Posted:Dentrassi pm'd me with some very interesting questions, and he is not the only one who has asked these, or some derrivitive thereof, lately... So I thought I would put these questions on here and then follow up with some of my own....
**Exerpt from a PM from Dentrassi** ** do you still breath at all?**
At the moment no. For three reasons. The First is simply that I gave my word to many people that I would not anytime soon after the accident, most especially PWB, and I keep to my word. The second is that I was told to give myself at least a year's time to heal, if not longer. Three, I want to do it for the "right" reasons. I want to practice again and train again from scratch. I made a big mistake and I am prepared to do all the work over again, and be wiser about it. And that is what I am embarking on now.
To clarify...I know fire breathing is stupid, better than anyone else. And will turn blue wasting breath trying to talk people out of trying it and yet... in some distant future date I do intend to go back to doing it. It is one of the things that I was really *damn* good at and that I was known for. It is hard to walk away from when it is the thing you have such passion for, and for me close proximity fire is a true passion.
** are there any safety precautions that you are more conscious of in all type of fireart you perform? **
I only work within my comfort zone now. I do not tend to push myself as hard as I used to to please other people (management, promoters). I do make sure all my paperwork is in order. That I go over the place a few times before hand and feel good about all that I am doing. If I don't I change it. I have a stronger voice than I used to in that respect.
**has your attitude towards performing altered much?**
I realize what a gift it is to be able to do what I do, and more-over, I am actually not bad at it. Not the best mind you but not bad. I took this past year off and did only a few fire shows, and mostly concentrated on dance shows, again as a promise to a loved one. I realized how much I love fire, and acting, and dancing and singing. I am more passionate about it, and more determined to make it more than what I am doing now. However, I realized I aboslutely can not do it alone. I used to have this attitude that if I didn't do it that it wouldn't be done right, and I got burned out. I disregarded doing other things I loved because I was focussing too much on things I did not need to focus on. I am learning to trust others (that I train and work with lol). I am also not the perfectionist I used to be. It is a hard habit to break but I am learning to approach things from a more laxed perspective I think. I am also more driven than I was before, and for those who knew me before the accident(s), that is a really incredible thing.
On a side note, since my accident, as I said I have only done a handful of fire shows, but I have been told and I know in my heart that they are the best shows I have ever done. Seriously...the fire was better, bigger, showier. I moved better. I was more comfortable with my elements, even with the fire because I was more respectful of it. I was told by people, and have seen in photo's, that it was better and more than it has ever been before. Where I used to walk away from shows uncertain, or thrilled but went into them with some stage fright, I have not approached them that way at all. My worst nightmare happened in a show...what is there for me to be afraid of now?
Overall, I do not take performing lightly at all, but I take life lightly, because it is meant to be enjoyed and savoured. And for awhile performing was a job, not a beloved career, which is what it is turning around to be. And I even have plans to do further management for other acts for when I don't want to perform. I am looking at things in a wider perspective than day to day. Goals are what got me through recovery, and I realize I need them in my professional life as well.
Does that make sense? How do you think something of this caliber would effect you? Your house burning down? A bad injury from fire? The death of a loved one to fire?
They aren't fun to imagine but if you think about how it would alter you, then live as if it had, the whole world for you might look a little brighter and performing is sooooo much sweeter.
Pele Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir "Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall "And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
Posted:If everybody lived every day like it could be their last or indeed the last day you saw someone you loved I truly believe the world would be a better place. It may sounds morbid, but every day is more precious to you. I think until you have lost somebody or experienced something traumatic its hard to imagine.
Pele I applaud you. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us and happy to hear that the ordeal you have gone through and has made you stonger and more confident.
Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.