third mighty blow, and when it came forth, Bill did order his trumpets to blow, and his chorus to sing, and his criers to cry, until the din could be heard throughout the land; and when he looked upon this third version of Windows, he saw it was not all that great, but like hotcakes did it sell.

And thus did Bill gloat, for the world proclaimed he had matched the lowly Macintosh, and his praises were sung throughout the land.

And so he ordered another, mightier, more magnificent version made, and his henchmen and henchwomen did labour hard.

Still it was not forthcoming in the year promised, nor the year promised next, and rumours did abound, and magazines did overflow with secret peeks, and columnists did heap their scorn upon it. And came the minions of the Justice Department, bent upon proving Bill monopolous, yet before his wrath did they quail, and proclaim him innocent, mostly.

And that which was once called Chicago became known as Windows 95, and the suspense built throughout the land, and Bill, remembering what had gone before, set about building a great Hype.

Into his Hype he put the greatest mouths of the land, and scattered the fruits of his profits so heavily that he bought hosts of angels to sing, and Rolling Stones songs, and trumpets and horns and drums without number. As the time of birthing grew nigh, he purchased television time without end, and appeared thereon himself, and bought entire editions of newspapers to give away unto the faithful, and travelling circuses to visit each great city.

And so when Windows 95 was born did hysteria rule the land, as the choirs sang and the trumpets and horns did blare and the televisions and the newspapers charge their followers to go forth and buy.

Heeding this, the populace did rush to the marketplace at the stroke of midnight, when even the cock doth sleep, and did push and shove and come even to blows the better to secure their own copies lest they be thought ignorant, or uncool, or hamsters in the eyes of Bill.

And Bill looked upon what he had wrought, and he giggled, and rubbeth his hands together, and even in the moment of his triumph, began to think of Next Time.

Whaddya mean jokes?? Murphy's got it bang to rights - speaking as a non-geek and merely a low-life user....

jeez, if the automobile industry was/had been run on the same lines as IT there'd be no war in Iraq cos we'd all have worked out how to get along just fine without cars and wouldn't have so much of the world's wealth dependant on oil!

My fave saying tho is - organising IT people is like herding cats

c:\dos
c:\dos\run
\run\dos\run

in a world without fences and walls, who needs gates and windows?

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed...
.... Oh, wait a minute, he already does.

63,000 bugs in the code, 63,000 bugs,
ya get 1 whacked with a service pack,
now there's 63,005 bugs in the code!!

A biochemist goes to see his reagents supplier and asks for 1 gram of adenosine triphosphate. The supplier says 'Certainly sir, that'll be 80p'

I know, I know...

there are only 10 types of people... those who know binary and those who don't.

onefinalstep you pinched that off someones sig

i don't get it...

true...

Yeah,
The Adenosine triphosphate one went right over my head too.

This is much simpler:

Why computers are like men:
They look attractive -- until you take them home.
In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.


And my favourite joke (not too geeky really, but funny anyway):

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office with nothing on except cling film (saran wrap) around his groin.
The Psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, "Sir, I can clearly see your nuts"

Adenosine Triphosphate is also known as ATP.

Say A-T-P.

*click*

right. knowing various abbreviations helps.

But so does being able to pronounce polytetraflouroethylene first time to the salesman trying to get you to buy a terribly expensive mouse. And then having your mate spoil it by saying its a silicone based compound, when its clearly a hydrocarbon.

Aaahhhh.

Light dawns

lol mig, made me giggle! pff silicone based compound indeed!

(YAY DrBoo Calvin and Hobbs is the best!!)

How many Bill Gates' does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, he merely declares darkness to be the new standard.

The functions were partying at a local bar and the bartender was getting a bit tired of the fun so he threatened to
diffrentiate them all if they didn't leave the bar. All of the functions ran out but one and the bartender asked
why it didn't flee as the other ones. It answered: well.. I'm e^x.

A mechanical engineer, an electircal engineer, and a civil engineer
are sitting around discussing what kind of engieer God had to be.
The mechanical engineer starts off, "Take for example the human body.
The joints, the skeleton, and the musculature are all engineering
marvels. Obviously God had to be a mechanical engineer."
The electrical engineer replies, "Yes, but also look at the nervous
system. The brain is able to send and receive millions of electical
signals and process and interpret them all. Obviously God had to be an
electrical engineer."
The civil engineer says, "You're both full of it. God had to be a
civil engineer. Who else would run a waste disposal pipeline right
through a major recreational area?"



A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers through Silicon Valley stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck
driver says he drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is hauling. The bartender says OK, truck
drivers are not nerds, and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his
glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The
bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks him why he did
that. The bartender said not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You
don't even need a license, he said. So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back
onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and
computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.
They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them
steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away,
felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at
him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season." "Well, sure," said the
patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."