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Werekittenmember
54 posts
Location: Sheffield, England


Posted:
I'm just looking for weird n wonderful quotes hopfully some funnies so please go for it

"A gentalman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionallly"

Wilde

An innocent child will usually have the most evil intentions


Gri-griMember
84 posts
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa


Posted:
So I was watching this witch chick on TV yesterday (when I should have been working) and she said something pretty cool,

"The past is in the past, and the future never comes! So what are you left with?"

Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...


DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


My hairs on fireIf its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
515 posts
Location: Cyprus


Posted:
Lol at domino!

Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )


HavokistBRONZE Member

2,530 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
"They say big brother is watching you. Well maybe big brother is watching dutch girly video's on the next screen along" - Banksy

"Only when the last tree has been cut down, and the last river has dried up, will man realise that reciting Red Indian proverbs makes you sound like a f***ing muppet" - Banksy

"Win the rat race and you're still a rat" - Banksy

sorry about the mass of Banksy's quotes, but he's a dude and inspires most of my artwork

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.


NOnactivist for HoPper liberation.
1,643 posts
Location: ffidrac


Posted:
"I love deadlines, I love the whooshing noise the make as they go by." - Douglas Adams

and this one, of of the 1 Giant Leap album:

"some people went around interviewing dying patients, not onw person said they regretted not making more money or working harder, they all seemed to say their regrets were not spending more time with the people they loved and not travelling more, relating more to the world, the planet."

- i think it's Tom Robbins

oooh and this - long but worth it:

"I didn't like Europe as much as I liked Disney World. At Disney World all the countries are much closer together, and they show you just the best of each country. Europe is more boring. People talk strange languages and things are dirty. Sometime you don't see anything interesting in Europe for days, but at Disney World something different happens all the time, and people are happy. It's much more fun. It's well designed!"

- this one was from an american college graduate just back from her first trip to europe, in a book by Victor Papenek

Aurinko freedom agreement reached 10th Sept 2006

if it makes no sense that's because it's NOn-sense.


-Bo-member
35 posts
Location: Southampton, UK


Posted:
'You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.'

so stay happy! biggrin

Live fast, die young and leave a good lookin corpse!


HavokistBRONZE Member

2,530 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
"It is a foolish man who speaks without seeing whom is listening" - Raymond E. Feist

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.


Gri-griMember
84 posts
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa


Posted:
Written by: Domino


Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.




Braziliant!!! biggrin biggrin

Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...


DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

(British business man questioned by Australian Customs)
"Do you have a criminal record?"
"I didn't relise you still needed one to get in."

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

All fun things in life are either illegal, immoral or fattening. Anything that doesnt fit into these categories causes cancer in rats.

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


zeuyaBRONZE Member
member
22 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for the good men to do nothing... Hunter S Thompson

meghannenthusiast
302 posts
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to be precise


Posted:
fashion is a form of ugliness so intollerable it must be changed every 6 months. (oscar wilde)



if man hasnt discovered somthing that he will die for he isnt fit to live (martin luther king jr)



live today as if you were going to die a martyr this evening (charles de foucauld)



theres no linit to the good you can do if you dont care who gets the credit (unknown)

ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher


HavokistBRONZE Member

2,530 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
that last quote is quite ironic tongue

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.


minimaniacThe Ladiees Man
360 posts
Location: near swindon/ oxford


Posted:
if your going to be silly don't be stupid!

I'm going to leave the army and run away to the circus

if not i will just become a MI5 agent !!!


Flame BoyGOLD Member
veteran
1,508 posts
Location: Out, United Kingdom


Posted:
- I love flying, Ive been to almost as many places as my luggage -

Not sure who said that; someone famous tho biggrin

PS look below

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!! ubbcrying


meghannenthusiast
302 posts
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to be precise


Posted:
s'cool!

ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher


Flame BoyGOLD Member
veteran
1,508 posts
Location: Out, United Kingdom


Posted:
German Control Tower is having a rant at British Commercial Airplane who is landing at Berlin airport.

Germans: rant rant rant...Haven't you been here before!?!?!?!?!

Brits: Yes, twice actually, but they were in 1944 and I didn't land.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!! ubbcrying


meghannenthusiast
302 posts
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to be precise


Posted:
oooh similar to the above...

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.



not really a short quote tho... sorry!

ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher


Flame BoyGOLD Member
veteran
1,508 posts
Location: Out, United Kingdom


Posted:
Ive heard that same story but it was Brits instead of Yanks.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!! ubbcrying


nearly_all_goneSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,626 posts
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom


Posted:
What a wonderful life I've had.
If only I'd realised it sooner.
Collette

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it, than we have to consume wealth without producing it.
George Bernard Shaw

When a man is wrapped up in himself,
he makes a pretty small package.
John Ruskin

I remember story of the old man who said he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
Winston Churchill

You are the mirror and the face within it.
Jelalludin Rumi

Don't just be better than your contemporaries or your predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
William Faulkner

When someone has a why to live for, he can bear almost any how.
Nietzsche

Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes,
and the grass grows by itself.
Zen saying

The way we see the problem is the problem.
Albert Einstein

May you live all the days of your life.
Jonathan Swift

How we spend our days is, of course,
how we spend our lives.
Anne Dillard

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
Anonymous

The soul should always stand ajar,
ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.
Emily Dickinson

Courage is fear transformed into action.
Anonymous

I am a great believer in luck
and I find the harder I work,
the more I have of it.
Thomas Jefferson

If you never did, you should.
These things are fun,
and fun is good.
Dr. Seuss

What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau


BlackassBlueass
183 posts
Location: Edinburgh badger set


Posted:
"He was quadraspazzed on a lifeglug" - Chris Morris

---------------------------------
Breathing fire doesn't look good on the resume - Everclear


_VT_SILVER Member
Your Face!
1,173 posts
Location: el paso, tx, USA


Posted:
one of my favorite quotes was a signiture some one had on hop when i first joined that said "Happiness is like peeing on yourself! Everyone can see it ,but only you can feel the warmth.". I use it every now and again. I just can't remember who it was that had that signature.

Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
-Albert Einstein-

Peanut butter... It fills the cracks of the soul! -Paul Blart-


dani_babybooSILVER Member
addict
667 posts
Location: Cannock, staffordshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
i love bill hicks quotes but they usually involve swearing and so i will just leave u with the bill hicks name and no example smile

enticed, entrapped, entombed.
intoxicated, impaled, ingested.
bewitched, beaten, broken.
enter the love realm...
insert ur token

o jej, ale bym ci wylizal ten pepek

stepped up promotions


SpannerBRONZE Member
remembers when it was all fields round here
2,790 posts
Location: in the works... somewhere..., United Kingdom


Posted:
Indulged in watching "Neighbours" yesterday for the first time in ages and this made me biggrin :

 Written by:


Woman 1: He's given me tickets to the circus!
Woman 2: Du Soleil?
Woman 1: No, a real circus...


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"


BrennPLATINUM Member
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia


Posted:
"It is better to remain silent & be thought a fool, than to open your mouth & remove all doubt." - anon ubblol

ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy


fake teeth and glueBRONZE Member
Checking who's online, watching you!
1,972 posts
Location: somewhere, England (UK)


Posted:
wow wow wow, lois this isn't my batman glass........

you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!

knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.


darkness-beforeGOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom


Posted:
Some corkersfrom my ex....

Whilst munching on a chicken thigh- "How come when you see chickens on farms they have such tiny yellow legs but when you eat them they're so meaty?" ( she used to live near a farm!)

On returning from the bathroom. me"arent you gonna sit down?" her" I would but your standing on my foot" me"I'm sitting down honey" her" oh wait I'm standing on it."
Ah she was dumb but she had great boobs.

"if you were my husbandi should poison your coffee"
"Maddam, were i your husband i would drink it."
Churchhill ubblol

Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.


jarleGOLD Member
Lv15 Ranger
1,489 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia


Posted:
Bump!

From my sister, while looking through my cousins CD collection: "Oooh, the Beatles! Do they sing Hey Hey We're The Monkees?"

Kupo!


clarence_quackSILVER Member
QuackerJack
1,927 posts
Location: over your left shoulder, Australia


Posted:
Want to touch my harbl?

-Aimee at work not knowing a different meaning for harbl.

Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks


darkness-beforeGOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom


Posted:
Direct quotes from real lawyers in real courts.....

did he kill you?

how far apart were the veichles at the time of the collision?

You were there untill the time that you left, is that true?

and my favourite

Q: Docotor did you check for a pulse before you preformed the autopsy? A: No
Q:And did you check for breathing? A: No
Q: So its possible the patient was alive before you began the autopsy? A:NO
Q: How can you be so sure? A:because his brain was in a jar on my desk.
Q:But is it still possible he could have been alive nethertheless?
A: Well, I suppose he could have been practicing law somewhere.

Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.


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