Forums > Help! > I think I'm loosing my boyfriend...

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:I'm not positive if this is something that is reasonable to post on HoP But I don't know what else to do...
I'm young, I know, very young, but I really do love him, and I can't see me with anyone else in the future...
We have been together since early December last year. We had been broken up for a couple month's time, but got back together, seemingly stronger than ever before...
Just recently he hasn't been getting on to talk to me. (Currently we can only talk through the computer) I talked to him once last night, none the past few nights, and not tonight.

Every time I think about loosing him I can't help but cry and it gets unbearably hard to breathe.. I've also noticed that I end up wrapping my arms around myself.. almost as if to hold myself together...
I have lost someone else before... he faked suicide and moved across the country... And that did wonders for my self-esteem...(So much better than just breaking up with me...)

I'm sorry if I seem a bother, or if this comes of as some teenage-love thing... but I really don't know how I could ever handle loosing him...

Does anyone know what I should do? Have any of you been through something like this?

Thank you in advance... hug


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:I agree there, Tom, I was just pointing out that some mistakes matter and some do not. The ones that matter tend to be the ones that have an effect on the way the other person lives THEIR life, not just on yours as it is associated with them.

hug

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aston
aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2007
Total posts: 4061
Posted:Like my absorption did have negative effects in that she felt that she could not be sure when I was listening to her, so I missed stuff that I should not have missed.

'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:and there she is trying to catch your attention, instead of simply accepting that you're "zoned" --> just leaving you alone for the time being shrug

Who made the mistake now? umm wink


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Darnit! Before I forgot to hit send and I never sent my reply! -sniffle- Okay, anywho.

I think that the little imperfections are wonderful. And Mistakes are mistakes, weather we mean them or not, conscious or not.
I guess to me I've never really minded anything that anyone else has done so I don't really pay attention to what should be mistakes. Of course, bigger, mistakes I notice (like the really loud guy who sits behind me spreading rumors for the fun of it) But I try to ignore that.

What I've said probably goes against something I've said before but I contradict myself a lot. So.. oh well. tongue2


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Hmm - making conscious mistakes.... then at least they got to be funny (haha) ones wink

Your attitude of ignoring something instead of getting bothered by it is a nice one... wish I could do that more often - and contradicting yourself? That's your pristine right as a WO-man... okay, maybe not yet young lady, but there is nothing speaking against getting some practice on the way wink


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:laugh3 Yup making conscious mistakes. I've done that before! but it was unintentional.

And YAY! I get to contradict myself! laugh3 Do I get cookies for that too? -gasps- No.. I want ensure instead! (hahaha the only girl in the world who could hurt herself with ensure XD)


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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bodhisattva
my body is a tattooed temple
Location: halifax
Member Since: 1st Jun 2008
Total posts: 366
Posted:i've just read this whole thread . It made me feel quite sad , although there is some great advice . Bansheecat seems wise , and buddism as a way of live is great (i know ). I will probably read this all again when i am sober , and post again .

when the body is happy the mind smiles

to live a single day and hear a good teaching is better than to live a hundred without hearing such teaching

and everything is measured by the hole it leaves behind

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:I must say, I'm not sure I like the idea of "ignoring" a problem...

With the guy spreading rumours... try thinking about what it is that makes him want to spread rumours... usually they're trying to keep the attention away from themselves due to insecurities there...

When you connect with this idea and have sympathy for them it makes it rather difficult to get upset about it...

Edit: Please do leave a reply, bodhisattva... I'm interested to see what makes you sad in here.

EDITED_BY: Mother_Natures_Son (1223350418)


hug

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:*feeds cookies to WiccanChicca*

Originally Posted By: bodhisattvai've just read this whole thread.
wow
Originally Posted By: bodhisattvaIt made me feel quite sad
hug
Originally Posted By: MNSI'm interested to see what makes you sad in here.
me too
Originally Posted By: bodhisattvaI will probably read this all again when i am sober, and post again.
I'd guess that will resolve the sadness and help us to understand your reaction wink

btw: Bansheecat is wise - but don't tell her I said that. rolleyes

MNS: I used "ignore" as a temporary remedy. As long as I do not identify with something or someone, there is little that I can call a "problem" in the first place.

Just an hour ago I stood texting into my cell, when I got approached by a woman with a crying baby on her arm, asking me for money. I got a little stressed out and later asked myself "why, Tom?" the answer is: "What kind of a mother would torture her own child, to beg for money?" - I didn't notice a crying baby just until she stood right in front of me.

Still, "getting a little stressed out" is more telling me about myself (in that instant) than about her.

I'm not sure whether the guy is trying to divert attention, I believe the opposite... when you're saying "away from themselves" - you mean from their "innermost"? In this case I would fully agree...

WiccanChicca: you started quite a thing here, didn't you? wink

Maybe by carefully observing ones self - making these (conscious) mistakes (unintentional) - one gets deep insights about characteristic mechanisms of the mind (many of them being inherited, IMHO) -- one important step towards liberation.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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aston
aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2007
Total posts: 4061
Posted:Tom: It is an issue when we are in the same room and I should be paying attention to her, since that is why she is around.

Sounds bad, but if you have a visitor and you ignore them, then that would be a mistake in terms of being hospitable. She is visiting me, therefore has a perfectly correct expectation not to be ignored. At least that is how I see it....


'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:"should-would-could's" and then you end up perpetuating something that you're not really interested in, raising her expectations and such. To me it's more honorable if you're authentic and yourself, than polite and feigning affection. But everyone to his own liking.

hug


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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aston
aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2007
Total posts: 4061
Posted:smile True enough. Is just something that was coming in the way, so I view it as a mistake. And when not doing that, was not feigning attention, just that I get easily absorbed and stop paying any.

But I agree with the proverb about not making mistakes being the biggest mistake of all, because it means that you are not really trying anything new.

But anyway....
I will let this line of discussion end from my side, unless there was anything else. Seems to have come to a natural conclusion.


'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:aston: hug

NEXT! wink


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Sorry Guys! School has been time-consuming (as always), first quarter having already past. My bad, I didn't mean to let so much time lapse before I posted (stupid homework, but oh well, have to keep my A's)

So much conversation!!

I'll just make a short reply, as I am tired and I want to sleep (grin)

I am also interesting in bodhisttva's response (why does it seem like all adults are either drunk in their free time, or off with friends getting drunk?)

Uh.. Tom... didn't your mother teach you to never talk to strangers? (I love babies though, so I'll let it slide. grin I got to hold a baby all night the other night! It was pleasing.)

Uh lets see... I really don't know what to say, as I am slightly confused about what direction the whole conversation has taken. (Not as much due to the replies being unclear, more to the fact that I am half dead as I type this.)

Uh.... Hugs to all, sorry I've been off again... grouphug hug

Love you all!!! laugh3 I'll post later too, when I've had a good three days' sleep.

Tout a l'heure!


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:Originally Posted By: WiccanChica(why does it seem like all adults are either drunk in their free time, or off with friends getting drunk?)


Thats a huge claim...

Dunno if you'd call 21 adulthood... but I rarely imbibe alcohol...

I can't comment on the US, but in Australia, there tends to be too much of an emphasis on the depiction of consumption of alcohol, which implies the actual intake occurs more than it really does. (Not to say there isn't an alcohol consumption problem with a huge number of young people (18-25 I refer to, but there is an issue of underage drinking, also) and a hefty number of adults...


hug

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Originally Posted By: WiccanChicca - hard to abbreviate that one btwUh.. Tom... didn't your mother teach you to never talk to strangers?

Aston is *not* a stranger, sweetheart... and usually I'm the one ppl consider 'strange' errm wink [/nonsense] honestly as now being 20 (+20) I'm in the lucky position to consider everybody a friend (I just haven't happen to meet yet)... it's only sometimes that I'm not prepared enough for the encounter, therefore get 'surprised' once in a while. And being 2ft10in tall, strong built and missing a tooth I'm usually *not* the kind ppl want to mess with... I'm only saying that in order NOT to give a wrong idea to a sweet 14yr youngster... YOU should NOT talk to strangers! Listen to your mom! And don't reveal you address to anyone, not even here and not even to me! You got that? umm


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:Originally Posted By: FireTomAnd being 2ft10in tall,


Jeez... I'm over twice your height! You ought to put some lifts in your shoes, there, Tom.


hug

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:'nuff liftn' in this one? umm
Non-Https Image Link


laugh3 damn fractions ey! *looks it up* redface - let's correct that figure and add a mere 4ft then....

nitpicker...

wink hug


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:grin I don't feel short anymore! (That sounds really mean, but at 14 my growth has stopped and I'm to be 5' the rest of my young life... Then I shrink! But I didn't mean that in a cruel way!)

And I didn't mean Aston, Tom... I meant when you said "Just an hour ago I stood texting into my cell, when I got approached by a woman with a crying baby on her arm" But, no, I don't talk to strangers. Strange people that I've known a while, yes, but not the norms that I don't know!

MNS - Sorry I didn't really mean to make such a huge claim with that one. I need to work on my wording a bit. Everyone within drinking age that I know here in the states does that (along with my cousin in Canada.) I don't know about the rest of the world though! I'm still in me bubble.

Also, not that it's an extremely bad thing, its not bad at all,(at least, it doesn't bother me at all, I'm just curious.)But, Why do adults call younger people "sweetheart" "hun" "doll" ect. ect.? Pure curiosity. Is it something that just happens as you grow older? Will I end up doing that too? Okay, I'm done. smile
hug



My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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meshunderlay
meshunderlay

Juggler/Spinner
Location: Hicksville, New York, USA
Member Since: 15th Sep 2008
Total posts: 612
Posted:Um, whew, where to start.

Never be ashamed of who you are, as you will always be you, so learn to enjoy it.

Also - I think I decided to stop imbibing alcohol earlier than some people, because I drank when I was younger, and I realized it was silly. I mean I'll have a drink now and then if it's required socially (eg someone giving a toast, I would feel obliged). I'm not a drunk anymore though.

I used to be a drunk, though I was never an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. (ba dum chhh)

I have a somewhat on-topic question... How do you ditch someone who has these "feelings" for you? I've never been much for dating, mostly I just have a few friends with benefits... (probably alot easier because guys are just.... like that)

Ok, I mean I've though about dating, I've just never met anyone I wanted to until it was too late. Now though I've got one of these "friends w/ benefits" calling me and emailing me and blah blah blah. I've told them I just want to be friends, nothing more, but they keep on.... being pushy about hanging out every minute that I'm not busy.

wonder


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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:"Also, not that it's an extremely bad thing, its not bad at all,(at least, it doesn't bother me at all, I'm just curious.)But, Why do adults call younger people "sweetheart" "hun" "doll" ect. ect.? Pure curiosity. Is it something that just happens as you grow older? Will I end up doing that too? Okay, I'm done"

The drinking thing can be extremely bad, depending on the severity of the issue...

On the other, no idea.

meshunderlay... the answer to that question is to choose VERY carefully before you go into a "friends with benefits" situation (its probably best to steer clear of such adventures altogether, but I'm not one to judge there...) Though that doesn't help you much now... If you don't think you can be friends with them anymore, then you might just have to cut off communication for a while... short of being a knob theres not much you can do to crush someones feelings for you... and theres nothing you can do without hurting them.

And sorry if this seems a rude question but.. are you gay? "(probably alot easier because guys are just.... like that)" Seems to imply you are... and I guess it might change the way it works a tiny bit, given that in order to move on its usually much easier if you see a good chance that there'll be someone as good or better out there. (Much less likely if part of a minority... then again, its not like there are many decent guys for women out there anymore, either.)

And FireTom... hug its a family friendly forum, shorty. tongue2


hug

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meshunderlay
meshunderlay

Juggler/Spinner
Location: Hicksville, New York, USA
Member Since: 15th Sep 2008
Total posts: 612
Posted:Erm, well, yes, I guess I am. You don't hate me now do you?
*hides*

heh

It's just weird, ya see, last time I "liked" someone they said they weren't interested and I moved on, unlike this where someone said they like me and I'm not interested and they haven't moved on. *shrug*

And yes, I agree, now that I can look back, that the whole friends with benefits thing can become a bit awkward.


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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Originally Posted By: WiccanChica
Also, not that it's an extremely bad thing, its not bad at all,(at least, it doesn't bother me at all, I'm just curious.)But, Why do adults call younger people "sweetheart" "hun" "doll" ect. ect.? Pure curiosity. Is it something that just happens as you grow older? Will I end up doing that too? Okay, I'm done. smile
hug


ooh! ooh! I have a theory for this!

In English we lack pronouns that we can use with strangers, particularly ones to indicate respect. Other languages have words for this Seor/a/ita, Domnule/doamna/domnisoara (to only list ones I speak, but there's more out there).

However in English, we only have Sir and Madam (M'am) which generally only applies to someone older than yourself (in a general sense); we don't have anything for older people to call younger people.

It's therefore my theory that older people call young people names like that in the absence of a respectful pronoun to call them. Personally, I use "mate" with most age ranges (and more likely with men) and only use "sir/m'am" to old people or wanker customers at work wink

"sweetie/love/hun/etc" used to annoy me until I realised that it's really just a mark of respect (because think of how much "miss" sounds like you're in trouble!)

EDITED_BY: Rouge Dragon (1223779757)
EDIT_REASON: HoP can't read Romanian accents


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Okay.. lots to reply to...

"How do you ditch someone who has these "feelings" for you?" Well... Let the off easy, explain to them you don't like them like that. It helps more if you were never actually dating them, too.

Also, the "friends with benefits" thing just sounds wrong to me, maybe just because I'm a kid but still, I would never personally have a friend with benefits -shivers-

Also, I personally don't hate you because your gay. (I don't hate you at all but that's not the point) Gay people are some of the coolest people out there! smile

Also that's a good theory... I like that theory. We'll go with that one!


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:I'll reply to you in a PM, meshunderlay, to keep it PG.

hug

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aston
aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2007
Total posts: 4061
Posted:Rogue: Interesting lack of something in English there. Never thought about it like that....

'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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Kitsune34
Kitsune34

newbie
Location: Orlando, FL, USA
Member Since: 2nd Nov 2007
Total posts: 48
Posted:Rogue: Very intriguing theory! I love it. I've actually been doing that a lot lately (I go through spurts of doing it then not). Time to invent a word!! grin

WiccanChica: Wow, I'm actually extremely happy you posted this. And all of the advice you received was awesome! See, I actually broke up with my boyfriend about a month and a half ago. It was my longest relationship (a whole year) and it was really tough to do. But, like you, I remained friends. Be happy that you're young. I'm 20 and my grandmother acted like me and my boyfriend breaking up was my last chance at ever having a husband or something. Not fun. I had to realize - through a lot of good friend talk - that even I'm still young and I'll find someone out there for me. I think it's important to remember that it's okay to miss him sometimes, ya know? Just try to channel it into something productive and positive.

And alcohol, oh alcohol. I'm a big believer in "everything in moderation." So, I only get drunk sometimes and reap the consequences in the morning. But, I can believe that it may seem that all adults get drunk all the time. I think people use it as a distraction and to forget issues or forget that they remember the issues.

And friends with benefits - you're still really young. I don't recommend it for a long time to come.

meshunderlay: I definetly don't hate you because your gay. To me - do what makes you happy. smile Anyways, I think maybe analyzing why you don't want a relationship right now will be key into explaining to this person why you don't want to date them right now. I would recommend cutting them off from benefits because they may feel that you were leading them on. Um... and make sure that you are comfortable with having friends with benefits. It may create some in-your-head drama - battling with yourself. And it may not.

Anyways, sorry about the rambling. Thanks WiccanChica!


"Always forgive your enemies, for nothing annoys them so much." - Oscar Wilde

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meshunderlay
meshunderlay

Juggler/Spinner
Location: Hicksville, New York, USA
Member Since: 15th Sep 2008
Total posts: 612
Posted:Ginger:
Yea, I agree, I'm rethinking the whole situation actually.

I mean personally I enjoy um.... "benefits", but it really does seem to complicate things.

Also, on the note of analyzing why I don't want a relationship, I came up with, my mind is still set on this one person I have no chance with, but my thoughts are on them sometimes, I guess making it harder to think of others like that. heh.

I have to get over my crushes I guess before I can really commit myself.


Oh also, getting drunk.... If you drink one glass of water for every drink you have (or something like this) you have a better chance to not be hungover, that and I've heard that chewable vitamins help also.

Personally I'm sticking with juggling, music, and poi as my drug of choice! (Yes, alcohol is a drug, so is caffeine.)

On a side side note, I don't mind the rambling at all, as I have a tendancy to do the same thing.

=)


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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Absolutely disagreed and I'd appreciate if you wouldn't put caffeine and alcohol on the same level - especially when dealing with minors. Also the water, vitamin and other thingies don't really improve drug abuse.

It's what it is and the more you play it down the more concerned you should be about it.

Whilst the dose makes the poison in the first place, every body is different - so what is medicine for me, would push another to her/ his limits. Which is why I wouldn't want to take the responsibility.

This is no rambling, don't get me wrong. But right now I'm facing quite a crowd in Goa, who is ever and all-too ready to play down their habits - especially when sitting next to someone who happily declines. Funny that they have this reaction towards me laugh3

WiccanChicca: not all adults do get drunk or use drugs. Many have "weak spots" - but far not "all". Personally I do have met happy and content adults who never touched anything in their lives and have no urge to do so and do not feel as if they missed anything. You don't have to be messed up to be 'interesting' wink

I got to get my things rolling now and go picking up my GF from the airport - we haven't seen in 4 months (after having been together for only 2 months) - so this will be very interesting rolleyes


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:Caffeine is still a drug that can have some nasty side effects for those who are addicted.

My ex girlfriend was a caffeine addict and would be VERY, VERY cranky and unreasonable if she didn't get it. I'm not making any comment on the comparison of caffeine and alcohol... but the intake of any drug, even caffeine needs to be controlled... I don't take a dose of ANYTHING, alcohol, caffeine, whatever without considering the reasons I'm wanting it or the amounts its taken in.


hug

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