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Werekitten


member
Location: Sheffield, England

Total posts: 54
Posted:I'm just looking for weird n wonderful quotes hopfully some funnies so please go for it

"A gentalman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionallly"

Wilde


An innocent child will usually have the most evil intentions

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Gri-gri


Gri-gri

Member
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa

Total posts: 84
Posted:So I was watching this witch chick on TV yesterday (when I should have been working) and she said something pretty cool,

"The past is in the past, and the future never comes! So what are you left with?"


Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

Delete

My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:Lol at domino!

Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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Havokist
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Havokist


Location: Manchester

Total posts: 2530
Posted:"They say big brother is watching you. Well maybe big brother is watching dutch girly video's on the next screen along" - Banksy

"Only when the last tree has been cut down, and the last river has dried up, will man realise that reciting Red Indian proverbs makes you sound like a f***ing muppet" - Banksy

"Win the rat race and you're still a rat" - Banksy

sorry about the mass of Banksy's quotes, but he's a dude and inspires most of my artwork


We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

Delete

NOn


activist for HoPper liberation.
Location: ffidrac

Total posts: 1643
Posted:"I love deadlines, I love the whooshing noise the make as they go by." - Douglas Adams

and this one, of of the 1 Giant Leap album:

"some people went around interviewing dying patients, not onw person said they regretted not making more money or working harder, they all seemed to say their regrets were not spending more time with the people they loved and not travelling more, relating more to the world, the planet."

- i think it's Tom Robbins

oooh and this - long but worth it:

"I didn't like Europe as much as I liked Disney World. At Disney World all the countries are much closer together, and they show you just the best of each country. Europe is more boring. People talk strange languages and things are dirty. Sometime you don't see anything interesting in Europe for days, but at Disney World something different happens all the time, and people are happy. It's much more fun. It's well designed!"

- this one was from an american college graduate just back from her first trip to europe, in a book by Victor Papenek


Aurinko freedom agreement reached 10th Sept 2006

if it makes no sense that's because it's NOn-sense.

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-Bo-


-Bo-

member
Location: Southampton, UK

Total posts: 35
Posted:'You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.'

so stay happy! biggrin


Live fast, die young and leave a good lookin corpse!

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Havokist
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Havokist


Location: Manchester

Total posts: 2530
Posted:"It is a foolish man who speaks without seeing whom is listening" - Raymond E. Feist

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

Delete

Gri-gri


Gri-gri

Member
Location: Richardsbay, South Africa

Total posts: 84
Posted:Written by: Domino

Women don't want to hear what you think. They want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.



Braziliant!!! biggrin biggrin


Where the mind goes,
The body will follow...

Delete

Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

(British business man questioned by Australian Customs)
"Do you have a criminal record?"
"I didn't relise you still needed one to get in."


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

Delete

Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

All fun things in life are either illegal, immoral or fattening. Anything that doesnt fit into these categories causes cancer in rats.


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

Delete

zeuya
BRONZE Member since Oct 2003

zeuya

member
Location: Manchester

Total posts: 22
Posted:The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for the good men to do nothing... Hunter S Thompson

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meghann


enthusiast
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to ...

Total posts: 302
Posted:fashion is a form of ugliness so intollerable it must be changed every 6 months. (oscar wilde)



if man hasnt discovered somthing that he will die for he isnt fit to live (martin luther king jr)



live today as if you were going to die a martyr this evening (charles de foucauld)



theres no linit to the good you can do if you dont care who gets the credit (unknown)


ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher

Delete

Havokist
BRONZE Member since Dec 2004

Havokist


Location: Manchester

Total posts: 2530
Posted:that last quote is quite ironic tongue

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.

Delete

minimaniac


minimaniac

The Ladiees Man
Location: near swindon/ oxford

Total posts: 360
Posted:if your going to be silly don't be stupid!

I'm going to leave the army and run away to the circus

if not i will just become a MI5 agent !!!

Delete

Flame Boy
GOLD Member since Jul 2004

Flame Boy

veteran
Location: Out

Total posts: 1508
Posted:- I love flying, Ive been to almost as many places as my luggage -

Not sure who said that; someone famous tho biggrin

PS look below


AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!! ubbcrying

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meghann


enthusiast
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to ...

Total posts: 302
Posted:s'cool!

ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher

Delete

Flame Boy
GOLD Member since Jul 2004

Flame Boy

veteran
Location: Out

Total posts: 1508
Posted:German Control Tower is having a rant at British Commercial Airplane who is landing at Berlin airport.

Germans: rant rant rant...Haven't you been here before!?!?!?!?!

Brits: Yes, twice actually, but they were in 1944 and I didn't land.


AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!! ubbcrying

Delete

meghann


enthusiast
Location: good ol@ devon. cullompton to ...

Total posts: 302
Posted:oooh similar to the above...

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.



not really a short quote tho... sorry!


ive learned
life is tough... but im tougher

Delete

Flame Boy
GOLD Member since Jul 2004

Flame Boy

veteran
Location: Out

Total posts: 1508
Posted:Ive heard that same story but it was Brits instead of Yanks.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!! My giant stick broke!!! In two!!! My stick broke in two!!! ubbcrying

Delete

nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:What a wonderful life I've had.
If only I'd realised it sooner.
Collette

We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it, than we have to consume wealth without producing it.
George Bernard Shaw

When a man is wrapped up in himself,
he makes a pretty small package.
John Ruskin

I remember story of the old man who said he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.
Winston Churchill

You are the mirror and the face within it.
Jelalludin Rumi

Don't just be better than your contemporaries or your predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.
William Faulkner

When someone has a why to live for, he can bear almost any how.
Nietzsche

Sit quietly, doing nothing, spring comes,
and the grass grows by itself.
Zen saying

The way we see the problem is the problem.
Albert Einstein

May you live all the days of your life.
Jonathan Swift

How we spend our days is, of course,
how we spend our lives.
Anne Dillard

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
Anonymous

The soul should always stand ajar,
ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.
Emily Dickinson

Courage is fear transformed into action.
Anonymous

I am a great believer in luck
and I find the harder I work,
the more I have of it.
Thomas Jefferson

If you never did, you should.
These things are fun,
and fun is good.
Dr. Seuss


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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Blackass


Blackass

Blueass
Location: Edinburgh badger set

Total posts: 183
Posted:"He was quadraspazzed on a lifeglug" - Chris Morris

---------------------------------
Breathing fire doesn't look good on the resume - Everclear

Delete

_VT_
SILVER Member since Jul 2003

Your Face!
Location: el paso, tx

Total posts: 1173
Posted:one of my favorite quotes was a signiture some one had on hop when i first joined that said "Happiness is like peeing on yourself! Everyone can see it ,but only you can feel the warmth.". I use it every now and again. I just can't remember who it was that had that signature.

Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism - how passionately I hate them!
-Albert Einstein-

Peanut butter... It fills the cracks of the soul! -Paul Blart-

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dani_babyboo
SILVER Member since Feb 2005

dani_babyboo

addict
Location: Cannock, staffordshire

Total posts: 667
Posted:i love bill hicks quotes but they usually involve swearing and so i will just leave u with the bill hicks name and no example smile

enticed, entrapped, entombed.
intoxicated, impaled, ingested.
bewitched, beaten, broken.
enter the love realm...
insert ur token

o jej, ale bym ci wylizal ten pepek

stepped up promotions

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:Indulged in watching "Neighbours" yesterday for the first time in ages and this made me biggrin :

 Written by:


Woman 1: He's given me tickets to the circus!
Woman 2: Du Soleil?
Woman 1: No, a real circus...




"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

Delete

Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004

Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 3286
Posted:"It is better to remain silent & be thought a fool, than to open your mouth & remove all doubt." - anon ubblol

ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

Delete

fake teeth and glue
BRONZE Member since Aug 2003

fake teeth and glue

Checking who's online, watching you!
Location: somewhere

Total posts: 1972
Posted:wow wow wow, lois this isn't my batman glass........

you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!

knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.

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darkness-before
GOLD Member since Apr 2007

darkness-before

Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
Location: The sea

Total posts: 197
Posted:Some corkersfrom my ex....

Whilst munching on a chicken thigh- "How come when you see chickens on farms they have such tiny yellow legs but when you eat them they're so meaty?" ( she used to live near a farm!)

On returning from the bathroom. me"arent you gonna sit down?" her" I would but your standing on my foot" me"I'm sitting down honey" her" oh wait I'm standing on it."
Ah she was dumb but she had great boobs.

"if you were my husbandi should poison your coffee"
"Maddam, were i your husband i would drink it."
Churchhill ubblol


Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.

Delete

jarle
GOLD Member since Mar 2007

jarle

Lv15 Ranger
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1489
Posted:Bump!

From my sister, while looking through my cousins CD collection: "Oooh, the Beatles! Do they sing Hey Hey We're The Monkees?"


Kupo!

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clarence_quack
SILVER Member since Feb 2005

clarence_quack

QuackerJack
Location: over your left shoulder

Total posts: 1927
Posted:Want to touch my harbl?

-Aimee at work not knowing a different meaning for harbl.


Nutella Brigade Unite!

"Look! I have a rainbow penis!" - Rouge

Owned By Steaks

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darkness-before
GOLD Member since Apr 2007

darkness-before

Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
Location: The sea

Total posts: 197
Posted:Direct quotes from real lawyers in real courts.....

did he kill you?

how far apart were the veichles at the time of the collision?

You were there untill the time that you left, is that true?

and my favourite

Q: Docotor did you check for a pulse before you preformed the autopsy? A: No
Q:And did you check for breathing? A: No
Q: So its possible the patient was alive before you began the autopsy? A:NO
Q: How can you be so sure? A:because his brain was in a jar on my desk.
Q:But is it still possible he could have been alive nethertheless?
A: Well, I suppose he could have been practicing law somewhere.


Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.

Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.

Delete

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