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Forums > Social Chat > Frustrations with Guys and work

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Ash Blackstar


Ash Blackstar

member
Location: San Antonio, Texas, USA

Total posts: 177
Posted:I apologize in advance for any guys I might offend with this I'm about to go on an anti-male rant


As some of you may know from my post unlucky with guys, I have never been kissed, had sex or had a bf. I am also currently under a vow of no sex til marriage.

One of my coworkers, Mike, thinks that this is a totally stupid idea, and that I will never get a bf, because "no man in his right mind will date a girl that won't put out"

Well if this is true, then men are nothing but a bunch of ****ING SCUMBAGS

Why any girl would demean herself by going out with some guy that expects her to put out, I have no clue, and wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole.

A few nights ago, I had a couple of Brits come in. I was the only person on that night, and I had no other tables, so I ended up spending three hours talking to them. (What can I say, Im a sucker for a good looking face and a good accent)

Mike, and Mark (Another coworker) Started telling me that I was smitten and that I should keep flirting until I got propositioned.
I got so pissed at them that I almost hurt them.

Why the **** do they think its so important, and expect me to think its just as important as they do.

If all men were like they say, then I say men can go **** a lightsocket, and I'll even do them the favor and turn it on for them.
Again, my apologies to any offended guys out there. I just had to get it out before I blew my top at work
Love and Hugs


Ash Blackstar

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But Whips and Chains excite me"
"Only way to deal with Drama, heavy weaponry and a strong does of grow the Hell up"

"I reject your reality and substitute my own" Adam Savage - Mythbusters

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jadedmist


member
Location: Washington

Total posts: 9
Posted:heh I liked that rant...besides most guys deserve what you said. And its cool that you took a vow to not have sex until you're married, that's what I'm doing. I think its stupid to have sex with every guy that comes around...its better to save it for that special person. Koodos for speaking your mind. :gives you two thumbs up:

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:haha! most of my closest friends are women so i hear this all the time the final word usually goes "men are all bastards!...except for you ed"

Im sure glad that your colleague mike is speaking for approximately half the worlds population. gee, without guys like him id never have any guidance

best bet? ignore them! talk to spunky british guys cos you want to and you can! just think...do you really care what two [probably sexaully frustrated] colleagues think? laugh at them cos they are so pathetic, its much more fun that getting pissed off also, download a whole stack of one liner insults against men from the web, and use them frequently. thatll help you laugh

good luck, both at work and with spunky brits.


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Pink...?
BRONZE Member since Apr 2002

Pink...?

Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
Location: Over There

Total posts: 6140
Posted:Quite true a lot of men are b*****ds. I'm sorry that you have to work with some perfect examples

Listen to Dentrassi i thought that was good advice he gave - better then i would have given.


Hope things work out better soon



Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

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Kyle McLean
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Kyle McLean

Living it up
Location: Brisbane/Berlin

Total posts: 364
Posted:Ash,
I didn't find your rant offensive at all. If all the guys in the world were like your co workers then it would be a sad, sad day. Even if it would make for all sorts of funny light bulb changing jokes. But this isn't the case! I know lots of people from both sexs (myself included although I guess I'm just from one) that would have a huge amount of respect and admiration for your decision. I guess at work you are not free to pick who you spend time around, and in that regard Dentrassi seems to be spot on with his words of wisdom. I think this is also one of those things where feeling totally secure in your own priorities can give you a lot of equanimity when you come across people like that. There are a lot of times when you have to make a choice between what is right for you and your own happiness and what is closer to the status quo (btw I hope that the "no man in his right mind will date a girl that won't put out" comment is NOT a status quo thing). You have obviously made the right choice for yourself, and I think in the end when the right guy comes along he will be very very lucky indeed (no pun intended).
Love 'n' Stuff,
K


Contact without dance is like sex without wiggling.
A) it does feel as good
B) it does not look as good on film

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:ash i can understand where u are coming from in that i used to have the same view in that i wanted to fall in love and really know my partener before haveing sex. the only problem was all of the girls i went out with wanted sex (girls like it just as much if not more than guys) and i had a string of short relationships as i was convinced that i had to find love first.

that all changed when i spent a life alterning week in the blue mountains where my entire outlook on life changed. my girlfriend and i practise tantra and it takes sex far beyond a physical level, it reaches a point where i feel her as a part of me (if that makes sense). i guess what im getting at is that if you dont treat sex as just a physical act but as more that it can still be a sacred thing even if you are not married.


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:hahahahaha! was that signature written up for this topic deliberately or is it just a really funny coincidence??!!

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Magnus


member
Location: Bath, UK

Total posts: 279
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Ash:
I apologize in advance for any guys I might offend with this I'm about to go on an anti-male rantNever apologise for saying what you think. But you better be prepared to defend it

Here's the thing; guys naturally relate to girls in the opposite way to the way girls naturally relate to guys. Neither way is more right than the other, and to be successful requires a compromise on both parts.

Women generally feel they need to get to know a guy emotionally before they can be relaxed physically around him. They need to hear that he has similar values and find out who he is.

Men tend to be reluctant to open up emotionally until they have been physically intimate with a woman. The way to a man's heart is through his penis.

Some people label a guy's desire to be promiscuous (read: **** anything) as immoral, while see it as perfectly acceptable for women to share their innermost feelings with their friends, hairdresser, and someone they met on the bus. Emotionally, most women are sluts. Most guys view their own emotions as as personal and private as a girl considers her vagina.


As for no sex before marriage, if you are a Christian you might be interested to read
this article. Basically, the church's rules on no sex before marriage are very recent, and are more to do with the culture of the last hundred years than anything it says in the Bible.

What if your future husband refused to let you know how he was feeling until after marriage? It's not that guys don't want to share their emotions, it's that they feel that sex should come first. Barring bad experiences, most girls like sex too, it's just that they need to share emotions first. So any relationship requires meeting in the middle, at a pace both feel comfortable with.

Of course, there are girls who will **** guys without too much emotional attachment. There are guys who will spill their heart and soul to you on the first date, and wait for as long as you want, because they listened to their mothers when they told them that that's how guys should be. (Go look for these guys at your local Christian Union, Chess Club, or Star Trek Convention)

But I think things work best when men are Men, and women are Women. We are wired this way for a reason, and while we can override our natural wiring for religion, or to satisfy feminists, when we do that we lose touch with who we are.


Magnus... pay it forward

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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:Dentrassi's first piece of advice was good, with one minor cultural difference.... (I note that he is Australian) you might want to avoid calling them 'spunky Brits'.....cos 'spunk' has a slightly different meaning in Britain to Australia.....

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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frostypaw


Great balls of fire
Location: Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Total posts: 643
Posted:"spunky brit"
*titters* nah, i've wiped it off

"i guess what im getting at is that if you dont treat sex as just a physical act but as more that it can still be a sacred thing even if you are not married."
Hear hear! But many don't... and view it will all the seriousness of having a wank or having a game of tennis. Which sucks....

I can only presume theyre the really easily excited guys cos to me if it's not MEANT and taken beyond the mere physical act what's the point?

I think showing-off has a lot to do with it for blokes too - spending a lot of time pursuing sex because "that's what everyone does isn't it?"

rather sheep-like and then ending up boasting about conquests... sad way to live!

To quote:
"Why spend the evening wooing a woman when one can jack off in half an hour and have the evening to oneself"


I can SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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Magnus


member
Location: Bath, UK

Total posts: 279
Posted:but... but... sex is great!

sex is like cooking, if you don't really REALLY enjoy it, you are doing it wrong.

but then, not all girls have had good sex. My gf recently told me she didn't used to enjoy sex, and I asked what changed, and she said it was when she started seeing me how sweet is that.


Magnus... pay it forward

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:quote:sex is like cooking magnus looking at your analogy how does that reflect on socitys fast food addiction ...... you pay someone else to do the hard work?

but then again nothing beats a homecooked meal. unless your eating the same meal everyday. and im going to leave that analogy alone now


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:ahhh yes, id forgotten the british definition of the word 'spunk.' especially funny getting this pointed out from a country who national football team's goalkeeper is called 'david seaman.' '

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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telic


I don't want a title.


Total posts: 940
Posted:Three points:

1. It's your decision not to have sex until marriage, and your friends should respect that and not bug you about it. It's a completely personal matter and we all work too differently for there to be general rules about it. Good on you for believing in your vow and standing up for it!

2. I know some guys who have made similar decisions for religious, ethical, or simply personal reasons. ^^

3. Just because a guy will only date a girl who "puts out" does not mean he's a bastard. If he pressures her to have sex with him or mocks her for not doing so, then yes, he's a foul person. He should respect her choices. But it does not make someone a bad person to simply prioritize sex as one of the things they want to do with a partner to get closer to them or to have decided that they can't marry someone without first testing their sexual compatibility. That's fair, and if they say so reasonably, so be it. They're allowed to think it's important, just as you're allowed not to. Move on. Someone else will feel differently.

I have to make point 3, because while I'd date someone who wouldn't have sex, I'd never marry them without ever having slept with them. That's too risky for me. And you know what? I'm female.

(But I'd never even try to convince anyone to change their beliefs for me... I want enthusiasm! )

[Edited for typos.]

[ 02. August 2003, 00:40: Message edited by: regyt ]


E pluribus unum, baby.

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Kyle McLean
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Kyle McLean

Living it up
Location: Brisbane/Berlin

Total posts: 364
Posted:Wow, lots of good points...
I am also of the attitude that sex is a wonderful thing, and that it can be very spiritual, far deeper then any simple physical thing (I don't think there is anything wrong with looking for one or the other but many folks could be more honest about what they are looking for, both to themselves and others). If anyone out there is wanting to put a bit of divine spice into their love life, I'd highly recommend the book "Soulful Sex" (can't remember the name of the lass that wrote it just now) as a less esoteric and very accessible alternative to lightly leafing through fragile ancient Sanskrit texts...


Contact without dance is like sex without wiggling.
A) it does feel as good
B) it does not look as good on film

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:Guys don't tend to find anti-guy rants offensive. That'd require emotion and sensitivity

I'm always interested when people say they won't have sex before marriage and want to really investigate why because I've never hear a strong enough logical or emotional reason.

I'd like to back up regyt's point 3. I'd have to think really hard about dating a girl who wouldn't have sex. The expression of love, empathy, sensuality and pure joy during love making is so intense and so amazing that I believe it's an essential part of a loving relationship. Sure, you can have love, empathy, sensuality, etc... outside of sex, but it's very different and intense during sex.

A lot of people do have an intense focus on getting a quickie, both guys and girls. A lot of people go on dates for a shag or a casual fling. Fair enough, each to their own and there's no reason why you should bow to someone else's expectations if they're not yours too.

And I think a lot of people's experience of sex is a bit crap. There's a lot more fun to it than push ups in the missionary position.

The reason why you're getting teased at work about your vow is because it's different and you obviously get upset by the comments. This is what some people do - tease people about an issue that'll cause a reaction. And it's girls as much as guys, in fact girls tend to be more bitchy about it.

You're a young woman working in a bar or restaurant I assume, in a state with a bit too much testosterone in it, and you're not your average run of the mill lass - you spin fire, you're a member of the HFS, and you're celibate. All this 'differentness' means that you're going to get hassle from those without the imagination to see what your life is like and how it is right for you. It simply doesn't fit their templated view of who you should be so they'll tease you about it.


Magnus - sorry man, but that's a line. I've heard it a couple too many times to believe it's really meant truly. Women know our ego likes boosting, but sometimes I wish they'd be a bit more subtle about it.


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spiralx


spiralx

veteran
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 1376
Posted:It's all down to your choice, but I feel that not having sex with someone until you're married is seriously risking things. After all the one key difference between your best friend and your life partner is the level of intimacy with them, and it's as important to the survival of a long-term relationship as anything else.

What if the wedding day comes and you suddenly discover that there's no chemistry there, you just don't match? You can either put up with it - which means you lose out on a wonderful thing and it'll undoubtedly become more of a problem over time - or you're going to have to back out of the marriage - very messy.

And it is possible to find someone you love very much, but just don't feel "the thing" for in bed - there's no other way to find out.

But it's your choice at the end of the day, and anyone giving you shit about it is a cockbiscuit


"Moo," said the happy cow.

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:Ash, its a damned if you do and damned if you dont scenario.

As a 41 virgin I have gone through many relationships because of the no sex before marriage issue. I believe that my virginity is a special gift not to be given lightly. The problem has been that by the time I would make the commitment of sleeping with a guy before marriage they have decided to move on because of a relationship without sex. As I have been told Its not like our grandparents day where the woman was expected to go to the marriage bed a virgin. Sex before marriage has become socially accepted. When youre older, and still a virgin, you are looked at as being an oddity.


I wont joke around saying that this has been an easy decision to uphold. Shit, slow dancing on a moonlight balcony over looking the river can play hell with ones emotions, but I cant have sex with a man that I have only had four dates with. I know that I could give this gift to a number of men, including strangers, but its my commitment between that special man and myself that I am protecting. I have to be true to myself.

I do have friends that encourage me in my conviction, both male and female. The women say that they wished they had waited to have sex until they met the man that they are married to. It would have been a physical gift showing him that he really is the special one. Now the men say that they would have liked to have taken their wives virginity, the wives showing them that their relationship was special enough to wait for. Funny thing about it though, the men only talked about their wives virginity and not their own.

Its all in the balance and timing. Finding that special guy that understands your conviction of no sex before marriage and willing to wait, and your emotional commitment to develop enough to have sex before marriage.

Now dont take my not being married make you discourage. Over the years I have had girlfriends that have waited until just before they got married and have said it was the best decision that they ever made. One of them is getting married with weekend, at the age of 22, and waited until the got engaged.

And that is my dissertation titled No Sex Before Marriage. Thank you for letting me ramble.


Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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FlamingMonkey


member
Location: Colchester

Total posts: 50
Posted:In my experience, your virginity is only a big deal until you lose it. I'm glad that sex is a part of my life, especially if someone else is there.

As a cultural thing, marriage over here (UK) isn't as important as the USA in terms of sex prior to it. Christianity has been so watered down here. For a society that is so multicultural, it can be very secualur. and personal i think thats a good, thing. - Morality has no place in my bedroom. (i don't whether i'm joking about that - is that a bad thing???)

Jack.


Monkey see, Monkey do...

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:quote: your virginity is only a big deal until you lose it that is such a wicked quote i may have to add it onto my signature

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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King Of Bongo


King Of Bongo

addict
Location: Berlin

Total posts: 522
Posted:Not all men are like that. And unlike some of the other guys who have posted, I do find it offensive that so many women who have been hurt just go off and generalize that all men are the same, evil, etc... I've heard it too often.
but i guess you have already apologised for that, so

OK, so sex is an important part of a relationship for many people. I am still unsure as to whether I am amongst them, as I tend to prefer the more innocent/romantic/naive/call it what you will type of woman which often means they have the same ideals as you -which I happen to find very charming in many cases, but I must admit, I do love to get laid.

respect to you& I hope you find that person so special.

I do think you should also learn to respect other people's ways.

Try and take your co-workers words in the light teasing tongue&cheek manner it sounds like they intended you to take it rather than going off on the deep end. From your post it sounds to me like they were just trying to have a little fun by getting your hackles up (and maybe took it a step too far, but "boys will be boys").
FORGIVE THEM!!!
I'm sure they didn't really mean to hurt you and wouldn't have said anything if they knew how much it meant to you...
I have been in many a situation like this as I often poke fun and sometimes forget about how sensitive some people are to certain issues... When i realise, i do feel guilty, do apologise and do expect to be forgiven...

I had a great female friend who once said-
"all men are bastards,
but all women are bitches too"

no one is so special they are exepmt from hurting other people.

My advice would be to make up with your co-workers, try going out with a guy (you dont have to have sex with him if you dont want to, he cant force you), let yourself be loved, and who knows you may be pleasantly suprised at the end of it by one of those aliens you "wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole". If you don't try and be more accepting of other people and their ways I simply can't see other people doing the same for you...
good luck with it.

Ben


Your life is ending one minute at a time...
So live it.

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Magnus


member
Location: Bath, UK

Total posts: 279
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Dm:
Magnus - sorry man, but that's a line. I've heard it a couple too many times to believe it's really meant truly. Women know our ego likes boosting, but sometimes I wish they'd be a bit more subtle about it. Oh sure, girls always say stuff like "no-one's ever touched me like you do", "that was the best sex I've ever had", etc.

I believe her this time because she was crying when she said it, has discussed her previous partners at length and just really seemed to mean it.


Magnus... pay it forward

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[Nx?]
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

[Nx?]

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Europe,Scotland,Both

Total posts: 3749
Posted:Takes All Sorts....



This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:Hey Gidg, totally respect your decision. Something you said about how others think and react really did freak me out:

quote: Now the men say that they would have liked to have taken their wives virginity, the wives showing them that their relationship was special enough to wait for. Funny thing about it though, the men only talked about their wives virginity and not their own.
Maybe it was the choice of words, the "taken", but it really implied that some guys wander around with a whole bunch of baggage about the woman the marry having to be "pure", and someone they have to initiate into the world of sex. Wanting someone less experienced than themselves to prop up their ego. And you called it Gidg , they don't apply the same standards of purity to themselves.

I know it is not all men, not even the majority these days. I have been lucky enough to have sexual relationships with guys who understand I am an equal partner in the bedroom too. And on the other side, I know guys who are saving themselves for marriage.

However there is still a hang up in our culture with wanting women to be less sexually experienced than men. A double standard. I was listening to the radio the other day, and the interviewer was asking the lead singer of a US band for advice for a young guy who was going to lose his virginity to a girl he had liked for ages. The singer's first question was "is the girl a slut?".


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:quote:the interviewer was asking the lead singer of a US band for advice for a young guy who was going to lose his virginity to a girl he had liked for ages hmmmmm......an odd place to seek advice...

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:he was asking advice as to what song he should use as a soundtrack for this deflowering...

It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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mech
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

mech

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"

Total posts: 6207
Posted:as far as im conserned having/not having sex makes you no less or nomore of a person! i lost my plates at 18 and have now at 20 had douple partners, and have now been selebate for 17months (ps this is not a look at me, and praise me post, i am just tring to make a point)

if the guys at work need to rib you about your ideas, then they are small and stupid!


Step (el-nombrie)

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nightsdarkchild


member
Location: relocated to the crowded isola...

Total posts: 84
Posted:yes us men are the scum of the univers. we like sex and look for oportinities to get it on. you have my utmost admiration for the way you have choosen and hope you stick to it. i have recently gotten fed up relationships and right now see no point in gettin involved in one. when a girl will leave a man who would do anything for her just for another guys d*ck, whats the point. you should have hurt your coworker, he deserved a swift kick in the balls for what he said and his attitude about sex with patrions. i often have a good time going out with the watresses at my local restraunt i go to, mostly for coffee. but we are just out having a good time so they can wind down after work. being friends is what its about. so i will give you a kiss .

on a side note i have fam in tx they are in east tx. and my younger brother who is expecting his first kid is getting married very soon. so a trip to tx is in my near future.
you wanna spin together?! so shot me an email.

sorrounded nin flames
child


i will follow you into the desert as thirsty as i am
but you left me in the woods where i have all the puriest water to drink


we could live beside the ocean leave the fire behind
swim out past the breakers watch the world die

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