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Forums > Social Chat > "I'm not in love with you!" (A silly insignificant rant)

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I will be the first to admit that this is a silly little insignificant rant but it’s cracked me up so many times that I thought I’d throw it to the board.

{In fact, upon rereading this post I realize that it’s utterly inane. I know I try to usually post quality posts but this one is a bit weak frankly. If you’re really bored at work or stuck sick at home, read on… otherwise spend your time elsewhere. Hey, I’m being honest. }

This has happened many times and lately it seems to be becoming an epidemic. I’ll be sitting somewhere or in a group of friends (and this has actually happened in many different areas of my life) when some woman will walk up to me, pull me aside and give me the speech. Something like “I’m sorry but I’m really not interested” or “I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship right now” or “I just don’t think it would work out between us”…

But here’s the kicker: It’s always some girl I have ABSOLUTELY NO interest in. I mean if you picked the girl at the party who I’d be the LEAST interested in, she’s the one who’s going to pull me aside and give me the speech.

So then I’m left with a few choices:
1) Politely try to explain that I wasn’t interested in the first place. Strangely, this usually ends up in an argument with her trying to convince me that I actually WAS interested despite what I may or may not have thought. This is extra funny as the girl is both trying to convince me that I am completely in love with her while explaining that she isn’t interested.

I’ve tried this one so many times that I then started giving up and going with option 2.

2) Heck, what do I care. I say something like “oh darn” and move on. It’s a quicker exit and she feels like she got to break up with someone for free. It’s a lie, but it gets me out of the situation faster. I’ve gotten “You’re a really sweet guy and I’m sure you’ll meet someone wonderful who will love you back.” Ug…

But there’s got to be a better way.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I DO flirt. I have lots of close female friends. If one of THEM got mixed signals I’d certainly understand. I even spent lots of time playing with the lovely princesses throughout England and Scotland. If one of the lovelies that I had spent time, stayed with, even had tea with, got the wrong idea or rumors started I’d understand. But it’s always some RANDOMASS girl that I spoke to for like three minutes who I could NEVER be attracted to that’s decided that I’ve fallen helplessly in love with.

I guess in a way it offends me.

A) I’d like to think that I’m mature enough to express my feelings. If I like someone, I know that I’d be competent enough to make those feelings known and act on them. Does Randomass girl really think I’m so timid that I would only talk to her for 3 minutes if I really liked her? Wouldn’t I be trying to get phone numbers or arrange further contacts? Clearly she thinks I’m inept and is pitying me by letting me know of her lack of desire for her.

B) That’s SO egotistical! How full of yourself do you need to be to assume that I’m helplessly in love with you? Bah!

Like I said, it’s never the girls that I’m playfully flirting with. It’s never my friends whom I joke with. I’d UNDERSTAND that. That makes SENSE that they might get their signals crossed. But my high school best friends’ roommates’ ex-girlfriend whom I spoke to for like five minutes (actually true story of my most recent one)?! Gimme a break!

If I was interested in a girl, you’d know. Trust me.

See now I'll bet some of you are thinking "Gee, I'll bet this post is about me"... AHHHHH! The cycle never ends!!!! What was the Carly Simon song? "You're so vain... you probly think this post is about you."

So anyway, if there are any of you out there that I’ve never actually met but who are convinced that I’m madly in love with you... “I’m sorry, but you’re just my type of girl/guy.” And if you’re ever standing around somewhere and here the phrase “I think that guy from New York City has a crush on me”… feel free to giggle.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Charles
BRONZE Member since Jun 2001

Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland

Total posts: 3989
Posted:But NYC, I thought you were in love with me! I didn't know you were straight!



Just kidding


It's a conundrum, by all accounts. Perhaps, though, it is a little less personal than you think.

These girls may feel that they need to feel wanted.

Deep in their psyche, your pleasant approachable manner, and puppy dog good looks, probably strike an unconscious chord. Their subconscious, fueled by their need to feel good about themselves makes a snap decision and tells their frontal lobe "He's in love with me!".


Chances are, the girls/ladies who do this likely do it to several different people on a semi-regular basis.

Those people, are likely feeling in much the same way as you are.


And I know, it hasn't answered you question...Here's a new tack to think about...

She comes up to you and asks you aside for a moment (you feel you know what is coming up).

SAY THE EXACT SAME THING TO HER BEFORE SHE GETS A WORD OUT!

Tell her, with as serious a look as you can muster...

"I might be wrong, but I feel there is a certain vibe coming from you, and, well, its nothing about you, but I'm not really looking a relationship right now."

"A different time, maybe, I would jump at the chance, but not right at the moment. I hope you understand."

Or something along those lines.



[ 09. September 2003, 10:50: Message edited by: Charles ]


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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TheApprovingNinja


TheApprovingNinja

From the Ashes of a Ninja Rise THE HIPS OF RAGE
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 371
Posted:you do suffer from the curse of the ridiculsously nice guy. being so nice and genuine and open to people makes them assume that you're trying to get to know them on a deeper (insert nudge nudge wink wink here) level. Most women just can't deal with guys who are nice.

Sorry to any women I've offended, it's not directed at the kind of women who post on here but more at randomass girl as NYC so eloquently put it.


Viva UGLY STAFF

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[Nx?]
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

[Nx?]

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both

Total posts: 3749
Posted:NYC, this phenomenon dont happen to me, its just because your so damm sexy! :hubbahubba:

T


This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz

Total posts: 2615
Posted:I'd say "look at me !" and go through a list about myself (which is alway's good for self esteem ).

Than say "Why would i want you to start with ?".

That way you'll get a shocked look and they won't give you any funny ("your a really nice guy but talk")

And will leave you alone


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:NYC, take it from a womans point of view.

Your in a No Win Situation !

for all your going through.



Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:NYC, I feel the pain. I get it all the time, actually. And would you believe that they DON'T buy the "sorry, hon, I'm gay" response?

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Charles
BRONZE Member since Jun 2001

Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland

Total posts: 3989
Posted:What do you mean they don't buy it?

Oh my God!

If anything in this thread is proof of my theory above (well, most of the time anyway), then that has to be it!

Priceless...The gay guy is love with them....

Lightning...Thank you, you have made my day!


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:quote:Most women just can't deal with guys who are nice.
Don't fall for the assumption that guys are any better And the guy thing can be even worse to deal with cos they don't take you aside for "the talk". Instead they decide the solution is to completely ignore you to "absolutely convince you they are not interested". So you spend a lot of time wondering why the guy you spoke to for only 5 minutes has spent the last couple of hours at the party avoiding you.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Well, Charles, they don't believe me and say that I'm just trying to cover it up. Next time it happens, I'm going to kiss my boyfriend for them...

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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The Beaker


member
Location: A bit of everywhere

Total posts: 3
Posted:A complex situation. On the one hand if you rebuttle with a honest but (in her eyes) rude reply then you will start a fight, while on the other hand, if you lie and give her a song and dance then you have just have violated your own personal integridy.

I would suggest that you thank her for the time that you were able to spend with her, and reasure her that there are no hard feelings. Give her a smile and a pleasnt good-bye, then walk off with your head held high.

Perhaps that way you can avoid both unwanted outcomes.


Dude, check out his guy, he's gonna set himself on fire!!

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Dio


Dio

HoP Mechanical Engineer
Location: OK, USA

Total posts: 729
Posted:Maybe something like:

"If you got that impression in the 3 MINUTES I've known you, you must be reading into me way too far. I'm sure you get a lot of attention from guys like myself, but trust me, it'll take you more than just that little bit of time to capture my interest like that."

No blood, no foul? Leaves the girl with a bit of spirited and polite challenge, but also compliments her in the process.


What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:then again, a genuine look of surprise, followed by a raised eyebrow and the word "okay?" tends to work wonders...

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Cassandra


Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !

Total posts: 4224
Posted:I am so with Dio on that one especially because it suits YOU so fine cause that is teh type of person you are baby. you don t randomly fall in a second... it does take you a while of being friends and betting to know someone before anythign so this reply sounds ot me like the best one... or something in those lines whil you throw in some of your cute humour too
Bear in mind that for example would rarely know i am ineterested because i tend to ignore them or sound casual out of shyness when they make my heart beat at least in the beginning... so it may be legitimate for some to assume others may do the same ?

I kinda feel responsible for this tooo not because i ever pulled you aside but because I am trying to match you with every living breathing walking girl seriously though You are nice yes, but you have much more to offer, a tenderness and understanding and intelligence and generosity ... a VERY high quality attention to others. and this is rare for most people so women might assume your falling in love, even after a few minutes. Even more so after a few days of being friends and you being who you are, being your lovely self.

If I were you I would be more bothered by friends gettign the wrong signal than by random insecure girls looking for an ego boost under the cover of 'trying to be fair to that guy who loves me so madly'
because I for instance really know I can be very tender and close to my males friends (and female friends only have less problems with them since tenderness amongst females is more common) and would really be sad if they mistook it for anything else. I think it would actually cause sadness in my heart and an urge to let them know where we are standing for our friendship s sake...
But taht is just me

Shine on
Cass


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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mech
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:i dont get that so much as

"your an ace guy but i dont like you in that why...your just step"

which REALLY P****S me off!

but i knwo what you mean, in those kind of talkin situations i just go thats cool and be ok!just say that is the kind of pesonality you have, you didnt wantto be close to her just a mate and she'll fill the rest in, dont be all up in her face about it, or you colud lose a great mate!you never know


charles> i dont know what you are talking about NYC fancing you, HES MINE!same for you lolli!

LEAVE MY NYC ALONE!


HES MINE, MY ONE, MY NYC.....MY PRESIOUS!


Step (el-nombrie)

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:youll just have to stop being so nice to everyone. its the only solution.

and before i forget....
mech, you're an ace guy but i dont like you in that way...you're just step.

MWAHAHAHAHAHA....sorry...too much coffee...too little sleep.


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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bluecat


bluecat

geek, level 1
Location: everywhere

Total posts: 5300
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Cassandra:


I kinda feel responsible for this because I am trying to match you with every living breathing walking girl but aren't you trying to do that for me, dom, drew, steve, in fact every nice male you know?

R


Holistic Spinner (I hope)

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:quote: but aren't you trying to do that for me, dom, drew, steve, in fact every nice male you know? Hey, I'm FIRST! Well, actually, with Cassandra's taste in women who she thinks I'll like, I'll let you guys go first. (Kidding sweetie! But you do pick the strange ones! )

Hey, what if I said "Get over yourself, I only date pretty girls."


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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bluecat


bluecat

geek, level 1
Location: everywhere

Total posts: 5300
Posted:


she tried at least 5 for me at EJC. and tho lovely none of them were even vaguely my 'type'

so i also am a little unsure of her motives.......


R


Holistic Spinner (I hope)

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Raphael96
SILVER Member since Sep 2002

old hand
Location: New York City

Total posts: 899
Posted:It really comes down to how funny/mean you want to be:

"Thats ok, I like your friend/sister better anyhow."

"I'm not ugly enough for you."

"You're not pretty enough for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Have we met??"

"Why did you think I was interested in you?"

"Hey thats cool, do you know any girls I might like?"

Thats all that comes to mind off the top of my head, but I'm not in a nasty mood right now.

Use these at your own risk.

Raph


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telic


I don't want a title.


Total posts: 940
Posted:quote:Originally posted by bluecat:
quote:Originally posted by Cassandra:


I kinda feel responsible for this because I am trying to match you with every living breathing walking girl but aren't you trying to do that for me, dom, drew, steve, in fact every nice male you know?

R Cassandra darling, can't you start up a matchmaking service for all of us? Er... please?


E pluribus unum, baby.

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BamBam


BamBam

Pooh-Bah
Location: London

Total posts: 1810
Posted:quote:Cassandra darling, can't you start up a matchmaking service for all of us Our little Cass does bloody well on the matchmaking she's help me out no end with words of advice and support (this girls good you know)

Bammy


A kiss blown is a kiss wasted, the only kind of kiss is a kiss tasted.

I'm a woman. We don't say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating and not just a LITTLE bit scary.

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:NYC - you told me about this so we've had the conversation. It's quite funny really

quote: but aren't you trying to do that for me, dom, drew, steve, in fact every nice male you know? yep! But you know she missed the whole EJC thing?


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poiaholic22


member


Total posts: 531
Posted:My new tactic is to just be a total dick and squash their idea of how nice I am.

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Sorry bro, I know you too well and you're a sweetheart.

(Good to see you back, where you been?!)


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Delete

Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:smile sweetly and then say
"Damn, and I had already picked out a name for our first born.."
shrug and then mope away, singing "everybody hurts" by REM


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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Puk
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

Puk

Sweet talented nutter
Location: Brisbane Oz

Total posts: 2615
Posted:Id give her the "look at me" talk and then go through a list about ymyself (which is great for self esteem ).

Than go "why would i like you ?". That will put her in her place .


that shrewd and knavish sprite

Called Robin Good Fellow ; are you not he that is frighten of the maidens of the villagery - fairy

I am the merry wander of the night -puk

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Nice one Puk. I'll use that one if it comes up and she starts being rude about it. Actually I REALLY like that one. Especially if I turn it into a "I am 'X' and you are 'Y'", because I actually do look good on paper (go figure). I think I could definitely pull that one off.

I was also thinking of rearing my head back and laughing hysterically for as long as possible... and then suddenly stopping with "Oh my god, you're serious? That's even funnier!" More hysterical laughing.

Oh, and Mr. Lightning... sorry I didn't respond earlier (but I read your initial posts at work and didn't have time to respond) but Thanks! It does make me feel better knowing that it's not just me. And I can't imagine how silly it must be to try and convince randomass girl that you're gay. That's way funnier.

And Dom, she missed the EJC thing? So did you apparently. (No he didn't just say that!) Yo and next year, I still get blondes and you get brunettes. You can't go calling blondes if you get there first.

Maybe Cass' matchmaking skills can be fine tuned... like if she's trying to hook a girl up with Dom because she thinks she's his type, we know she's probably more of a bluecat type. Who was she trying to hook you up with Bluecat anyway? And where was I at the time? We gotta work TOGETHER bro! Then again, I'm not dating anyone outside of New York City anymore. Commuting sucks.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Delete

bluecat


bluecat

geek, level 1
Location: everywhere

Total posts: 5300
Posted:(at dom not being there)


would love to say loads of interseting and significant stuff but my head hurts from serious hangover.


R


Holistic Spinner (I hope)

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flid
BRONZE Member since Aug 2002

flid

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Warwickshire

Total posts: 3136
Posted:what????! NYC is straight?



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lolli


purple penguin- soon to be
Location: playing with the pixies at the...

Total posts: 478
Posted:humm. . .

firstly id like you to realise hunny, that regardless of how you respond to these women; Their Loss!!!

secondly, do these women relly deserve to even get a response from you? ignoring somone can be seen as childish but then so can responding. unfortunatly some of these women might not even be saying this stuff to u for your benefit but as an open invitation to the guy next to u/across the club etc and are just trying to make themselves look good. sometimes responding makes them/others feel you are covoring up for yourself when in actual fact they need is too be seen as the superficial ppl they are. . . just thought to say (tho not sure if it made sense)

the alternates have pretty much been said before and being but as bear with very little brain i could no think up anything else witty for you to say back. not that you need the help i know!

as cass has said. id be more worried about freinds getting mixed signals than random depraved women.

mechhead: confumbled??

rozi: see girly, you is just too beutiful! all i can say is either above or as stated as a response in Transmetrapolitan:

Lady : sorry no. im married, infected with seven unknown desieses, gay, pregnant with lizards and clinically dead
spider: "sorry, no" would have done all on its own you know
lady: just making sure

tee hee
lolli x x x



My spelling wobbles. its very good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong place

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