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Member Since: 14th Aug 2003
Total posts: 2
Posted:I recently had a falling out with someone close to me and was very hurt by the very bad treatment of me. However the row has now escalated as the person in question is now arguing that I shared our row with my friends and accusing me of trying to get friends on my side, not seeing that all I'm looking for is hugs, tissues and advice if possibile.

I apologised for disrespecting them by sharing our private business but said that if I can't resolve things by talking directly to them I will need to either talk with other friends or go insane! Friends can tell me to get a grip if I am at fault which a therapist probably wouldn't and they are a lot cheaper too.

I am really torn, which is why I'm turning to HOP agony aunt column. I'm using an anon membership so that I can get advice from people without causing more trouble and being accused of trying to get someone to choose sides. Please help, my friends. What should I do, I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall? The crime that was committed against me has been shoved into the background as this person places them in the victim role. I can't go on the way things are but very hard to break up what has been till now a beautiful relationship?

Myste - Queen of the Badgers
mushroom! mushroom!
Location: Next to my badger
Member Since: 2nd May 2003
Total posts: 809
Posted:I'm sorry sweetie, i can't really offer any help at all - i hate situations like that and wouldn't know what to do myself if it were me. All i can say is try to talk it through with the other person and try to make them understand your side.

Hugs probably won't help any but then they can't hurt either

hope you can work it out.

I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it As you like it


Member Since: 14th Aug 2003
Total posts: 2
Posted:Unfortunately talking is not working, they are using their anger to cover their guilt. I want to move on and get over this but I feel we have issues, and they need resolving, otherwise we will end up having the same problems again I think.

Hugs are great, hugs are fab! And they give me enough energy to battle on and try and make things work out.

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 14th Nov 2001
Total posts: 6979
Posted:this is not good, sad, and i hope you'll be forced to change your name in the not-too-distant-future.

perhaps a mutual friend can be placed in a mediation role, one that must importantly remain impartial. This allows the continuation of recociliation without the hindrance of immediate fury.

just a thought. hope all's well soon, matey!

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

shadow steppin
shadow steppin

official hop irken
Location: Tucson USA
Member Since: 12th Aug 2003
Total posts: 401
Posted:I usually find in these situations that no one wants to mediate they just want to stay out of it which i think is pretty weak. i would let it rest for awhile. stand clear of eachother for awhile if possible. anything that really really needs to be cleared up will still be in the air in a month or 2. i find that discussing things while tensions are still high is usually a waste of time.
im in a similar spot right now too. hang in there

In my hands I hold your smile and in my heart it runs so wild You are the one you are unique I'm so in love you make me weak And the reason that I feel is like a shadow from a light so if you have the chance to be with me be my shadow in the night


Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:quote: they are using their anger to cover their guilt. While I feel for your situation, Sad, I also feel from your posts that you blame the other party completely for being angry at you 'sharing' with your friends.

In an emotional area like this, it always works both ways and if you continue to feel 'wronged' you will never get over this.

Even if it was completely and utterly the other pserson's fault (im not just talking about the incident itself, I'm talking about BOTH of your actions afterwards) to think that way will make your life more miserable than it needs to be.

Sometimes, forgiving people, especially when the situation isn't as black and white as we try to make it, is the first step to making a better life for yourself.

If the person doesn't deserve to be forgiven, then you are feeding the hate and anger within yourself, and ultimately, you will pay the price just as much as them.

I hope you understand what i mean, it's a bit hard to put into words...

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Location: Brisbane
Member Since: 9th Apr 2003
Total posts: 3044
Posted:Dear Sad,
everything ive been thinking has been already said, so heres some hugz.

take care.

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.


Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
Location: Over There
Member Since: 6th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6140
Posted:If the people wont listen maybe they'll read? Maybe write them a letter and explain exactly how you feel?


Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...