Forums > Social Discussion > A relationship dilemma...
Login/Join to ParticipateHOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
OK. So here's the deal.
Back three years ago (almost to the day) I met this great guy named Mike. We both lived in Ann Arbor.
We had an amazing, intense, and incredible relationship. I came to realize that this was the first man I had ever met who could easily become my husband and the father of my children.
And three weeks later, I got on a plane for London. A month later, when I returned, he had moved to Los Angeles. A week after that, I moved to New York City. And then he moved to Tokyo.
We both knew it was coming. We knew that we had three weeks with each-other, and they were just an amazing three weeks.
Guess where he is right now? He's in my shower. You see, he just moved to New York. And we're still fantastic together.
And I'm moving away in three months.
So I think we're about to have a talk about this. But... I don't want to become tied down to him just to lose him again. I want to be his boyfriend and then his husband. I want him to move to SF with me (which he theoretically could). But three months isn't long enough to make that sort of determination. I mean, in spite of the fact that it's been three years, we don't know each other that well.
What do I do?
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Talk to him as you said. If it's been 3 years apart and you're still fantastic together and you're determined that he's your one, talk to him.
At least you're in the same country now and can see each other every now and then while figuring out what to do.
Best of luck
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
I'm not determined that he's the one. I just think it's possible. If we both knew that each-other was The One then this would be far simpler.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Weeeeellll... if you want him to be your boyfriend and then husband that sounded pretty determined to me
Anyway. I still say talk to him. (And then put some nutella on him...)
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Oh, we HAVE to play with some nutella...
He's coming over tomorrow night.
Right. Family board. Family board. By "play" I mean "make crepes."
Which...isn't a horrible idea, come to think of it.
wow. Good night.
I lost.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Hey Mike, why do ask us all for advise when you seem to know exactly what to do already??!?
Nothing in life is certain (except death and taxes as they say), so you'll never know he's the one until you do it and it works out or it doesn't work out... And we don't know anything about how the 2 of you fit together (and that's NOT supposed to conjure up any mental pictures either!
) to be qualified to answer your question either, so ... yeah... 
go and enjoy the shower while it's there...
and worry about tomorrow the day after tomorrow...
(and then stop worrying about it because it's in the past!)
Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread
I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it. 
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
Mike, three months is long enough for adults to determine if they want to take a few risks and continue exploring intimacy. Moving is not such a big deal, we are fairly portable creatures for the most part.No harm in trying it!I have moved a cross the world to do exactly that, on far less time than a three month relationship!nd never regretted it. It depends on the clarity of communication betwen you, and certainly if both people are interested to the same degree...
Any ways, I think you should go for it, let your heart free,show your love, have fun, take a chance, spread some nutella around!
WHEEE!
enjoy!
( I had nutella for breakfast, so I may be a bit biased
) lol "God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Neon Shaolin lost too
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
6,650 posts
"Mike and Mike".... got a good sound to it, IMO.
Tell him what/how you feel. What you got to loose?
As I'm facing a (very remotely) similar situation myself you find me all happy that my GF is coming over from Thailand to give "us" a chance. Together we had a week only and now she's weeks away. I made it very clear that - however good this initial week felt - I had no intentions to go to Thailand but that I'd be happy to meet her (back) in India.
I'm not interested in an affair - I got (almost) nothing to prove. I know my sex is good and that I would like to commit myself to more than a superficial "fun" relationship.
And that's what (I feel) it is about, because the initial time is mostly filled with exploring and learning to know each other. Sometimes a relationship only feels so right because there is a "use by" date printed all over it.
That - what I would call - "true love" comes way after and involves...
you know what I mean?I wish best of love
the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Well he and I had a talk.
He doesn't believe in moving for a relationship. He doesn't want anyone to move for him, either. He is usually a serial monogamist but also feels strongly enough about me that he's willing to continue to see me on a more casual basis until I move.
As for him moving to SF, he says it's always a possibility. But he wants to experience New York for a bit.
I guess that's about as good as I can expect. I've neither lost him nor gained him. I am not tied down to a man who I am to lose in 3 months. And we can spend more time getting to know each-other.
And in the end, if it's meant to be, then it will find a way to happen.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
old hand
865 posts
Location: Sunderland, UK
yup! i find myself in a very similar situation, im leaving to go uni at the end of the year and my boyfriend of nearly 3 years, cannot come with me. we talked and our solution is not so promising...
you did the right thing by talking and at least you have the possibilty that he might join you
hope all will be well,
Proud Co-Owner of PoiBoi
Owned by J.A.C
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
enjoy your time Doc! the time you have right now is the only time you will ever have - dont let too many worries enter your head about the negative possibilities.
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Hey, maybe we will decide that we're worth it. Lord knows...
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Kudos to him for being upfront and honest about where he stands in regards to relationships. As much as it may feel like the right thing to do: to move for a relationship, it does not always work out for the best.
I'm a firm believer in things working out if it is meant to. Perhaps not today or tomorrow, but in the future it may be.
Until then, enjoy what time you do have with him. With Nutella.
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey 
Owned by Lost83spy
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Written by :Brenn
Until then, enjoy what time you do have with him. With Nutella.
Why aren't you gay?
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Written by :Doc LightningWritten by :Brenn
Until then, enjoy what time you do have with him. With Nutella.
Why aren't you gay?
you havent even seen him dance with his fire fans yet... then it becomes even more inexplicable...
"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Written by :Doc Lightning
Why aren't you gay?
Women haven't made me uber cynical yet
Written by
you havent even seen him dance with his fire fans yet... then it becomes even more inexplicable...
Let's give you a set of fire fans, feed you alcohol, and play "here comes the hotstepper", and let's see how non-camp YOU stay!
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey
Owned by Lost83spy
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Written by :Brenn
Let's give you a set of fire fans, feed you alcohol, and play "here comes the hotstepper", and let's see how non-camp YOU stay!
lol lol - Dentrassi LOVES teh fans...
you were using Fans a lot at Confest werent you, mate? --
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Where's the video?
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
Hi Mike, I'm not the best person to offer relationship advice, but I'd say enjoy those 3 months, you'd be going against the grain if you didnt. Take each day/wweek as it comes, and who's to say that 3 months isnt long enough to determine whether someone can move with you or not?
Just see what feels right, cos lets face it do you really think your gonna last 3 months with you both in New York trying to avoid each other? I dont think so.
Anyway lets see a picture of this mystery man!
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Written by :Brenn
Let's give you a set of fire fans, feed you alcohol, and play "here comes the hotstepper", and let's see how non-camp YOU stay!
I don't think Dentrassi needs alcohol, fans, or "Here Comes the Hotstepper" to camp it up a bit.
*ducks and runs*
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
Written by
I don't think Dentrassi needs alcohol, fans, or "Here Comes the Hotstepper" to camp it up a bit.
I rest my case
And my dress
.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
Gabe.....I am scarred
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
4,030 posts
Location: Bali, Australia
scarred? crikey, put the knife down!
I miss Ed. I miss having jugglers in the house. its like living with muggles without them.
.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
I meant mentally, from that 'revealing' picture of ed.
Nothing worse than being surrounded by just muggles, although they do have their uses, good kindling
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Written by :PyroWill
Nothing worse than being surrounded by just muggles, although they do have their uses, good kindling
No no no. That's so wasteful. They're quite tasty with a bernaise sauce.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
ahh... i knew that photo would come back to haunt me... i really am far to amused by fancy dress for my age.
for gabe... and for mike... and for all those mentally scarred "Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
3,764 posts
Location: limbo, Australia
Written by :Dentrassi
ahh... i knew that photo would come back to haunt me... i really am far to amused by fancy dress for my age.
oh, I dunno, ed... I don't think you can be too amused by fancy dress... for any age... besides... there's something, somehow liberating about the wearing of a nice frock, especially on a really warm day... very breezy in all the right spots...
--pogo (pat) [forever and always]
there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
3,764 posts
Location: limbo, Australia
that'd be right... one of maybe 2-3 times that I've posted in the 'social discussion' threads and it's got nothing to do with the original topic... but hey... at least I noticed...!!
back to the original topic at hand, however...
I know you've already had your talk mike (and I think the outcome is the only sensible one, regardless... have a talk, but just let things happen as they happen), but I know personally that 3 months was way more than enough for bek and I to know that we're meant to be. and as soon as we can make it happen, she's moving 10,000 miles to make it happen...!!
--pogo (pat) [forever and always]
4,728 posts
Location: The wrong place
I wouldn't care if it was 10 million miles...the minute I looked into your eyes, I knew I'd found my soul mate...and I'd go to the ends of the universe for you...
If love is meant to be, then nothing and no one can make it anything else...it just is...and it's all worth it...no matter what you have to do.
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire...it extinguishes the small, enkindles the great."
--Comte Debussy-Rebutin
ZORT!
3,045 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia
now wheres that :vomit: smilie gone...
no not really
im very happy for the both of you EDITED_BY: Dentrassi (1208492147)
"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.
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