On Bravery and Strength

In reading over this post now that I just wrote it, I realize it reads like one of those stupid "tear-jerker" E-mails that get passed around. But it's true.

I was on call the other day. I was checking on my patients, and rounding on a sick little boy when I heard sobbing from the next bed. On our service, there are two teams, "Red Team" and "Blue Team." I'm on Blue team. The patient who was sobbing was a Red Team patient, so I didn't know her name or why she was in the hospital, but she looked to be about 8 years old. And on the pediatrics floor, the tears shed are those of fear.

I'm a pediatrician. Be it my patient or not, I can't just walk away from a sobbing, frightened child. So I went to her bedside and said, "Oh, honey. What's the matter?"

She looked up at me with big, brown, tear-filled eyes and said "I can't drink that stuff, it's too nasty."

I looked at "that stuff." It was Gastrograffin, the barium contrast used for X-ray imaging of the GI tract. And it is, indeed, nasty. Especially for a sick child. What could I do?

So I said, "Oh, honey, it's awful isn't it? But we need you to drink it. What do you think we should do?"

She sobbed, "I asked the nurse to put a tube in my nose and put it in that way. It's too nasty, I just can't!"

I was shocked. This child had ASKED for a nasogastric tube? A nasogastric (or NG) tube is a tube inserted through the nose that passes to the stomach. Insertion of an NG tube is...unpleasant. To say the least. And this girl had actually asked for it over drinking the gastrograffin.

"Honey, have you ever had one of those tubes placed before?" I asked.

She nodded "It hurts. But I can't drink that stuff!"

I was taken aback. "Honey, I can't believe you asked for an NG tube, but I'm proud of you. You're a very, very brave girl."

"I don't feel brave," she said, looking askance at me.

"That's because you're scared. But bravery isn't about not being scared. Bravery is about being scared and facing your fear. You know what has to be done and you're standing up to it. You're not fighting and kicking and screaming like a lot of other kids your age might. You're cooperating. That's because you're one of the bravest and strongest girls I've ever met! And that's why I'm proud of you!"

"You are?"

"Of course, honey!" I said. "I don't think I would ask for an NG tube! I'd be too scared! Think about that, I'm a doctor and I don't think I could do what you're doing!"

"You don't?" She looked amazed.

I answered honestly, "Honey, I just don't know. I've never needed one. But you'll do great with an attitude like yours."

That's when the nurse showed up with the tubing. I gave the girl a squeeze on the shoulder and left the nurse and the patient to do their work.

It was a few hours later when I was rounding on my sick little boy again that I poked my head around the curtain to check on the girl. When she saw me, she beamed.

"Hey, Doctor! I did it! I got the tube and I got the X-ray and guess what?!?"

"You did? What?"

She was all smiles. "They say I can go home tomorrow!"

I still had no idea why she was in the hospital because it wasn't my business, since she wasn't my patient, but I was thrilled for her. I gave her a high-five and then – well, I just couldn't resist – a big hug. "Honey, that's fantastic! I'm so proud of you! You did it!"

And this 8-year-old girl looked at me and said "Thank you, Doctor. I don't think I could have done it without you." Talk about one beyond her years. My heart melted into a puddle.

I work at an inner-city hospital. These kids grow up in the ghettos of the Bronx. They grow up around gunfire, gang wars, poverty, and death. They're raised by their grandparents because their parents are still children themselves. I've seen abuse, assault, abandonment, and other horrors too terrible to name. Every day, I see humanity at its worst.

But that night I saw humanity at its best, manifested in the strength and courage of an 8-year-old girl. That night, this child renewed my faith and belief in what I do.

Be well.

-Mike

Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura

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