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Forums > Help! > Breaking up advice?

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Ok, I plan on breaking up with my girlfriend, first girlfriend so this is why I think I need some advice. On Monday I plan on breaking up with her, I would love to get some alone time with her so I could break it to her more politely, but she is being forced to help pack because she is moving (closer to me actually so it's not the reason) and has no free time. But I am afraid she'll hurt herself, or worse. When she broke up with me before, she couldn't stand to be without me and only after an hour she had cut herself. When I found this out, I also learned she and her friend used to do it, she hadn't done it in 2 years, and she has at a time wanted to and almost killed herself before her friend talked her out of it. I'm afraid because I pretty much know she'll end up cutting herself and I'm really afraid of the possibility of her killing herself.

And if you're wondering the reason I want to break up is my feelings for someone else have grown to an enormous extreme (again) and it got to the point where I'm doubting being with her while I'm with her. And lately every night I've been dreaming about being with this other girl, and I realized after fully getting up that this morning for 3 hours I had tried for 3 hours to try and fall asleep to keep dreaming about her because I missed it so much. At that point it just hit me like a pile of bricks that I had to break up with her. And already I'm feeling melancholy.

I figured you guys would have some good advice on how to break it as easily as possible to her. More specifically how to keep her from hurting/killing herself because the last thing I ever wanted in life is to be responsible for someone's death. Also if you think you could cheer me up that would be appreciated.

No one I have talked to seems to understand what it's like being in a position where I could cause someone to hurt/kill themselves, but they do all agree I'm doing the right thing in breaking up with her.

Edit: Ok, now I feel kind of like crying, but I'm not sure for what reason.

Second Edit: Now I feel fine and kind of confused.

Third Edit: Btw it's not her putting me in the worrying about her situation, it's just my knowledge of her that worries me.

EDITED_BY: SpinnerofDetroit (1269746864)


The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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Chloe'
GOLD Member since Jan 2009

Chloe'

enthusiast
Location: SouthDakota, USA

Total posts: 324
Posted:You need to take care of your feelings. Plain and simple. Knowing she could harm herself isn't a reason to put it off, imo. If you drag it out it will end up hurting you both more in the end, believe me, I know. Haven't gone through this exact situation but something similar. Being gentle and alone when you break with her will help too. If she gets upset, don't let it make you hostile and start a yelling competition. It will get you no where. If she is as volatile (sp?) as you say then it's not good for you to be around her I don't think. Again this is my opinion. And over time she will get over it, if may just take a while. =)

Listen to Your heartbeat and dance...

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Fire_Moose
SILVER Member since May 2007

Fire_Moose

Elusive and Bearded
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, USA

Total posts: 3597
Posted:Dude nothing you do can make her hurt or kill herself. Only she can do that. find out if she would rather be with a miserable you or someone else that will fit in as the other half of her.

Just do it, be happy, move on.


O.B.E.S.E.

Owned by Mynci!

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Thanks you guys, I remembered that I have track after school everyday and plan on waiting until we can be alone. I don't want to tell her over the phone like some people do, I hate when people do that, it shows no class no

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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liquidtrance


liquidtrance

i dream in circles...
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 336
Posted:self harm is more common then you think (believe me, I know) it's often just a way of switching off and focusing on something else. If you are worried about her to the extent she might cause serious harm you should talk to someone, whether it's one of her friends or family to help her out/keep an eye on her through your breakup or you feel it's urgent enough to tell your school or something do it, don't keep your worries to yourself about something like this

even chuck norris can't pin you down if your on fire

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Yeah, I was planning on telling her best friend, which recently told my best friend that she just wants to be friends over a text. That made me mad, he didn't care, he wanted to tell her too, but just that someone did that to him infuriates me mad

I do still care about her, but just the thought of this other girl overpowers me. Seriously, whenever I see her I cry a little because I can't talk to her currently, but when I break up that will fix that. I also sometime loose my balance smirk I could go on with a list. Such as almost fainting in the hallway because of the sight of her (yes, that's happened once, and yes, it's that bad), I didn't know feelings for someone could even be that strong. In a way, it's pretty damn cruel.

EDITED_BY: SpinnerofDetroit (1269907168)


The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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liquidtrance


liquidtrance

i dream in circles...
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 336
Posted:these things happen, be sensible, deal with your own situation responsibly, tell her friend, be reasonable as you break up and consider everyone's feelings, don't rush into things. As for your friend don't concern yourself too much with it, you can't fight everyone's battles for them and since he's not too upset you have no need to worry
as the saying goes...
sh#t happens...


even chuck norris can't pin you down if your on fire

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Ok, she promised me she wouldn't cut. I'm gonna talk to her friend to have her make sure she doesn't do anything irrational.

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:OK, I had a dream that's not as obvious as before, I want to see what you guys think while I still remember it.

The important part had to do with me on my computer on Facebook, I was trying to change the relationship status, but no matter what I did, I couldn't get it to change.

Anyone make sense of that?


The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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eca
BRONZE Member since Mar 2010

member
Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA

Total posts: 197
Posted:I would say that that is your mind just venting your frustrations on the situation.

"Think of the pussy, Weevil."
"What's a pussy-weevil?"

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Chloe'
GOLD Member since Jan 2009

Chloe'

enthusiast
Location: SouthDakota, USA

Total posts: 324
Posted:I agree with eca. I personally don't think dreams mean anything in particular. Just accentuates(sp?) fears and stresses. Don't think much into it.

Listen to Your heartbeat and dance...

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:I broke up with her, she apparently was crying at lunch today. I personally am handling it much better than I expected. And every single person I've talked to thought it was a good choice and I can do way better. Most people didn't really think it was a good idea to date her, that I could do much better. And I think I agree with my dreams. They tend to show what you really think about things. I thought about it and well, I found it a good idea to listen and break up because now I actually feel better. I feel like now I can actually talk to this other person (I guess I can refer to her as Kali now for reference) without feeling guilty about it and have her be mad.

The main reason I wanted to was that it was killing me inside not to be able to shoot for her or even talk to her. She is censored drop-dead gorgeous. So I guess I'll follow other people's words that I can do much better smile All I really need is to get a first date and spin some fire and hopefully it works out ubblove


The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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Chloe'
GOLD Member since Jan 2009

Chloe'

enthusiast
Location: SouthDakota, USA

Total posts: 324
Posted:Good luck to ya!

Listen to Your heartbeat and dance...

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Well apparently now she's binge drinking and chain smoking. ALso, her best friend is out for my soul.

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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VillageIdiot
SILVER Member since Dec 2009

VillageIdiot

Pretty cool guy
Location: , Australia

Total posts: 23
Posted:Whatever, dude. You let her down easy, none of that is your fault and don't blame yourself, whatever you do. She's the insecure one and whatever she does to herself cannot be blamed on you. Tell her best friend what she can go and do, seriously.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Yeah, I personally don't give a rat's ass anymore because she was a censored dick to me. So don't worry about me at all. The only thing I have to worry about is if it doesn't work with Kali. Then I will probably be in the shithole for a while

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:twocents

SoD... sad... I'm really getting the impression of a stone cold person right here.

Please excuse if that comes across as a personal attack. I don't know you and you might be THE most sensible person on the planet - only it doesn't come apparent to me from what I read here.

But hey... I'm just a dinosaur, so please ignore me


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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eca
BRONZE Member since Mar 2010

member
Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA

Total posts: 197
Posted:From chatting with SOD I can tell you he is rather sensible (well, as sensible as a young'n like him can be).

Is it being cold to leave a relationship because you have stronger feelings for someone other than your partner?

If he had stayed in that relationship, chances are he would have hurt himself, and in the process he would have hurt the girl he was dating more because he would have been lying to her for X amount of time.

Personally, I don't feel people that young should be looking for committed relationships. This is not to say that they shouldn't date, or that they shouldn't take their relationships seriously, just that they are young, and they have plenty of time ahead of them to a) discover who they are/want to be, b) discover EXACTLY what it is they are looking for in a partner and c) find a partner who accepts a and fits (or mostly fits) b.


"Think of the pussy, Weevil."
"What's a pussy-weevil?"

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Yeah, thanks for talking to me, it did help and make me feel better. I actually have the same perspective on the relationships. I mean 1 in a couple thousand people or so marry their first girlfriend. I know 2 people. But I do have to say that looking back, we were a bit too different for each other after thinking. And this did effect my decision, like a big thing is that I LOVE people and being around lots of PEOPLE and TALKING TO THOSE PEOPLE! It would piss me off so much when I'm having fun with all the people and she's like "ugh let's leave and get away from the people." She does not like people and she has told me it upfront, many of my friends hate her, she and one of my best friends have one of those massive hatreds for eachother where if you stuck them in the same room, there will be blood on the walls. She tried breaking up with me before because I went to one of my friend's parties when she was there. After that it started going downhill for me, I started doubting more, as I found out more about her, the more I started to realize, she wasn't right for me. People have asked me why I broke up with her, I just don't want to explain, they ask me stuff like, "did she cheat on you?", "did she bite your dick?" and all this weird censored. Can't someone just have a blatently simple reason? Can't two people just not be right? Can one person break up with someone because for whatever reason there was, their feelings towards that person went away? Is it wrong? I personally say no, you should be able to break up with someone for whatever reason you want, and people bother me why I did. Why did I do it, was she not having sex with me?, was she this or that or whatever? No! I don't personally know you and you don't need to know my business and why do you ask me all of these stupid reasons? Does no one have simple reasons?

Sorry but I needed to vent somewhere about people in my school that just have to poke in my business.


The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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triptrician
SILVER Member since Feb 2010

UFO Spotting
Location: Queensland, Australia

Total posts: 350
Posted:Bike racks after school is a good place to vent your anger. I went to an all boys school and the bike cage turned into an MMA fighting ring after school to settle any and all scores. it was awesome to watch not so much fun having a crack

would rather have a bottle-in-front-of-me than a frontal lobotomy

"The dangers of life are infinate and among them is safety"(geothe)

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Lol, bike racks? Our school has A Bike rack that can hold about 3 bikes. Pedestrians in my town are a rarity. And there's usually just 1 or 2 bikes on it. Most people drive, get driven, or walk.

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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triptrician
SILVER Member since Feb 2010

UFO Spotting
Location: Queensland, Australia

Total posts: 350
Posted:well just petition them to put a cage in there for ya so you throw evry afternoon. Get some of the guys in woodwork to make tables for ya and you could have a tables death match...sorry slightly off topic i just really like my blood sports

would rather have a bottle-in-front-of-me than a frontal lobotomy

"The dangers of life are infinate and among them is safety"(geothe)

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:Sounds like a barrel of fun. I've only gotten in one fight before, it lasted for about half a second in middle school and a teacher happened to be currently walking out a door and went AAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:SoD - see gathering experience in relationships/ matters of the heart is a tricky procedure.

I only wonder if you told her all that what you're telling your friends about her.

Eca - talking from my experience "young people" by large engage in relationships and for many years after try to heal the scars left. I'm not advocating to commit - geez no.

SoD: people do ask stupid questions and you should give them stupid answers (unless you mind too much the social game) - or no answer at all. Because nobody really cares WHY you broke up, all they care for is gossip.

There are just some comments and phrases you put out here that gave me chills.

Originally Posted By: SoDOn Monday I plan on breaking up with her, I would love to get some alone time with her so I could break it to her more politely, (..) Yeah, I personally don't give a rat's ass anymore because she was a censored dick to me. So don't worry about me at all. (...)

It's like
7am breakfast
8am school
12pm lunchbreak
1pm break up with gf
3pm baseball
4pm talk to gf to be and invite her over

You can break up for any reason - just think about why you want to be with this or that person in the first place... If she really wants to kill herself, she'll find any reason - you should inquire why you feel attracted to a person with such psych problems...

Best is to "fall in love gracefully" and find out who you are about to date....


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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SpinnerofDetroit
GOLD Member since Oct 2009

SpinnerofDetroit

All High Dude, Ruler of What You Want
Location: Trenton, MI, USA

Total posts: 2280
Posted:I've known who I want to date. You're pretty largely exaggerating what's going on. And yes, I have talked to her and told her a lot and all that stuff. I was pretty mad when I posted some of that stuff btw. And I do know this other person. I've known her for about half a year or so, we're not friends really, just acquaintances, we talk occasionally again now. Before I couldn't. I'm a slow working person, it's gonna be a while before I actually ask to do something with Kali. Also my old girlfriend was just too controlling for me. That was one of the main reasons, I had my list of reasons, i thought about it. I even talked to her beforehand and told her I need about a week to sort things out and make up my mind. Nothing I did was sudden, believe me. I'm terrible at that anyways smirk Also, yes it is tricky. And also my ex is more stable of a person than she lets on, apparently the cutting thing was just that one time and it was never a regular thing. I actually think the reason my last one didn't work out was because it was rushed too much, we were both to blame for that, but I'm not doing that again. I think highschool dating is more like practice for getting into good healthy relationships, because it's just not gonna happen first time.

Also, I didn't know she had all these problems before. The only other person that knows that stuff is her 2 best friends, she is a very closed person and I would never have been able to find that stuff out otherwise. What I went through was just way too confusing to properly explain through text. I just hope to never be with someone that odd and confusing again. And even though I'm too madly in love with this other girl, my plan is to make sure it doesn't get so rushed like the last one.

Also I found out recently after breaking up with her that now all the sudden I guess I'm, uh, "on the market." Cause apparently I wasn't before, dunno why. Social ways are just odd to me sometimes, "oh he hasn't had a girlfriend yet he's obviously not available." That way of thinking just pisses me off in itself.

And unrelated, but did put a smile on my face. I looked at that friend questions thing on Facebook and for the first time, I'm getting a bunch of nice answers grin It used to be all negative and they pissed me off so for like half a year I never looked at them.

And one thing, thanks for having some concern about me and what I do. I'm used to no one caring and it makes me happy smile And don't take anything I say as negative towards you, because nothing is meant like that and often text seems like that. And I'll do my best to work gracefully.


The only luck is bad luck.

Shut up before I stall my poi up your ass grin

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Mother_Natures_Son
SILVER Member since Aug 2007

Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!

Total posts: 2418
Posted:Once upon a time I was in a relationship.

Once upon a time I wanted out of a relationship.

Once upon a time I thought I wanted another girl while I was still in aforementioned relationship.

Once upon a time I made the biggest relationship mistake of my life because I was deluded into thinking the new one was right for me, she wasn't... she was a replacement.

Now I know better... but shes still latched onto my friends.


hug

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eca
BRONZE Member since Mar 2010

member
Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA

Total posts: 197
Posted:Sounds like an old friend of mine.

"Think of the pussy, Weevil."
"What's a pussy-weevil?"

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Originally Posted By: SpinnerofDetroitAnd one thing, thanks for having some concern about me and what I do. I'm used to no one caring and it makes me happy smile And don't take anything I say as negative towards you, because nothing is meant like that and often text seems like that. And I'll do my best to work gracefully.

I wouldn't take it personal hug not much time left to answer - shall be back smile

MNS... you put it in THE most perfect words clap


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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liquidtrance


liquidtrance

i dream in circles...
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 336
Posted:kinda related topic, just broke up with my girlfriend of the last 3 years, blah.... frown
life is censored sometimes.


even chuck norris can't pin you down if your on fire

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:why'd you break up if it sucks now?

anyway... hug


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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liquidtrance


liquidtrance

i dream in circles...
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 336
Posted:we'd grown apart, current family and work has us living apart and we both seem to want very different things in life and to live in very different places. Still love her to bits but felt that trying to keep up a relationship that was just going to cause more and more disagreements/unhappiness for both of us was pointless so after a long think about it I thought it would be better to end it. Not an easy decision, hurting a lot just now. frown

even chuck norris can't pin you down if your on fire

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