Forums > Help! > I think I'm loosing my boyfriend...

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:I'm not positive if this is something that is reasonable to post on HoP But I don't know what else to do...
I'm young, I know, very young, but I really do love him, and I can't see me with anyone else in the future...
We have been together since early December last year. We had been broken up for a couple month's time, but got back together, seemingly stronger than ever before...
Just recently he hasn't been getting on to talk to me. (Currently we can only talk through the computer) I talked to him once last night, none the past few nights, and not tonight.

Every time I think about loosing him I can't help but cry and it gets unbearably hard to breathe.. I've also noticed that I end up wrapping my arms around myself.. almost as if to hold myself together...
I have lost someone else before... he faked suicide and moved across the country... And that did wonders for my self-esteem...(So much better than just breaking up with me...)

I'm sorry if I seem a bother, or if this comes of as some teenage-love thing... but I really don't know how I could ever handle loosing him...

Does anyone know what I should do? Have any of you been through something like this?

Thank you in advance... hug


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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meshunderlay
meshunderlay

Juggler/Spinner
Location: Hicksville, New York, USA
Member Since: 15th Sep 2008
Total posts: 612
Posted:Oh, FireTom, I meant only that if you are going to drink alcohol, drinking water or taking vitamins may help curb hangovers, of course that may only work for my friend.

I don't... I don't know how to say this without sounding.... something, but, I mean, ok, hold on let me try this again...

Personally, I think a certain drug, which I won't name at this time, is safer health-wise than alcohol, and I therefore have no problem with people using it.

I by no means condone drug abuse, in any form, including alcoholism, caffeine addiction, or even smoking cigarettes (though for some reason I love the smell of a cigarette, cigar or pipe *shrug* - I don't smoke btw).

Of course everyone is different, in both tolerances to drugs, and opinions on drugs. I respect your views, I just thought I should clarify mine.

On a side note, since I stopped drinking caffeine, I've felt alot better *shrug* could just be coincidence though, I did happen to change my diet and start excercising more at around the same time... lol. Also, somehow, I'm still up for 20 hours a day with no energy drinks or caffinated beverages, I'm just teaming with energy, and I don't know why.


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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Originally Posted By: Mother_Natures_Son considering the reasons I'm wanting it or the amounts its taken in.

I'm falling asleep over my assignment: CAFFEINE!

Uni is horrible and I can't handle it: ALCOHOL!

Reasons assessed grin bounce2


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:Lol. How about "carefully" considering the reasons or amounts?

hug

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meshunderlay
meshunderlay

Juggler/Spinner
Location: Hicksville, New York, USA
Member Since: 15th Sep 2008
Total posts: 612
Posted:Oh, on a side note, if you're falling asleep and you don't want to, get up and do something strenuous for a few minutes to get your blood pumping.

That usually keeps me awake... Only time that doesn't work is when I'm driving. When I fall asleep then, I just hope cruise control and steer the car too....

Just kidding, that only happened once.... I was a cab driver, what? Considering I drove about 3000 hours a year, I think falling asleep only once is pretty good.

grin


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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Originally Posted By: Mother_Natures_SonLol. How about "carefully" considering the reasons or amounts?

Am I now awake enough to keep studying?
Yes: amount correct.
No: Drink more coffee.

Have I forgotten the horrible uni stress?
Yes: amount correct.
No: Drink more beer.

It's just a matter of troubleshooting tongue2


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Speaking of which, I only have one beer left! *cries*

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Wow. Well... Since Tom mentioned minors, which would be me, I have to make my opinion known tongue2

I, personally, can't stand alcohol or any drugs at all. I try not to even be around it if I can. I don't even like taking vitamins or other things that are supposed to help me, it just bothers me. Also, I don't think I even like anything with caffeine... I know pop has it but I can't stand that, and, though I love the smell, I can't stand coffee either... So I don't think I really eat anything that's harmful to me except chocolate... and ensure but that's different smile



Originally Posted By: Rouge DragonOriginally Posted By: Mother_Natures_SonLol. How about "carefully" considering the reasons or amounts?

Am I now awake enough to keep studying?
Yes: amount correct.
No: Drink more coffee.

Have I forgotten the horrible uni stress?
Yes: amount correct.
No: Drink more beer.

It's just a matter of troubleshooting tongue2

I like that grin It made me laugh.

Also, Ginger, your welcome ^,...,^ laugh3 Thank you too smile


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:'ts good that you dislike drugs of all kinds... gives you a head on start...



the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Yeah I guess. I don't know, I've been around too many people who do drugs (every so often my parents will take me to a party with drugs and alcohol.. I usually walk off) and I don't like how it makes them act... It doesn't sound pleasant to take either >.< -shrugs- just never really wanted to do anything like that.
Hope that does something for myself.


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:Just to give a balanced account... There is a way to use intoxicants in a responsible manner. It depends on the reasons for ingesting and how carefully you watch your doses. But usually you've got to take an 'entheogen' rather than a drug if you want your attitude to be right for it and you have to have a systematic approach.

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/adventure/0603/features/peru.html
br>
This approach wouldn't work for any intoxicant except the one listed, but it is a systemised approach. Regardless of whether or not 'spirits' are real, the things they symbolise are.

That said... such things are for people 18+ as an ABSOLUTE MINIMUM and its not for 95% of people on this planet... it requires a very specific approach, or at least someone to guide you through it that has a very specific approach.

EDITED_BY: Mother_Natures_Son (1225784815)
EDIT_REASON: Fixing syntax error.


hug

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aston
aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2007
Total posts: 4061
Posted:Funny enough, that is pretty much my entire attitude towards the things.

I think that my sum amount of alcohol in the last three years is a Kalhua Dom Pedro and about 4 glasses of champagne at weddings and significant birthdays and such. Oh, and I went to a brandy tasting, but that was more for the chance to learn something new than the drink.

Other than that, not really interested.


'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:OMG - Ayahuasca... umm

Nope, haven't tried it - heard loads about it for a few seasons in already... am not really curious to join the craze at this point, because what they say about this drug they have said about MDMA and LSD alike some years ago...

Besides: are you likely to go on a trip to the Amazonas to meet a real life-long Shaman in a family tradition and try it from his hands, or are you more likely to get the kicks from some self-entitled Shamanic helper somewhere in Moab, Goa or KPG - so 'along the backpackers trail'?

I've heard of groups as big as 40(!) people going on the "journey" together and also when reading this article, the first thing that is abhorrend to me is:

Originally Posted By: National Geographic"And so I am back again."

(...)

Lisa shakes me from my reveries, asking why I've come back to take another tour with the shamans.

"I've got some more work to do," I say. Hers is a complicated question to answer. And especially personal. Lord knows I didn't have to come back. I could have been content with the results of my last visit: no more morbid desires to die. Waking up one morning in a hut in the sultry jungles of Peru, desiring only to live."

There will always be "more work to do" if you're that kind of personality - but it might be just the same, no matter what kind of drug you're taking. That "desire only to live"... tell you for certain that you don't need any substance to enjoy it as much and certainly I can't find much sympathy for this statement:

"There is a way to use intoxicants in a responsible manner." umm

Errm, possibly so - but have you been growing up in the Jungle, along with Shamans and nature spirits? I doubt it. Please forgive me, but I find your post outright irresponsible, MNS.

No matter what personal experience you may (may not) have with intoxicants yourself - personally I have seen enough ppl loosing their track (completely), just because some others were advising and administering drugs. Drugs they personally might even have been able to handle - just unfortunately not the guys who they administered (or advised) them to (take)...

Will you take responsibility for someone who tries and freaks? How could you possibly? So please - I don't want to sound dogmatic, the least moralistic - please for your own sake: don't promote or create demand for any kind of intoxicant, before you reach age 86 and spent half that time getting your head screwed on the right way.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:I'm not promoting the use of anything.

I'm merely stating that there are responsible uses for everything.

You claim my post is irresponsible... but have a look at the state of drug use today... most of it is completely misused, the reason for this is that drugs are just portrayed as being outright horrible... theres not even a glimmer of hope, then, the people that use them only know how to abuse them.

By informing that there ARE ways to use them RESPONSIBLY then if one is to attempt such things then they know theres not just the ways the people take them in clubs or take them as habitual.

Isn't it irresponsible to leave people completely in the dark about such issues? I did state that its not suitable for about 95% of people, I'm not promoting the use in any way... just showing there is a distinct line between use and abuse, its just that the line between these is far closer to 'non-use' for some substances.

On your private message regarding this being a PG forum, I would have no problem with my 8 year old niece reading this. If a mod would like to step in and tell me they feel I'm out of line then in that case I'll delete all comments and retract any statements, til then I feel that my stance on this is less 'irresponsible' than leaving any information regarding the use of illicit substances in the hands of drug dealers and abusers.


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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:MNS: apart from the fact that we have comne a long way down the road from "loosing my boyfriend" to the myths of "responsible drug use" - in no moment I doubt that you don't have a problem with your 8 year old niece reading this...

I meet (irresponsible) parents every day here on the roads and in the clubs of Goa, who would respond to a raised eyebrow (of those who show concerns) with: "It's my child! Keep out of this!" And right they are.

What is it my business that they smoke chillums and joints in front of their young ones? What is it my business that they are fully spaced out on parties, high on anything they can chew up, whilst their little ones are roaming the areals alone?

Subsequently what is it my business that Scarlett Keeling Eden got intoxicated, raped and either murdered or left to die on a Northern Goan shore, with the suspects all being free as I write this and another German minor girl gotten raped here in Goa (suspectedly whilst having gotten intoxicated)? As long as it's not your 8 yr old niece... [/polemic statement, pls forgive]

The hipocricy of ratings such as "PG" is a truly american one. You may talk (and even adertise) drug abuse, yet not sexual practices - but that being a different topic entirely.

You tell me to "have a look at the state of drug use today... most of it is completely misused, the reason for this is that drugs are just portrayed as being outright horrible... theres not even a glimmer of hope, then, the people that use them only know how to abuse them."

And I asked you a few questions which you ignored, so I rephrase them:

- Would you consider yourself as being one of the 5% who use drugs responsibly?
- Have you been growing up with Shamans or natives? Or do you have extensive experience with their rituals?
- Do you yourself have experience with psychotropic drugs and if yes:
- Have you exclusively been taking them with a Shaman or in a ceremony?
- Do you yourself have a history of habitual drug (ab)use?

- Would you regard the quoted article of National Geographic as a good example for "responsible drug use" or can you side my trace of "habitual patterns"?

See, I'm not portraying drugs as "outright horrible", MNS - you find that nowhere in my post. But I'd have to ask: Where exactly do you find "that glimmer of hope" - what are you referring to?

How come you find people being "left completely in the dark about such issues"? umm That's a quite strange statement for me...

Originally Posted By: MNS"That said... such things are not for people 18+ as an ABSOLUTE MINIMUM and its not for 95% of people on this planet... it requires a very specific approach, or at least someone to guide you through it that has a very specific approach."

...

Okay - I read this as: These things can (and should) be tried by minors (as in 18-)... and IMHO this is "irresponsible" - just my opinion, you're free to disagree with me.

"It requires a very specific approach, or at least...." - yes it does, which is why I asked you the questions above - which you're free to ignore.

Hmmm - as to find that loop back to the topic - would you agree that (habitual) drug abuse can (repeatedly) lead to the loss of romatic relationships?

Thanks for your patience smile


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Woooooow...

This has taken an interesting curve...

Well........

I'm really not sure how to respond to this... I can see both your points...

I really don't know what to say, because I can't side with either, like I said, I see both points..

I really am clueless.. and I have a headache so that further stunts my ability to think clearly...

Well... That was a fun and pointless post. ^,...,^


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:hrrm - as with earlier posts (in other threads): if you don't apply a grunted intonation in my words (or any kinds of hostility) - they read a lot differently...

Just I wanted to emphasize that I find advertising drug (ab)use to anyone, especially on the internet and even more so to people under the age of 18, completely irresponsible. Disagree with it, take this, my opinion apart - you may do so - but remember that usually people are only there to advertise drug (ab)use but are absent when it comes to deal with the consequences of this advertisement... thus creating a shootload of bad Karma (or better speaking: bad energy) on (towards) themselves... and those who follow their advice.

I didn't mean to offend MNS - by no means - I just question his sound judgement when it comes to the topic of drug (ab)use... shrug


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:I'll start with

Okay - I read this as: These things can (and should) be tried by minors (as in 18-)... and IMHO this is "irresponsible" - just my opinion, you're free to disagree with me.

Thanks for pointing out the syntax error in my post, I had originally begun to say one thing then got distracted, came back and phrased it a different way, making it the reverse of what I intended, I've now edited that post in order to better suit my intention.


I think the use of hyperbole is rife in a few of your posts here, you're describing the most extreme circumstances, speaking of abuse and not use. Do you think that if surrounded by either extreme that you'll have an unbiased opinion?

I do agree that abuse of any drug does lead to the detriment of all facets of ones life, but honestly... if you're going to say. "Don't do it at all, theres no good that will EVER come of it" if some do eventually try it out, then whats the difference between doing it once a year and every day??



- Would you consider yourself as being one of the 5% who use drugs responsibly? I would state as much, yes.
- Have you been growing up with Shamans or natives? Or do you have extensive experience with their rituals? No, the use of the shamans were simply an example in which a culture has failed to implode due to the incorporation of an intoxicant considered taboo in western culture.
- Do you yourself have experience with psychotropic drugs and if yes:
- Have you exclusively been taking them with a Shaman or in a ceremony? Ceremony? No. But mindfulness of a certain process that goes on, yes. Never at parties or in clubs, nor ever when I'm feeling in any way not quite in control of myself, so not in order to cover up emotions, etc...
- Do you yourself have a history of habitual drug (ab)use? No, perhaps 3 times a year do I use psychedelics and perhaps once every two months for any other intoxicant, though I've been surrounded by abuse in my past and took on a lot of responsibility in helping pull some peoples lives out of trouble.

But thats the most I'll say on my personal life in a public forum.

WiccanChica, I'm honestly not endorsing anything, make your own decisions. I'm not saying that intoxicants aren't dangerous... they ARE, very much so. In the paths we take, theres well trodden footsteps and not so well trodden ones... be as wary of stepping in those footsteps as when stepping outside them. Examine WHY you want things, not just what you want. Question yourself, humans are excellent at deceiving others, but more skillful at deceiving ourselves.


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BansheeCat
veteran
Location: lost
Member Since: 29th Jul 2005
Total posts: 1247
Posted:Nicely explained MNS...

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Thanks for elaborating MNS - I was certain that my first impression of you was the right one smile

Originally Posted By: MNSI think the use of hyperbole is rife in a few of your posts here, you're describing the most extreme circumstances, speaking of abuse and not use. Do you think that if surrounded by either extreme that you'll have an unbiased opinion?

I do agree that abuse of any drug does lead to the detriment of all facets of ones life, but honestly... if you're going to say. "Don't do it at all, theres no good that will EVER come of it" if some do eventually try it out, then whats the difference between doing it once a year and every day??

Not certain whether these are the most extreme circumstances, I am sure that there are even more extreme cases... I am just picking these two as examples where things went terribly wrong. There are truckloads of other cases (here and elsewhere) where the girl wakes up the next morning, not remembering anything but noticing that something has had happened to her, that she would otherwise not have consented with.

So I felt that you've been pointing in one direction (biased) and I just leaned the other way as to rock the boat back in balance.

There is a huge difference between once a year, every day and never... Do I really have to explain this? wink

May you put me in the moralist corner (where I am the last one to belong) only I feel that without my (sort of rambling) posts you would not have elaborated as much as you did now wink


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:Originally Posted By: FireTom There is a huge difference between once a year, every day and never... Do I really have to explain this?

I meant in the mind if the user. When you've only been told "No not at all." Then whether its once a day or once a year, its still "wrong" Theres no basis for a reasonable use policy.


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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Oooo...kaaaaay..

I should just bump the thread....

-bumps hips with thread- ^,...,^ All better laugh3

(Sorry, really didn't know how to reply.)


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:MNS - it seems as if there is misunderstanding after misunderstanding turning this (once quite lovely) thread into a bother...

We have multiple thread regarding drug use - and if that particular aspect doesn't fit any we should consider to open up a new one - thus maybe we should find back to the lightness of posting in this thread...

Whaddaya think? hug? hug

WiccanChicca - any new relations in sight? wink


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Mother_Natures_Son
Mother_Natures_Son

Rampant whirler.
Location: Geelong, Victoria, Australia!
Member Since: 1st Aug 2007
Total posts: 2418
Posted:I apologise if any negativity came across on my part. I completely understand the concept of conversation as a method of fleshing out ideas.

One of my firmly held beliefs is that any conversation is good, even if theres never a consensus, it can help you think of new perspectives and perhaps examine the reasons why what the other person is saying to you doesn't suit you.

hug ^_^


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WiccanChica
The wee little one on the block
Location: Colorado, USA
Member Since: 2nd Aug 2008
Total posts: 147
Posted:Yay! successful hip-bump! -high fives thread-


Tom - New Relations in sight? lol. well, not really, its only been a couple of months... I mean, I still have all my guy friends, and I'm almost positive a great few of them would like to be my significant other, but if they really do they'll wait, I'm still not completely over it >.<

And MNS - It is okies, your apology is accepted grin I am glad that all has been sorted! I think I agree that any conversation is good. Better than silence.

^,...,^ hug

EDITED_BY: WiccanChica (1226456306)
EDIT_REASON: forgot the hug =O >.< XD


My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:Yupp, communication is the key... as long as you say what you feel in the moment, I guess it's allright. Even if others don't like it.

Once I had this rule of thumb that it takes half the time a couple spent together, to get over the relationship... Just to give a very course idea wink

EDITED_BY: FireTom (1226465161)


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:umm What a compassionate suggestion... especially this part:

Originally Posted By: Rayanor go back cutting yourself


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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bender
still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 14th Nov 2001
Total posts: 6979
Posted:
Non-Https Image Link
show some respect for the forum, Rayan


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:The post has successfully been removed (for anyone who wonders, what Bender and I are talking about)...

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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aston
aston

Unofficial Chairperson of Squirrel Defense League
Location: South Africa
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2007
Total posts: 4061
Posted:I guessed that. smile

Was interesting, talking to my friend about depression (he just did a neuroscience course, so he knows the basics, and he has read a lot about the topic because of another friend who is clinically depressed). He brought home to me how close I came to becoming depressed as a result of one of my relationships ending. Well, I managed to escape that one, but I wonder about being overly attached now.

Ah well, not really relevant, except that this seems to be the relationship woes thread now, since WiccanChica's initial query was answered. Not that I am unhappy at the moment, just thinking about it.


'We're all mad here. I'm mad, you're mad." [said the Cat.]
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."
- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland

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FireTom
Stargazer

Member Since: 20th Sep 2003
Total posts: 6650
Posted:It is relevant.... I know what it means to be overly attached. It's a nightmare and one that takes a lot of mind-work, self confidence and self-love...

I didn't read the signs, didn't pay attention to my initial thoughts. I should have stayed away or kept enough distance. Now I feel as if I got trapped, oscillating between negativity and back to happiness with every (wrong interpreted) contact... But it's fading and some day it's just going to be gone.

I acknowledge that I just love to love (someone else) - and that's allright, because I don't aim to become a Narcissus.

Self respect heals wounds - time takes care of the scars.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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