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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:OK. So here's the deal.

Back three years ago (almost to the day) I met this great guy named Mike. We both lived in Ann Arbor.

We had an amazing, intense, and incredible relationship. I came to realize that this was the first man I had ever met who could easily become my husband and the father of my children.

And three weeks later, I got on a plane for London. A month later, when I returned, he had moved to Los Angeles. A week after that, I moved to New York City. And then he moved to Tokyo.

We both knew it was coming. We knew that we had three weeks with each-other, and they were just an amazing three weeks.

Guess where he is right now? He's in my shower. You see, he just moved to New York. And we're still fantastic together.

And I'm moving away in three months. frown

So I think we're about to have a talk about this. But... I don't want to become tied down to him just to lose him again. I want to be his boyfriend and then his husband. I want him to move to SF with me (which he theoretically could). But three months isn't long enough to make that sort of determination. I mean, in spite of the fact that it's been three years, we don't know each other that well.

What do I do?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Talk to him as you said. If it's been 3 years apart and you're still fantastic together and you're determined that he's your one, talk to him.
At least you're in the same country now and can see each other every now and then while figuring out what to do.
Best of luck hug


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I'm not determined that he's the one. I just think it's possible. If we both knew that each-other was The One then this would be far simpler.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Weeeeellll... if you want him to be your boyfriend and then husband that sounded pretty determined to me tongue

Anyway. I still say talk to him. (And then put some nutella on him...)


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Oh, we HAVE to play with some nutella...

He's coming over tomorrow night.

Right. Family board. Family board. By "play" I mean "make crepes."

Which...isn't a horrible idea, come to think of it.

wow. Good night.

I lost.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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georgemc
BRONZE Member since Oct 2006

georgemc

Sitting down facing forward . . .
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand

Total posts: 2387
Posted:Hey Mike, why do ask us all for advise when you seem to know exactly what to do already??!? spank

Nothing in life is certain (except death and taxes as they say), so you'll never know he's the one until you do it and it works out or it doesn't work out... And we don't know anything about how the 2 of you fit together (and that's NOT supposed to conjure up any mental pictures either! spank ) to be qualified to answer your question either, so ... yeah... ubbrollsmile

go and enjoy the shower while it's there...
and worry about tomorrow the day after tomorrow...
(and then stop worrying about it because it's in the past!)

hug


Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost, Canada

Total posts: 1247
Posted:Mike, three months is long enough for adults to determine if they want to take a few risks and continue exploring intimacy. Moving is not such a big deal, we are fairly portable creatures for the most part.No harm in trying it!I have moved a cross the world to do exactly that, on far less time than a three month relationship!nd never regretted it. It depends on the clarity of communication betwen you, and certainly if both people are interested to the same degree...

Any ways, I think you should go for it, let your heart free,show your love, have fun, take a chance, spread some nutella around!

WHEEE!

enjoy!

( I had nutella for breakfast, so I may be a bit biased wink) lol


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:Neon Shaolin lost too

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:"Mike and Mike".... got a good sound to it, IMO.

Tell him what/how you feel. What you got to loose?

As I'm facing a (very remotely) similar situation myself you find me all happy that my GF is coming over from Thailand to give "us" a chance. Together we had a week only and now she's weeks away. I made it very clear that - however good this initial week felt - I had no intentions to go to Thailand but that I'd be happy to meet her (back) in India.

I'm not interested in an affair - I got (almost) nothing to prove. I know my sex is good and that I would like to commit myself to more than a superficial "fun" relationship.

And that's what (I feel) it is about, because the initial time is mostly filled with exploring and learning to know each other. Sometimes a relationship only feels so right because there is a "use by" date printed all over it.

That - what I would call - "true love" comes way after and involves... wink you know what I mean?

I wish best of love smile


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Well he and I had a talk.

He doesn't believe in moving for a relationship. He doesn't want anyone to move for him, either. He is usually a serial monogamist but also feels strongly enough about me that he's willing to continue to see me on a more casual basis until I move.

As for him moving to SF, he says it's always a possibility. But he wants to experience New York for a bit.

I guess that's about as good as I can expect. I've neither lost him nor gained him. I am not tied down to a man who I am to lose in 3 months. And we can spend more time getting to know each-other.

And in the end, if it's meant to be, then it will find a way to happen.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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shocked_prawn
SILVER Member since Apr 2007

shocked_prawn

old hand
Location: Sunderland, UK

Total posts: 865
Posted:yup! i find myself in a very similar situation, im leaving to go uni at the end of the year and my boyfriend of nearly 3 years, cannot come with me. we talked and our solution is not so promising...
you did the right thing by talking and at least you have the possibilty that he might join you biggrin
hope all will be well, smile


Proud Co-Owner of PoiBoi
Owned by J.A.C

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Pyrolific
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia

Total posts: 3289
Posted:enjoy your time Doc! the time you have right now is the only time you will ever have - dont let too many worries enter your head about the negative possibilities.

hug


--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Hey, maybe we will decide that we're worth it. Lord knows...

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004

Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 3286
Posted:Kudos to him for being upfront and honest about where he stands in regards to relationships. As much as it may feel like the right thing to do: to move for a relationship, it does not always work out for the best.

I'm a firm believer in things working out if it is meant to. Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but in the future it may be.

Until then, enjoy what time you do have with him. With Nutella. wink

hug


ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by :Brenn


Until then, enjoy what time you do have with him. With Nutella. wink





Why aren't you gay? frown wink


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted: Written by :Doc Lightning


 Written by :Brenn


Until then, enjoy what time you do have with him. With Nutella. wink





Why aren't you gay? frown wink



you havent even seen him dance with his fire fans yet... then it becomes even more inexplicable... wink


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Brenn
PLATINUM Member since Jun 2004

Brenn

Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 3286
Posted: Written by :Doc Lightning



Why aren't you gay? frown wink





Women haven't made me uber cynical yet ubblol



 Written by biggrinentrassi



you havent even seen him dance with his fire fans yet... then it becomes even more inexplicable... wink





Let's give you a set of fire fans, feed you alcohol, and play "here comes the hotstepper", and let's see how non-camp YOU stay! tongue


ॐ

Owner of burningoftheclavey smile
Owned by Lost83spy

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Pyrolific
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
Location: Adelaide, South Australia

Total posts: 3289
Posted: Written by :Brenn



Let's give you a set of fire fans, feed you alcohol, and play "here comes the hotstepper", and let's see how non-camp YOU stay! tongue



lol lol - Dentrassi LOVES teh fans... smile you were using Fans a lot at Confest werent you, mate? smile


--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Where's the video? ubblol

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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PyroWill
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4437
Posted:Hi Mike, I'm not the best person to offer relationship advice, but I'd say enjoy those 3 months, you'd be going against the grain if you didnt. Take each day/wweek as it comes, and who's to say that 3 months isnt long enough to determine whether someone can move with you or not?

Just see what feels right, cos lets face it do you really think your gonna last 3 months with you both in New York trying to avoid each other? I dont think so.

Anyway lets see a picture of this mystery man!


An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by :Brenn

Let's give you a set of fire fans, feed you alcohol, and play "here comes the hotstepper", and let's see how non-camp YOU stay! tongue



I don't think Dentrassi needs alcohol, fans, or "Here Comes the Hotstepper" to camp it up a bit.

*ducks and runs*


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted: Written by biggrinoc Lightning



I don't think Dentrassi needs alcohol, fans, or "Here Comes the Hotstepper" to camp it up a bit.



I rest my case

And my dress wink


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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PyroWill
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4437
Posted:Gabe.....I am scarred

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted:scarred? crikey, put the knife down!
I miss Ed. I miss having jugglers in the house. its like living with muggles without them.


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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PyroWill
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

PyroWill

HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4437
Posted:I meant mentally, from that 'revealing' picture of ed.



Nothing worse than being surrounded by just muggles, although they do have their uses, good kindling ubblol


An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted: Written by :PyroWill



Nothing worse than being surrounded by just muggles, although they do have their uses, good kindling ubblol



No no no. That's so wasteful. They're quite tasty with a bernaise sauce.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted:ahh... i knew that photo would come back to haunt me... i really am far to amused by fancy dress for my age.

hug for gabe... and for mike... and for all those mentally scarred ubbrollsmile


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo, Australia

Total posts: 3764
Posted: Written by :Dentrassi


ahh... i knew that photo would come back to haunt me... i really am far to amused by fancy dress for my age.




oh, I dunno, ed... I don't think you can be too amused by fancy dress... for any age... besides... there's something, somehow liberating about the wearing of a nice frock, especially on a really warm day... very breezy in all the right spots... biggrin


--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo, Australia

Total posts: 3764
Posted:that'd be right... one of maybe 2-3 times that I've posted in the 'social discussion' threads and it's got nothing to do with the original topic... but hey... at least I noticed...!!

back to the original topic at hand, however...

I know you've already had your talk mike (and I think the outcome is the only sensible one, regardless... have a talk, but just let things happen as they happen), but I know personally that 3 months was way more than enough for bek and I to know that we're meant to be. and as soon as we can make it happen, she's moving 10,000 miles to make it happen...!!


--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Bek66


Bek66

Future Mrs Pogo
Location: The wrong place

Total posts: 4728
Posted:I wouldn't care if it was 10 million miles...the minute I looked into your eyes, I knew I'd found my soul mate...and I'd go to the ends of the universe for you... hug

If love is meant to be, then nothing and no one can make it anything else...it just is...and it's all worth it...no matter what you have to do.


"Absence is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small, enkindles the great."
--Comte Debussy-Rebutin

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted:now wheres that :vomit: smilie gone...



no not really smile im very happy for the both of you hug

EDITED_BY: Dentrassi (1208492147)


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Page: 12

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