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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Share, if you're getting bullied at school. Talk to friends and family - or talk to us.

I remember having been mass bullied at school for my clothing (we grew up poor in an extremely wealthy neighborhood), the place I lived in (the "witchhouse") and my very open and innocent nature, along with my physique (been quite tall for my age).

I got dragged across the schoolyard by scores of other kids, making fun of me. Sometimes school was hell. Other boys used to pick up fights with me after school until I was aged 17 (and simply too tall and sometimes too desperate in my response to be messed with).

Physical abuse is one side of the story - physical pain vanishes after some time. Other scars remain for a lifetime.

Don't become desperate - trust yourself to adults. And if they don't give the response you need - turn to another - and another. Until you find relief.

"Like the trees and the stars - you have a right to be here."

grouphug

1 Ohio school, 4 bullied teen lives lost

Originally Posted By: APMENTOR, Ohio Sladjana Vidovic's body lay in an open casket, dressed in the sparkly pink dress she had planned to wear to the prom. Days earlier, she had tied one end of a rope around her neck and the other around a bed post before jumping out her bedroom window.

The 16-year-old's last words, scribbled in English and her native Croatian, told of her daily torment at Mentor High School, where students mocked her accent, taunted her with insults like "Slutty Jana" and threw food at her.

It was the fourth time in little more than two years that a bullied high school student in this small Cleveland suburb on Lake Erie died by his or her own hand three suicides, one overdose of antidepressants. One was bullied for being gay, another for having a learning disability, another for being a boy who happened to like wearing pink.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Icarus Forde
BRONZE Member since Apr 2010

Icarus Forde

Just Icarus//Spinner//Pyro//Geek
Location: New Zealand

Total posts: 261
Posted:Long story short, I've been bullied a lot.

It stopped when I topped out a 6 foot in my second year of high school and simply started picking up prospective bullies and moving them sideways - problem solved.


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meshunderlay
BRONZE Member since Sep 2008

meshunderlay

Juggler/Spinner
Location: Hicksville, New York, USA

Total posts: 612
Posted:Originally Posted By: Icarus FordeLong story short, I've been bullied a lot....

^ I second this.

This topic has come up in conversation alot recently and I've come to the conclusion school systems need to take this into consideration. Teenagers are under so much stress and so much pressure, and at times bullying and other things, but have little life experience. If not suicide, I've seen friends turn to certain drugs or alcohol also.

Schools, maybe in addition to a "health" class, need to offer some sort of mandatory stress management class. *shrug* I don't know, just something to help teens help themselves. So many teens I think are just afraid to seek out help for fear of further taunting perhaps. *shrug*

Suicide saddens me.


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aston
SILVER Member since Dec 2007

aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa

Total posts: 4061
Posted:Yeah. I got off pretty lightly. Just did not have friends, but eh, I had books.

'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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Sister Eleven
GOLD Member since Aug 2009

Sister Eleven

owner of the group property
Location: Seattle, WA, USA

Total posts: 1277
Posted:Very little of my experience at school involved being attacked as such, though I would have things constantly thrown at me on the bus. Wadded paper, pencils, sometimes used tampons. I've had my clothing stolen while I was in gym class so I had to go the rest of the day in sweats. A lot of people made fun of me and talked about me like I wasn't there (when I was). I tended to be insulted, and occasionally even threatened, for talking to my classmates. I even had a couple of teachers who would join in on students making fun of me. The closest thing I had to friends were some people who would tolerate me during lunch break. And this was pretty much my experience until I was 17; when I started dating my first girlfriend, it was a couple of weeks before I would let her sit within two feet of me (I don't know how she put up with that). I made friends with the metalheads at the end of my high school education because, well, I was angry as hell, and they could relate to me being stand-offish and curt.

The violent bullying is certainly worse, but I think people underestimate the impact of constantly being insulted and ostracized. And it stays largely invisible, such that if you tell someone, they're like "oh, someone's being mean and excluding you, that's just school", completely ignoring the matter of degree involved. Especially when this sort of thing comprises your formative social years. I could go on a whole separate rant about what's wrong with most adults' reactions to bullying. Because it's happening to kids (who are like cartoon characters, not people), nobody takes its impact a human being's life seriously.


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Icarus Forde
BRONZE Member since Apr 2010

Icarus Forde

Just Icarus//Spinner//Pyro//Geek
Location: New Zealand

Total posts: 261
Posted:Suicide sucks. Thoughts of it are far too common in my area, my country I guess... Have talked several people out of it, one's still alive only because a rope snapped, another jumped off a bridge and was collected by a truck... And I just want to break every person who had a hand in it all.

Read this today as well... http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101008/ap_on_re_us/us_bullying_one_town
- really not impressed with that school.


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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:IF: same link wink But hey BIG hug gies for your availability and readiness to assist others. Sometimes we need to get through the stories as to understand what others go through.

S11: that sucks big time! and I totally agree that the issue is not taken serious by adults. Sometimes they don't even take bullying/ mobbing at work serious.

Children and teens are human beings. If they feel the need to bully others, usually there is a strange group dynamics going on with a few self centered and quite twisted minds in the middle of it all.

Part of it might be "natural selection", as in: "grow a thicker skin or get out of the pool".... dunno

The stories I could tell myself are endless - I too first turned to books and had almost no friends at all and later at some stage I teased weaker and smaller ones, thus became part of the problem. Just as to pass on the pressure.

Some kids have no sensibility at all, some are extremely sensitive and open to anything around them. I don't know what to say or do as to help parents guide their kids through school...

mes said the right thing: it should become part of the schooling system... social awareness.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free..., United Kingd...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:I was bullied at school for being tall too, until I realised that i was in fact MUCH bigger than them, luckily I had no morals so proceeded to beat the lot of them 1 by 1 - bullying stopped then. true not the best message but I grew up in a slightly different time.
After than it was mostly verbal abuse and I learnt to let that roll off without touching, with the mantra "F**king idiots couldn't pour water out a boot if the instrutions were written on the heel".

The problem with bullying is it's the tribe mentality if enough people start verbal abuse others fall in to prevent that abuse falling on them, I honestly think bullying has been hard wired into our genetic code as a way to build the tribe and distinguish ourselves from outsiders, form groups etc, kind of opposite to altruism which has similar but much more benign effects.

I also know several people bullied at school who are now very good friends with their bullies, mostly because the bullying was the most social interaction either person got it ended up becoming a bond. True the abuse was never serious but it was protracted, after 3 years apart at college it was if none of the bad stuff had ever happened.

The important thing to remember about bullying at school is to remember it is likely to only last whilst you are at school. if you can tough it out it can get better.

that said - I also think the reasons behind the bullying need to be looked at. I now know one of the bullies at my school had a terrible home life and was basically dumping the hate they were given out to someone else. Even seen an example on TV of a bully who killed himself when told by the headmaster that they were sending a letter to his parents about his behaviour because he was so scared of what his dad would do to him. We have to remember that although bullying is abhorrent, we need to look at the bullies tosee if we can find out WHY they behave the way they do, sometimes they need as much care as the ir victims.


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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Sister Eleven
GOLD Member since Aug 2009

Sister Eleven

owner of the group property
Location: Seattle, WA, USA

Total posts: 1277
Posted:Well, the bullying may stop, but most people I know who were seriously bullied feel the effects years down the line. It's a commonplace that an abusive relative can mess a kid up, but it's much less acknowledged that abusive peers can do any lasting damage at all. As for making friends with the bully... I was a victim of attempted homicide several years ago, and while I long ago forgave the person (they were on a bad trip influenced by an ongoing problem with a stalker), it has lasting effects no matter what I rationally think about it or how I resolve to conduct myself.

In general, I think the response "toughen up" is kind of facile. It may be the right response sometimes, but it can disguise the difference that support resources can honestly make (just having someone who takes you seriously, or supportive family, or a decent role model). And if they don't know how to "toughen up", what recourse do they have? How can they feel like the situation will ever get better?


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EpitomeOfNovice
GOLD Member since Sep 2009

EpitomeOfNovice

Putting the "FUN" in fundamental since 1981
Location: Dover, Delaware USA

Total posts: 787
Posted:I was bullied a ton for things out of my control from preschool on and the more I toughened up the more it defused the situation. Also taking statements for what they're worth and looking at who's saying them helped with time. Running to an adult only made stuff worse I must admit I do not like snitches and narcs to this day, I think if you cannot handle something yourself it creates more harm than good when a 3rd party handles it.

I don't go into the stuff because being a victim is a choice in many cases and the past is the past. I've never met a bully that I would want to trade places with, not one single time. They always have a reason and are in many cases in worse situations than those they taunt. I've also never met a person who doesn't poke fun in a "bullyish appearing way" with their own friends, I do think it's a part of human nature.

I haven't been seriously picked in years because those cycles don't get started anymore (I select who is in my presence, joys of adulthood) and I don't allow it to get out of control. People do have a choice in how much of a victim they are and if someone who wants to run their mouth by my standards isn't better than me they simply look like a fool and I go about my day which is most of anyone who wants to irk my nerves. If only my problems now were as simple as bullying, I'm sorry but although childhood was pretty crap I'd rather face a school suspension for defending myself than face the real world adult problems we all have to go through after leaving the nest.

I'm offended at the current blaming of bullies in the media for suicides, I'm sorry but suicide is a choice and a bully didn't force those kids to do that. There is a point where accountability for one's self needs to be taken, there was a time when I felt I was entitled to be treated nicely or left alone, but now I don't want pity and understand that it compromises freedom of speech and is offensive and condescending. As long as someone says something ignorant to me as long as I have the right to state my opinion about them I'm grateful. Most anti-bullying paraders are hypocrites and don't understand that their "ultra-tolerance" is an attack on how other people live comfortably, other's rights to feelings/emotions/beliefs/thoughts who express themselves with no ill intent and they take their agenda way too far. They act like there is one right way to think and feel, there are no right or wrong ways to think or feel and it's dangerous to human rights to implement such adherence to oppress those that are different.

I think if you can't "toughen up" how on earth are you going to leave home and be independent? How many parents call the employers/colleges/etc of their grown adult children (in their 20s and 30s) now on a news report I watched are alarming and a sad state for where society is headed with these "intervention/advocacy" approaches to problems. Life is sink or swim, not everyone has someone bailing them out all the time or wants that. Just food for thought.

I'm thankful I was picked on because it taught me to straighten up and compromise with others, it taught me there is a level of conformity that without effort you were asking for taunting by fueling the fires in its own way, and I have often said when dealing with an impossible person to reason with "They just didn't get called out enough". It is the truth, we have a choice in what we do with our experiences I choose to look back at the bullying as lessons I've learned from and leave it at that. Many former "people who gave me problems as a kid" I can talk to and joke with just fine now when I run into them, you'd be surprised at how positive discussing conflicts during childhood have gone as adults. Like both sides saw where they made mistakes and both learned from it.

This whole "everyone needs to like everyone and be nice" concept is stripping away the importance of those who are genuine, the importance of kindness, and the importance to keeping it real and communicating honestly. The world is fake enough, we do not need more fake people living lies than we have now and enforcing others to be just as fake.

Thank you, I feel better! *all the media coverage has been sickening with how things are spun*


~Rock on!~

"As the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough"-Waking Life

(All you RLers this is epitome_of_lame *waves hello*)

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:I've been bullied on all my life since I was in 1st grade pretty much the entire time up to this year at least a little. I usually just laugh at people's pathetic attempts to anger me and I usually tell it to them straight up. There's one kid in cross country that's only a sophomore, he just always actively tries to piss me off and get me left out of things. And he doesn't do it jokingly either, he's actually serious. One of these days I'm just gonna beat the censored out of that little man, because sometimes people just need it smile But most everyone on the team like loves him which to me is really really weird because even how he acts with them and pisses some of them off, it boggles me how he even has all his teeth.

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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Sister Eleven
GOLD Member since Aug 2009

Sister Eleven

owner of the group property
Location: Seattle, WA, USA

Total posts: 1277
Posted:EoN: To address just one part of this post...

"I think if you can't "toughen up" how on earth are you going to leave home and be independent?" I am now frightened of Delaware if assault, threats of assault, and the complete ignoring of your problems by the police, are a semi-daily event. Because that's the kind of environment that a lot of bullied children are expected to just deal with even though no adult in any civilized nation would expect to have to live that way. "The real adult world" is a hundred times easier and less shitty than ongoing bullying; coping with bullying is well outside the range of ordinary life skills.


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EpitomeOfNovice
GOLD Member since Sep 2009

EpitomeOfNovice

Putting the "FUN" in fundamental since 1981
Location: Dover, Delaware USA

Total posts: 787
Posted:There's a time where it's for real and most often time it's not. Adults do it to each other and kill each other. The real adult world has worse things in it than people who screw with each other and bullying, threats of assault, attempts at it and such do happen here with adults every day here.

It doesn't make it right but think if I weren't one to take the high road I would do it you if you treated me the way you have in the past over how you twist words and make accusations with a misunderstanding to get you to shut up. Some people ask for it and if you act like that to a person to their face child or adult you are asking for drama and potentially trouble because people don't like being told how to think or talk or feel.


~Rock on!~

"As the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough"-Waking Life

(All you RLers this is epitome_of_lame *waves hello*)

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Sister Eleven
GOLD Member since Aug 2009

Sister Eleven

owner of the group property
Location: Seattle, WA, USA

Total posts: 1277
Posted:Jessica, I have never told you what to think or feel, or treated you as anything other than an adult I can engage in critical discussion with. I haven't "twisted" anything; it's just that I can only respond to the words you actually say. I have told you when I thought you were wrong or when I thought your reasons for something are bad ones. If you don't like it when I do that, then, well, kindly censored off and find more people who will nod to everything you say in kind acquiescence. This game is getting old, and I'm not going to nurse your feelings after every time I challenge something you say.

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EpitomeOfNovice
GOLD Member since Sep 2009

EpitomeOfNovice

Putting the "FUN" in fundamental since 1981
Location: Dover, Delaware USA

Total posts: 787
Posted:I tried my best and have failed yet again, I'm not playing a game I'm being real and consider you a friend. I do not agree and if you interpret something how I didn't intend for it to be taken that's on you, I don't need my feelings nursed Alice but I will place boundaries on what I will tolerate and how much patience I will extend.

I'm trying to give you food for thought and if you consider that how you approach people by not even trying to mesh and understand things outside of yourself may be the cause of your bullying experiences you spoke of, I know it use to be a big part of what caused me to be treated that way, than perhaps you aren't as smart as you think you are.

I don't need you to agree with me or conform to my beliefs, I just need you understand things in the appropriate context and not try to change me because it doesn't conform to your beliefs.

Think twice about saying my real world problems are worse than being screwed with, no one takes that well hon. No hard feelings, but if you try to tell me how to be you're a bully and a threat in my eyes. People have feelings and they are not the same and they are relative, that's life.

EDITED_BY: EpitomeOfNovice (1286851326)
EDIT_REASON: doing too many things at once


~Rock on!~

"As the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough"-Waking Life

(All you RLers this is epitome_of_lame *waves hello*)

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:I was usually bullied for being different (individual, not following the crowd etc) however the bullying that stands out the most for me is the bullying that was done by some my teachers. Specifically one teacher who was also the so-called "welfare coordinator!"

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Fire_Moose
SILVER Member since May 2007

Fire_Moose

Elusive and Bearded
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, USA

Total posts: 3597
Posted:I was/am always the coolest kid...

O.B.E.S.E.

Owned by Mynci!

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Midkiff
BRONZE Member since Nov 2009

shadow stranger
Location: Carmi, Illinois, USA

Total posts: 462
Posted:for some reason kids were scared of me in school they thought i was crazy or something but i am from a small town in southern illinois surrounded by corn fields and i was a "goth" kid but i was a strange demented child i think it was all of the violent video games i played and loved

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able, and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" - Epicurus

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:*coughs* well well - what do we got here? (pretends nothing is)

Mynci - though I feel you're right that we should get awareness of the bullies psychology and background, it is a quite mature step. One I wouldn't expect from a kid.

Though, brewing a conspiracy thing with one's own child (affected by bullies) could actually help them for future life and make them next governor of... wink

But seriously it would show them: you're my child. I love you. I take you and your problems serious - let's do something about you feeling like that.

"Toughen kids up" - to become what exactly? UFC 74? w.t.f.... Yea - I can kick butt, I can take punches - but this gives me the responsibility to even protect those who can't. Just my own opinion.

However - I admit, some people have this nature... they need this environment... with others it simply destroys their lives. There needs to be some serious discernment and separating the two leagues, I'd say.

I feel it's not about "everybody got to be nice" - but about: "pick someone your size, a set of rules, wear gloves and get a referee"... nothing wrong with UFC - if you're into that kind of stuff - but that's two people agreeing to do a fight. Not one (or a group) picking on someone weaker, or more peaceful.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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[ Unregistered ]


addict


Total posts: 413
Posted:[correcting the topic name in subject]

ninja


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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:not sure why it appeared blank... maybe because it was capslock... changed it and it reappers... CAPSLOCKED... *shakes head* but thanks dude

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Lelianna
BRONZE Member since Oct 2010

Lelianna

DAO Queen
Location: Harwich, Essex, United Kingdom

Total posts: 42
Posted:I was bullied at school right up until I was in second year of high school. Then I went to the headteacher with mum and said I wont becoming back.

I consider myself lucky I have a wonderfull husband a job i love and a precious group of friends. It could of been alot worse not having any qualifications.

I just wanna say if anyone reading this is being bullied you can always talk to me.....anytime xxxx


FOR THE GREY WARDENS!!!

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted:i got teased a fair bit, but that was due to my complete lack of social skills with kids my own age as much as my nerdiness. It rarely crossed the line to physical, and when it did, i was happy to hit back.

but i dealt with it, grew up, and life's all rosy now. did it make me stronger in the long run? maybe, but maybe not. I prefer to think i gained my strength from my positive experiences rather than my negative one.

As Dan Savage's excellent project says, it really does get better!


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Vermin
GOLD Member since Dec 2007

[Insert something clever]
Location: California, USA

Total posts: 10
Posted:The way I see it, a person makes 1 of 3 choices after being bullied.
1) Defect. Martyrism. Know you are who you are, and that you are in the right. Use them as an example of what NOT to be.
2) Join. Revenge. if you can't beat them, join them. Get a BIGGER stick.
3) Give in. Believe the bullies. Change from victim to whipping boy/girl. Or to change who you are, in fear of being picked on again.

#3 is common. #2 also common. #1 takes courage and faith.

EDITED_BY: Vermin (1288244521)


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KyleG4u
SILVER Member since Sep 2010

KyleG4u

KyleG4u
Location: USA

Total posts: 68
Posted:Okay, I know what it's like to be bullied. I used to be the big kid, well, I was HUGE, I used to be a 3x towards the end of middle school, and i know it's not fun. I started laying off the junk food and quit drinking everything except for water for about a year and in two years I went from a 3x to a small. Thats a 6 clothing size difference. After that I started working out and i got RIPPED, and now i quit working out so im gettin kinda outa shape again. the point im trying to convey is i know what it is like to get bullied and it sucks. After i shrunk down a little bit i started hanging out with the other kids at my school who were getting picked on. I gave the kids nobody wanted to talk to somebody to talk to. I stood up for kids getting a hard time and I would recommend the same to everybody out there. Stand up for the kids getting a hard time and you will be a much better person for it. It takes courage to do the right thing but when you do it you realize it is not as hard as you thought it would be. Be good to everybody and hope they will do the same

It's like when you can't remember something you get.... short term.... kidney failure, that's gotta be it, something wrong with your kidneys...
---------------------------------
Love Peace Chicken Grease, Live Laugh Love

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